Army Wives

Claudia Joy:
To rejoin life is to accept what's happened, but I can't accept it. I can't move forward; I can't turn back. So I hold my breath, living in a suspended state of existence.
Trevor:
But what do you do when you're told that no mail can go out for a week, due to security concerns? You get out a pen and paper anyway. Dear Roxy, I'm here. And by the time you get this letter, I might be somewhere else. Iraq has got to be the dryest place on Earth. Baby, there's no preparing for this - no books, no pictures, no training. Just the reality. It makes me wonder if sometimes you'd be better off if I never brought you into this crazy life.
Claudia Joy:
Everything that was familiar is now unfamiliar. What was light is now dark, and the world seems a vast and unfriendly place.
Trevor:
Death is everywhere here, in what you smell, hear, see, feel. And somehow, you're supposed to just put it all away, forget you saw it, move on. Is this hell?
Claudia Joy:
Or is hell never to love again?

Army Wives Season 2 Episode 2 Quotes from the Begining of the show.

"To rejoin life is to accept what's happened, but I can't accept it. I can't move forward; I can't turn back. So I hold my breath, living in a suspended state of existence." I will never try and compare myself to someone who has dealt with the death of a child but I feel this quote in my situation as well. I have moments where I feel like a failure. That I need to give up on bringing Mackenzie home. That my heart just wants to say its been too long. Then I bleed out and say I know I am in a better way now and I can be the mother I've tried to be to him. So yes I can live in a suspended state of existence. Sometimes I feel like time and life are suspended while Rick is away while he is deployed. The pain of facing the changes and how time goes by without him seem easier to not deal with them. So when someone asks about my Summer plans? I just say what Summer? Rick isn't here.

But what do you do when you're told that no mail can go out for a week, due to security concerns? You get out a pen and paper anyway. Dear Roxy, I'm here. And by the time you get this letter, I might be somewhere else. Iraq has got to be the dryest place on Earth. Baby, there's no preparing for this - no books, no pictures, no training. Just the reality. It makes me wonder if sometimes you'd be better off if I never brought you into this crazy life.
Have I thought that Rick has questioned this himself? Should he have brought Skylar and I into this life? I can reassure him with a yes! Not only because we have made a life with our soul mates but because I have a better life now than I did in Georgia. A better relationship. I can drive myself and I have reached some goals. Skylar and I are being taken care of. Is it worth surviving this deployment? Eh Yes and No. Would i do it again HELL YEAH!

Everything that was familiar is now unfamiliar. What was light is now dark, and the world seems a vast and unfriendly place.

Claudia Joy's words strike such a deep part in my soul. So real I couldn't have written them myself.

Death is everywhere here, in what you smell, hear, see, feel. And somehow, you're supposed to just put it all away, forget you saw it, move on. Is this hell?
Even if your out there deployed and you are one of the lucky ones to not have to be on the front lines or see death. I still can't imagine living life through Rick's eyes. Seeing the people that he see's or even the things he see's. When seeing an animal is the high light of his day and makes things alot more sane. Culture Shock? Yes but to the extreme. Then he has to come back here and live his life as he did before and not think about wasting a plate of food that a child where he is be hungry for it. At least I hope most people wouldn't take their life in the states for granted after seeing the hardships of other countries.

Or is hell never to love again?

For those who watched the show. I think this is one of my favorite TV Moments. The way as my husband puts it Claudia Joy is awash in Water and Trevor is awash in the dirty and desert. Both aching for the one's they love. I just get weepy.