A Letter To Rick

I sent this letter to Rick in a Snoopy Card. It has yet to get there. I am getting anxious. Snoopy may have let the Red Baron sneak out and is exploring the world carrying my letter with him.

To my dearest Rick,

We spoke for a few hours just now. You went to bed a little late tonight due to trying to find that document; Even though you had to work I hardly noticed you were distracted. We had a really great conversation. You said "you know its hard to realize some times that I have you so fully in my life and that you fit me so well" What truer words spoken. Maybe we didn't have this when we got married but the more we are together even if separated by miles. The more I fall deeper under your spell, the walls of security are down. Love is... Giving someone the ability to break your heart but trusting them not to. Another wise quote. Its so me.

9 months ago I was so scared. I never thought I could do this. I was going to try and succeed. But you would tell me to be strong. For many years I have been told how strong I was but never saw the strength within myself in many ways. In many ways yes I think I am strong, I think I have a strong will power, I have a strong sense of self, and I know what I want without doubt. When you looked me in the eye and told me to be strong for you, I wanted to disappear. I didn't want to disappoint you. Over the past nine months I have learned what you meant. I have learned what I need to do. I never knew I could be the rock 100% of the time. I have never been in the shape to do so. Uniquely I have found that yes here at home I have to be the rock for Gentle James, and Skylar. One no more than the other. However I feel like with us its different. I don't Always have to be the rock now, as I thought. We give each other support as needed. I am your sunshine in your cloudy day as you are mine always.

I've been caught under your spell. You take me in deeper. Every breath of mine you steal, Every heart beat you occupy, with every haunting vision where I can almost feel you touch me, You hold me in your hands and I feel like I am safe. You calm my fears, my anxiety, my world slows down for the few minutes or hours. Just by your smile, just by your words. I am transported to a better world. Cloud 9 S.? As you consume me how can I not be yours? How can we not be soul mates with this depth of power you have over me. How can I not be moved and fall deeper in love with you? How could it get any better than this? Yet each day it does I fall deeper in love and you consume another piece of me.

I find strength in our love, our faith, and in us. That's what keeps me waiting. That's what keeps me going. Daily. All of this brings hope into my life, hope that had been lost and some what found. Now its not just found but deep inside me. With hope I can keep trusting. We know of each other's darknesses. Darkness in our souls. Darkness in which we were lost and both of us took many actions that are similar. One's we have learned from and know are faults. "Bring me to life" is a song

You love as well as I do. But there is so much sunshine on us now. So much light! We can see a future. Not a future of nothingness. A real future of hope.

You may be the attention whore but I need affection as well. I need to know I am wanted not just a wall decoration or a house keeper (lack there of in my case), A babysitter, a "warm body".... Ick! How am I supposed to cope when you give me everything and then take it away? *sigh* I don't like how that came out. The point I am trying to get across is that my body is so hungry just to hold your hand, kiss you, smell you, rub your head as you fall asleep in my arms, to hear you say I love you. You can't take away my everything when you ARE my everything. I love you baby.

439 days since you became mine

No Air for 251 days or 9 Months

Days left with no Air 194 days

12 paychecks!

I saw God Today

Today started out as a bad day. I woke up drained and a little blue. I felt like a rock climber just trying to get a good grip. I am hanging on standing strong but I wanted that GOOD grip. If it was any other day I wouldn’t have gone to Story Time as scheduled today because I had the blues. I knew I had to be there though because my friend Christa is visiting from Georgia. She was supposed to be at the Library. She is staying with my friend Pegan. So we had a few minutes at Storytime and then I went over to Pegan’s for lunch to talk and let the kids play. Pegan’s got two (her oldest was at school), Christa has her two, and then I have my one. I came home just to change Skylar because Pegan didn’t want me to go home yet. I told her I needed some time with James and get to do some spring cleaning. She wanted me to come to the PX, to Dinner then to Shawn’s T-Ball Practice. So I went. First I came home to change Skylar into jeans out of her skirt. On the way home I heard a country song on the way home about a new daddy. "Peeking through the nursery window she’s sleeping like a rock. She’s laying there with my name around her wrist." Something about his miracle baby girl. The song made me think of my husband and how I can’t wait to enjoy the thrill of sharing that new love with him. I know we’ve both experienced that joy before but now I can share it with him. Those beautiful first moments with something so special. He can have an added gift that this is something he wants so much and that he didn’t think you would or could ever again. Truly a Miracle baby. I didn’t think I would ever get the chance again either. I was going to come home and put James to work we are going to do spring cleaning in the kitchen and the next project is to tackle the entire back yard and test out the lawn mower. The grass still hasn’t grown quite yet but the backyard needs to be cleaned and the sandbox taken care of. But Pegan and Christa wouldn’t hear of it so I will be joined them for the rest of the evening I missed Rick today. His internet wasn’t working. I am feeling better. Thanks for loving me so much baby. I hope you slept well. You need your beauty sleep to continue rocking my world lover.

  I just walked down the street to the coffee shop had to take a break I’d been by her side for eighteen hours straight I saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk pushing up through the concrete like it was planted right there for me to see the flashin’ lights, the honkin’ horns all seemed to fade away in the shadow of that hospital at 5:08 I saw God today Chorus: I’ve been to church I’ve read the bookI know He’s here, but I don’t look near as often as I should Yeah, I know I should His fingerprints are everywhere I’d just slow down to stop and stare opened my eyes and man I swear I saw God today I saw a couple walking by they were holding hands Man, she had that glow yeah I couldn’t help but notice she was starting to show it stood there for a minute takin’ the sky lost in that sunset a splash of amber melted in the shades of red Chorus I got my face pressed up against the nursery glass She’s sleeping like a rock My name on her wrist wearing tiny pink socks She’s got my nose, she’s got her mama’s eyes My brand new baby girl She’s a miracle I saw God today I just walked down the street to the coffee shop had to take a break I’d been by her side for eighteen hours straight I saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk pushing up through the concrete like it was planted right there for me to see the flashin’ lights, the honkin’ horns all seemed to fade away in the shadow of that hospital at 5:08 I saw God today Chorus: I’ve been to church I’ve read the book I know He’s here, but I don’t look near as often as I should Yeah, I know I should His fingerprints are everywhereI’d just slow down to stop and stare opened my eyes and man I swear I saw God today I saw a couple walking by they were holding handsMan, she had that glowyeah I couldn’t help but notice she was starting to showit stood there for a minute takin’ the sky lost in that sunset a splash of amber melted in the shades of red Chorus I got my face pressed up against the nursery glass She’s sleeping like a rock My name on her wrist wearing tiny pink socks She’s got my nose, she’s got her mama’s eyes My brand new baby girl She’s a miracle I saw God today<br>


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BotLagLNwPs&feature=related

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Now wanted Proud Military Wives!
This is your mission if you choose to accept it.
Be a good Army Wife. Army wives are faithful. Not just to their husbands (a typical wife can do the same), Be faithful to your friends. Ignore gossip. Ignore the rude remarks of a Military wife going through a deployment. No matter if its her 1st or 100th. Any house can seem like your healthy, happy home but we don't know what personal demons each of are fighting. We don't know what goes on behind those doors. Don't try to assume or else you will be one of those Military Wives who gossip and feed on drama. On the other side of the fence we are all understanding that each of us get moody at times but that's no reason to be degrading, insulting, and just treat others like they are worthless. We are often told that we are a family of our own. That each of us are sisters and brothers. Treat us accordingly. Being a military wife is a job. More of a job than I imagined even watching my sister become apart of our great military and then herself a stay at home Air Force Wife. I watched her suffer through deployment and a hardship tour. The deployment came and she was carrying my twin niece and nephew. She's a brave one in my opinion. My older niece was 4 at the time as well. She had quite her hands full. Now I have become an Army Wife. I try and send letters everyday even if its a post card with a few thoughts. I try and send a care package weekly. I never realized how bad they would need things. In between letters, packages, emails and such I am always on the look out for something else special or something that is a treat he would enjoy in his box and would make his day as he cracks open the tight seal on that flat rate package. Being a Military Wife is a job like being a mom. You don't get days off, You don't get sick days, Your on call at all hours of the night when they decide they need to hear your voice or they have that brief moment in their day to call. You worry sick about your loved ones. My husband personally requires a lot of my attention and he deserves it. There is a lot more to being a military wife than taking care of the troops, being patriotic and doing just what we do on our own at home. Its about supporting our peers which is our fellow Military Wives. No matter what branch of service their husband's serve under, what rank our husband's are at, What the situation is... Being a Military Wife is a Job. You don't always like the jobs you need to do. You don't always like your boss. But its your duty to serve here on the home front as much as it is for our husbands to serve abroad. At times we must mow the grass when the heat is at its highest. Sometimes we must travel miles to just spend some time with our husbands. We must sacrifice time. We wash his uniform with pride and run the family house with order, and We must surround ourselves with people that we wouldn't be friends with otherwise. But we serve with pride in our Silent Ranks. We meet people that we cherish for our whole lives. We have experiences other's only dream of. We have experiences that is someone else's worst nightmare.
Being a Military Wife is a Job, A Payless job with very little benefits but we are rewarded with so much more. I am a proud Army Wife who serves in the Silent Ranks for a year now and will be serving for a total of 3 or 4. Then for Rick he has chosen to try my world. When we "retire" from the military world we will still serve in someway as a Military Mom and Dad supporting Alexander on his journey.

windows

Rick and now try to leave our webcam's rolling most of our days and nights so we can keep an eye on each other. Even while we sleep. We are on opposite schedules. He works mostly while I sleep and vice versa. He put me to bed last night and I cuddled in bed and flipped open my Nintendo DS for awhile just to do something and unwind. I could see my window with his webcam in it from my bed. I would glance up and he was reading a book by his computer. I closed my DS and cuddled up with some blankets and it felt like almost we were cuddling. Virtually Cuddling. I could almost smell him, feel him, touch him as he read his book. I didn't share my thoughts with him till this morning. Its almost as if he was here in my bed. It didn't feel so lonely. What a blessing Technology has given us.

He left me two emails for me to read this morning.

Sleeping

As I peer upon your troubled soul, restless as you try to sleep, your troubled dreams and thoughts tangle in your head, as a whirlwind images and thoughts tumble hither on on within your minds eye keeping sleep at bay. know my love that you can sleep, dream, and rest in my arms and my thoughts, I will watch over your sleep and guard your dreams and keep the nightmares reigned in.. for I am yours as you are mine
sleep my angel
sleep mia bella
and rest your thoughts
and dream of us
together
forever

Watching You

I sit here, your blankie on my chair watching the drama that is the Stevens show, Tink wondering atop huddled body, licking and playing, wanting attention of her person, Skylar arms wrapped around her dolly a raggedy Annie as Tink plays with her, you cuddling a blanket dreaming of your far away lover, as he watches you .. sleep and dream
what a family. As James sleeps in the living room, seeking his own path, I love you baby
treasure and miss you ..always

Come Home Soon

SheDaisy Lyrics

Does anyone really understand what its like to be a military wife?

There are some of us military wives who are crazy and start calling names to each other. There are wives who sleep around. Then there are us wives no matter how we are told we can't live by the computer or the telephone. We SLEEP with our telephone. We wait for a message on the computer that just says I love you!

We wait for those four second phone calls that just say Hi that are full of static and then the connection drops.

We know they are safe at that moment but our worst fears also rise and our hearts and our hope sinks.

This is NOT fun. This is NOT easy. There is NOTHING easy about this.

Don't be fooling yourself by saying well she signed up for it. Wouldn't you sign up for anything your soul mate asked you to? I know I would. I know I would do anything for his love even let him go.

I heard so many times You signed up for this you knew it was coming. Nothing about that phrase puts me at ease.

 

Right now I sit here crying when I rather be laying in my bed. I cry alone. I can't talk to my step son about it because he is terrorized enough. Even though we tried to get him to man up. He doesn't deserve to see my pain too. My five year old wouldn't understand. Thankfully she is sound asleep since its almost 11 o'clock. Its hard for me to cry to my fellow Army Wives because again I get the tough love. NOT that I don't need it. OH boy do I need it. But sometimes its just GOOD to have a GOOD cry. I would NEVER tell my closest friend Well at least your husband is in Korea, but this time I am hurting so bad I want to. I know he's not safe too. I know he's hurting like Rick is hurting. They have a newborn. Thats gotta be SO hard!

 

The next time your spouse works overtime all week. The next time he has to travel. The next time he does a side job and doesn't help put the children to bed. Be THANKFUL. If you want to tell yourself that my husband signed up to work without a day off. Without seeing his family.. then go ahead and tell yourself that but inside I HOPE you hang your head in shame.

 

I don't need to get pity or a shoulder to cry on. The only shoulder I want is my husbands. I don't want to be in bed because he's not there. He's my best friend. He's all I want or need.

I just love him and miss him.

I love you more than yesterday. Less than tomorrow. Everyday of our future

How did I spend my evening? I spent it looking through old messages, IM,s and emails. Between you and I. Some of them made me laugh most of them made me cry. Some were emails between friends some were between two people falling in love. The naughty tales still give me tingles. My heart throbs and misses you. You just called bad connection I had four minutes and I didn't get to say I love you. Now my heart is sad again and misses you more. I will talk to you when I wake up.