The Unfairness Between Two Lives

I am angry.
Angry at how the world seems to hand out chances unevenly. My father lived most of a full life, deep in his addiction, hurting everyone in his path. He abandoned his children, broke hearts, destroyed trust — and yet, somehow, he kept living. He got to grow old. He got five marriages. Five children he walked away from. And still, the world kept giving him more time.

But Brandon didn’t get that time. He barely reached forty. He didn’t overcome his addiction either, but his addiction wasn’t born out of cruelty — it was born out of pain. It was inherited, in part, from people like my father. It came from wounds that weren’t entirely his fault. And still, life took him.

I can’t stop thinking about the contrast: the man who wasted every chance lived, while the one who still had something good left to give — to his kids, to me — was taken. My future with him was stolen. His children lost their father. And I’m left trying to make sense of how the universe could allow that imbalance.

I’m angry at my father’s survival. Angry at genetics. Angry at addiction. Angry at how unfair it is that Brandon carried pain that wasn’t his to carry. I hate that he had to fight a battle that ran through generations — and still lost it.

I don’t want to understand it yet. I just want to scream at the unfairness of it all. Because it isn’t fair.
Because I loved him.
Because he deserved more than what he got.

Addiction

Amy Winehouse 14 September 1983-  23 July 2011 (aged 27)

I have seen the first hand tragedy of addiction. I have not had a serious addiction myself but I have seen others struggle with it and it  forever changed my own life and compromised my life and not being able to live the fullest life possible. After Heath Ledger died of an "accidental overdose" I mourned. What a huge loss to us as a star was being born. He was so talented and overlooked. The Michael Jackson and every claimed he had a problem and died from an overdose. Sure he had a type of a drug problem same as his famous father in law Elvis who I love. He wanted drugs to kill the demons certainly of his past. Elvis became addicted because of the Army. Either way addiction is addiction... Brittany Spears, Lindsay Lohen, Kurt Cobain and other famous rock stars.  I watched as a youth watched Kurt Cobain basically fall apart of course through the media. Of course he tried to get help and wasn't successful. I have seen addiction in my family, my friends, my relationships. Amy Winehouse was so destructive I wouldn't even buy her music to support her addiction. I was embarrassed for her and sick for her. She was often the brunt of jokes I admit but addiction isn't a laughing matter and the fact that her song about her addiction made her famous. I wasn't surprised that she passed away this week. I had asked Rick which one would go first Lindsay or Amy.  Its sad the world had to loose talent after to talent to something that can be fixed, cured, and prevented. I don't "get" drug addiction and I don't think I ever will. I have my demons and drugs don't make them disappear it just adds more skeletons in your closet.
Russell Brand whom I see (I don't know much about) as a dorky weird guy married to Katy Perry and an Actor or Comedian (maybe a stretch) in his own right that has done things for MTV time to time wrote a beautiful blog to Amy Here its well versed and he is more intelligent than I thought. After alll it shouldn't matter so much as who died or what were the circumstances of their demise but to the public eye that didn't know Amy and shouldn't judge Amy take this time to reach out to someone you know struggling with addiction and ask them to get help. Don't enable them. Pray for a recovery.