Thursday November 13, 2014: Why I decided to blog..

Since I am trying to gradually get back into blogging and not be a complainer constantly on my blog. I thought maybe we will take baby steps. Lets talk about when and why I decided to blog and what does this second life thing mean anyways? I can't remember when I started my blog. I think perhaps either my friend +Bill  or my friend Mia sent me an invite on Livejournal and I started learning the ways of Livejournal. Back when you had to be invited to the exclusive club. Which now if I use I am totally lost again LOL. But its still there for all the world to see. Sometimes I go back and copy and paste an old blog into this blog. Xanga, Yahoo 360, and Myspace have all deleted my old blogs now so I can't sadly recover those. They are probably on some cloud somewhere with my "Bella Bunny" attached to it. Ah I finally got into LJ my first entry was in January 28th 2003. That may have even been my second LJ I remember gifting one away. 8 days after my first husband died, yet I didn't know that he had died for another month. A month later I rushed down to Atlanta to try and get my son back. Anyways kinda off topic. Why did I start to blog? I have always been a writer. In high school I was a published poet. I have been published in poetry books, magazines and even Big Bop or Big Bopper (whatever that teen magazine is) Something I wrote about my favorite actor Jonathan Brandis. I used to write poems religiously and plays all through middle school and high school. You may be able to dig and find a few saved in blogger. So as I went through my trials of life, loosing my husband, my son, my family and trying to get back on my feet most of it is archived for the world to see. Some of it yeah I probably don't want people to see but some maybe even the same stuff could inspire someone, change someones path... You never know what your thoughts have the power to do. Writing has always been my tool. Its therapeutic for me. I sometimes get positive feedback and also constructive criticism which I am good with. I like when others can offer me and advice and encouragement. Its therapeutic that I can speak without saying it out loud. I am a very blunt person. I would almost say that I am painfully honest sometimes. What I say is usually twisted the wrong way. Sometimes I actually don't feel I can be blunt enough afraid of the power behind what I have to say. Sometimes what I need to say will just fall on deaf ears. I deal with that a lot lately. I can't change you. I may not ever be able to change your mind. I can only change how I deal with it. So I write to get it all out on the table because holding something in for me is dangerous and lethal even. I have tried to bottle things up and its just a bad result..  I don't always feel like I get my thoughts out clearly when I speak them. So writing is a way for me to get my thoughts out and even though yes it still can get twisted at least I can put what is in my head and you don't have to read if you don't want to. But its still free from my soul. I just have to learn how to say things in a manner where I won't want to take them back.

What is this second life? My life since January 2007 is a world away from my life prior that. Yet some things from my old life become a constant in the new life. My best friend Jennifer has always been by my side. The mommy support group I started when my now 14 year old was just 6 months old is still going we just have moved to the Facebook format since that's where most of us are these days. Some still have the same members as it started with. Its a nationwide mommy group we are a from all walks of life all over the US and I have even met a few. I love them they are some of my closest friends and supporters. Of course my two oldest children have been through the old life and Skylar and I are extremely close through this second life. She's entering the teen years and she is thriving and growing so beautifully. The old life when I lived in Georgia and now I am in Alabama. My old life when I lost my family, I lost my husband, I lost my oldest son. I had to live through some traumatic events. Without Rick it would have been a lot harder to get back on my feet. When I talk about the old life its even like talking about someone elses life. Yet the scars are still on my soul, the wounds are still deep and trying to heal. Through the second life I may back slide, I may fail, I may fall, I may get hurt and I am still damaged with baggage but this is why its a misadventure! Definitely an adventure to be had!

Ten Years Ago

I haven't been blogging much because the adults in the house had a bad case of the Whooping Cough. We got well enough to take a trip to my friend Angie's wedding in Griffin, GA. I had planned on making stops a long the way as always but we left later than usual. Ten years ago today I lived in a place called Douglasville GA. I had probably just conceived Skylar. I estimate it was probably Valentines Day since I didn't do the deed any other time. While I was in Douglasville most of the surroundings were familiar but for the first time I got a bad mojo... I felt the evil in this place. I haven't been there in 5 years but I saw areas of town that didn't give me a good feeling and brought back old memories and took me to the place I was 10 years ago. I was pretty lost, confused, and really not taking care of myself as I should. I passed the road that I never thought I would see again or remember exactly where it was... the road I was attacked on and saved by one of my many angels I encountered in Douglasville. I passed Arbor Place Mall where I met great people like Jacob and reconnected with old friends like Chris. I remember getting my sister or sister in law to drop me off at the mall so I could walk over to Firestone to see Chris and hang out with him. I remember date nights with Jacob or Brandon at the movies. There were many good times but what dark cloud looms over me is the dark place I was in 10 years ago. We had to drive through many of my old haunts like College Park, Riverdale, Jonesboro, & Lovejoy... and none of them gave me the heebie jeebies like Douglasville. A lot of bad things happened in my home town too. Loosing a child, being abused,.... lots of things but in Douglasville I just think it was such a dark time in my life and I was almost out of control. I enjoyed the little time we had to show Rick around my home towns (Clayton Co GA) where I went to school, my childhood home, the Publix store 545 where I had my first job, where I skated, where I went to church... Angie and Bill's wedding was beautiful. Congrats you have been married a week now. As she said it was 17 years in the making. We had dinner with my old friend Megan and her five year old Bradley. Its awesome seeing her and she is exactly as I remembered her. We must do that again SOON. I say a trip to the zoo, Stone Mountain, or the Aquarium (I've never been there), I am always up for the World of Coke and Varsity! How about Six Flags, White Water, and American Adventure?

Then we drove up to Kennesaw again seeing old haunts and to meet my sister, her ex, and my three nephews. Boy did I miss them and I wish things were like they used to be. I wonder if they could ever get back what once had? After lunch with my family we were off to see Jennifer in Calhoun... another trying time I had in my life. I moved up to Calhoun in April 2002... so almost 10 years ago. The night I moved up there that night there was a crazy tornado. That tornado reminds me of the one we had here last April. In Calhoun I had a lot of growing, I had a lot of trials. While hiding in Calhoun my first husband passed away and I lost Mackenzie. I dated for almost 5 years a drunk and a drug addict who couldn't seem to keep his stuff together but somehow he kept it together better than some people do. He held a job for a long time at least. We never got evicted and I never had to beg to keep my power on even with the layoff's. It was a trial and a test of my faith for sure but going back to Calhoun is a thrill for me. I love seeing Jennifer. She is a true best friend because she is the only person I can have a ratty head full of hair, I hadn't waxed my eye brows, or shaved my legs and I can be an out right bum and she doesn't judge me. She loves me and always wants me to visit. I wasn't gone a day before I got a text message saying she missed me and wondered when I was coming back. I know I am always welcome at Jennifer and Chris as well as anyone in my family. Jennifer and Chris have stuck by me even though I dropped the bomb on my neighbors like I did on the rest of the world. I was leaving Donnie and not only that I was leaving the state with someone they didn't know at all. I hope they trust me with that decision. Jennifer and Chris are like family! Its hard to believe we have been friends for over 8 years? The best thing about being friends with J&C is that Skylar has had a life long best friend in Cari and now William and their 4 year old Houston seem to be very close and always enjoy each other

Skylar 4 and Carri 5 in 2006

Jennifer and Chris with Emily 2011

Skylar, Zoe, and Carri

Anyways where I was ten years ago was lost and trying to find my way in Douglasville. Angels saved me time and time again from others and from myself. I believe an Angel led me to Calhoun even. Donnie may not have been the best choice but I don't regret it and he was the broken road that led me straight to home...

I write..

I write because:

I write because most of the time it comes naturally to me.

I have written in one form or another since I was little.

I write because I have forgotten things I would have liked to have recorded in some way and shared perhaps only with Mackenzie. I write to record thoughts, feelings, events, pictures... etc.

I write for my children to share about their childhood unfortunately its the good and bad.

I write for Mackenzie for all of the time he missed and everything I want to share with him. I write for Mackenzie.

I have had a blog since my old life. I remember my first blog on Livejournal. Its still there 

I have used Yahoo 360, Myspace, Xanga, Open Diary and other pages.  Look here

I blogged then to vent I am sure my friends were tired of  me nagging about one ex or another.

I still vent on my blog but I try not to get as deep as I used to. I wonder if that's why my comments and views went down since I became an Army Wife. 

I have a blog to write my experiences as a wife, daughter, sister, friend, Army Wife, Army Mom, and mother to kids of all different ages. I write as my experiences dealing with Aspergers. I write with my experiences in my journey as being a spouse and step mom to someone in the Military. I write for those of who've dealt with depression or mental illness or any illness at all. I have. I have overcome challenges. I defy odds.  I write for you if you can relate to being a widow, a new mom, a military wife, a military mom, I write for you.

I write because its an outlet. Its an outlet for me to express myself without laying my crazy head on some one's shoulder. I am very well aware that I am a lot to handle. The pure number of therapists and their exasperation at me wasn't my first hint. Very little people can handle all this so at least as I lay it out in a blog its in bits and pieces and you can tune me out, X out of my blog, and never come back. But I want you to come back. I love comments and feedback for the good and the bad (just not too bad okay?) I write for me.

I write because I am an emotional person. I am a talkative person. Its therapeutic for me to write.

Its therapeutic if I can read what I wrote and remember everything about that moment. There is comfort in my blog. In my home away from home

I write for the memories. Memories fade especially as you get to be elderly or you loose childhood memories as you grow so I write for my future self. I write for Alex, James, Skylar, Rick, and William.

I write because I have met many people over the years in my Mommy Support Group online and they like to hear about things I might forget to email. A lot of us have moved on from the email groups because our kids are growing up, we have started working, gotten busy or whatever the reason. Thanks to Facebook and my blog they still have a view into my life. I write for my Online Friends and Family. I write for my Mommy Group Friends.

I wrote while my husband was deployed so encase I didn't get to talk to him on the phone or I forgot to tell him something I would write and rant about my day to day on my blog as long as it wasn't too personal. I write for my husband. After all I owe my blog for introducing us ;)

I write because we are a military family. Being a military family the best way to share what is going on in my world with my extended family spread all out is to share it on my blog. I wish my mom had internet and a computer.. maybe soon. I write for Rick's family and my family.

I write because I wouldn't remember my cat's birthday's LOL. I blogged about when we got Tinker Bell and when we got Mittens.

I write on a blog because paper is too easily destroyed, misplaced, or worse. When I wrote things down in high school and middle school I used a special type of Five Star Notebook with the spiral on top. Do I have those now? No I wish I did even though my poems are probably embarrassing it was me at 15 & 16. I have been published I don't have any of that either. I write this because things are lost and forgotten.

I write this blog to inspire. Perhaps a new military wife will read this blog and realize she has the strength to survive a hard deployment. A single mom has the fight of fight left in her. A lost Christian can find their way back. A widow will learn it doesn't heal but it does get easier. I write to a mother who has lost her husband or her child as I have and just tell her to hold on. If I can educate one person with my experiences my blog has done what I want it to. I have survived child abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault, I've been widowed, lost the rights to my child, and I can survive two deployments! Go me! I write this blog to spread laughter. I am no comedian but I am sure something my kids have done is funny or perhaps a funny story or graphic made you smile.

I write on StormyAries Creations http://stormyariescreations.blogspot.com/ to show off. To teach. To keep track of what I do and what I create. To list ideas. To try new ideas. Its my creative side.

I write because its who I am.

A vacation I hope to take this year...

In 2010 I had to attend my step father's funeral near Mobile Alabama. We had never been there before. We visited Daulphin Island but it was dark and we couldn't do anything but there was this really cool Civil War Fort. Fort Gaines Its one of the nations most endangered historical sites! Article : Here
So I would like to go back to Daulphin Island and explore it more and take the ferry over to Gulf Shores Alabama and enjoy a day at the beach. Maybe we could even find a cabin or hotel at Gulf Shores and Ferry over to Daulphin Island. Then after a day or two of enjoying the Gulf of Alabama maybe head over toward Mississippi or Louisiana and visit a long time friend Danielle.

My Family reuniting after more than 6 years.

You see I run a Mommy Support Group Online and I have ran it for 11 years this past October. Danielle was one of my first members. We were just discussing the other day how we met and we have conflicting stories about how I found her or got her to join. Anyways we talk almost every day by phone but we have never met the 10 years we have known each other online and through the phone.  I have met several other mommy loop members including close friend Kristin. I have actually gotten to see her twice! She is from New York, There is Michelle that conveniently lived 20 minutes from me as well as Lindsay. My Mommy loop has been a blessing for me over the years. Most of us have children that are nearly adults or entering into teen phase but some of us are new or once-again mothers as well. If your interested in joining my mommy loop leave me a comment or email at bellassecondlife@gmail.com for more information. Hopefully I get to meet another Mommy Loop member next month so naturally Danielle wants us to meet up soon! Danielle's daughter as well as Kristin's daughter have been talking to mine! Its so neat! I wonder if I had a bunch of money could I fly all my mommy friends to one resort and have a blast or even bring their families? Can you imagine!

Danielle and Darin's kids

Danielle and Darin

Kristin and I in 2010

Kristin and I in 2011

Chelley, Skylar & I

Clique, spoiled Brat, stuck up B**ch, and Snob

You think you have a clique but really your just pretentious snobs. If you think your bad ass who are weeding out the "weak" take a look at yourself in the mirror. So you pretend like your better than everyone else thats why people don't fit into your clique, group or otherwise known as snob community. Undeserving of your attention. I know how this works I am well aware. You put on your padded push up bra, your fake bake tan, your CZ diamonds, and your expensive clothes you bought on credit. Pretending to be someone you aren't. Desperate Housewives of New Jersey/Atlanta/Orange County... Um all that is .. is a bunch of drama. Why would I want to be part of your clique? So if I don't fit into your world then I can just take notes from Bravo Channel programming? haha. You don't like me why? Because I keep it real? I don't wear expensive clothing? have a boob job... and I don't feel like putting on my Bare Minerals make up everytime you see me because I don't feel the need to IMPRESS you. Oh excuse me the only impressions I make are on my husband in the privacy of my home and God. Your not my ticket into Heaven. Avoiding you will probably get me there faster actually. In the Army Life some of us know that we have our own bunch of drama. There are some wives that cheat on their husbands. I don't want anyone to think we are all that way  however that a good precentage are this way. They aren't. But some are. I also know some Military Wives that create their own sources of drama just to keep their lives interesting. Like the stupid crap I had happen to me on Facebook this week. I have also been ostracized from stupid Military Cliques because my husband wasn't their husbands MOS or I am supposedly a rank whore because I haven't been married to my husband for his length of his career. Oddly enough I wasn't dissed much because of his rank and I know that is a problem for alot of people. Maybe he was in enough middle ground haha. I don't wear his rank, his MOS, his time-in... anything. I wear my Army Wife Patch proudly. I am proud of what **I** have accomplished. I am proud of what HE has accomplished seperately and together. Mommy Groups, Mommy Meetups, Mommy Cliques... You name it they are all nothing but a clique. I pride myself on the group I run myself. I have been running for 10 years because I think we are very varied and I am pretty receptive to all walks of life. Matter of fact I LOVE it except ignorance. Even that can be entertaining. Okay so off track.
You maybe shouldn't leave your group for strangers to join. Perhaps you should recruit from within if your going to be that stuck up. If I don't get dressed up once a week to go to the meat market with you ladies and drink your expensive wine... I am sorry its not the way I roll. If the way I roll makes me ghetto... fine. I laugh though considering the life style I was raised in. Maybe I am anti-snob.
Wait I now interrupt this program for a broadcast emergency system....
Define Snob:

Main Entry: snob



Pronunciation: \ˈsnäb\


Function: noun


Etymology: origin unknown


Date: 1781


1 British : cobbler


2 : one who blatantly imitates, fawningly admires, or vulgarly seeks association with those regarded as social superiors


3 a : one who tends to rebuff, avoid, or ignore those regarded as inferior b : one who has an offensive air of superiority in matters of knowledge or taste

We now return you to your reguarly scheduled programming

So I guess I don't get it. You pretend to be someone your not, You act spoiled so some people can't stand to be around you, You disregard others and disrespect them by being unreliable. You have to tire yourselves out putting on your best, loading up your credit cards, and stealing precious time away from your loved ones (Like Children, Husbands, Military Members, RELIGON)... So because I keep it real and I don't pretend I don't belong in your clique? Oh I keep it real and I don't stab people in the back and lie that makes me not worthy of your friendship? At what point do you have a meeting of the secret society of stuck up bitches to decide that I am not good enough. I mean I don't think I smell bad, I am not gross, I am on my best behavior (sans alcohol), My kids are nice to your kids, My husband is unsociable but polite? So what's your fucking deal?

Do you think for once that you should just be yourself? I am not into your games and drinking. I don't mind having a good time with some nice girl friends. Just ask about the last Moms Night Out I had, and the one before that. HA I even did it with people in your stupid stuck up clique.. I am so freaking tired of Mommy Groups who aren't supportive and Military Wives weeding out the weak... Honey if they military weeded out the weak then your ass would have been long gone for starting drama long ago. Another blog for another time but the Military is about Politics and Politicians are back stabbing enough they don't need your help. When I go to a play date, a moms night out, a military function. I go to meet NICE people who are honest and true. That have things in common with myself, my husband or my children. I don't even have to like them! As long as my child has fun I am happy. Why do women have to act like overgrown children? We have a hard enough time keeping men from regressing back to the age of 5!

Ugh I have terrible writers block tonight but I got really irritated by this weeks Facebook Drama, A stupid Meetup Group and some people in General. Quit acting entitled and spoiled maybe people will be more honest with you!

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