Sometimes I forget how lucky we are

Rick has had such a hard time finding a job. I feel bad for the decision we made to retire (3 days retired now) and for not going Oconus as a contractor. Then I see reminders of how much luck we already pushed and how we don't need to tempt fate at all. Two tours to Iraq and many more deployments and hardships all over the world later. Rick hasn't had to face combat even when he was there just a year after we started the war. The worst thing that happened to him is a weapon landed on his hand and broke it in 2004. The PX where he was stationed in 2007 was bombed the month before he got there. For the next year Angels were in Taji Iraq keeping the peace and my husband lived with or near Iraqi soldiers. Then I run accross a message board that I use for Military Spouses and one woman cries OMG my husband is gone as she states in a matter of fact message that her husband has died. Please say a prayer for Sgt Ralph Mena's Family, Spouse, and Children. He died in a Non Combat Related incident. I have a friend of a friend that was shot in the back of the head at the age of 19 in Iraq, a friend of mine from high school died in 2007 in Iraq, A fellow soldier in my friends unit was attacked and betrayed in Afghanistan and they took his life. Yet my husband hasn't had a hair shed off his head. Alex is not far behind him as an OEF Veteran at the last legs of his tour. I feel incredibly lucky for the luck we have had as a Military Family. I feel incredibly indebt to those out there that have made a sacrafice and lost the lives of a son, daughter, husband or wife. Also Indebt to those who's husband came back with challenges such as TBI, loss of a limb or even something as small (Yet just as challenging) as Severe PTSD.

As Memorial Day comes close I will add Sgt Mena to my list of Soldiers who I honor this holiday coming at the end of the month.

Deployment Conversations are frustrating.

Alex called this morning to ask for his mothers number which as far as I know is disconnected. I know I have to try and refrain from giving him the third degree. I need to not ask OPSEC questions. Even though we are dying to know what happened. He did say he was "moving" to another area that is safer. He hasn't been busy with work... Does that mean he can't work? Its so awkward for me to talk to someone who is deployed because I know what they need to hear. They need to hear Skylar like speak where she is so excited on the phone she talks about the colors of the toys in the toy box. He asked how his younger siblings were and I give him the quick break down because in my mind no one wants to listen to the mundane, monotone, humdrum of real life drama. So its hard for me to give him Skylar speak, not be nagging or asking questions, don't violate Opsec, all awhile try not to think that the boring stories bore him too. I tell him the basics that Rick is looking for a civilian job, That James is still in therapy and going to tutoring to help his math skills (with what I disagree with), Skylar's doing okay in school but needs improvement. Shes definitely learning but at the same time the teacher tells us that she is having problems but won't speak to us so I had to sick the Army officials on her ass, That Skylar started soccer but took one to the head for the team to score a goal lol. That she is on an all boy team. Then William who has had his virus but seems to be okay now, That he is trying to learn to stand and being the little mischievous one. How Skylar and James get along most of the time and can work together. Etc. I told him a little about our marriage retreat then I feel like well he probably hears every other sentence due to the connection lmao. Then get frustrated at myself again lol. God I love Deployment 6 more months to go, I said to him see you in October or September and he said maybe sooner... THATS NOT GOOD! UGH

Updates on the Family

Rick returned to work. Monday he had Peridontal Surgery and was on rest for three days. He's still hurting a bit and not able to chew correctly. Poor baby. My sciatic nerve is still hurting. I woke up at 1 am with a knot the size of a softball in my back. Rick literally fell asleep with his fist putting pressure on it and I could go back to sleep for a little while. Now my hip is just stiff and sore... Ugh its going to be a rough 100 days... I am doing Love Dare http://bellaslovedare.blogspot.com/
Alex sent a brief email to let us know he was still alive and got yahoo messenger. James has the day off today and he's still asleep he was a bit grumpy yesterday. Skylar went on a field trip today to the Railroad Museum and I feel HORRIBLE about not being able to go with her. Little William is still cooking away I went to the OB on Wednesday and he is measuring two weeks ahead and his heart rate is 150 heart beats per minute. http://anotherrecruitontheway.blogspot.com/

Thanksgiving

Well I did it. We took advantage of having Alex home. We got out of the house and saw the new Saturn 5 rocket over in NASA. We went to the Safari. We did alot of different things. We even did Family Pictures. Since Alex planned on going to Arizona with his mom for Thanksgiving. Betty's husband Mike would also not be here on Thanksgiving. As well as Heather and her family would be going out of town. Rick and I thought it would be a nice gesture to invite them over for a home cooked meal. Plus you know how Thanksgiving goes with the left overs. I would like to thank my husband for assisting me with some of the dishes. Alex for manning the meat. Betty for bringing some of her dishes. I had a wonderful time

Things I want to tell my children

First of all to Alexander and James. They are my boys. I may have only been in their life for 18 months but I care for them like I do my own kids. I carry the responsibility of making sure their needs are met. Yes they are adults but even adults need moms. I sure have in my life. I have heard so many times to count. James needs to be out on his own. You need to do this. You need to do that. But you know what? I know James. James and I have gotten pretty close partly because I am all he's got to lean on at times. James is far from being a social being so when it comes to his need for social interaction he does come chit chat with me. We can go for a ride in the car and out for dinner. He tries to treat me with respect and I treat him with the same respect and I am trying to give him the building blocks into adulthoood he is missing. If something happened to Rick I would be still left to clean up the pieces with James and Alex. I try to make sure Alex gets his care packages even though they are not as often as I like. I try and stay on top of them. I email Alex probably too much he probably finds me annoying and James probably thinks I am a royal bitch but they both realize I have good intentions. So as far as what I would tell the boys. James and I have already talked about it for the most part. The things I would tell them well I am not going to post in the blog because they do have the abilility to read it and its private but I guess ultimately. Alex and Jamesy. I am not your birth mother, adopted mother or anything like that. Nor am I trying to be. I care about you because you've both grown on me. I respect you for being the good men you are. I respect you even in your anger and frustration you still love your parents. I know how difficult it can be at times to understand why Dad is always nagging at you. I know how it is to be a teenager and just want to do things on your own without a parent lingering. HA! Alex what more do you want now your on the other side of the world? LOL Rick has no choice but to let you be and grow up. Alex and James are different where Alex wants to grow on his own, fall down on his own and pick himself up and learn on his own. James on the other hand needs coaxing and hand held to show him how to do things. BOTH are totally fine actually I like it that way for the most part. Alex and James.. I love and respect your dad and I will treat you with the same love and respect as he does Skylar. However I will say FAMILY. We are a family, not a broken home but a FAMILY and we will only choose to be as Blended as we want to be. Thats up to you boys for sure.

To Mackenzie

Mackenzie... Hello Beautiful, Some of you may not know the whole story behind Mackenzie and where he is. I am not even sure he does. Mackenzie's father passed away in 2003 and since then I have always wanted to jot down my memories of him before they fade so one day his mom can share some good memories of his father. Also one day I will see him again and I will tell him about the mistakes i made and that I never stopped loving him. I never hurt him. I thought what I did was the best i could for him. Some of my decisions weren't the best but I think as parents we all have those bad moments where we don't make the wisest decision. So when Mackenzie is older I will tell him the truth and show him love. Thats all I can really offer him and thats all that prevails.

This song by Travis Tritt has always been my song to Mackenzie. After Adam and my marriage fell apart and then he died I promised Mackenzie so much and I couldn't hold on to my grip and I slipped. I fell down several times as matter of fact. I was steered down the wrong roads but never did I sink to the level of abandoning my son and not putting him first with Skylar.

Tritt Travis, Best Of Intentions Lyrics

and Finally to the baby, My Princess now Five years old and getting ready to start Kindergarten. 

Skylar my Princess.

I wanted her to know we have also had our challenges that I was sick for the first few years of her life and I didn't get to truly enjoy her first mile stones. I had to work really hard from the time I found out I was pregnant and for a few years of her life. All I have ever wanted for her is the same thing I have worked very hard for stability, hope, faith, trust and love. I promised Adam I wouldn't give her up for adoption and I had times when I felt like I wasn't the best thing for her. At times I was very selfish living for her and waking up in my depression for her. I felt such guilt when she was born for ever being suicidial. I promised a friend that I would work through out Skylar's life to be like a best friend to her. I can say right now we are extremely close. I choose not to do things on my own because we are never without each other and I think that if its not a kid friendly enviroment more times than not I probably don't need to be there either. I think my place now is being the best and wife and mother I can be. I hope through the rest of Skylar's life she can be honest with Rick and I. I hope she knows I have tried to have strength and give her the best she deserves. I hope we remain close for a very long time

I am sure there will be... more to be continued.

Rough Week

What a rough week.
I wanted to quit smoking this week and if I did I would be setting myself up for failure.
First Sprint Billing got messed up do to too many changes in our plan. James and I got that fixed. Then Alex's schedule changed. Alex my oldest step son who is now 21 and in the army himself. He is going oversea's in a few weeks and he decided to come "home" and visit his siblings before he left. He wanted me to pick him up in Atlanta. Rick said firm no he can buy a bus ticket cheaper than you driving and your just not ready. So off on the bus Alex goes after spending the night in Atlanta. Oh I was pissed at his changes and the lack of me knowing anything in advance. But then it turned to worry. I was raised in Atlanta I have seen the roughness of it. Bless his heart. Then he finally arrived in Huntsville about 4 today I pick him up and on the way back from the grey hound station I get in a car accident and I think the car is  totaled . I am pretty sure the police ruled it no-fault but since I am very new at driving & new to Huntsville I am not sure. But my friends who met me up there reassured me I would be ok and that it was probably a no-fault. My friend was nice enough to come get Alex, Skylar and I. Take us back to our house. Drop of Alex's belongings. I think he brought everything he owned! What he didn't have on his back he shipped and it arrived this morning. We are all ok from the accident and the other car was even driveable at least enough to get her home I think and everyone was ok in that car. As I said my friends came and got us took us to drop of Alex's stuff then took us to Burger King so Alex could have real food and I could talk to James about the car. I told James just a warning but my friends would be picking him up when he got off. Then they took me to the gas station to get some final things I knew I would be needing. Luckily I went to the grocery store this morning and got some food but not much since its the end of the month and I am low on cash. I talk to Rick when he woke up today and he is ok with everything concerned about me and feels bad he can't be here to do something about it. They say when the Army does this to a family that everything breaks well the most expensive thing we had broke! Thank God we don't own this house we live in. Well we have the other house but oh geez. I left out details of the accident and some other drama from around here. My heart is just broken I let my husband and kids down. Its very hard for me to take and the way Rick takes it the way he does he is Husband of the Year in my book. I am very lucky to have him and we are deeply in love.

Tid Bits

Lately my friend's neighbor who recently got divorced has been hanging out with us wives. I jokingly call him a fellow Army Wife even though he's the one that's a soldier LOL. He's getting out soon... He's a single father to two children he has them full time John Robert 4 and Genesis 3. This week, My friend Jess has her cousin living with her for the past month Camy, her best friend Sarah is down visiting and Jess of course has a father in law to care for, her husband Shane, and her two children Collin 4 and Landon almost 1! The "wives" sit on the back porch and smoke and chat. John who is the recently divorced neighbor tells great stories. He always has us laughing. I have a lot of fun sitting over at Jess's hanging out with Camy, Sarah, Sometimes John *Pictures at the Bottom or Here . I gotta get a real nice pic before everyone leaves :)

Update on YOU

What is there to report between keeping Skylar from driving me insane, going to her gatherings, or going to Jess's see first comment LOL I am not doing well with time management. I had to redo my pictures on myspace because I was getting complaints that I was endangering my soldiers safety so I had to fix some of my pictures so I was reorganizing albums and adding pics and back and forth. I got one profile done and my private (stormyaries) profile I got lost as far as what I had already done and what hasn't been done so I gave up. I made two new tags, Got almost all my laundry done, almost all my dishes done, straightened up the bathroom. Got a nice relaxing bath YAY.

Update on the kid/s

Alexander Christopher

Alex is a pretty good kid. He is 21 years old. He serves in the US Army. He is finishing up his AIT getting ready for his first duty station . He's glad to be out of the house it seems. Although i wish he was more dependable and more loyal to his family. He sent me a text message yesterday that he had small pox Yays! He said exactly Then this morning I checked my email and he says he has "

And in other news, I have Small Pox! Yays! Evidently, one of the things that the Army does for those

who go overseas is give them vaccinations, immunizations, and random infectious diseases. So we pretty

much just stack up those diseases and brag about how many we've been in contact with in the Army thus far.

Right now I have Anthrax, Thyroid Fever, the Flu, and Small Pox. Next Friday I'll be getting one for

Hepatitis A. Gotta catch 'em all!" then "Oh yeah, and I just thought that I'd tell ye, I am officially going to Yongsan in Korea.... so I plan to visit one of y'all (meine bruder) as soon as I graduate from this Chair Force

Pig Hole. Hooah, day long flights (not really).

Also, I saw Resident Evil: Extinction. Kick. Fucking. Ass."

So it could be that Alex is coming home to spend a month before going to Korea. Maybe in that time they can go to their aunts for Thanksgiving or go see their mom. I am sure they will prefer to go see their Aunt Beth but I will leave it up to them.

James Patric

James is almost 20. He's been working at Burger King for a few months now and seems to have real good worth ethic.

The other night on the way home from work he says to me there is a new hire a girl who saw my t-shirt and she says her friend is always talking about it. I said really? He's like yeah I told her it was just a character in a book... sorry I don't know the spelling of the alien dude LOL... Then I told him there was a cute 20 year old working at the PX and he said who cares. I said James, You really don't want to date do you? He said no. I said why not? he said there are so many horror stories about dating and heart breaks. I was like aww... So your not moving ever huh? He's like I didn't say that! I said well you can't live on your own... You don't want to have friendships either so how is that going to work? My conclusion from the conversation is he has severe social anxiety. I told Rick about it and he said he was impressed that James is opening up to me. Only time he opened up to Rick is when shit had already hit the fan and it would still take pressure. So we are at a loss of what to do for James. Well at 5 o'clock (Last Night) or so James said lets go. I am like go where. He says to go get my hair cut. So I took him up to the Target shopping center to get his hair cut. He said no I want to go to a sit down restaurant to eat. I was like by the time you get done eating your not going to be able to get your hair cut. he said well I want to eat. Then Skylar started chiming in that she was hungry. So I drove up the road to see if James could make up his mind what he wanted to eat. He finally decided that he wanted to eat at this unknown restaurant. By this time I was in unfamiliar territory. Trying to stay on the major roads. Rick calls so James is trying to talk to him. I pull over and talk to him he gives me some directions that lead me right into down town Huntsville where they are having this HUGE music festival. So traffic everywhere, blocked off and one way streets. I was a wreck! Considering I was in an unfamiliar area and only have been driving a little over 2 months. So the road rick told me to turn on I knew that road across from it would get me either to home or a more familiar area. He also told James the name of the unknown restaurant that James was craving. He gave me vague directions from FREAKING Kansas like he has any idea where I am going. I got a feeling he was on Google Earth or something LOL. So I go down the more familiar road and find where I am going so I know where I am at. I find the restaurant on my own. James is griping at Skylar during dinner complaining she isn't eating or she's too distracted. I was ready to chew his ass at this point. The only way I knew how to go home was on a 4 lane road that is very narrow. I had to turn left going on this very narrow road. I could barely see where to turn. I was such a wreck. I made it inside the gates relieved but then James needed to go to the PX and I turned in the wrong way! UGH! I couldn't park fast enough!

Mackenzie Robert Taylor

"McKenzie Taylor"

Mackenzie my earth angel. He is seven years old.. Its now been 4 years since I've seen him and 6 years since he was legally kidnapped from my arms.

Jeanette Skylar

Her birthday is in 3 weeks.. WOW my girl will be 5.

She's been taking ballet for 4 weeks now and really hates to be home she always has some place to go and a friend to see! We are still working on some behavior problems but I am sure its just being the fierce 4 year old almost 5 year old she is. In Ballet she is learning position 1-5, How to skip,

Demi-Pointe
With the full weight of the body on the toes and the ball of the foot.

Pas de Bourrée
A traveling step in which the dancer may move in any direction on demi-pointe or on pointe. The calves are held as close together as possible while the dancer executes a series of swift miniature steps.

Relevé
To rise onto pointe or demi-pointe.

Sauté
A jump

Attitude

A pose in which the dancer stands on one leg, with the other leg lifted and the knee bent at approximately 120-degree angle. The lifted leg can be behind (derrière), in front (en avant), or on the side (à la seconde) of the body.

and more, a series of other stretches, positions, etc.

Update on hubby / other half

Rick is still training in Camp its been almost a month since I have seen him. Two months since he's been there. He will be home for a long weekend again soon then goes to Iraq :( He feels so drained and old. He's staying strong as can be expected though. He will be in Iraq for 12 months. He will be home sometime this week so I will start preparing to put myself on hold/no mail in my groups so if I a MIA thats where I am lol... He could be here for a few days up till a week. I won't know/do anything till I know for sure should be Monday. It will be the last time I see him for up to 9 months.

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Today

I got a letter from Rick
I mailed off a package to Rick, Pictures to Alex and two cards each to both I think...
Oh & Alex's gift card