There are a lot of things I haven't done.

I was on a Marriage Retreat several years ago hosted by the Chaplain in the Army. The Chaplain tried to explain to us wives that our husbands had been through more life experiences than we could ever experience. I beg to differ. My husband has seen Iraq, he's seen war, he's seen hunger but not experienced it, he's seen and been through some pretty tough stuff. But in most common terms he is book smart to my street smart. There are a lot of things I haven't done.. I have never served even though I tried they wouldn't take me in. I applied for 3 out of the 4 main branches too!. I haven't been to a country such as Iraq and I haven't been globe trotting and seen the ruins in Turkey, the Salt Mines, Castles, and death camps of Germany. I haven't seen the beautiful greenery in Ireland. But I have seen things in this world he hasn't seen. I have lost a spouse and a child. I have had a lot of tragedy. I had no one picking me back up once I had fallen. I was almost completely alone. He's always kinda had the military to support him in every endeavor. They cook for you, they tell you when to get up and when to go to bed, they give you clothes to wear, they train you and protect you.. They even teach you how to drive if you need it. He's never been without a job for long or insurance. He's never really had to live on Welfare as I have and bust my ass to try to find any way I can to pay my rent. I have hustled many times to make four pennies rub together to make a nickel.  There are things I have more experience in than he does. I think its important in a marriage to respect your spouses strengths and not challenge them when they show you their strength. Its not emasculating to let the wife win sometimes. Its not even about me winning its about respecting the knowledge I have acquired and acknowledging I did go through that and I might know a thing or two. Not all advice given has to be taken but at the very least like when your a new mother and you get an absurd piece of advice you brush it off you don't fight with your mother in law about it just to make tension. Do you think it might be wise to take someones advice if it makes sense if things haven't been going your way for some time? You think maybe you can say I tried it didn't work and throw it back in their face politely? Maybe then they would shut up. As I tell my step son what your trying isn't working and your frustrated with not making progress why not let someone in? Why not let someone give you advice? Why not let someone else take the reins? I am a special brand of stubborn but I am not so stubborn if I don't know where the hell I am going I don't ask for directions. I don't believe in wasting time or energy about trying to attempt something without direction. That's like a doctor doing a procedure without knowledge isn't it? Playing with fire a bit. The whole time your playing with fire your wearing the other people down and they are loosing hope. They are eventually going to give up. I am tired of being bloodied trying to help others when all they have for me is a brick wall and they don't want my help. They don't want to be my partner. 

I haven't done a lot of things in my life. I haven't achieved my life long dream of animal conservation. Dreams don't die though priorities change. There are many of my dreams I don't know where to begin to go and achieve them though. I have never been popular at least by my standards I have never been a cheerleader or a football star but perhaps something I have done make the difference in this world. I believe I can make a difference in this world even if not everyone is pleased by what I do or haven't done. 

Great Video

I am still an Army Wife and Army Mom.

My husband retired in May from the Army after 24 years of service. I think he deserves a big Hooah for that sacrafice and dedication. Yet he had no retirement ceremony (partly his choice.) Hero's don't want pomp and cirumstance they are more humble. In all his deployments he never had a true homecoming. Again he liked it that way. Does that make him less deserving of one? Of course not! Would he put his ACU's on in a minute of the Army called him back... uh yeah faster than he could shake a stick at it. It was a family choice to retire... you just know when its time to hang the beret.

Because Rick and I were only married three years ago I wasn't looked at much as for an Army Wife. I wasn't the one who waited on him to come home from his first deployment during the first heat of the war in OIF. I wasn't the one writing letters while he was at boot camp. I was the one who waited on him from Korea and his second deployment. I was the one who's heart broke when he told me he was facing deployment and I hadn't even met him face to face yet. I may not have earned much rank in the silent ranks... but I earned enough in my opinion, I stayed faithful, loyal and worked hard. I didn't fall apart and I kept it together. I stayed strong for US.

Now I face life with the Army behind me. Is it really behind me? Rick has never fully come back home. Things are probably never going to be the way they were... maybe one day I have faith they will be better! I still cry during deployment songs, I still cry when one of our own fall, I still cry watching military salute videos, I still cry for homecomings (I never got), I am still very emotionally connected to the Military in my own weird way. Since he retired I bought an Army Wife hoodie and a t-shirts (maybe more)... I still dress the kids in Camo and carry my ACU purse with pride.. I am still an Army wife even if my husband is no longer active duty. Once a Soldier always a Soldier... Behind every good Soldier is a Loyal Army Wife! Hooah!

My son, my step son still serves... as we wait paitently for every phone call and visit.

Next time you see a wife of a Veteran just know a piece of her heart will always remember and be part of the Military just like her husband.

Army TIme - Kleenex Alert

Monday, May 10, 2010
Army Time
Since this blog was such a hit with my dear friends, this is closer to the original version...enjoy!

So, there I was sitting in the waiting area of the portrait studio waiting for my kids turn for Christmas portraits (no family picture this year, as my husband had just crossed month four off of the Afghanistan countdown calendar), and I was staring at the sign all mom's have seen -- the one that says "This studio works on baby time" (completely false statment, by the way). All I could think was, "Well, this family works on Army time". While I sat there trying to gain control of the Cheerio circus that was overtaking my one-year-olds stroller tray, all the while trying to keep my 2 1/2 year old from making a break for the toy department (what kind of department store puts the toys next to the portraits?), I tried to articulate what Army time actually means. Here is what I came up with.

Army time is the alarm going off at 0400 every morning, and again at 0415, and 0430, and finally getting your husband to roll out of bed and into his PT's.

Army time is a paper chain 365 links long, so that a two year old has some sort of grasp on how long a year is.

It's the ten seconds it takes to count on your fingers when someone actually gives you a time in Army time...(12, 13, 14...2 o'clock)!

It's three hours and two bottles of wine with two of your best friends trying to figure out how the dang lawn mower works.

Army time is two weeks a year at home, two weeks a year somewhere you wish was home, and forty eight weeks a year somewhere you never thought you would call home.

It's standing over the washing machine at 2 a.m. washing black socks and brown t-shirts that haven't seen daylight since the beginning of a 30 day field problem.

Army time is the longest half hour of your life waiting for a formation to be released so you can hold your soldier for the first time in what feels like a hundred years.

It's the 30 minutes you spend on the phone trying to explain to a customer service representative who knows nothing about your life that you will, in fact, not be paying a penalty to cancel your cable (or internet, or satellite, or phone contract) early, because the Army is making you move.

Army time is six houses in nine years, and making each one more comfortable and easier to pack than the last.

It's the two minutes where you think your heart might actually pop out of your chest with pride while the National Anthem plays, and the ten minutes you spend ranting to whoever you are with about the people who didn't even have the respect to stop walking, or talking, or take off their hats.

Army time is getting in the car with your husband at three in the morning to drive downtown and pickup a soldier that (thankfully) called for a ride back to the barracks, because that is what we do.

It's phone calls at 3 a.m., flag call at 5 p.m., schools that are six weeks long and schools that are six months long, three years until the next duty station (oh wait, did we say you could stay for three years? Sorry, we meant one year, or six years, or sometimes 20 years).

It's three days in the car with a one year old, a three month old, and a grumpy infantry guy trying to get to your new home.

Army time is a 6 month lease versus a 12 month lease, and maybe we'll buy next year. It's the two hour, or twelve hour, time difference between you and your best friend.

Army time is two hours a week watching your kids and two sets of your friends kids wreak havoc on your playroom so that you can have four free hours a week -- hopefully to squeeze in a nap and a bath.

It's the three months you nag your husband to enroll for the correspondence courses he needs to get promoted, and the three weeks you spend cursing the person who thought up correspondence course, because, after all, we know who really does those ; )

It's the time spent trying to figure out how your ovulation cycle fits into your husbands deployment schedule, and aiming to make your due date coincide with his dwell time.

Army time is the two hours you spend on FB trying to catch up with the friends you have left at other duty stations, and the two hours you spend FB chatting with the friends at your current duty station.

It's twelve two hour trips to the airport before you find a shortcut..and then your family realizes there is an airport in the town where you actually live.

Army time is slow months waiting for promotion points, and promotion lists, and promotion boards.

Army time is twenty minutes that feels like two hours standing in line at the post office with two small kids and two big boxes addressed to Afghanistan (carrying at least one or two things that aren't supposed to be in there).

It's the five seconds that your heart is still every time the phone rings, or there is an unexpected knock on the door.

Army time is undoubtedly the craziest time of my life. It's a time that leaves you feeling helpless and lost, elite and proud, strong and broken, all at the same time. It's constantly living outside of your comfort zone, making family out of friends, and being blessed to be part of something bigger than yourself.

But, really, I think that when I'm old and my kids ask what the best time of my life was, I'm going to tell them that it was the Army time.

Here's Who I Play In Real Life: Army Time
thisiswhoiplayinreallife.blogspot.com

Sometimes I forget how lucky we are

Rick has had such a hard time finding a job. I feel bad for the decision we made to retire (3 days retired now) and for not going Oconus as a contractor. Then I see reminders of how much luck we already pushed and how we don't need to tempt fate at all. Two tours to Iraq and many more deployments and hardships all over the world later. Rick hasn't had to face combat even when he was there just a year after we started the war. The worst thing that happened to him is a weapon landed on his hand and broke it in 2004. The PX where he was stationed in 2007 was bombed the month before he got there. For the next year Angels were in Taji Iraq keeping the peace and my husband lived with or near Iraqi soldiers. Then I run accross a message board that I use for Military Spouses and one woman cries OMG my husband is gone as she states in a matter of fact message that her husband has died. Please say a prayer for Sgt Ralph Mena's Family, Spouse, and Children. He died in a Non Combat Related incident. I have a friend of a friend that was shot in the back of the head at the age of 19 in Iraq, a friend of mine from high school died in 2007 in Iraq, A fellow soldier in my friends unit was attacked and betrayed in Afghanistan and they took his life. Yet my husband hasn't had a hair shed off his head. Alex is not far behind him as an OEF Veteran at the last legs of his tour. I feel incredibly lucky for the luck we have had as a Military Family. I feel incredibly indebt to those out there that have made a sacrafice and lost the lives of a son, daughter, husband or wife. Also Indebt to those who's husband came back with challenges such as TBI, loss of a limb or even something as small (Yet just as challenging) as Severe PTSD.

As Memorial Day comes close I will add Sgt Mena to my list of Soldiers who I honor this holiday coming at the end of the month.

Busy Weekend

Thursday we left for a marriage retreat in Town Creek, AL.. Bought and paid for by the Army... Thank You Uncle Sam. As often as I bitch about you... you can give me something good every once in awhile. It was also sort to speak our last Hooah since it won't be long until Rick retires. Our accomidations were at the Doublehead Resort. In the mornings we had class and in the afternoons we were free to do whatever we wanted. They provided us with meals and it was so nice :). Skylar enjoyed the free time with the other kids and of course getting to run all over outdoors on a nice 70 degree weekend. (its back to being cold now) Saturday we tried to go horseback riding but they were booked up and we couldn't do it as a family so I decided against it. Skylar and I will do it when she is a little bigger. Thats more important to me. Rick decided we should take a short trip to  Tuscumbia, Alabama to see Ivy Green. Which is the birthplace and childhood home of Helen Keller. Beatrix Potter, Amelia Earhart, and Helen Keller are some of my favorite women of history. None of them stuck to what was expected of them but went on to make new expectations of others. As Marilyn Monroe once said. Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History...
It was interesting to walk the steps she took. It was interesting to see the cradle from the stories, The dining room where she had a food fight with Annie Sullivan. Of course the Water Well that we all know so well too!
During the Lessons of the Marriage Retreat I really enjoyed Chaplain Fisher and his wife Sara's stories. His teaching style kept me interested and of course I felt like maybe I talked too much haha! I always have input! The first day we dug in deep to the seven love languages. We even talked about what potential love languages the children have. We went over a little of Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. We are currently enrolled in his class now. We did "The Seven principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman and its not religous based as so many of the other books are. I still have SO many questions but I don't know if Chaplain Fisher has the answers for me. Oh well leave it to me LOL.. But overall it was a great experience.
Rick and I laughed about it on Sunday but they were doing hunting on the resort and we thought mixing that with PTSD was a bad idea haha. I would have liked more socializing as a group. I know its a marriage retreat so it was encouraged that the families spend time with their own but a BBQ or a Bon Fire on the last night would have been nice :)

my feeling...

is having a hard time being understanding of the Army's needs right now

A Nightmare called Fox Army Medical

Those of you who have been my readers have read about my fights with Fox early in my husband's deployment last year. Well the nightmare continues. Last year the problem was with the doctors I got placed with and now they mess with my daughter. Ok so you've heard of Bridezilla? I am Momzilla! Don't push this MAMA BEAR or she pushes back and she takes no crap and no excuses. I have been sick nearly my entire life and been in and out of hospitals so much I can usually SMELL a quack. So don't try to push one over on me.

Yesterday... Read the Blog ITS LONG

Today I take Skylar in and 9:30. Nurses are sweet as pie as usual. I even tell them about my issue with the contracted Appointment desk. She goes to talk to Barbara Williford. Now us who have been waiting spouses here in the past 2 years know who she is. I've had my share of problems with her as well. But today she told the nurse that the lady who took my appointment yesterday had already put in her resignation. (Funny how yesterday the Supervisor claimed it wasn't on my file WHO took the appointment) That I was welcome to call her to discuss the incident with her. I saw the name and was like yeah uh huh sure... I would probably get some where faster talking to God himself. I told her not to worry about both Skylar and the new baby would be going off post as soon as I found a doctor off post. She pleaded that Dr E was the best and I would have to wait for a long period of time at any other doctor. I was like oh all right well we will see. Rick is over there falling asleep and I said Don't FALL asleep. I really needed his support. Dr E comes in and does her examination. Now on April 1st when Dr E saw Skylar she had a test on her ears and it came out normal. She had the same test today.. Again its normal. Skylar has been running a low grade fever of 99.? And she has been on Zyrtec and a Humidifier for a week BEFORE April 1st. After April 1st she was taking Zyrtec, Singular, Ammox.. And the humidifier. Still she isn't better and she is complaining about her ear MORE. Dr E told me on the first once she was taking the meds her sinus's would dry up and the cough would stop. Okay. Well she hasn't had a runny nose but she has the dry cough. I said to the doctor her ear infection must be getting worse. She said how do you know? I said well she's complaining more and still coughing. So she checked her ears and she said her ears are both perfect. She has no ear infection see if you don't believe me I will show you and she handed me the graphic (the test results from the test they took that day and the 1st) I wanted to kick Rick in the crotch for not saying anything and not standing up for me after I have felt beaten and battered by These people. AGAIN a waste of my time to walk out of there without a reason... Just here is yet a THIRD allergy medication to add to the other THREE she's already taking. So that makes FOUR medications to be taken over the course of at LEAST a month for a SIX year old RIDICULOUS!
We go to the front desk to get our doctors note we ask for one for yesterday and one for today. They said the nurse has to sign off on it. Then it gets sent to Dr E who refuses to sign off on it. NOW Rick decides to nag. The infamous Mrs Williford who I didn't recognize takes it to the Deputy Commander to sign. She wants to speak to me. But at this point I am VISABLY upset (again doesn't take much for a woman this pregnant to get VERY angry) I pass on talking to her because Rick wants to get Skylar to school and back to work and I know if I were to speak in that state of mind it would get U-G-L-Y....So we wait to get the approval of the doctors excuse from the deputy commander. When I get upset my face gets splotchy and red and so its apparent to many people in the hall way I am just a ticking time bomb. I just keep saying lets get it and GO I will take the absence. I just wanted to leave. I didn't want to talk about it anymore I am trying to control my stress level and blood pressure...
I come home and call Tricare to change her PCM permanently so I never have to see Dr E again. They ask why if I had a complaint. I was like OH YEAH. They said well do you want to tell us about it? I said sure. *chuckle* He said is it a failure of availability. Un professionalism by the doctor or by the office staff. I said UM ALL THREE! So I went through all the same bs again with the Tricare guy and he would put in to get Skylar assigned temporarily to another PCM at Fox which is fine as long as its not TWO of the doctors up there. I gave them my choices and they can pick from that. If not and even if they do I will be taking the kids down to Tricare Standard and going to an off post Peditrician or Family Physician.

I feel so unvalidated that I am just Momzilla and over reacting to the way I have been treated. I am very PTSD when it comes to my kids safety. I am very protective. VERY and I don't like this crap AT ALL.

They are playing with my PTSD in overdrive today now its a Tornado Warning and YUP I am on the computer because Skylar is on a school bus right now on her way home from school.... I would be scared of what I might do if I wasn't pregnant.

This is supposed to be the BEST medical available in the world?

have been stationed in one place for over two years. I have had a BIG share of problems with Fox Army Health Center. During my time as a waiting spouse. I was told we had an advocate that would give us priority. I got disgusted with her BAD attitude and just called the regular appointment line and didn't have a problem for awhile. THIS is after I complained that several doctors refused to give me a referral to a bone specialist to monitor my arthritis. I totally disagree with the way they speak to patients. I disagree with how the patients are treated. I don't think they would get a lot of business in the civilian world. I have been told by a Patient Care Representative. That being a Waiting Spouse I just wanted special attention. I then got a hold of the COL over Fox's number and I had a doctor call me back and just think it was in my best interest if I didn't see a doctor at Fox and go off post for a civilian PCM. I brought this up to some people's attention around post. I was told that is ILLEGAL. I was told I must be making it up or over reacting. I could care less. My daughter is rarely ever sick enough for me to have her seen. I can treat allergies but when they linger or cause discomfort that's when I seek help. On the 1st of April she was seen by a pediatrician at Fox and the Pedi said she had a slight ear infection. She also had allergies that were draining which caused the cough. Give her meds, dry up her sinuses and it should all clear up. So since the first Skylar has been on Amoxicillian, Singular, and Zyrtec. The antibiotic against my better judgement I just don't believe in them but I am giving it to her. Over a WEEK later.... TODAY I call to make her another appointment because she isn't getting better. Her cough isn't going away and frankly I am tired of every time I take her in being told she has allergies and them sending her away. Its a waste of both of our time because she is on Zyrtec almost ALWAYS when a cough starts she gets the humidifier. The moment she has to leave a humidifier she is coughing up a lung again. Today Fox closes early for training. I realized that before I called but I was also told LAST WEEK. If she wasn't getting better to call back and get a doctors note. So that's why I called to get an appointment (for anytime, and a doctors note)I spoke to the appointment desk and as I predicted no appointments available at all today amongst ALLLLLL the doctors and PCM's at Fox. Alrighty then they transfer me to a nurse to see if I could at least get a doctors note for school. The nurse spoke to me this morning on two occasions. Telling me she would REALLY like Skylar to be seen. Each time my pleas went unanswered to the appointment desk. I call the nurse back and tell her they said nothing was available for Friday or Thursday. She looked and there were two ACUTE appointments available for Skylar's PCM (which I would have loved for her to see someone else but at this point I wasn't picky.) Dr. E's nurse gave me the ACUTE appointment times for these appointments. Explained to me they don't show up till 24 hours before the appointment time. I was supposed to call Fox at 9:30 or 10:10... To make the playing field even I decided to chance it at 10:35... The appointment desk decides to ARGUE with me. They have a bad attitude! I get upset and frustrated (HEY I am pregnant it doesn't take anything lmao much lesss MUCH) I try to stay polite and calm and tell her I already spoke with the nurse available at this extension several times and she said there was an Urgent Care (or I couldn't remember the phrase) appointment available at 9:30 or 10:10 that they wouldn't show available to the appointment desk until 24 hours prior. Of course they think I am lying. Don't they always because I call them up every hour just to bug harass and otherwise LIE to these MORONS. She said HMM I will have to speak with the supervisor about it. I said why don't I speak to them? She said oh look we have a 9:30 cancelation for Dr E. YEAH FREAKING RIGHT... NOW who's lying? I made the appointment and she then proceeded to argue between DIAGNOSES and SYMPTOM. I said my daughter was seen on the first she had an ear infection and allergies. She is NOT getting better the nurse wants her seen again. They argue. You don't KNOW she has an ear infection um YES I DO. After SEVERAL phone calls back and forth I get the mysterious 9:30 am appointment that was a sudden cancelation at the same time as I ask to speak to a supervisor. I call my husband to complain. Of course he's in freaking busy army mode... UGH and I call back to speak to THE supervisor and she's JUST as RUDE and DENIES it ever happened. WTH!
ALL BE DAMNED If I trust them with my newborn's health. I WILL be finding a civilian Peditrician... PAYING for a co-pay... and taking both of my kids to them. ASAP!

If you've ever been to the free clinic down town... this is how I am OFTEN treated at Fox Army Health Care... My kids will be going standard because the care could be very dangerous!!! HMO's SUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK SUCK
Thank You Mrs Hilary Clinton!

Photo's from Nashville

I will write the blog this evening

Thanksgiving

Well I did it. We took advantage of having Alex home. We got out of the house and saw the new Saturn 5 rocket over in NASA. We went to the Safari. We did alot of different things. We even did Family Pictures. Since Alex planned on going to Arizona with his mom for Thanksgiving. Betty's husband Mike would also not be here on Thanksgiving. As well as Heather and her family would be going out of town. Rick and I thought it would be a nice gesture to invite them over for a home cooked meal. Plus you know how Thanksgiving goes with the left overs. I would like to thank my husband for assisting me with some of the dishes. Alex for manning the meat. Betty for bringing some of her dishes. I had a wonderful time

1 Year 2 Months and 18 days

I would like to thank you all for your support during our deployment. Its had ups and downs. Laughs and frustrations. I couldn't do it without my precious ladies from the Redstone Military Wives Meetup, The Waiting Spouses group. Mary Breeden from ACS, My Mommy Group on Yahoo Groups Bella's Mommy Chat, Various message boards and other Military Support Groups. My different battle buddies through out the year. Jessica Davis, Jess Rose, and my Betty. Captain Quinn and his wife Amy made a huge difference in my life. My neighbor whom I have been calling "CW" without you my Lady would be very unhappy LOL. Christa and Pegan always have time to listen and offer their advice when they can. I appreciate all they have done too! My Close friend Kristin has been an open ear for years before I became an Army Wife and I am sure she will always be there for me as I try to be for her. Crystal your a rock all on your own I love you!

To Rick's Friends and Family. Your loved by him and you have been there for me. Thank You. You've become part of me too!

To all those who thought I would never make it. You were wrong. I am stronger than ever, more independant than ever, and my marriage is the best its ever been and ever so much more growing with every word spoken.

A special appreciation to my husband my hero for working hard and making the sacrafices he has made. Not just as a Soldier but as a husband. James and Skylar have also inspired me and played a special part in giving me my daily strength and alot of lessons learned. I couldn't do this without you three very loved and special people to me.

Army Wedding Vows

Army Wedding Vows

I always thought this was super funny...

Dear family and friends, we are gathered here today in the sight of God and the Department of the Army, to witness this exchange of vows, and see the love that these two dedicated, loving people have for one another.

"Wilt thou, __________, take ___________ (who will now be referred to as the"dependent"), as your family member, to dwell together in so far as the Department of the Army will permit?" "Wilt thou love her, comfort her, via the postal service or over the phone, make sure she knows where the commissary, PX, and church are, and what time she is scheduled to use the laundry room the day she arrives, wherever you are stationed?"

"Wilt thou attempt to tell her more than 24 hours in advance that you will be leaving for two weeks, beginning the next morning?" This especially applies to the years you will live in a foreign country!

"Wilt thou ____________ , take this soldier as thy wedded husband, knowing that he is depending upon you to be the perfect (well almost) Army wife, running the household as you see fit, and being nice to the commander's wife?" Furthermore, you understand that your life with your husband (little that you may have together) will not be normal, that you may have to explain to your children, not once, but twice, and more often in the same day, that mothers do have husbands, and that children do have daddy's, and that the picture of the man on the refrigerator is not the milkman, but the same individual who tucks them in at 2200 hours, long after they are asleep. This soldier is their daddy, who loves them very, very much.

"Wilt thou love, respect and wait for him, preparing his favorite cookies and pictures of yourself and the kids, so he can remember what you look like?" And last but not least, put on the outside of your door his "Welcome home" sign when he's due to arrive?"

"I, ____, take thee ____, as my independent wife, from 1900 to 2200 hours or as long as allowed by my Commanding Officer (subject to change without notice), for better or worse, earlier or later, near or far, and I promise to look at the pictures you send me, maybe not when they get to me in the field, but before I turn the lights out. I will also send a letter, if time permits, and if not, to somehow, some way, make the time."

"I, _________, take thee _________ as my live-in/live-out husband, realizing that your comings and goings and 0330 staff meetings are normal (although absurd to me) and part of your life as a soldier. I promise not to be shocked or taken by surprise when you inform me that, although we've just arrived at our new duty station, we will be leaving within the month. Yes, I'll have you as my husband as long as while your are away, my allotment comes through regularly, and that you leave me a current power of attorney and the checkbook at all times. I am a famil y member and proud of it, dependent upon myself and my resources. Although I miss you when you are away, I know I can handle whatever comes across my path."

"Now then, let no man or woman put us under what God and the Department of the Army have brought together. The Army hereby issues you this lovely, dedicated, independent woman, knowing that she'll be an asset not only to your marriage, but also to the mission of the United States Army, which is, as you all know, to remain in a state of "Readiness." By the authority vested in the Bible, elaborated in the regulation and subject to current directives concerning the aspects of marriage in the Army, you are now a Soldier with a Family Member. Best Wishes and good Luck."

Its that Time of the Deployment

Well I have watched others go through it. Now I am at that stage of deployment where its wrapping up and little things seem to send me into a tail spin. I am sleeping less and less. I am bitchy... not that I haven't used the bitch card over the past 11 and half months. I still doubt the last months or weeks of deployment are harder than the first. At least for me. But I have yet to finish so we will see. Lately I am so moody and emotional. I cry over things that I haven't cried over in awhile. I have been feeling jealousy, abandonment, and fear. I have done so well with the abandonment feelings till now. I have expected them all along. I mean I am smart enough and my husband and I know neither of us are cheating and I just know him. So these feelings are superficial and not worth the blog their written on. I mean they mean crap and its just myself trying to trip me up. My dreams are wildly intense. My emotions and stress is running high for not many reasons.

James gave me an excuse the other day and it just set me off. I have overcome so much this past year. I have accomplished so many goals and I see him change slowly for the better but at the same time he is holding himself back and his fear is not getting any better. He's just holding on to his fears for dear life. I would have never gotten anywhere this year if I lived for my fear. I just want to have another yet another confrontation with him and say you see how I braved up and how much better my life is? What about you give it a try? I think my willpower is strong I have always thought so. When I put my mind to something I WILL do it. I am stubborn that way. I am built that way! I guess bottom line is like this. There is no I can't there is just you'd f**king BETTER!

As far as excuses go they are all bull crap. When I don't want to drive down town I don't give people my sob story about hitting a pole. I just say I don't like to drive down town and I won't. So if I am supposed to go down town for something I just say sorry I'm not doing it. End of story. As far as I am concerned if your going to feed me your excuse you might as well just tell me your dog ate your homework and I will snap right back. You know its that time of the deployment where I am not taking anymore shit. I have to live through these last few months of this crap and If I have made it this far I expect it out of you too!

Expecting too much? Maybe but I don't care you better give me your all or just go sit in your corner and not bother me with your issues. I am not buying the crap your dishing out.

The bitch card just says this... Its that time of the deployment where I won't tolerate excuses, bull shit, or drama.Its that time of the deployment where I won't take your shit either. Its that time of the deployment where I will pull out the bitch card at random but i won't be a bitch to you if you haven't crossed me.

We are almost at the 3 month mark and Rick and I are already stressing each other out. Incase you don't read my blogs i have been super emotional. My Nightmares are a lot more intense and I just feel like its that time of the month intensified. Now I mentioned to Rick that I would have to postpone Skylar's Dentist appointment till August because I am not sure how much mine is going to cost and I have made another appointment because I have a tooth that either has to get fixed or come out. UGH I didn't even finish my thoughts lol. Anyways so I mentioned that I would postpone the appointment and he's like I can't give you what you need. I am not providing enough for you. I was just telling him that with her school clothes and school supplies I don't know what to budget cause i don't know how much its going to cost. and James errr James was supposed to do something on Wednesday and didn't do it. He gave me a lame excuse and it PISSED me off so I got him back. Rick will be like he needs to grow up then all of a sudden you would think I was telling his little boy to grow up. I have to remind him James is a grown man.

There is a new waiting spouse I promised Rick I wouldn't get involved like I did with the last. Anyways she just got married and her husband just got deployed. She works at the ID office and her and James were talking how he needed the Contractors ID. So she told him to call her at 8 am and she would take care of him. Well his Alarm went off that morning and he went back to sleep. Then she called me at noon and was angry with him. I don't blame her. Standing me up royally pisses me off too. So he finally woke up. I said Betty called to bitch about you standing her up. He said I didn't get much sleep last night so I wasn't awake at 8 am. I said well your Alarm went off why not? Not to mention to him that the night before I was up at 4 am in pain and I didn't get a nap the entire day so do I pity him for having insomnia that is computer induced? Um No priorities are priorities. Funny how he goes to work whether or not he sleeps that I notice or is it that he makes SURE he sleeps if he has to open the next day? So being the moody person I was I got this idea while having lunch with betty. I talked to James' boss' The manager didn't know shit. The assistant manager said Lil Man need an ID card? I said yes and he's not doing it because I won't hold his hand. She said I will make the appointment with him when he gets here and set him straight. I came home as James was leaving for work. I said Susan will make your appointment for you. I want it in hand when you get home. He WASN'T Happy with me for DAYS lol. I told Rick what I had done and Rick was like damn lol. One minute Rick is like stick it to him then the next is like aww Poor James. Shit got old a while back. Betty told me to Call Military One Source to se if they had any resources. They urge me to do Family Counseling. They said that the counselor should set me up with life skills resources for James and help me deal with this battle of Rick and James and back and forth. PROBLEM is talking James into going to counseling. Technically I can't make him all I can do is give him an ultimatum. I've already talked to him  about how its in his best interest to update his EMFP (a special thing for the Army for special needs) and maybe work on getting his dependency extended. Other than getting him to counseling the EFMP office is a BITCH and if he isn't going to try I am not looking forward to fighting the system for nothing.

As for the Pregnancy Emotions going through my non pregnant body. UGH they can leave now! When my former friend went through this stage of deployment she was handed her right to bitch card and took it out on me. I blew that bS off. I was told oh just give her space she's going through the hardest phase of being a Waiting Spouse. I was like damn then I am in for it because my baby starts school at that time. So now that I am at that point with less than a few months away my husband will be home after a long 14 month deployment. I just feel pregnant with the emotions. I cried during Wall-E today. I am freaked out over nightmares. Not sleeping.

Watched Wall-E and I cried. I watched Army Wives and cried of course I cried during Army Wives. At least no more Anxiety attacks whew. Army Wives should come with disclaimers Army Wives SHOULD NOT watch this show it could be potentionally dangerous to your health if your husband is deployed. HAHA! Its like watching Baby Story while your in labor you know you shouldnt but you just can't look away!!

So as I am getting a bigger boot to put down my foot a little harder. I am also having crazy mood swings that could go away anytime they want to. The Guilt because my daughter assumes I am her playmate 24/7 when there is alot of time right now I just want me time. UGH just thinking about the way I act makes me angry....

To Be Continued.

 

Its that time of the Deployment

Well I have watched others go through it. Now I am at that stage of deployment where its wrapping up and little things seem to send me into a tail spin. I am sleeping less and less. I am bitchy... not that I haven't used the bitch card over the past 11 and half months. I still doubt the last months or weeks of deployment are harder than the first. At least for me. But I have yet to finish so we will see. Lately I am so moody and emotional. I cry over things that I haven't cried over in awhile. I have been feeling jealousy, abandonment, and fear. I have done so well with the abandonment feelings till now. I have expected them all along. I mean I am smart enough and my husband and I know neither of us are cheating and I just know him. So these feelings are superficial and not worth the blog their written on. I mean they mean crap and its just myself trying to trip me up.

James gave me an excuse today and it just set me off. I have overcome so much this past year. I have accomplished so many goals and I see him change slowly for the better but at the same time he is holding himself back and his fear is not getting any better. He's just holding on to his fears for dear life. I would have never gotten anywhere this year if I lived for my fear. I just want to have another yet another confrontation with him and say you see how I braved up and how much better my life is? What about you give it a try? I think my willpower is strong I have always thought so. When I put my mind to something I WILL do it. I am stubborn that way. I am built that way! I guess bottom line is like this. There is no I can't there is just you'd f**king BETTER!

As far as excuses go they are all bull crap. When I don't want to drive down town I don't give people my sob story about hitting a pole. I just say I don't like to drive down town and I won't. So if I am supposed to go down town for something I just say sorry I'm not doing it. End of story. As far as I am concered if your going to feed me your excuse you might as well just tell me your dog ate your homework and I will snap right back. You know its that time of the deployment where I am not taking anymore shit. I have to live through these last few months of this crap and If I have made it this far I expect it out of you too!

Expecting too much? Maybe but I don't care you better give me your all or just go sit in your corner and not bother me with your issues. I am not buying the crap your dishing out.

The bitch card just says this... Its that time of the deployment where I won't tolerate excuses, bull shit, or drama.Its that time of the deployment where I won't take your shit either. Its that time of the deployment where I will pull out the bitch card at random but i won't be a bitch to you if you haven't crossed me.

Military Lifestyle

My husband has been a Soldier for over 20 years. I can't speak for him. Himself but during our conversations he has told me his favorite part of the Military Lifestyle is the ability to do the not so usual things. Traveling and Living in Germany. Visiting Turkey which he loves. The knowledge he gains from the Military. The schooling. Face it boys like toys so Rick gets to play with alot of toys doing what he does. All that can grow old on a person and now that we are married I think he's ready to enjoy the civilian life not that he has completed his years with the Military. Now he wants to watch our kids grow and his oldest himself be a Soldier.

As for me I have been a Military Wife for a little over a year. My adopted father was Retired Air Force and my sister was in the Air Force. I saw first hand before my duty as a wife in the Silent Ranks the challenges of the Military and even tried to do my duty and enlist myself. Unfortuately my health kept me from joining. I knew I wasn't cut out to be a Military Wife and in a huge aspect of the world I still don't think I am but in ways I am a good Military Wife. Even the step son thinks so. That means alot to me. I don't like to live far from what I say is home and family. I am not very very close to my family but I would like to be. I still feel I need them close. I laugh and tell people that I am a delicate flower, I bloom where I am planted I don't do too well transpotted. I love to visit new places but I would have a hard time adjusting to new cities as a place to live. Plus as a child who was tossed around alot its hard for a child so my first thought is always on the kids. My biggest joy for the Military Life style is supporting the love of my life. Being part of a very special group of people. The very Brave. I am a very patrotic person and I believe that The Military is a Tradition and without it no telling where we would be as a nation. So I feel special to be supporting our Military in my own ways and getting to live it even if its for a short time, The military and this deployment have taught me some good lessons in life that I needed to know. For that I could never repay. I can't wait to have my husband home though.

AH CRAP His Shampoo Doesn’t smell the same in my hair

That is the name of someone's profile. I laughed and then had a memory of my sweet smelling husband coming home for lunch and as I fixed him lunch in the kitchen his scent triggered my being and my soul. He smelled so good I could have sworn he just stepped out of the shower. But there he was my handsome husband in his ACU's (Army Uniform) waiting for his sandwich and salad. If I didn't have a four year old underfoot I swear he could have had me for lunch.

 

How do I feel now?

Today is so final. I honestly didn't think I would feel the way I do today. The past two weeks I had some temptations. I mean I had some things on my mind that part of me wanted to open up and let you in, again. But I left it alone to see what would happen. I just asked one thing of you. I am writing this to you like you would even read it. *Shrugs* I guess it doesn't matter does it. These are my feelings and emotions take it or leave it. Its really no one's place to judge me in my opinion anyways. I guess its just going to be some dust that is swept under the rug, eventually. For now I just glare at the dust and wondering what could be different. I left the chore up to you to decide what to do so now I have to deal with the mess thats left. As close as we were, as close as we could have been. Would I have even wanted it? I know I wouldn't have wanted this mess. I never wanted the drama and I was hoping things if they had to end so be it but they didn't have to end like this. I guess I have a problem if I don't feel there is closure. This is the first time I have gone through something like this. So I am not sure how I feel or what to do even. I guess I will get the same answer I get about everything. Pray. Pray for the feelings and emotions. Pray for you and Pray for me.

Ban on Sex for Soldiers in Afghanistan Lifted ... Sort Of

Ban on Sex for Soldiers in Afghanistan Lifted ... Sort Of

JALALABAD, Afghanistan -- Single soldiers and civilians working for the U.S. military in Afghanistan can now have sex legally. Sort of.

A new order signed by Maj. Gen. Jeffrey Schloesser, commander of Combined Joint Task Force-101, has lifted a ban on sexual relations between unmarried men and women in the combat zone.

Poll: Sex in a War Zone Okay?

General Order No. 1 outlines a number of prohibited activities and standards of conduct for U.S. troops and civilians working for the military in Afghanistan. Previously, under the regulation, sexual relations and "intimate behavior" between men and women not married to each other were a strict no-no. The regulation also barred members of the opposite sex from going into each other's living quarters unless they were married to each other.

To find more deployment news and resources, visit The Deployment Center.

But the latest version of General Order No. 1 for Afghanistan, which Schloesser signed April 19, eases those restrictions.

The new regulation warns that sex in a combat zone "can have an adverse impact on unit cohesion, morale, good order and discipline."

But sexual relations and physical intimacy between men and women not married to each other are no longer banned outright. They're only "highly discouraged," and that's as long as they're "not otherwise prohibited" by the Uniform Code of Military Justice, according to the new order.

Single men and women can now also visit each other's living quarters, as long as everyone else who lives there agrees, and as long as visitors of the opposite sex remain in the open "and not behind closed doors, partitions or other isolated or segregated areas," according to the new regulation.

Unmarried men and women who are alone together in living quarters must leave the door open, according to the new policy.

Men and women "will not cohabit with, reside or sleep with members of the opposite gender in living spaces of any kind," unless they are married or if it's necessary for military reasons, the new policy states.

A cursory reading of the order would seem to suggest that unmarried men and women could have sex in their living quarters, as long as all other persons who live there agree, or if they left the door open, if they were otherwise alone. But that's not the case, said Lt. Col. Rumi Nielson-Green, a spokeswoman for Regional Command East and Combined Joint Task Force-101.

"Sex in both scenarios … would be a chargeable offense under the UCMJ," Nielson-Green said, referring to the Uniform Code of Military Justice, in an e-mail to Stars and Stripes.

Nielson-Green said the policy change was "not significant on a practical level" since it simply aligns General Order No. 1 in Afghanistan with similar policies in the region. Neither U.S. Central Command, which oversees U.S. forces in Afghanistan and Iraq, nor Multi-National Forces-Iraq bar sexual relations between unmarried men and women in their version of the order, she said.

"The expectation is that troops should behave professionally and responsibly at all times," Nielson-Green said, adding that while the new regulation does not condone sex, it "does recognize that such behaviors happen, and if they result in any chargeable offenses, then appropriate actions will be pursued."

"The bottom line is that the troops are responsible for their own behavior," Nielson-Green said. She declined to "speculate" on the conditions under which soldiers could engage in legal sexual behavior.

The UCMJ contains several provisions under which sexual relations are prohibited between men and women. For instance, married persons cannot engage legally in sex with anyone other than their spouse, or they can be prosecuted for adultery. Sexual relations between subordinates and higher-ranking personnel are prohibited within the same chain of command. Sexual relations between officers and enlisted personnel are generally prohibited as well. Homosexual relations are completely prohibited under the code.

Nielson-Green said the new policy does allow commanders to make the provision on sex more restrictive, as long as they have approval from the CJTF-101 commander.

In eastern Afghanistan, the 173rd Airborne Brigade, which is nearing the end of its 15-month deployment, won approval to stick with the old policy that bans sexual relations between unmarried soldiers.

Maj. Will Helixon, the brigade judge advocate, said the issue was basically one of fairness.

"After we've treated the soldiers this way for a year, it's not really right to change," said Helixon said. "That's the bottom line."

According to Helixon's staff, 28 soldiers from the 173rd Airborne Brigade have been punished for having sex in Afghanistan or for violating the no-entry rule in the past year. Those punishments ranged from letters of reprimand to field-grade Article 15s.

At Forward Operating Base Fenty, near Jalalabad, the reaction of soldiers to the lifting of the sex ban was mixed. Some soldiers declined to comment. Others said they were married, so the change would not affect them. Some thought it simply create more problems. "I think it's a bad idea," said Pfc. Shane Inman, 30, of Fort Dodge, Iowa. "I think there's going to be a lot more pregnancies going around. Not that there already isn't. But at least they won't get in trouble for it."

Sound Off...What do you think? Join the discussion.

Military Wives ~ How to Nurture your Marriage

I can tell you I've been married to a civilian. We had a horrible marriage and it ended up falling apart and he passed away in 2003. Now I am married to a Soldier that has made the military a carrer for over half of his life. I can sit here and tell you that being a military wife its harder to keep a marriage together. That very well may be because your husband is gone and they are gone alot. I bet the divorce rates amongst soldiers is high if not then I know the lack of monogmous  for the unmarried soldiers relationships are.

I can also tell you I am a lucky one because my husband is not the average man. Which is probably the reason I don't hate him with a passion. I will reveal some of our secrets. Here they are. He's open to discussing topics and sometimes he even starts the discussion. I found a neat little website that sends us a daily email of Generous Wife/Or Husband Tips. I also get some from another site. At first I did worry that he wouldnt' read the emails but nearly every day he forward them to me and tells me his thought on that days Generous Husband Tip. We don't just discuss these topics we put them into action. Right now since he is deployed we can't do a whole lot but we find ways to have our date nights and just enjoy conversation together. We play games together online (I usually kick his butt). We discuss movies and books. Sometimes we will even have the same movie and watch it together just oceans apart.

People can sit there and glare at me for sacraficing so much of my normal daily time to spend with Rick. Normal families may get to crash on the couch in the evening with their family and bond. Rick and I have to do it over the internet. Almost like a long distance relationship but more complicated. People compare us to single mothers but we aren't its again more complicated than that. I have to manage pretty much three households. The one I live in, Plus make sure my soldiers that are over seas have everything to keep them happy. Thats my job. Off point anyways. I don't mind the glares from people because I realize they don't have my marriage and my understanding.

If you were to ask me how to achieve this? All I can tell you is you and your mate have to have an open mind. You know Rick and I have discussed going into family counseling and he won't do it but we do some things on our own that we don't need a therapist. I think that Rick and I are great as a couple but both of us are still and continuing to adjust to the blended family. Rick and I haven't gone to church together. No we aren't ashamed we can worship on our own and on our own time. With that being said we have thought about looking for a church once we know if we are going to settle here or not. I know I know give me 16 months and I am going to sit here and tell you my marriage is strong and seemingly near perfect. But we both are going into this and continue to believe that a marriage is an investment if we devote ourselves, time and love to our investiment its surely not to die and fade away. Its just going to grow and continue to do so. We have our books about marriage and work books we do go through. I have my chicken soup books I love, We have our marriage tips. We even have come up with some ways on our own as a family to stay close. I continue to strive to work toward a happy home and stability. Thats all I have ever wanted at all.

http://www.milspouse.com/how-to-nurture-your-marriage.aspx