I can tell you I've been married to a civilian. We had a horrible marriage and it ended up falling apart and he passed away in 2003. Now I am married to a Soldier that has made the military a carrer for over half of his life. I can sit here and tell you that being a military wife its harder to keep a marriage together. That very well may be because your husband is gone and they are gone alot. I bet the divorce rates amongst soldiers is high if not then I know the lack of monogmous for the unmarried soldiers relationships are.
I can also tell you I am a lucky one because my husband is not the average man. Which is probably the reason I don't hate him with a passion. I will reveal some of our secrets. Here they are. He's open to discussing topics and sometimes he even starts the discussion. I found a neat little website that sends us a daily email of Generous Wife/Or Husband Tips. I also get some from another site. At first I did worry that he wouldnt' read the emails but nearly every day he forward them to me and tells me his thought on that days Generous Husband Tip. We don't just discuss these topics we put them into action. Right now since he is deployed we can't do a whole lot but we find ways to have our date nights and just enjoy conversation together. We play games together online (I usually kick his butt). We discuss movies and books. Sometimes we will even have the same movie and watch it together just oceans apart.
People can sit there and glare at me for sacraficing so much of my normal daily time to spend with Rick. Normal families may get to crash on the couch in the evening with their family and bond. Rick and I have to do it over the internet. Almost like a long distance relationship but more complicated. People compare us to single mothers but we aren't its again more complicated than that. I have to manage pretty much three households. The one I live in, Plus make sure my soldiers that are over seas have everything to keep them happy. Thats my job. Off point anyways. I don't mind the glares from people because I realize they don't have my marriage and my understanding.
If you were to ask me how to achieve this? All I can tell you is you and your mate have to have an open mind. You know Rick and I have discussed going into family counseling and he won't do it but we do some things on our own that we don't need a therapist. I think that Rick and I are great as a couple but both of us are still and continuing to adjust to the blended family. Rick and I haven't gone to church together. No we aren't ashamed we can worship on our own and on our own time. With that being said we have thought about looking for a church once we know if we are going to settle here or not. I know I know give me 16 months and I am going to sit here and tell you my marriage is strong and seemingly near perfect. But we both are going into this and continue to believe that a marriage is an investment if we devote ourselves, time and love to our investiment its surely not to die and fade away. Its just going to grow and continue to do so. We have our books about marriage and work books we do go through. I have my chicken soup books I love, We have our marriage tips. We even have come up with some ways on our own as a family to stay close. I continue to strive to work toward a happy home and stability. Thats all I have ever wanted at all.
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