Problem with me and relationships is I’m not stable enough for them. I spoke to a therapist years ago and together we came to the conclusion that I’m not mentally strong enough to maintain, if I do then I either am not strong enough to stand up for myself and become very much like a doormat. I get anxious and feeling self conscious when there is a lot of silence. Like they just don’t want to talk to me. Why should I believe otherwise? When there is a falling out I fight an over whelming urge to grovel even when I’m sure I’m not wrong. I do that otherwise I’m rethinking the entire thing and talking myself out of it because I’ll just allow them to treat me however they want. It’s all confusing... you go from one minute shooting the shit to the next minute something happens and all of a sudden the person hates small talk and if there isn’t a prying subject it’s completely dead silence.. maybe a dead body makes more noise. We’ve become fast friends and chatted all day for days on end then something happens? What’s that something? Should I just accept their explanation? Or trust my instinct that something else is going on? (Hangs head)
