Showing posts with label Love Dare 2010. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love Dare 2010. Show all posts
Monday, August 30, 2010
Love Dare Day 7 -- Meditation
No I haven't done my list yet but I will today if I get a chance. I had a busy day planned. But I didn't sleep well last night and I just don't feel good. I don't feel like going out. I hate being at home but I have not been able to just work at home in awhile so I guess this is my body's way of telling me to slow down and get William back on his schedule. I won't be bored though because I have all the consignment stuff to tag and get ready and I have no idea how! Pray for me! I will be doing my blogging, my list for my love dare and I may attempt Day 8 at the same time. Stay tuned!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Love Dare Day 7 --2010
Dare 7
For today's dare, get 2 sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having that characteristic.
There are 2 rooms in the private corners of your heart. One of these is the Appreciation Room. In this room the walls are covered with words and phrases that describe the good attributes of your mate. They include things like "honest", "intelligent", or "diligent worker." When you think about these things your appreciation for your spouse increases. Most of the things in the Appreciation room were most likely written in the beginning stages of your relationship, when you spent a good amount of time dwelling in this room. You could summarize all of the things you liked and respected about your loved one. But you may find you do not visit this room as often as you once did.
In another corner of your heart lies the Depreciation room, and unfortunately you visit there as well. On the walls are written things that bother or irritate you about your spouse. Emotional injuries fester here, adding more scathing remarks to the walls. It is where ammunition is kept for the next big fight and bitterness spreads like a disease. People fall out of love here.
Spending time in the depreciation room kills marriages. Divorces are plotted in this room. The more time spent in this room, the more your heart devalues your spouse.
Everyone fails and has areas where they need growth. Everyone has unresolved issues, hurts, and personal baggage. This is a sad aspect of being human.
Love knows about the depreciation room and does not live in denial that it exists. BUT love chooses not to live there.
Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. And when our worst hopes are proven true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward. As much as possible, love focuses on the positive.
It is time to move to the appreciation room. Settle down and make it your home! As you mediate on the positives, you will learn that many more positive characteristics could be written on the walls. Your spouse is a living, breathing, endless book to be read. Dreams and hopes have yet to be realized. Talents and abilities may be discovered like hidden treasures. But the choice to explore them starts with a decision by YOU.
You must develop the habit of reigning in your negative thoughts and focus on the positive attributes of your mate. This is a crucial step as you lead your heart to truly love your spouse. It is a decision you make, whether they deserve it or not.
For today's dare, get 2 sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having that characteristic.
There are 2 rooms in the private corners of your heart. One of these is the Appreciation Room. In this room the walls are covered with words and phrases that describe the good attributes of your mate. They include things like "honest", "intelligent", or "diligent worker." When you think about these things your appreciation for your spouse increases. Most of the things in the Appreciation room were most likely written in the beginning stages of your relationship, when you spent a good amount of time dwelling in this room. You could summarize all of the things you liked and respected about your loved one. But you may find you do not visit this room as often as you once did.
In another corner of your heart lies the Depreciation room, and unfortunately you visit there as well. On the walls are written things that bother or irritate you about your spouse. Emotional injuries fester here, adding more scathing remarks to the walls. It is where ammunition is kept for the next big fight and bitterness spreads like a disease. People fall out of love here.
Spending time in the depreciation room kills marriages. Divorces are plotted in this room. The more time spent in this room, the more your heart devalues your spouse.
Everyone fails and has areas where they need growth. Everyone has unresolved issues, hurts, and personal baggage. This is a sad aspect of being human.
Love knows about the depreciation room and does not live in denial that it exists. BUT love chooses not to live there.
Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. And when our worst hopes are proven true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward. As much as possible, love focuses on the positive.
It is time to move to the appreciation room. Settle down and make it your home! As you mediate on the positives, you will learn that many more positive characteristics could be written on the walls. Your spouse is a living, breathing, endless book to be read. Dreams and hopes have yet to be realized. Talents and abilities may be discovered like hidden treasures. But the choice to explore them starts with a decision by YOU.
You must develop the habit of reigning in your negative thoughts and focus on the positive attributes of your mate. This is a crucial step as you lead your heart to truly love your spouse. It is a decision you make, whether they deserve it or not.
Love Dare Day 6 -- Meditation
We actually didn't have a bad day. I didn't always agree with him. He let James slide again and now Rick has to work extra hours tonight. But I just kept my mouth shut but I might have slipped him a dirty look!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Love Dare Day 6 -- 2010
Love Dare #6
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Sign this post when you complete this dare and move onto the next day
Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare.
Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive. How easily do you get irritated and offended? People who are irritable are locked, loaded, and ready to overreact. When under pressure love does not turn sour. Minor problems do not yield major reactions. The truth is love does not get angry or hurt unless there is a legitimate and just reason in the sight of God. A loving wife is not overly sensitive or cranky but exercises emotional self-control. She chooses to be a flower among the thorns and respond pleasantly during prickly situations.
Two key reasons people become irritable are stress and selfishness. To overcome stress you must balance, prioritize, and pace yourself. Too often we throw caution to the wind and run full steam ahead, doing what feels right at the moment. Soon we are gasping for air, wound up in knots, ready to snap. The increasing pressure can wear away at our patience and our relationship.
When you are irritable the heart of the problem is primarily a problem of the heart. Some people are like lemons: when life squeezes them they pour out a sour response. Some are more like peaches, when the pressure is on the result is still sweet.
Selfishness also wears other masks. Lust is the result of being ungrateful for what you have and choosing to covet or burn with passion for something that is forgiven. When your heart is lustful it will become easily frustrated or irritable. Bitterness takes root when you respond in a judgmental way and refuse to work through your anger. Greed for more money and possessions will frustrate you with unfulfilled desires. Pride leads you to act harshly in order to protect your ego and reputation.
These motivations can not be satisfied. However when love enters your heart, it calms you down, and inspires you to quit focusing on yourself. Love will lead you to forgive instead of hold a grudge, to be grateful instead of greedy. Love reminds you to prioritize your family rather than sacrifice them for a promotion at work. Ultimately love lowers your stress and helps you release the venom that can build inside. It then sets you up to respond to your spouse with patience and encouragment rather than anger and exasperation.
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Sign this post when you complete this dare and move onto the next day
Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare.
Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive. How easily do you get irritated and offended? People who are irritable are locked, loaded, and ready to overreact. When under pressure love does not turn sour. Minor problems do not yield major reactions. The truth is love does not get angry or hurt unless there is a legitimate and just reason in the sight of God. A loving wife is not overly sensitive or cranky but exercises emotional self-control. She chooses to be a flower among the thorns and respond pleasantly during prickly situations.
Two key reasons people become irritable are stress and selfishness. To overcome stress you must balance, prioritize, and pace yourself. Too often we throw caution to the wind and run full steam ahead, doing what feels right at the moment. Soon we are gasping for air, wound up in knots, ready to snap. The increasing pressure can wear away at our patience and our relationship.
When you are irritable the heart of the problem is primarily a problem of the heart. Some people are like lemons: when life squeezes them they pour out a sour response. Some are more like peaches, when the pressure is on the result is still sweet.
Selfishness also wears other masks. Lust is the result of being ungrateful for what you have and choosing to covet or burn with passion for something that is forgiven. When your heart is lustful it will become easily frustrated or irritable. Bitterness takes root when you respond in a judgmental way and refuse to work through your anger. Greed for more money and possessions will frustrate you with unfulfilled desires. Pride leads you to act harshly in order to protect your ego and reputation.
These motivations can not be satisfied. However when love enters your heart, it calms you down, and inspires you to quit focusing on yourself. Love will lead you to forgive instead of hold a grudge, to be grateful instead of greedy. Love reminds you to prioritize your family rather than sacrifice them for a promotion at work. Ultimately love lowers your stress and helps you release the venom that can build inside. It then sets you up to respond to your spouse with patience and encouragment rather than anger and exasperation.
Love Dare Day 5 -- Meditation
His 3 points are 1) lack of paitence with him and his lack of hearing, being bossy, lack of cleaning.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Love Dare Day 4 -- Meditation
Today has been a challenging day and Rick is at NG working a long busy day at work. I told him how my day was going (before it got stressful), and I asked him how his day was and what I could do for him. He said something sweet in response. Now lunch time is here James and William are being a challenge and now I am stressed and I wished I had a car just to drive around (even with little man in the back) listening to the radio. It seems to be a good destresser.
Love Dare Day 5 -- 2010
Love Dare #5
The Dare:
Ask you spouse to tell you three things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is their perspective only.
Background:
Love is not rude. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating. In marriage this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic quips. When a man is driven by love, he intentionally behaves in a way that is more pleasant to be around. If a woman desires to love him, she purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him disrespect.
Good manners express to your significant other "I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be a person who's a pleasure to be with." When love changes your behavior you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship.
If you don't let love motivate you to make needed changes in your behavior, the quality of your relationship will suffer. Love is not rude but lifts you to a higher standard. Do you wish your significant other would quit doing things that bother you? Then it is time to quit doing things that bother them.
The Dare:
Ask you spouse to tell you three things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is their perspective only.
Background:
Love is not rude. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating. In marriage this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic quips. When a man is driven by love, he intentionally behaves in a way that is more pleasant to be around. If a woman desires to love him, she purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him disrespect.
Good manners express to your significant other "I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be a person who's a pleasure to be with." When love changes your behavior you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship.
If you don't let love motivate you to make needed changes in your behavior, the quality of your relationship will suffer. Love is not rude but lifts you to a higher standard. Do you wish your significant other would quit doing things that bother you? Then it is time to quit doing things that bother them.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Love Dare Day 3 -- Meditation
Well there wasn't an opportunity to buy something for my husband. He did pick out a Count doll (from Seasme Street) cause he thought it was cute LOL. So maybe I will do day 3 and 4 today. I need to go to the store for some index cards and stickers for the upcoming consignment sale.
Love Dare Day 4 --2010
The Dare:
Contact you spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Background:
When you first fell in love being thoughtful came natural to you. You honestly confessed "I can't stop thinking of you." Once marriage occurs, that begins to change. The hunt is over, and the pursuing is done. Motivation for thoughtfulness cools. You drift into focusing on other things. After a while you begin to unintentionally ignore the needs of your mate.
Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy in relationships. Love requires thoughtfulness on both sides. Love teaches you how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate how your spouse uniquely thinks. A husband should listen to his wife and learn to be considerate of her unspoken message. A wife should learn to communicate truthfully and not say one thing while meaning another.
Love thinks before speaking. Great marriages come from Great Thinking!
Contact you spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Background:
When you first fell in love being thoughtful came natural to you. You honestly confessed "I can't stop thinking of you." Once marriage occurs, that begins to change. The hunt is over, and the pursuing is done. Motivation for thoughtfulness cools. You drift into focusing on other things. After a while you begin to unintentionally ignore the needs of your mate.
Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy in relationships. Love requires thoughtfulness on both sides. Love teaches you how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate how your spouse uniquely thinks. A husband should listen to his wife and learn to be considerate of her unspoken message. A wife should learn to communicate truthfully and not say one thing while meaning another.
Love thinks before speaking. Great marriages come from Great Thinking!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Love Dare Day 3
Today is our day for worship and its funny last time I did love dare our Pastor was doing the Mustang Marriage and now he is doing the 40 days of love sermon series.
Love Dare #3
The Dare:
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today."
Background:
We live in a world enamored by "self." The culture around us teaches us to focus on our appearance, feelings, and personal desires as the top priority. The goal it seems, is to chase the highest level of happiness possible. The danger from this kind of thinking becomes apparent once inside a relationship.
If there is a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness. Unfortunately it is something that is ingrained into every person from birth. You can often see it in the way adults mistreat one another. Almost every sinful act every committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. You cannot point out how many ways your spouse is selfish without admitting that you can be selfish too.
Loving couples are bent on taking care of the rother flawed human they get to share life with. One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or receive a reward. The bottom line is that you either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself. Choosing to love your mate will cause you to say "no" to what you want so you can say "yes" to what they need. That is putting the happiness of your partner above your own.
Nobody knows you as well as your mate. And that means that no one will be quicker to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants for his needs to make sure his needs are met.
You partner also has the challenge of loving a selfish person. Determine to be the first to demonstrate real love to them, and when it is all done you'll both be more fulfilled.
Love Dare #3
The Dare:
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today."
Background:
We live in a world enamored by "self." The culture around us teaches us to focus on our appearance, feelings, and personal desires as the top priority. The goal it seems, is to chase the highest level of happiness possible. The danger from this kind of thinking becomes apparent once inside a relationship.
If there is a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness. Unfortunately it is something that is ingrained into every person from birth. You can often see it in the way adults mistreat one another. Almost every sinful act every committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. You cannot point out how many ways your spouse is selfish without admitting that you can be selfish too.
Loving couples are bent on taking care of the rother flawed human they get to share life with. One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or receive a reward. The bottom line is that you either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself. Choosing to love your mate will cause you to say "no" to what you want so you can say "yes" to what they need. That is putting the happiness of your partner above your own.
Nobody knows you as well as your mate. And that means that no one will be quicker to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants for his needs to make sure his needs are met.
You partner also has the challenge of loving a selfish person. Determine to be the first to demonstrate real love to them, and when it is all done you'll both be more fulfilled.
Love Dare Day 2 -- meditiation
Yesterday on top of not being negative to my honey I was also supposed to do a good deed. I won't post my good deed but the day did get away from me so it will push on till tomorrow and I REALLY need work on my mouth :)
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Love Dare Day 2 -- 2010
Love Dare # 2
The dare:
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected act of kindness.
Background:
Kindness is love in action. Kindness is how love ACTS to maximize a positive circumstance. Patience avoids a problem, kindness creates a blessing. These two sides of love are cornerstones on which many other attributes build.
When you are operating kindness, you're careful how you treat your spouse, never being unnecessarily harsh. You are sensitive and tender. Even if you have to say hard things, you will bend over backwards to make your rebuke/challenge easier to hear.
Kindness inspires you to be agreeable instead of being obstinate, reluctant, or stubborn, you cooperate, you stay flexible. Rather than complaining, you look for reasons to compromise and accommodate.
Kindness thinks ahead. The kind husband/wife will be the one who greets first, smiles first, and forgives first. They do not require the other to get his/her act together before showing love. When acting from kindness, you see the need, then make your move.
Wasn't kindness one of the first things that drew you to your SO? Weren't you expecting to enjoy his/her kindness for the rest of your life? Didn't your mate feel the same way about you? Even though years can take the edge off of desire, your enjoyment is still linked to the daily level of kindness expressed.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Love Dare Day 1 -- meditiation
6:45 am Perhaps I should have started out my day with a prayer. I think I already screwed up the day. Instead I was rudely awoken by the bright light and the pouncing of my one year old as I dreamed about Trinity United Church (The church I was raised in and how it USED to be).
Rick was negative on Skylar since the dawn broke on the day and it gets on my nerves because I wish he was that assertive with all the children. I know I tend to be over protective of my own children and its an instinct for me but when he deserves back up I will give it to him. When he treats the other kids the same I will back him up. I tell him often that Skylar will resent him for this.
So it started at the breakfast table since I have to wait an hour to eat due to my medication I can't eat breakfast with the family. He made eggs and toast for everyone. Of course James was asleep on the couch, Skylar played around with her eggs I guess for a little while then complained they were too cold. Upon going into the microwave then they were too hot. Quite possibly she just didn't want eggs I am not denying it. But he was just yelling at her over and over again. Instead of saying what needed to be said and leaving it alone. So I intervened told him enough yelling. He got his point across and she can't say anything if he was just going to stand there over her and yell at her. I know I wouldn't. So did I mess up on my first dare not to say anything negative? Thats walking a fine line
Day 2 7:29 am
Yesterday was a very trying day. Rick lashed out at me and said some very hurtful things and I did watch what I say back to him and was trying not to put him down.
Rick was negative on Skylar since the dawn broke on the day and it gets on my nerves because I wish he was that assertive with all the children. I know I tend to be over protective of my own children and its an instinct for me but when he deserves back up I will give it to him. When he treats the other kids the same I will back him up. I tell him often that Skylar will resent him for this.
So it started at the breakfast table since I have to wait an hour to eat due to my medication I can't eat breakfast with the family. He made eggs and toast for everyone. Of course James was asleep on the couch, Skylar played around with her eggs I guess for a little while then complained they were too cold. Upon going into the microwave then they were too hot. Quite possibly she just didn't want eggs I am not denying it. But he was just yelling at her over and over again. Instead of saying what needed to be said and leaving it alone. So I intervened told him enough yelling. He got his point across and she can't say anything if he was just going to stand there over her and yell at her. I know I wouldn't. So did I mess up on my first dare not to say anything negative? Thats walking a fine line
Day 2 7:29 am
Yesterday was a very trying day. Rick lashed out at me and said some very hurtful things and I did watch what I say back to him and was trying not to put him down.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Love Dare Day 1-- 2010
It looks like I need to try Love Dare again. I am just getting to a frustrated point and I don't see a solution so maybe because I didn't finish it the first time. With therapy, depression medication and Love Dare maybe this time I can seek the truth. Who else has done Love Dare? Did you finish it? Was it successful? Are you doing it now?
Rick is off all day tomorrow for me to remember Love Dare Day #1.
Rick is off all day tomorrow for me to remember Love Dare Day #1.
Today's Dare
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose to not say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.
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