Reflection

It’s been almost a year since my life was shattered as I knew it. It’s been over a year of fighting the deepest depression of my life. Within the last two years I lost both of my parents. I lost some of my closest friends I never thought I’d lose under the circumstances I did. I was deeply betrayed by people I thought I could trust with my life, yet it nearly killed me. The journey to reunite with Mackenzie, my son ended with me left heartbroken. It’s been a journey through my own personal Hell. Through the battle (that word only sounds like a fraction of what I’ve been through) I haven’t totally given up, I’ve become exhausted and worn.  I don’t think I’ll ever be like I used to be. I haven’t completely forgiven those people and I certainly won’t forget how I feel. Even through recovery, I don’t think I’ll get the old me back. Life changes you sometimes. I know I won’t forget the ONE person who I can talk to at any hour about anything. She’s bluntly honest and doesn’t take even shit from me. She doesn’t judge me I don’t think. She says the hard stuff and loves me furiously. I know as long as I can be strong enough for my kids to stand shakily in the literal shit. I’ll be okay.