Friendships

I am not without flaws,  Lately though my friendships and even my marriage have come into focus and I have struggled with my mental illness and it effects my relationships and vice versa. Years ago with O she would be two faced and be like one person to my face and be another person when my back was turned. With B she took me on a roller coaster like it was a nightmare. With my relationships well its quite a journey and not always a healthy one. With MOST of my relationships with family and friends I don't think I am treated as I deserve. I am a loyal, giving, forgiving, thoughtful friend and I can't say how many people in my life that I can expect to rely on with 100%

Rick and I were play catch up with our churches sermons. Pastor Mark spoke a few weeks ago on friendships and it was very relevant. I know not everyone is a Christian and I respect that but if you could watch/download take a moment and listen to this sermon... it even works on your smart phone. Its a good message about being a friend http://willowbrook.sermon.tv/mc/7504392

Pastor Mark says "Do you serve your friends or do you expect to be served by them? Are you a giver or a taker in your relationships? Are you a blessing to your friends or a user? Have you ever had a friend that's a user? Every time they call they want something?" He goes on to talk about his wife Jan who has a friend that always calls and texts and she always needs something. Jan says she just wishes she would talk. I have friends like this and when they do call to talk. They call to talk about themselves or aren't focused on the conversation so what's the point in having one?

I try to be a supportive friend. I may not agree with you but I still try to be there for you. I even have been known to stick up for you even if I don't 100% agree with it. I don't know if this makes me wrong or right.... but when I say hey I started this new forum? Would you mind joining? Hey I am having this fundraiser or online party.... Do you take a look or do you think pfft I can't afford that? Did you even look? How have you been supportive to me? Have you returned the favor lately? HONESTLY how much is it to send an e-card on my birthday? If you know I am going through some issues or a rough time have you offered to cook a meal or just drop the focus on you for ONE minute to see what is going on in my life.

After my hellish roller coaster with B. I stood up to her and yes she did some things that back fired but I took it blow by blow and was the mature one and just kept my mouth shut. I felt for a minute I was closed out of my own circle of friends then I realized if they did that then they weren't my friends. I learned life lessons that year about friendships. I lost two close friends that year because I wasn't willing to be treated like that. Since then I am learning to let go of friends that don't give as much as they take... Especially when I need space. You expect me to call you but you never have picked up the phone yourself? How about the golden rule of treat others like you want to be treated... try that on for size.

Jesus Take the Wheel

For those of you who have read my blog or know me I am sorry if this entry is particularly repetitive. But things that may seem like deja vu are symbolic to the make up that is me and big building blocks in that is that is my faith.

Years ago I read a book called "Gianna". I was inspired by this young woman who's mother tried to abort her and she was born with several birth defects and would never live a "normal" life. She is so brave and so strong in the book she talks about "giving it to God". This was a foreign concept to me. I attended the same church up until adult hood. I was unable in my marriage to attend church freely as I chose. I started attending Trinity Community Church after Adam died. It is the church that watched me grow up and blossom. The church at least some of the members that had known me since I was a toddler. They came to my wedding, to my birthday parties as a child and always supported my family. Eventually I had to move back to where I was living in North Georgia and I didn't have a church home again. My faith had been shaken by the death of my husband, by my separation from him, and the custody battle with my son I eventually lost. I lost my husband and oldest son in the same year. My family had pretty much turned their back on me. My faith was shaken but not gone. Even though I had been through really serious trials, and tests of my faith... its all I had that was TRUE. Its all I had to hold on to. Nothing else promised me it would all work out, that it would all be okay.

Even though I lost my oldest son I still at the time had a little baby (Skylar who is now 8½), living in a different town. I was dating a man who had addictions and problems. Perhaps the only people that can handle my baggage are those who have baggage themselves? He was raised Catholic but like Adam I think he was Atheist. Having my brief few weeks back at Trinity made me realize how good going to church was for my soul. It was like an energizer battery... it gave me energy and strength to go on. I wanted to continue this with my daughter. I was in an impossible relationship for nearly 5 years before it ended. Before it had ended Skylar who was a sippy cup addict would drink chocolate milk at all hours through those Nuby Sippy Cups and it caused cavities even though she would brush brush brush... her molars were damaged. So at 3½ she had to have a lot of baby teeth pulled and filled. She had to go under general anesthesia. With my 20+ surgeries I was scared for her. I cried I was a mess. I remembered Gianna and I prayed and asked friends and people online how do I give it to God? Then I heard "Jesus Take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood. I got some answers and just prayed please get me out of this impossible relationship that puts myself and Skylar at risk. Let her get through this simple procedure without any complications. I cannot loose ANOTHER child. She was pretty much the only earthly thing I had left to keep me going. Eventually I chose to end that relationship and move to Alabama.

Prayers Answered!

I married a Soldier who deployed just months after our wedding. I once again was scared I couldn't handle it. I was scared I would fall apart and wouldn't be able to hold the weight on my shoulders. I was in a new city, no friends, a new step child (or two), a new life all together. I took it in force and I didn't back down. I had stumbles on my journey but I didn't get off the slippery rocks I kept trucking across all with Skylar in tow. She handled it beautifully as well.

4 years later I find myself troubled again. I find myself asking questions and doctors not having the answers. I am not given the answers to the questions. I want help... I beg and a plead. I was driving Skylar to Vacation Bible School (Yes I am back to attending church whenever possible. I couldn't make it without Willowbrook Baptist Church.) "Revelation Song" by Kari Jobe came on. This is a song last year that I would have daily prayer and meditation too. If I did my prayer, praise music, and meditation my day just seemed more complete and fulfilling. Anywhere hearing my song on the radio I realized I hadn't trusted and put my faith in God once again. I failed on my promise to not go down that road and to let him take the wheel. I didn't give my worries to him I let them burden me. I let them tie me down. Its been months I have been struggling especially lately. Its been building but lately its been extra difficult. That day going to VBS I broke down in tears driving and almost had to pull over realized I failed on my faith again because to have worry isn't to trust in HIM. I am so broken without faith. I've been trying to pull it together now but every time I think I take a step forward I take two steps backward and the journey seems to be more difficult. Between medical problems, problems in my relationships, emotional stress... its been a hard rucksack to carry. My burdens are heavy but my faith is still plenty when I choose to see it. I am working on that...

I used to have a sign growing up on my bedroom door... Be Patient God isn't finished with me yet.. I need a new one!

""There are a lot of things to think about, but nothing to worry about." Matt Koepke

Day 19 of 30 dot → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

We have been attending Willowbrook Baptist Church for almost three years now. We are guests. We are not Baptist but we are Christian. Sometimes I say I am Christian with Jewish Residue.. LOL Because Jewish people don't have it ALL WRONG. I am still finding, following and growing with my faith. Pastor Mark is like my leader teaching me about God. If you live in the area Pastor Mark has commercials for Willowbrook on TV and the radio. He is very entertaining and I love the way he teaches the bible. He gets you very involved and mixes history with the "reading" lesson. He is very pro active, hyper, and lots of humor its not a heavy down pour of church church money money.. Its more about community, love and togetherness. I grew up in a very small church called Trinity United Church which is now Trinity Community Church. Having 100 people attend on a Sunday is a good day. Mark would wonder if he didn't see the snow drifts or if something else big happened that he missed if there were only 100 people at Willowbrook. Between Willowbrook Main Campus and the almost 1 year old Willowbrook At Madison (which I attend) there are thousands. I always thought since I attended three small churches prior that I would be lost in the massive church. Willowbrook at Madison probably has 200-400 guests on some Sundays. But I don't feel lost at all. I feel like I can go to Mark, or Pastor Stone, or Elizabeth, Jennifer, or our site Pastor Kevin at Willowbrook at Madison and ask them anything. I am sure they would give me their shirt off their back. They might not know my first name. Elizabeth and I have joked about my facebook saying Bella so that's probably what she knows me by. But they would. When I go to church at Willowbrook at Madison I watch Pastor Mark on a big HD projected screen and again I am okay with that it doesn't bother me or take away from it at all (sorta like watching Nascar on TV if you were there in person you wouldn't have AS good a view LOL) I love bringing people to the church not just doing what the bible says to do but just because I would love for everyone to experience the wonderful things I experience. A few people have started attending because I brag on Willowbrook so much. I love that. When Willowbrook at Madison was being built the stage didn't have carpeting. Pastor Kevin asked us to go up to the stage and write down names of people I pray for or who I think are lost and would love to find a home. I wrote down Betty and Mike. Betty was attending Catholic Mass in AL and KY but I still prayed for her and Mike because they are on an amazing journey with the Army Life and parenting. Right before Mike deployed him and Betty attended Willowbrook and decided to have their baby dedicated to the church. I think they can tell you for themselves it was like being with family and it made me feel so good that day. Betty and Mike fell in love with Willowbrook the same way I had. Even if Betty was really into catholicism. How can you not love Willowbrook or Pastor Mark? Ok maybe to each their own LOL. I just think about the day I wrote their names (and a few others) on that stage... to be covered in carpet and never seen again and the impact just writing a name has and praying. Anyways I don't think that is what the DOT is about. What are my views on Religion. I am Christian but I would love to study and know more about other religions. I have friends that are Wiccan and I don't see why you can't believe in both. I have been to synagogue, and since knowing Betty I have learned about the Catholic and Lutheran faiths. Faith is personal it doesn't need a heading unless it helps you to identify with others. Which I don't need. If anyone wants to ask me I can have an hourS long conversation with them LOL. I don't need a shepherd but Mark is my shepherd now. I believe how I follow the Bible is between God and I and Rick and I often leave church and talk about the sermon for hours or days... lately William has been diverting our attention to playing chase at Wilson Lumber through the doors and windows that are on display. We like to share Willowbrook's message but the individual message to us is personal. I was saved when I was 12 at Trinity and I went through Confirmation and I know what it means. I don't think at this time I want to be Baptized again to join Willowbrook but I LOVE going.

My views on Politics? I don't know if I told you would you understand. I am not supporting Obama and never have. I have many times tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and I just feel he isn't for the American Good. I am patriotic and I think to send thousands to put their life at risk you basically should have also done it yourself. You can't be a CEO for a company you have never worked in. At least not a good one! Don't order my loved ones to March and scrub floors unless your willing to do the same. I don't see Obama as this person. I am not Democratic but I do lean on the Republican side even though I am not an actual republican. I don't vote per party I vote per who is good for the job. For example I like Joseph Lieberman but he used to be a democrat. I like Bob Barr Rep of Georgia... and he is in a small party now after leaving the major party. I believe our fore fathers didn't want to be overlords. I think we have gotten out of hand. Let the smaller states govern themselves and the Federal Government oversea us as a whole. I think that is what it was intended for. Once all the states agree on certain laws then they become Federal laws. I do believe *grin* that any state can succeed if they want to. If they find that something has gone terribly wrong. What are you going to say about it big boy if we can defend and financially support ourselves? I think we came as individuals and we COULD if necessary leave as individuals. A good bit of us as American's do not trust politicians to do their job and they SHOW us they can't for example the people leaving the state so they don't have to vote on the budget. Oh no that is so WRONG! Its not your DECISION your a representation of my vote... That's what your elected for that's what your PAID for....If you can't deal with that surrender your pay check to our Soldiers and get the hell out of office. Rick was concerned at one time that he thought I could be a strong conservative Republican like I was raised but now he jokes that I could run a militia lol

I didn't really stay on topic did I? Oh well lol

Giving it to God my journey

I read Gianna Aborted and Lived to Tell about it. Years and years ago.
Http://www.amazon.com/Gianna-Aborted-Lived-Tell-About/dp/1561793426


She talks about giving it to God etc. I never understood it. When Mackenzie had to go live with the grand bitch I just said God has a reason and its not for me to question it. I mean YOU know how freaked I get about Skylar. She had to have general anesthesia at the age of what 3 or 4 I don't remember to have some teeth removed. I FREAKED big time. I still questioned how to give it to God etc etc. But I did my best. I heard Jesus Take the Wheel (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Oz64m4Akmw&feature=related) and it kinda put me at a calm and I just promised God if he helped me with Skylar that I would give back to him. I would lead my life in another direction. My prayer and promise was a lot like the words to the song. Then when I left that situation in Georgia a year or less later. I questioned the road I was about to take. The Journey... When Rick made the decision that he didn't want to leave me in Georgia and I had to leave the ex and my family. I really was scared to leave Mackenzie behind. I wouldn't live in the state as him anymore. I wouldn't have the safety of my family... Although they looked more unsafe at that time. I knew it would be a better life here. Even once we were married I hoped I chose the right road for Skylar. Then we chose William and retirement and I still questioned my decisions. Now I feel whole about my faith. I kept telling Rick over the summer have faith, pray about it... God will provide and I got the usual yeah whatever... God doesn't pay the bills. But he did! You know how many job interviews Rick has been offered since ITT-CAS? I mean who would have been able to convince him a month ago he would quit ITT-CAS?



I guess I got a little preachy but Willowbrook, My Faith, and God really have renewed something in my soul lately...

Worry Free Wednesday

Worry-Free Wednesday is where I list (you can do this literally or mentally) everything I worry about & I turn it over to God. I don't worry about it any more. Because worrying is the opposite of having faith & we are instructed to have faith. linked from http://sandmountaingirl.blogspot.com/

1. I will try not to worry about money and paying bills because. God will provide and has.
2. I will try not to worry about my family because they are being taken care of by HIM.
3. I will try not to worry about my future because its in his hands and I can't control everything.
4. I will try not to worry about the paths my children take because I provided them with faith and a sound conscience of reason.

5. I will try not to worry about what other people think of me (see earlier blog) because I am loved and I don't need them haha.

Willowbrook WOW

Tomorrow will be our one year Annivesary since we started attended Willowbrook Baptist Church. We were attending church on post and I am not sure what made us want to find something better. But Easter Sunday 2009 we started going to Willowbrook. I knew people that already attended there so I wanted to feel more comfortable. The attendance that Sunday was over Three THOUSAND people. Easter Sunday 2010 Willowbrook decided to open a Madison campus which is closer to our new house (the other campus is a 30 minute drive) we decided to be part of hte launch team we are so passionate about the message and our Pastor Mark. He is A--- MAZING! Of course last week William was sick and so was I so we skipped church. We went to the new campus this week that has 350 chairs. It seats a maxium of 350 people according to the fire marshall. Okay we RAN out of chairs! Easter Sunday we had a special two services at WAM (Willowbrook at Madison) and a total of about 400 people at our campus and 4000 at the main campus. I think Mark said 20 people were baptised last week at WAM. another 20 at the main campus. Can we just stop and say WOW that is amazing. Honestly I haven't listened to last weeks message. You can hear Mark on his commericals and http://www.willowbrook.org/. But if people went home and turned around and came back to church to be Baptized thats serious! The message most of been powerful! I want to thank anyone in Madison and Huntsville and the surrounding areas that came. Coming to any church is great. But Mark's message is something special to Rick and I. He will do amazing things in his life. If you don't live near Huntsville. I am telling you. Listen online! I am proud to be part of such an amazing church.

I know the numbers seem huge but once your in your bible study, Sunday school class, or even the venue's I promise you don't get lost. I always seemed to feel that way because I came from being raised in a tiny church. Its just not that way at Willowbrook. Mark wants to talk to everyone. Mark wants to meet everyone and help everyone. He does amazing things.

Hello Monday

I hope everyone's Monday goes as well as Garfield would want it to. Sunday was pretty slow for us because Skylar has been out of school for a few days due to a Swine Flu Outbreak in the area. No harm no foul she will be back in school. But I kept her out of church too because she wasn't feeling good so in turn I was bummed. I ran by the church and grabbed stuff from the sermon and I will listen to it on podcast so at least I won't miss it.
Finally things can go back to at least my version of normal!!

How was your weekend? Are you glad its Monday again? How are you doing today? Do you have any goals for this week? What are your plans this week? Did anyone do anything to make you moan or make you mad?

Modesty?

After I posted the blog on Modesty and your Child here on my blogger this is the quote that was posted for the day

Set standards for your children as you teach them the importance of modest dress. They should represent themselves as holy and acceptable unto God.