Quote

I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be." — Nicholas Sparks

What are Words-- Chris Medina

Day 13 Part Two..

Dear Chris Medina,
Its true your story about Juliana did strike a cord on winning America's hearts. Every good woman on earth deserves a man with your faith and devotion. Juliana must be a very special woman. But when I hear you perform you did send tingles down my spine. As the judges have said you sing from your heart and that's where your talent comes from. I am sure Juliana has helped make you the man you've come to be. The saying goes Behind every great man there's a great woman. I was heart broken when you were sent home. I laid in bed right after Idol and cried. I just said God has a bigger plan than we know. I hope he achieves his goal because a person with that type of soul deserves it. Then I thought to myself... what if I ever had the choice between death and watching Rick in a vegetative state or severely brain damaged... What would I choose? The fact that I couldn't choose and that it was a hard decision I just couldn't make. My thoughts that night gave me even more respect for you. Well the next night watching Idol seeing men go through that were more inconsistent than you were. I was angry seeing some of the others make it through. I am praying for you and praying for Juliana to make a full recovery so you can get married.

Sincerely
Kristy

I am

I Am lyrics

Relationships whether it be with a neighbor, lover, husband, friend, family member are always complicated. Either you feel defensive and put down because they use words that hurt. They may not mean it that way but ultimately its how it effects you isn't it? When you say something you have to remember its not always the content or way you say something but how it will effect the other person. It can be life or death too. You can save someone's life with a simple hello or you can send them over the edge of desperation.
I think we have all been in a relationship before where we had our walls up and we were always on the defensive trying to not get hurt and we usually end up hurt anyways. Then there are the polar opposites where we make ourselves vulnerable to a person. Sometimes we regret doing it, sometimes we get angry for being so open. Have you ever done that? Which way do you tend to lean? Is there a healthy and unhealthy way? Is there a happy medium or am I just that warped that I have to do everything extreme.
I pride myself on being bluntly honest. I will tell someone what I think of them but I have such bad insecurities when it comes to my female friendships I often hide my scars and my thoughts. But when it comes to my husband I can be quite brutal. I don't know why. I say I have a pretty tough exterior with a no bullshit tolerance. I am insecure at the same time about my blunt honesty because it does get me in trouble and hurt people. I never set out to hurt people with my thoughts and emotions. I also question the validity of my thoughts and emotions. Thats something I have to come to terms with because there are some parts of me that will never change.
I have ran a support group since my oldest was 6 months old that is almost 10 years in October. I used to tell people to be aware that there are thoughts and emotions on the otherside of their monitors because sometimes its so easy to let everything out at your own computer monitor because its an object not a person with emotion. Eventually someone is always going to read what you type.
Emotions make you very naked. It shows the bruises, scars, and raw core of yourself. Whether your comfortable or not exposing them you have to do it with someone eventually. Well I know myself personally even if I hide my scars I wish someone would touch my heart with a healing touch and take me all of me with the rawness and scars and all....
At least I know my heavenly father accepts 100% of me and my scars. He may not always like the rawness of me but he will accept me and love me for every bit of beauty I have.

Short updates

News in the Baby's blog
I am on Day four of my Love Dare blog... are you reading along? Trying things out?
ahhh lack of sleep and I forgot what to write... Anyways :)

1 Year 2 Months and 18 days

I would like to thank you all for your support during our deployment. Its had ups and downs. Laughs and frustrations. I couldn't do it without my precious ladies from the Redstone Military Wives Meetup, The Waiting Spouses group. Mary Breeden from ACS, My Mommy Group on Yahoo Groups Bella's Mommy Chat, Various message boards and other Military Support Groups. My different battle buddies through out the year. Jessica Davis, Jess Rose, and my Betty. Captain Quinn and his wife Amy made a huge difference in my life. My neighbor whom I have been calling "CW" without you my Lady would be very unhappy LOL. Christa and Pegan always have time to listen and offer their advice when they can. I appreciate all they have done too! My Close friend Kristin has been an open ear for years before I became an Army Wife and I am sure she will always be there for me as I try to be for her. Crystal your a rock all on your own I love you!

To Rick's Friends and Family. Your loved by him and you have been there for me. Thank You. You've become part of me too!

To all those who thought I would never make it. You were wrong. I am stronger than ever, more independant than ever, and my marriage is the best its ever been and ever so much more growing with every word spoken.

A special appreciation to my husband my hero for working hard and making the sacrafices he has made. Not just as a Soldier but as a husband. James and Skylar have also inspired me and played a special part in giving me my daily strength and alot of lessons learned. I couldn't do this without you three very loved and special people to me.

Love tip from Lovingyou.com

Your Anniversary Day
A few of my girlfriends from work were huddled around the water cooler today talking about different things their husbands had gotten for their anniversaries. One girl started explaining how her husband had bought her their "Anniversary Day." I guess it’s similar to buying a star, but this service lets you buy a day. I couldn't believe how cute and romantic it sounded! She showed us the profile that her husband had made online. Her husband uploaded pictures from their wedding , and when the web page loads, a slide show of their pictures starts playing . The next day she brought in the certificate that comes with it. It was so nice! It had their names written in calligraphy and it stated they were the sole owners of the day and no one else could ever own it. The name of the website is MyDayRegistry.com. I have already hinted to my husband that I want our day for our anniversary. I just hope it’s not taken before he can get it! Anyways, I just wanted to share this with others because I thought this was a really great gift!
--submitted by Carol Ann Huntington

Love tip from Lovingyou.com

Your Anniversary Day
A few of my girlfriends from work were huddled around the water cooler today talking about different things their husbands had gotten for their anniversaries. One girl started explaining how her husband had bought her their "Anniversary Day." I guess it’s similar to buying a star, but this service lets you buy a day. I couldn't believe how cute and romantic it sounded! She showed us the profile that her husband had made online. Her husband uploaded pictures from their wedding , and when the web page loads, a slide show of their pictures starts playing . The next day she brought in the certificate that comes with it. It was so nice! It had their names written in calligraphy and it stated they were the sole owners of the day and no one else could ever own it. The name of the website is MyDayRegistry.com. I have already hinted to my husband that I want our day for our anniversary. I just hope it’s not taken before he can get it! Anyways, I just wanted to share this with others because I thought this was a really great gift!
--submitted by Carol Ann Huntington

Weather Forecast Outlook Cloudy

A Cloud Near our House picture taken 2008 June 06.

The Weather forecasts predicts a cloudy outlook. .... This blog isn't about the weather wouldn't that be boring? This blog is about my life on Cloud Nine for over the past 511 days. Sure enough you would think Deployment within the first year of marriage would all but tear us apart or dampen the cloud but neither has happened. When Rick and I first talked about meeting. I was trying not to fall for him so I could keep a clear head. Sometimes when I fall I fall hard. My little cheerleaders I call them at the time weren't helping much. Oh yeah they knocked some sense in me but also told me there was no rescue clouds leaving Cloud Nine I was stuck. It was Kismet. I've never one to fight Kismet. I am not one to pull cupid's arrow out of my rear either. Rick has been with me on Cloud Nine through it all. He has been the wind beneath my wings that helps me fly up here. As he would correct me in the comments and say We are each other's wind beneath or wings. We brought each other to life. He has certainly changed mine for all good. I hope and I trust our life on Cloud Nine can out live us. Spread love and hope to others. I am so cheesy in love. I still consider us newlyweds even if its been over a year. Just because we still give each other butterflies, we still make each other blush and shiver. We get giddy, giggly and a crush on each other. Can the Army PCS us to Cloud Nine and give us a permenant order for here? Cause I am all for you sending my mail here. I don't think Rick realizes just what this has been like for me but at the same time I feel at times intensely that he feels the same.

Rick and I have had our share of rain and tears. We have had some thunder rolls and disagreements but it doesn't last long and we hold each other through it either emotionally or phsycially. He's just what I need.

When Rick and my eyes meet no one else exists (until Skylar starts screaming.) So please forward all email to 1 Cloud 9 because we seem to be the only ones that exist on our beautiful little cloud I hope never has storms.

Things I want to tell my children

First of all to Alexander and James. They are my boys. I may have only been in their life for 18 months but I care for them like I do my own kids. I carry the responsibility of making sure their needs are met. Yes they are adults but even adults need moms. I sure have in my life. I have heard so many times to count. James needs to be out on his own. You need to do this. You need to do that. But you know what? I know James. James and I have gotten pretty close partly because I am all he's got to lean on at times. James is far from being a social being so when it comes to his need for social interaction he does come chit chat with me. We can go for a ride in the car and out for dinner. He tries to treat me with respect and I treat him with the same respect and I am trying to give him the building blocks into adulthoood he is missing. If something happened to Rick I would be still left to clean up the pieces with James and Alex. I try to make sure Alex gets his care packages even though they are not as often as I like. I try and stay on top of them. I email Alex probably too much he probably finds me annoying and James probably thinks I am a royal bitch but they both realize I have good intentions. So as far as what I would tell the boys. James and I have already talked about it for the most part. The things I would tell them well I am not going to post in the blog because they do have the abilility to read it and its private but I guess ultimately. Alex and Jamesy. I am not your birth mother, adopted mother or anything like that. Nor am I trying to be. I care about you because you've both grown on me. I respect you for being the good men you are. I respect you even in your anger and frustration you still love your parents. I know how difficult it can be at times to understand why Dad is always nagging at you. I know how it is to be a teenager and just want to do things on your own without a parent lingering. HA! Alex what more do you want now your on the other side of the world? LOL Rick has no choice but to let you be and grow up. Alex and James are different where Alex wants to grow on his own, fall down on his own and pick himself up and learn on his own. James on the other hand needs coaxing and hand held to show him how to do things. BOTH are totally fine actually I like it that way for the most part. Alex and James.. I love and respect your dad and I will treat you with the same love and respect as he does Skylar. However I will say FAMILY. We are a family, not a broken home but a FAMILY and we will only choose to be as Blended as we want to be. Thats up to you boys for sure.

To Mackenzie

Mackenzie... Hello Beautiful, Some of you may not know the whole story behind Mackenzie and where he is. I am not even sure he does. Mackenzie's father passed away in 2003 and since then I have always wanted to jot down my memories of him before they fade so one day his mom can share some good memories of his father. Also one day I will see him again and I will tell him about the mistakes i made and that I never stopped loving him. I never hurt him. I thought what I did was the best i could for him. Some of my decisions weren't the best but I think as parents we all have those bad moments where we don't make the wisest decision. So when Mackenzie is older I will tell him the truth and show him love. Thats all I can really offer him and thats all that prevails.

This song by Travis Tritt has always been my song to Mackenzie. After Adam and my marriage fell apart and then he died I promised Mackenzie so much and I couldn't hold on to my grip and I slipped. I fell down several times as matter of fact. I was steered down the wrong roads but never did I sink to the level of abandoning my son and not putting him first with Skylar.

Tritt Travis, Best Of Intentions Lyrics

and Finally to the baby, My Princess now Five years old and getting ready to start Kindergarten. 

Skylar my Princess.

I wanted her to know we have also had our challenges that I was sick for the first few years of her life and I didn't get to truly enjoy her first mile stones. I had to work really hard from the time I found out I was pregnant and for a few years of her life. All I have ever wanted for her is the same thing I have worked very hard for stability, hope, faith, trust and love. I promised Adam I wouldn't give her up for adoption and I had times when I felt like I wasn't the best thing for her. At times I was very selfish living for her and waking up in my depression for her. I felt such guilt when she was born for ever being suicidial. I promised a friend that I would work through out Skylar's life to be like a best friend to her. I can say right now we are extremely close. I choose not to do things on my own because we are never without each other and I think that if its not a kid friendly enviroment more times than not I probably don't need to be there either. I think my place now is being the best and wife and mother I can be. I hope through the rest of Skylar's life she can be honest with Rick and I. I hope she knows I have tried to have strength and give her the best she deserves. I hope we remain close for a very long time

I am sure there will be... more to be continued.