Wow that is my life..

I have been a Grey's Anatomy fan since the very first episode. My best friend at the time and I used to be deeply devoted to Desperate Housewives and when Grey's first aired it aired right after Desperate Housewives. Greys quickly became my favorite show and I have rarely missed an episode. I have probably binge watched it from the beginning at least 3 times. The last time watching George die again and I said no now I am I am good. It was probably for my best interest that Netflix took it off their server so I wouldn't binge watch it again. During deployment I got one of my army wife friends to binge watch it with me and I got her hooked. I have gotten several people hooked. Sometimes I do have to remind myself it is a scripted show because I have been so connected to some of the characters. Recently I have been replaying a scene that has now become my favorite scene. It has Amelia and Owen in it. To set up the premise... Amelia's a recovering drug addict and her brother just died. She doesn't know how to deal with pain without drugs. Owen is a veteran with PTSD, who now works as a trauma surgeon. 
I use the scene as a reminder of how I must deal with pain and I also encourage other people the same way. To watch the scenes I have found a lucky person on Youtube that hasn't been flagged by the copyright God lol... Part 1    Part 2   Part 3
I was sitting in bed this morning... again reminding myself of what Owen says, 
Owen : All the stuff you're "managing". You're not supposed to be managing. You're supposed to be feeling it. Grief,  loss, pain... it is normal.
Amelia: It is NOT normal.
Owen: Yes it is. Yes it is normal. Its not normal to you because you've never done it. That feeling of grief, pain... you've shoved it all down and doing drugs instead of moving through the pain.You run from it. (Then he realizes he runs from it too by re-enlisting to serve another tour in Iraq), You instead of dealing with being hurt and alone and afraid that his horrible, empty feeling is all there is, I run from it. I run off, and I sign up for another tour of active duty. We do these things. We run off, and we we medicate. We do whatever it takes to cover it up and dull the sensation, but its not normal.
We're supposed to feel.
We are suppose to love and hate and hurt and grieve and break and be destroyed and rebuild ourselves to be destroyed again.
That is human. That is humanity. That's that's that's being alive. That's the point. Don't don't avoid it. Don't extinguish it.
Amelia: Derek Died. He died. I don't want to feel it. I... I don't think I can. I don't think I even want to, I can't. I can't- I can't do this. I can't
Owen: You have to... If you don't...
Amelia interrupts: No, I can't. Shh, I can't do this!
Owen: You ha you have to If you don't that last bag of oxy is gonna be your last. (she hands him the oxy and wails in pain) You're gonna be okay. You're gonna survive this, okay? Everybody does. Its perfectly normal. Its boring even. It is so normal.

I realize how I have been dealing with pain... no not with drugs or alcohol.. I realized how I process pain. Sometimes I might hold it in. I don't see it at the time. But maybe I might. Maybe I deal with it passively. I have never believed drugs or alcohol are the way to deal with things. I come from a background of people that depended on that and checked out. I never wanted to check out on my kids and so far I think I am in the moment with them even when I am at my worst. My husband I truly believe his military service and now his job is his escape from not wanting to deal with things. I realized wow that is my life... now to remember I have to feel all the emotions and be destroyed to rebuild myself better and stronger the next time. 

Great Relationships

quote

"The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason you've held on for so long."

Random Thought

If you want something in life you have to work for it. You have to chase it. Anything that you get for free might not be worth fighting for, not worth your time.
I am not a free gift with purchase, I didn't fall in your lap and if you think I did then you under estimate my value. I am not a consolation prize or a Happy Meal toy.

Remembering the Past... Embracing the future

‎"There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore and who always will. Don't worry about the people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it into your future."


a quote Marissa posted on Facebook that was very "me"!

Cool Quote from Dayna

‎"Believe there is a great power silently working all things for good, behave yourself and never mind the rest." —Beatrix Potter

Quote

Years ago Olenka posted a quote on my Myspace profile I kept there forever. I went back to retrieve it today and I guess Myspace changed their format yet again and it is lost. I don't remember the exact quote but its something about beginning is the way to start again... Anyways here is another quote

"A strong woman knows she has enough strength for the journey, but a woman of strength knows it is in the journey where she will become strong." 

Quote

‎~Life doesn't give you the people you want, it gives you the people you need: to love you, to hate you, to make you, to break you, and to make you the person you were meant to be~

Quote

I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be." — Nicholas Sparks

mackenzie

You never know how precious a memory, is until its all you have left, and holding on to it, is all you can do.


Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

• The Wonder Years

I've Learned

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
— Maya Angelou

My Motivation for Moms Quote

Give time to your children each day. The time you give makes the words you speak of more value to them.

Quote from Legion

When God chose your kind as the object of His love, I was the first in all of heaven to bow down before you. My love, my hope for mankind was no less than His. But I have watched you trample that gift. I have watched you kill each other over race and greed... waging war over dust and rubble and the words in old books. And yet, in the midst of all this darkness, I see some people who will not be bowed. I see some people who will not give up, even when they know all hope is lost. Some people, who realize being lost is so close to being found. I see you, Jeep. Fifteen years old, your mother leaves. Your father withdraws from the world and you spend the next five years of your young life helping him find his way home. You love a woman who bears the child of another and you love her with no thought of yourself, even though you know she may never love you the way you love her. You, Jeep... you are the reason I still have faith.

FB quote

Remind yourself of this important fact. Compassion breeds compassion. Surliness breeds surliness. Most of us resort to asurly tone of voice out of fear—fear of rejection, fear of our spouse’sanger, fear of failure, you name it. Yet, it’s the surliness that willbring about all of the things that we most fear. Only the compassion...will get us to our happy place.

www.projecthappilyeverafter.com

Quote

"None of us has gotten where we are solely by pulling ourselves up from our own bootstraps. We got here because somebody bent down and helped us." Thurgood Marshall

Project 365

Project 365 is taking one photo each day for the whole 2009. There are several sites on the web encouraging and helping the ones who have decided to give the project another chance, I wanted to do it for the first year of the baby's life but my camera broke so I had to wait till Christmas to ask Santa for a new one.

My friend asked me for a recent picture of William who is two days from being Five Months old.

Skylar was playing with him in the floor. I strip him down to feed him solid foods to keep the stains away and shortly after this Rick took him for a bath.

Thank you to some of hte most awesome neighbors. It really meant alot to Rick believe it or not. They gave Rick this balloon and a PC game. That was so thoughtful. He would have been happy with another 5 lbs of Fudge though LOL. Rick had a great birthday doing what he desires. I got him a power mat with adaptors for his Nintendo DS and Ipod. Skylar got him Scene it for Star Trek. We went to Longhorn for Dinner. Happy Birthday to hubby!

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.

Getting crap off my chest!

Tired of wanting to say what I need to say and speak my mind but holding back in fear of hurting someones feelings when mine are so hurt. Oh well its on a preferred blog on myspace. Those few people who read it if they are offended so be it.

How I would describe Skylar.

Someone in my group described their daughter as "she has an extra cup of crazy in her sock drawer and and sprinkles that on her cereal"... We totally think it applies to Skylar

Looking up!

I rarely watched ABC's "The View" since I wanted to really go off on Rosie O'Donnell whom I used to love by the way. Yesterday my Television happened to be on ABC. I caught Michael J Fox on there. I was very inspired in January by Barbara Walters Patrick Swayze Special. Patrick Swayze is amazing his outlook is amazing. I had a feeling Michael J. Fox would be the same for me. I was write. I caught three quotes I plan on posting in front of my face amongst the one from Extreme Makeover (let me find that one!) and Patrick Swayze's just as a remind that the world isn't against me. That people do love me and you know what... does it matter? Nope!
When life gets you down remember there are people around you that conquer harder battles and don't doubt for a minute God didn't love you so much as to not give you the same amount of strength!

Promised me the Moon

He promised me the moon even if he couldn't deliver. Thats ok I don't need the moon I just need him.