Friendships

I am not without flaws,  Lately though my friendships and even my marriage have come into focus and I have struggled with my mental illness and it effects my relationships and vice versa. Years ago with O she would be two faced and be like one person to my face and be another person when my back was turned. With B she took me on a roller coaster like it was a nightmare. With my relationships well its quite a journey and not always a healthy one. With MOST of my relationships with family and friends I don't think I am treated as I deserve. I am a loyal, giving, forgiving, thoughtful friend and I can't say how many people in my life that I can expect to rely on with 100%

Rick and I were play catch up with our churches sermons. Pastor Mark spoke a few weeks ago on friendships and it was very relevant. I know not everyone is a Christian and I respect that but if you could watch/download take a moment and listen to this sermon... it even works on your smart phone. Its a good message about being a friend http://willowbrook.sermon.tv/mc/7504392

Pastor Mark says "Do you serve your friends or do you expect to be served by them? Are you a giver or a taker in your relationships? Are you a blessing to your friends or a user? Have you ever had a friend that's a user? Every time they call they want something?" He goes on to talk about his wife Jan who has a friend that always calls and texts and she always needs something. Jan says she just wishes she would talk. I have friends like this and when they do call to talk. They call to talk about themselves or aren't focused on the conversation so what's the point in having one?

I try to be a supportive friend. I may not agree with you but I still try to be there for you. I even have been known to stick up for you even if I don't 100% agree with it. I don't know if this makes me wrong or right.... but when I say hey I started this new forum? Would you mind joining? Hey I am having this fundraiser or online party.... Do you take a look or do you think pfft I can't afford that? Did you even look? How have you been supportive to me? Have you returned the favor lately? HONESTLY how much is it to send an e-card on my birthday? If you know I am going through some issues or a rough time have you offered to cook a meal or just drop the focus on you for ONE minute to see what is going on in my life.

After my hellish roller coaster with B. I stood up to her and yes she did some things that back fired but I took it blow by blow and was the mature one and just kept my mouth shut. I felt for a minute I was closed out of my own circle of friends then I realized if they did that then they weren't my friends. I learned life lessons that year about friendships. I lost two close friends that year because I wasn't willing to be treated like that. Since then I am learning to let go of friends that don't give as much as they take... Especially when I need space. You expect me to call you but you never have picked up the phone yourself? How about the golden rule of treat others like you want to be treated... try that on for size.

What I Learned from Celebrity Wife Swap.

Recently there was an episode of Celebrity Wife Swap with Kendra Wilkinson and Kate Gosselin. I thought it would be interesting so I DVR'd it. I've watched it now and I was surprised but not surprised at how OCD Kate Gosselin is I mean she is so OCD her eye lashes are straight or she will pluck one. Of course I would think if you had 8 children you need a certain amount of OCD and time management skills. Especially them being sextuplets. Kendra has one kid so I think she can afford to be more laid back... financially and with her time. Kate felt the need to judge how Kendra and Hank run their house. As a single mother of 8 kids your not going to get a lot of me time if you don't have help. Now she as in Kate made it to believe she NEVER gets to relax but I am sure her ex husband has visitation so what does she do with her time when he has the 8 kids? When you choose to have 8 kids husband or not you don't feel the same way about your me time as someone with one kid does IMO. I am certain that is not exception but the rule. So don't send me hate mail if you have one kid because your infertile or whatever. Nor am I saying the mothers with one or two kids don't sacrafice the same as a larger family. Hank takes care of Kendra he doesn't mind doing the majority of the chores that the Nanny doesn't do. He doesn't mind taking care of Lil' Hank while Kendra has a girls night out or goes to whatever it takes to keep her looking like Kendra LOL. Yes she is a Playboy Bunny, She has to work out, Tan, Get a hair cut... etc
There is nothing wrong with having me time as a mother either. Its neccessary. If Mama aint happy aint no body happy... right? I get my nails done while William is in school does that make me a bad mother? Right now what I am doing writing this blog wouldn't you consider that me time? Its 8:30 in the morning and my washer is running, my dish washer is running, my husband is at work, James is at work, Skylar is at school, and William is laying on me as I type this. He's being a bit of a cling today. My point is that no one has the right to judge another person's house hold as long as it is working for that couple. Rick does a lot of cleaning around here because he is OCD and that's fine with me. He's better at the cleaning but lousy at organizing. He doesn't understand certain toys go into certain buckets/bins/toy boxes. He just cares that they are all picked up. I am more nit picky about HOW its put away... I don't want to go through 5 bins to chase down lego's. I don't want to search a closet to find a white shirt... it should be there. So my kids closets are organized as well as their toys (most of the time). So if I want it organized I have to do it. I am also picky about how laundry is washed. My husband is a typical male who throws whites in with colors on high in the hot water.... Because its not clean if its not in hot water. WHen I married him his washer didn't even have a delicate cycle. Rick cooks a lot too because that is the habit we've fallen into. I make the menu and if I should cook (two days a week I usually do) he will find a way to make the menu not useful at all LOL. Hey but at the end of the month when money is tight we always have meals left over we didn't use because Rick changed the pre planned menu. This is the system that mostly works for us. We are really good at divide and conquer when it comes to taking care of the kids and dividing up household chores. Maybe it means more to Hank to have Kendra looking nice so he does the laundry to make sure that she has the time to go to the salon and get a tan. It depends on what is important to the couple or persons and how they decide how it should be done. It sounds like Kendra didn't ASSUME Hank was doing things for her. It didn't sound like or look like she was taking advantage of him either. Hank was happy to do it. I wouldn't assume Kendra is lazy either. As long as kids are happy, healthy and not neglected and the couple is happy that's all that matters right? Maybe Kate should learn something about how to communicate with her husband and Jon wouldn't be gone??? She really shouldn't be giving out advice when she's not very good with.

By the way side note I totally don't blame Kate for Jon's issues... they BOTH have issues which is why they are divorced.

Cute story

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell.
He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard.
As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls.He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.

"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."

"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."

The boy dropped his head for a moment.Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.

"I've got thirty-nine cents.Is that enough to take a look?"

"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called.

Out from the doghouse and down

the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.

The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence.His eyes danced with delight.As the dogs made their way to the fence,the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.

Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid.Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...

"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said,
"Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs

would."

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.

In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.

Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.

Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy..

"How much?" asked the little boy... "No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."

The world is full of people who need someone who understands.