I guess I can't complain I have a pretty cool daughter

I have always called Skylar my clone.. its funny how she is named after a virtual stranger... yet she is my clone. I did want to name her Bella (which is my nickname) but I was out voted. Skylar was my second idea for a name. 

 

Here is both of us at 3 years old or so... If I show someone the picture of me they think its Skylar. Skylar has never worn glasses. She didn't inherit my family's lazy eye.

However she has been my clone since conception and making a surprising entrance... When I was born I was born with extra toes and webbed fingers a lot of birth defects. When she was born she was breech and stuck and came a month early weighing 5 lbs 8 oz. She's been a force of life ever since. 

She has my strength and stubbornness for sure. She's messy and emotional like me. She is so much like me in some ways that we butt heads because I don't know how to reach her.

She has similar struggles as I did in school and I don't want her to grow up something fierce.. Afraid of life. I know one thing will be different. I will be there for every bump and bruise unlike my mothers. As she has become a teenager she has shown interest in a certain boy band or two.. No they aren't the same ones I adored at her age. She is showing interest in other music too.. rock music... Nirvana, Beatles, My Chemical Romance, Oasis, Eminem, Rolling Stones, and Evanescence I did like in my younger days. I adored Nirvana... Unlike most generations we actually mesh pretty well about music.. Maybe I am just a cool mom :)

We don't even have to fight about clothes too often.. I often find her stealing mine. 

So yeah I can't complain about my tween yet.. she's pretty cool.

I love you Skylar Ann! 

Okay so my blog comes with a warning

If sometimes when you go to my blog it has a little disclaimer warning you there might be foul language or other adult content. That's because in the past I have made things with graphics that might be inappropriate for kids. I do have a potty mouth as well I admit. The F word flows out of my mouth without me even thinking about it. My 5 year old has tried to get away with being a mockingbird so the mouth has been cleaned up off line. The F word jumps out and I over use it out of anger and excitement and I over use LOL too. I am making it a personal challenge to not LOL on here. There are a few foul words I don't approve of believe it or not and the male members of my house hold has to pay $1 per word or $2... depending on my mood and fines doubled on Sunday for one of those... But I have NEVER gotten in trouble for using a word I didn't know was a foul word.. Okay so its not the prettiest word and I probably wouldn't appreciate it coming out of my child's mouth but I don't say Shut Up either... I just got flagged on Facebook for saying something "pissed me off". If I wasn't so upset about my "Dad" I would probably laugh like crazy...

Just so you know I leave the disclaimer up just encase something slips :)

New Facebook Cover

This is the last time...

An Open letter...
    To the one who broke my heart,

I am so drained and tired of the power you hold over me. I constantly feel myself coming back to you. Coming back just to be abandoned again. Your worthless apologies keep me tied up. I am tired of thinking for once, maybe one day, you will follow through with your apologies and empty promises. The guilt of you brings you back just for you to disappear again. Do you ever think how I broke behind another slammed door? Do you ever think of the tears I shed because you aren't here? I can't keep putting myself through this. Not just for my sanity but for my kids. I have to be a better parent to them and not get caught up in your lies. I fear you hurting my children with the same fantasies and fairy tales you've led me to believe. Over the years the words to tease me and reel me in again. To make me forgive you just once more just for you to fade away. All I ever wanted was for you to be there for me. So many times I lay hurt and alone and you weren't there.  I am sick and tired all of these games. You've ruined your last chance to keep me around you let me down again. After you leave I am back to being a broken child. You leave such a mess for me to clean up time and time again. There is no reason why I shouldn't be on the top of your list yet time and time again for years and years I am left alone. Maybe you never loved me, I think how can that be? How could you not love me? Why am I so unlovable? Why do you continue to abandon my kids and I. At least the other's could stay away once they left....

This is the last time I am asking you this... If I am not on the top of your list then don't come back anymore. If not to spare my feelings and not kick me while I am down. Don't dare break my children like you've broken me. You will never have that power over them. Ever. One day they will know the truth.

                                                                                                                                      Me...

Found myself at your door,
Just like all those times before,
I’m not sure how I got there,
All roads they lead me here.

I imagine you are home,
In your room, all alone,
And you open your eyes into mine,
And everything feels better,

[Both:]
Right before your eyes,
I’m breaking, no past
No reasons why,
Just you and me.

This is the last time I’m asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I’m asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye.

[Taylor Swift:]
You find yourself at my door,
Just like all those times before,
You wear your best apology,
But I was there to watch you leave,

And all the times I let you in,
Just for you to go again,
Disappear when you come back,
Everything is better.

[Both:]
When right before your eyes,
I’m aching, run fast,
Nowhere to hide,
Just you and me…

This is the last time I’m asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I’m asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye…

This is the last time you tell me I’ve got it wrong,
This is the last time I say it’s been you all along,
This is the last time I let you in my door,
This is the last time, I won’t hurt you anymore.

Oh, oh, oh,

This is the last time I’m asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I’m asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye.

This is the last time I’m asking you this, (this is the last time I’m asking you this)
Put my name on the top of your list, (name on the top of your list)
This is the last time I’m asking you why, (this is the last time I’m asking you why)
You break my heart in the blink of an eye. (You break my heart…)

This is the last time I’m asking you this,
Time I’m asking you this,
Time I’m asking you this,
Time I’m asking you this..

Mom never gets a sick day

I admit when Rick is sick I get grouchy because I know the probability of me getting it is high. Like this week. William got food poisoning and or the stomach flu. Rick came up with it next and he just laid around and "acting" out of it. I would ask him questions and I got "I don't knows" from him. The bed needed to be made but he didn't know where to find the sheets or what they looked like. Oh yes and he basically snored on the couch most of the day. First of all I know he really was sick because he is a work a holic even on a weekend he will check his work laptop frequently.  But I am an out right witch when my husband or adult step son is sick. I admit it. I can sit here and try to claim its not me that is mean to them when they are sick that I baby them just like I do my younger ones. But I am not going to lie on my blog. I am a bitch and you want to know why? I have been sick one way or another most of my life. I have had more surgeries/operations/procedures done than I can count. I have more stitches than the average person and I have had over 100 staples lining my head from ear to ear. I have a higher tolerance of pain probably. I don't bitch and moan when I am sick. Before we all caught the stomach flu we had Whooping cough except the little ones because of their vaccinations.  I was pretty ill. I still had to take care of my kids with a 102 fever.  No one takes off of work to care for me. Moms are like Soldiers we get no sick days LOL. So when Rick is home sick I treat him like I get treated.... oh sure like right now I am pretty sure I have an abscess tooth I have been neglecting getting it pulled and the stomach bug... Rick feels sorry for me that I am in so much pain I have to take Vicodin but I always get a bad reaction from it. But he goes to work because he has to work he can't stay home and take care of me. I don't get a nanny to fill in for me when I am sick. Not many moms do get a helping hand when they just feel like they can't cut it. So why should I say "poor baby" when my husband is sick. My adult step son is extra pitiful. I just can't give anyone a pity party when I've been there and survived. 

Overcoming Fear

A few years ago I was in a group therapy setting back in Georgia in my old life. The therapist told a story about an old Lion watching over his pride. Outsiders wouldn't come close because when the old lion would roar it would sound loud and scary. In reality the lion was old and his joints were bad and he just couldn't fight like he used to... The lion had a young son in the pride though who's voice wasn't as strong as his father's but his bite and fight were stronger. The "False Evidence" is the older lion's roar.. it made him appear scary yet there wasn't much fight left in him. This quote and this story has pretty much given me some foundation for my "Second Life." 

I don't know I guess my brain is wired differently. I have anxieties just as much as the next person. I have one type of anxiety dealing with my Post Traumatic Stress that is irrational at times but with my anxieties overall I have them in check most of the time. I had a good friend that had anxieties and my step son struggles with them and I have never fathomed letting fear control me. When I was struggling with depression I had a dream that I was back at my first church Trinity and we were having a lock in and I woke up to see demon's taking my church family that I was extremely close to dragging them out of the church. When I woke up I just said to myself perhaps depression is the devil's way of casting doubt or trying to cloud your mind. From that moment I decided I wouldn't let demon's win. I know I sound like I am over the top and usually I am not but about certain things it just pushes it up to the surface. My feelings that fear shouldn't control me comes from this nightmare... this dream as if it was a direct message from God. I have been through a lot of trials in my life starting from birth, dealing with my parents issues with drugs, abuse, & neglect. Then operations through out my teen years. Domestic Violence as an adult and loosing my first husband and son. Then getting out of another unhealthy relationship. Now finally surviving deployments, being away from Mackenzie and dealing with the new challenges that are set before me. I have never lived my life with fear controlling me. I do what I have to do to get it done or I would have never have made it this far. 

I have talked in my blog about learning to give it to God I am not going to repeat all that again. But just using these tools has helped me overcome fears

My Volunteer Work

I don't mind Volunteering as a matter of fact I am always trying to scheme up ways to volunteer. There is just never enough time. Sadly I haven't been able to volunteer with my daughters activities (class or girl scouts) because I always have to have William with me. Its something I have felt guilty about for awhile.
As a teenager I volunteered in a Homeless shelter in Atlanta for recovering Drug Addicts. I would volunteer to clean up the Atlanta Motor Speedway after a race (that is DISGUSTING!), I have volunteered to clean up rivers and creeks as a teenager. As an adult I have ran a mommy group since my oldest was 6 months old and Bella's Mommy Chat is 11 years old going strong :) Why do I consider this a volunteer activity because I believe I have helped many young mothers through the loneliness and difficulty of having a new baby. When I was in the thick of my "first life" I had Department Family and Children Services examining every move I made, They had me in a job program where I had to get a job, daycare assistance, Medicaid, Food Stamps, WIC, and Temporary Assistance for Needy Families. I have had all the assistance they can give me... the good and the bad. They believed I was doing volunteer work through Bella's Mommy Chat and PAID me until I had a regular paying job. I also volunteered at Tallatoona CAP to help Low Income families get heating costs met, medicines, and food. Once I became an Army Wife I did volunteer at Army Community Service. I didn't get to do much but I wanted to do so much more. I helped out with the Waiting Spouses. Waiting Spouses are those spouses who have husband's that are geographically separated. I was also like an FRG Leader/Point of Contact for my husband's MITT team. I was the go to girl for the whole Tennessee and Alabama area :)

Carpe diem - the time I actually seized the day.

Should I start by telling a Thelma and Louise or a Bonnie and Clyde type story.. Sharing a bunch of pictures of our journey. It really didn't happen with all the thrill and excitement that Hollywood gives us. My Louise to my Thelma they were not with me but I thought maybe they were supporting me from the comfort of their homes in Florida and New York. My "Brad Pitt" wasn't in a convertible but it was a rusty old Geo Metro oh and we had a four year old stow away. The day I said Carpe Diem knowing I was giving up a whole branch of my family tree... just chopping it right down. Leaving behind the world I created in Georgia when just months earlier I swore I would never leave as long as Mackenzie was stuck there. In 24 short hours I decided to wrap the scarf around my neck grab my 4 year old by the hand and just jumped into the abyss without looking. Believe it or not the 4 hour car ride to Huntsville wasn't filled with awkward silences. I was in lust or love with my prince charming we seemed to mesh like Peanut Butter and Jelly. We had just met in person less than 48 hours earlier but we KNEW each other in such a deeper meaning and way we drove into our future without looking in the rear view mirror

JO DEE MESSINA - BYE BYE LYRICS
Boy you sure look good there standin' in the doorway in the sunset light

Maybe I read you wrong thinkin' you could be my Mr. Right

I was puttin' my heart and soul on the line

Said you needed some time, just a little more time to make up your mind

Well it's been long enough

Time is up



Bye bye love I'll catch you later

Got a left foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off

I ain't never lookin' back and that's a fact

I've tried all I can imagine

I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion

I've got pride I'm takin' it for a ride

Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye



Don't think all those tears are gonna hold me here like they've done before

You'll find what's left of us in a cloud of dust on highway 4

Baby what did you expect me to do

Just sit around and wait on you

Well I'm through watchin' you just skate around the truth

And I know it sounds trite

I've seen the light



Bye bye love I'll catch you later

Got a left foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off

'Cause I ain't never lookin' back, and that's a fact

I've tried all I can imagine

I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion

I've got pride I'm takin' it for a ride

Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye



I'd lost the game I guess

I did my best to win the part

Now I'm leavin' here with what's left of my heart

Bye bye, I'll catch you later

Got a left foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off

'Cause I ain't never lookin' back you can count on that

I've tried all I can imagine

I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion

I've got pride I'm takin' it for a ride

Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

Bye bye

Oh baby

Oh

Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

LyricsBay | JO DEE MESSINA - BYE BYE LYRICS

Confessions

This one is a late post because honestly I couldn't think of something. I am not afraid to fess up when I've been caught but I have been leading a pretty honest life in this second life of mine. So I thought I would do some story telling and say I've been caught at the end... that this was all an elaborate story... not the truth. Writers block must have hit me hard. I had a busy day yesterday starting at 9 am and I really didn't get home till after dinner for an extended period of time. Then my daughter wanted to cook a recipe out of her cook book and watch A Smile As Big As The Moon...So blogging didn't come priority yesterday.

I guess I will tell you that I wasn't as always as an honest teen. I did have a bad or mischievous crowd of friends from time to time. Some friends of mine did drugs... I did not. They snuck out I wouldn't dare...

Ah but I did try smoking and I did steal from Helene's purse (my guardian)...

so here are three childhood confessional stories from my (I really didn't think I was a HORRIBLE teen) teen life. 

Helene used to smoke so she was more sensitive to the smell I think. As an ex smoker I can say I am more sensitive to it now then I was then too. Helene's husband used to smoke but no one was allowed to smoke in the house. Even Helene's elderly father had to scoot over to the back door of his downstairs apartment to smoke. Chuck Helene's husband would go out the front door. I don't know why but for some reason I decided to smoke in my room. (I was such an idiot). I had a can by the window sill and I cracked it open enough to blow smoke out and put the cig out in the can. Well apparently I left the pack in my purse and went for a walk. She went into my room for whatever reason and found the pack of cigarettes I blamed it on my friend Stephanie saying they were hers. I had been caught... but she bought my story... I think.

I would be so paranoid outside smoking while walking around the neighborhood with friends because I knew my guardian knew a good bit of the neighbors anyone of them could have called her.

Another story is about a twenty dollar bill. Helene had have several misplaced twenty dollar bills that I wasn't responsible for. My "boyfriend" Nick needed cash for something probably cigarette's or pot.. So I stole twenty and gave it to him. Well he took it to the closest store and bought High Times Magazine with it. Helene had followed us and went into the store and had secretly marked the twenty and we had been caught... Now that I committed a misdemeanor she had committed a felony... so who caught who?

My Guardian had a son named Duane and Duane was married to Sherry. Sherry was rarely ever the big sister people would have thought she would have been to me. Duane was always like a father/brother. Sherry was always a pain in my a$$. I admit there was some jealousy because Helene (my guardian) would buy her gifts for Daughter of the Year (you have your own stinkin' daughter). She would always call her that where I was called hey this is the girl I have custody of... even if I had been in her life almost all of mine. I was never my daughter unless it was "good" for her. I always felt like a black sheep. I rarely felt like Sherry was nice to me. She always seemed against me which made me rebel. The time I came home WAY past curfew and Helene told Sherry to punish me. I think I would have looked at it differently if Sherry had her own kids at this time (now she has 4.) But Sherry was always the bad guy it drove me mad. Okay so the story goes we had sat down for dinner one night and I had secretly dyed my hair with one of those temporary dye's... I wanted auburn hair (I still want more auburn in my hair). Well at dinner one night Sherry had noticed my hair was slightly different... oops the dye was fading and turning a weird shade of purple. It was barely noticeable because Helene had not noticed until Sherry tattled on me. I had a job I earned my own money and bought hair dye. I got in so much trouble. Also near my job at Publix was a Blockbuster Video so I rented Dangerous Minds (you know Michelle Pfieffer is a bad ass teacher to bad ass kids in the hood) and Sherry tattled on me about that as well. I had to return it without even watching it. Yet Charlotte used to let me go into her room and watch scary movies! (She was the cool "sister")

So there ya have it... That's how I got caught and you go to see the confessions from my teen years.

What I want for my birthday.

Birthday Countdown Clock Generator
Wow a lot of great movies are coming out next month... hmm to early for my birthday but if I don't get to see them then perhaps I could go see Phantom Menace in 3D, The Vow, or The Big Miracle, Maybe one of the Snow White movies. Titanic in 3D is coming out closer to my birthday. I love Tulips so I would like tulips for my birthday. Maybe a Scentsy. There a lot of things that are on my Christmas List that I want but we are working real hard to pay off bills from Christmas lol. The top things on my wish list are a Cricut, a DSLR, a New Purse, New Balance, Jewelry.... I have been doing a lot of buying for PSP so maybe those type of gifts maybe just a nice planned vacation or a car trip somewhere. I am good with exploring Nashville 
I would love this Carlo Biagi bracelet- we couldn't afford one like the one pictured or maybe just begin with getting beads to design it. I would love a similar bracelet or a charm bracelet with the hanging charms

 I guess I may have to add and repost so Hubby see's it lol

I am afraid

 I have PTSD. I have never been to war. I have only seen what apparently my eyes shouldn't have seen. It was just too much for my brain to cope with even after 10 years. In 2001 I was separated from my husband at the time because he was abusive. I lived with an almost stranger he was a very nice guy. I lived with Mack in a sleeping bag in his living room. No Drivers License, No Job, No Money and I just had what I left the homeless shelter on my back. I was trying to find a job wherever I could walk with Mackenzie on my hip. It was hard. I had my Guardian pressure me to let Adam see his son. I had turned off all the utilities to our shared apartment. I was down to a few diapers, $5, Mackenzie had an ear infection, and my other Guardian had passed away Fathers Day Weekend 2001. So I agreed to meet Adam and let him take Mackenzie to the pediatrician. I made an appointment. He was supposed to bring him back that Sunday (Father's Day). He never brought Mackenzie back. There is nothing the police would do because we had equal and shared custody since we were still married. There is nothing Child Protective Services or Department of Family and Children Services would do even though he was under investigation for the abuse and neglect. I needed a lawyer. I didn't have money for a lawyer. I didn't have support from my family or my Guardian. So I couldn't fight his rich family. After that I went through a series of supervised (by his mother's order) visits. I was invited into her home in her living room as an adult stood at every door, door way, and window. I wasn't allowed to hold him and I was treated like a criminal. I had no legal right to pick him up and take him out of the house. I was only allowed to see him because CPS/DFACS had let them know it was in his best interest (and Adam's my husband) to let me have visitation. That's the only time they would interfere. In 2003 Adam ended up passing away from a seizure in the middle of the night at his mother's house (supposedly) while he had Mackenzie with him. I found out a month later by subpoena that he died and they wanted to adopt Mackenzie. Again I still had no $5,000 for a lawyer... I still don't. In September 2003 I lost Mackenzie.

My world tumbled in a downward spiral thankfully by September 2003 I had an almost 1 year old daughter that had helped me stay above water from drowning. I fully believe that and faith that God knew what my plan was helped me through that year and several years after. In 2006 I broke up with an abusive man I was dating. He did drugs and drank and was emotionally abusive. In 2007 I was meeting my now husband for the first time and like a responsible mother I left my daughter who was 4 at this time, with my sister that I thought I could trust until I got the call that my ex had came and picked up Skylar and took her. He had no legal right to Skylar. He is not Skylar's father. He also stole my purse. I went to the police station to file a report on my missing ID etc we were out of jurisdiction for the "kidnapping". I didn't think they took it seriously. I went into the police station in the area where I lived. They agreed to drive me by the house... no one was there. They couldn't take me as far out as my ex's father's house. So we were sitting at the Sheriff's office for a time trying to take a next step (again does it sound like they took kidnapping seriously? Go Gordon County!) I got a call from my ex's uncle asking me if I called the cops on his nephew. I told them yes but I hadn't pressed charges yet so he agreed to bring her back. Skylar and my ex were in the woods hiding in the middle of the night. I got Skylar back and left the state and haven't looked back!

Were either of my children actually kidnapped and never seen again no? But most children are kidnapped by a loved one or someone they know. Were they taken away from me while I was powerless? YES!

I have a fear of my children being kidnapped. I am very protective. I am hyper attentive to them.  I have PTSD. I control it REALLY well occasionally though I get an anxiety attack when I can't 1) access my child. If I don't know where they are or I can't touch them or see them. I freak out. 2) like any normal mother I hurt when they hurt. I turn into mother bear. I am told I would be crazy if I didn't react with my amount of protection. Jaycee Dugards of the world re-enforce my need to put GPS tracking on my kids. So my last Anxiety attack was the last time we went to marriage counseling but I didn't react I worked through it. The time before was the issue with the church and the time before that was over a  year when the school doors were locked with CHILDREN inside. Normally the outer most doors are unlocked you can A) enter the lobby and talk to the receptionist through the window or use their little machine and MOST of the time the school office door is unlocked. The inner most doors STAY locked from the outside. Well the OUTER most doors are locked - which is probably against fire code. I went to the Cafeteria and those doors were unlocked but I was greeted by a chick I didn't know wearing street clothes and I was told I couldn't enter the building and I couldn't speak to my child. So I got back in the car kinda in shock and I told Rick who had been working for 24 hours straight so he wasn't all with it. A mile an a half to the house and I had him calling the school. Boy was I heated! Of course they just said maybe I didn't know how to open the doors myself LMAO. Untrue and covering their ass. There have been times when Skylar is doing something with a friend going to an event that I am not there that is not at their house and I am NOT okay but I am calm. Or a babysitter has them but doesn't check in I get nervous. Rick gets nervous. One time I had a close friend watching Skylar and she took Skylar to her aunts and I was a wreck but I didn't flip out on her I just said please bring her back because I didn't know where her aunt lived and I didn't know if I could drive there or not. So my worst fear is my PTSD. My only other major fear is driving in the dark and rain. I didn't get my drivers license until I was 27 and I get nervous when I drive sometimes. I am pretty strong in controlling that as well. I am afraid of being attacked but again I think that's just common sense to be aware of your surroundings and don't put yourself at risk if you don't have to. I don't let my fear control me with the except of one of the few times my PTSD hit so bad. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real... a fear can be as simple as a big ole injured lazy lion with his big roar that can't do much but lay there and growl but from a distance it sounds  scarier than it is. I don't let the devil win either. I believe that its just another way to make things weigh me down, loose hope, loose faith. I remain strong and I do believe I am being taken care of.

I write..

I write because:

I write because most of the time it comes naturally to me.

I have written in one form or another since I was little.

I write because I have forgotten things I would have liked to have recorded in some way and shared perhaps only with Mackenzie. I write to record thoughts, feelings, events, pictures... etc.

I write for my children to share about their childhood unfortunately its the good and bad.

I write for Mackenzie for all of the time he missed and everything I want to share with him. I write for Mackenzie.

I have had a blog since my old life. I remember my first blog on Livejournal. Its still there 

I have used Yahoo 360, Myspace, Xanga, Open Diary and other pages.  Look here

I blogged then to vent I am sure my friends were tired of  me nagging about one ex or another.

I still vent on my blog but I try not to get as deep as I used to. I wonder if that's why my comments and views went down since I became an Army Wife. 

I have a blog to write my experiences as a wife, daughter, sister, friend, Army Wife, Army Mom, and mother to kids of all different ages. I write as my experiences dealing with Aspergers. I write with my experiences in my journey as being a spouse and step mom to someone in the Military. I write for those of who've dealt with depression or mental illness or any illness at all. I have. I have overcome challenges. I defy odds.  I write for you if you can relate to being a widow, a new mom, a military wife, a military mom, I write for you.

I write because its an outlet. Its an outlet for me to express myself without laying my crazy head on some one's shoulder. I am very well aware that I am a lot to handle. The pure number of therapists and their exasperation at me wasn't my first hint. Very little people can handle all this so at least as I lay it out in a blog its in bits and pieces and you can tune me out, X out of my blog, and never come back. But I want you to come back. I love comments and feedback for the good and the bad (just not too bad okay?) I write for me.

I write because I am an emotional person. I am a talkative person. Its therapeutic for me to write.

Its therapeutic if I can read what I wrote and remember everything about that moment. There is comfort in my blog. In my home away from home

I write for the memories. Memories fade especially as you get to be elderly or you loose childhood memories as you grow so I write for my future self. I write for Alex, James, Skylar, Rick, and William.

I write because I have met many people over the years in my Mommy Support Group online and they like to hear about things I might forget to email. A lot of us have moved on from the email groups because our kids are growing up, we have started working, gotten busy or whatever the reason. Thanks to Facebook and my blog they still have a view into my life. I write for my Online Friends and Family. I write for my Mommy Group Friends.

I wrote while my husband was deployed so encase I didn't get to talk to him on the phone or I forgot to tell him something I would write and rant about my day to day on my blog as long as it wasn't too personal. I write for my husband. After all I owe my blog for introducing us ;)

I write because we are a military family. Being a military family the best way to share what is going on in my world with my extended family spread all out is to share it on my blog. I wish my mom had internet and a computer.. maybe soon. I write for Rick's family and my family.

I write because I wouldn't remember my cat's birthday's LOL. I blogged about when we got Tinker Bell and when we got Mittens.

I write on a blog because paper is too easily destroyed, misplaced, or worse. When I wrote things down in high school and middle school I used a special type of Five Star Notebook with the spiral on top. Do I have those now? No I wish I did even though my poems are probably embarrassing it was me at 15 & 16. I have been published I don't have any of that either. I write this because things are lost and forgotten.

I write this blog to inspire. Perhaps a new military wife will read this blog and realize she has the strength to survive a hard deployment. A single mom has the fight of fight left in her. A lost Christian can find their way back. A widow will learn it doesn't heal but it does get easier. I write to a mother who has lost her husband or her child as I have and just tell her to hold on. If I can educate one person with my experiences my blog has done what I want it to. I have survived child abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault, I've been widowed, lost the rights to my child, and I can survive two deployments! Go me! I write this blog to spread laughter. I am no comedian but I am sure something my kids have done is funny or perhaps a funny story or graphic made you smile.

I write on StormyAries Creations http://stormyariescreations.blogspot.com/ to show off. To teach. To keep track of what I do and what I create. To list ideas. To try new ideas. Its my creative side.

I write because its who I am.