Soo... What do I do now?

You ever have something you want to do but not sure how to get started? One of the biggest pet peeves about myself is I am not a self starter. I don't know how to change that. When I am trying to help and fit in I always feel like I am a little slower. Maybe even annoyingly slower. I am underfoot and in the way.

I am not sure how far back this blog goes or the stories I have shared over the years but at the age of 10 I became the ward of the state. So I was not legally adopted but it felt like it. My mother in law also adopted my oldest son. My first husbands god mother used to reunite adoptee's with their family members. I really would like to do the same thing. I think my calling is into social work. You know at 35 I should probably have gotten all this "calling" business wrapped up or pretty close to it. I don't think I could work for the state in human resources, Department of Family and Children Services, Child Protective Services or any of those agencies or that line of work. #1 I have a short temper for those who are just lazy and don't want to do for themselves. I may not be a self starter but I do know how to get up and bust my butt. #2 I am incapable of being B.S.'d.. #3 I just can't do that. So I would like to help in some way and I used to watch this show on TV that was about reuniting those who are adopted with their birth families or vice versa. The ABC show was called Find My Family. I so want to be apart of that dream making. I am the type of girl that bawls during Undercover Boss or Secret Millionaire and maybe even Shark Tank watching other peoples dreams come true. So what am I going to do now? Well I am not sure where to start? Do I start by getting a degree in social work? Family historian? Private investigator? There are many jobs not necessarily ones I wanted where I say how did you get started doing that?

I have an idea for a business even a name and I want to see if its already been under copyright... How do I find out? What's next? Geez I even took Small Business Marketing in college LOL. What

I made a blog post about making decisions on where the baby is going to sleep.

Would you be wonderful and leave a comment?

http://anotherrecruitontheway.blogspot.com/2009/05/cribs-cribs-cribs.html

Clean House

I've been watching Clean House on the Style network all morning and it inspires me. YES I am not a good house keeper. I can do it when I am motivated and when I feel everyone is giving equal effort and really feel bad at the moment for hubby who takes on ALL the crap himself. He deligates chores to James and James likes to give his own ultimatiums about doing chores. This doesn't go over well with me but I am tired of the back lash I get from always going between James and Rick. If Rick wants to take James' back talk then I guess he doesn't care. He doesn't show he cares about taking on the brunt of the housework. He doesn't care that James doesn't have respect. Yeah I am saying it. I mean it and Rick knows how I feel.

I love to be organized and I wish someone would give me the money to completely organize my house. Bookshelves and bookshelves of books and DVD's. Yeah thats my husband's treasure and no I don't feel he should have to get it up. It just needs space which military housing doesn't give. I do like to shop for clothes for Skylar. I don't think I shop for clothes for myself alot but there just isn't room in my closet that I share. I think the kids have a bigger closet than we do. I would love to see Skylar's clothes and toys organized and if i feel I am given adequate room and ability then I would disguard what doesn't fit. A few months ago I had Barbie stuff in the living room but it was well tucked away IMHO so no one would even know its there. Her doll house is thin and sticks in the foyer closet just perfect... well somehow it doesn't anymore :( The rule was that was the only toy allowed in the living room unless she had permission for something else. When she was done with it she was supposed to tell me or James for us to put it away and if she didn't put it away it would be moved to a place where she wouldn't be allowed to play with it. Her bedroom is very cluttered in space. There isn't much space in her room with all the bookshelves and dresser that needs repair. I just feel bad and wished I had help and some expertise on opening it up. Rick and I are at war, he's constantly bringing up purging Skylar's room with her toys because she doesn't play in it because she makes it a mess and being in my condition I just can't clean it up all the time and I am the only one allowed to clean it because no one would do it correctly. Toss here Toss there.. Throw away things I may have spent alot of money on. I think there is nothing wrong with a little girl having alot of dolls, bears, and stuffed animals. Thats what she plays with! But thats one of many of my goals to get our family more organized.

I need your help. Post pictures of how you keep your kids organized and in check. Skylar is 6 and doesn't like to play alot by herself but we are working on it since by August a lot of my time will be taken up by the new baby at least until we get into a groove. Do you limit the amount of dolls and stuff a little girl has? I don't think Skylar has TOOOO MUCH. She didn't have any toys 2 years ago when we moved here.

Its that Time of the Deployment

Well I have watched others go through it. Now I am at that stage of deployment where its wrapping up and little things seem to send me into a tail spin. I am sleeping less and less. I am bitchy... not that I haven't used the bitch card over the past 11 and half months. I still doubt the last months or weeks of deployment are harder than the first. At least for me. But I have yet to finish so we will see. Lately I am so moody and emotional. I cry over things that I haven't cried over in awhile. I have been feeling jealousy, abandonment, and fear. I have done so well with the abandonment feelings till now. I have expected them all along. I mean I am smart enough and my husband and I know neither of us are cheating and I just know him. So these feelings are superficial and not worth the blog their written on. I mean they mean crap and its just myself trying to trip me up. My dreams are wildly intense. My emotions and stress is running high for not many reasons.

James gave me an excuse the other day and it just set me off. I have overcome so much this past year. I have accomplished so many goals and I see him change slowly for the better but at the same time he is holding himself back and his fear is not getting any better. He's just holding on to his fears for dear life. I would have never gotten anywhere this year if I lived for my fear. I just want to have another yet another confrontation with him and say you see how I braved up and how much better my life is? What about you give it a try? I think my willpower is strong I have always thought so. When I put my mind to something I WILL do it. I am stubborn that way. I am built that way! I guess bottom line is like this. There is no I can't there is just you'd f**king BETTER!

As far as excuses go they are all bull crap. When I don't want to drive down town I don't give people my sob story about hitting a pole. I just say I don't like to drive down town and I won't. So if I am supposed to go down town for something I just say sorry I'm not doing it. End of story. As far as I am concerned if your going to feed me your excuse you might as well just tell me your dog ate your homework and I will snap right back. You know its that time of the deployment where I am not taking anymore shit. I have to live through these last few months of this crap and If I have made it this far I expect it out of you too!

Expecting too much? Maybe but I don't care you better give me your all or just go sit in your corner and not bother me with your issues. I am not buying the crap your dishing out.

The bitch card just says this... Its that time of the deployment where I won't tolerate excuses, bull shit, or drama.Its that time of the deployment where I won't take your shit either. Its that time of the deployment where I will pull out the bitch card at random but i won't be a bitch to you if you haven't crossed me.

We are almost at the 3 month mark and Rick and I are already stressing each other out. Incase you don't read my blogs i have been super emotional. My Nightmares are a lot more intense and I just feel like its that time of the month intensified. Now I mentioned to Rick that I would have to postpone Skylar's Dentist appointment till August because I am not sure how much mine is going to cost and I have made another appointment because I have a tooth that either has to get fixed or come out. UGH I didn't even finish my thoughts lol. Anyways so I mentioned that I would postpone the appointment and he's like I can't give you what you need. I am not providing enough for you. I was just telling him that with her school clothes and school supplies I don't know what to budget cause i don't know how much its going to cost. and James errr James was supposed to do something on Wednesday and didn't do it. He gave me a lame excuse and it PISSED me off so I got him back. Rick will be like he needs to grow up then all of a sudden you would think I was telling his little boy to grow up. I have to remind him James is a grown man.

There is a new waiting spouse I promised Rick I wouldn't get involved like I did with the last. Anyways she just got married and her husband just got deployed. She works at the ID office and her and James were talking how he needed the Contractors ID. So she told him to call her at 8 am and she would take care of him. Well his Alarm went off that morning and he went back to sleep. Then she called me at noon and was angry with him. I don't blame her. Standing me up royally pisses me off too. So he finally woke up. I said Betty called to bitch about you standing her up. He said I didn't get much sleep last night so I wasn't awake at 8 am. I said well your Alarm went off why not? Not to mention to him that the night before I was up at 4 am in pain and I didn't get a nap the entire day so do I pity him for having insomnia that is computer induced? Um No priorities are priorities. Funny how he goes to work whether or not he sleeps that I notice or is it that he makes SURE he sleeps if he has to open the next day? So being the moody person I was I got this idea while having lunch with betty. I talked to James' boss' The manager didn't know shit. The assistant manager said Lil Man need an ID card? I said yes and he's not doing it because I won't hold his hand. She said I will make the appointment with him when he gets here and set him straight. I came home as James was leaving for work. I said Susan will make your appointment for you. I want it in hand when you get home. He WASN'T Happy with me for DAYS lol. I told Rick what I had done and Rick was like damn lol. One minute Rick is like stick it to him then the next is like aww Poor James. Shit got old a while back. Betty told me to Call Military One Source to se if they had any resources. They urge me to do Family Counseling. They said that the counselor should set me up with life skills resources for James and help me deal with this battle of Rick and James and back and forth. PROBLEM is talking James into going to counseling. Technically I can't make him all I can do is give him an ultimatum. I've already talked to him  about how its in his best interest to update his EMFP (a special thing for the Army for special needs) and maybe work on getting his dependency extended. Other than getting him to counseling the EFMP office is a BITCH and if he isn't going to try I am not looking forward to fighting the system for nothing.

As for the Pregnancy Emotions going through my non pregnant body. UGH they can leave now! When my former friend went through this stage of deployment she was handed her right to bitch card and took it out on me. I blew that bS off. I was told oh just give her space she's going through the hardest phase of being a Waiting Spouse. I was like damn then I am in for it because my baby starts school at that time. So now that I am at that point with less than a few months away my husband will be home after a long 14 month deployment. I just feel pregnant with the emotions. I cried during Wall-E today. I am freaked out over nightmares. Not sleeping.

Watched Wall-E and I cried. I watched Army Wives and cried of course I cried during Army Wives. At least no more Anxiety attacks whew. Army Wives should come with disclaimers Army Wives SHOULD NOT watch this show it could be potentionally dangerous to your health if your husband is deployed. HAHA! Its like watching Baby Story while your in labor you know you shouldnt but you just can't look away!!

So as I am getting a bigger boot to put down my foot a little harder. I am also having crazy mood swings that could go away anytime they want to. The Guilt because my daughter assumes I am her playmate 24/7 when there is alot of time right now I just want me time. UGH just thinking about the way I act makes me angry....

To Be Continued.

 

Its that time of the Deployment

Well I have watched others go through it. Now I am at that stage of deployment where its wrapping up and little things seem to send me into a tail spin. I am sleeping less and less. I am bitchy... not that I haven't used the bitch card over the past 11 and half months. I still doubt the last months or weeks of deployment are harder than the first. At least for me. But I have yet to finish so we will see. Lately I am so moody and emotional. I cry over things that I haven't cried over in awhile. I have been feeling jealousy, abandonment, and fear. I have done so well with the abandonment feelings till now. I have expected them all along. I mean I am smart enough and my husband and I know neither of us are cheating and I just know him. So these feelings are superficial and not worth the blog their written on. I mean they mean crap and its just myself trying to trip me up.

James gave me an excuse today and it just set me off. I have overcome so much this past year. I have accomplished so many goals and I see him change slowly for the better but at the same time he is holding himself back and his fear is not getting any better. He's just holding on to his fears for dear life. I would have never gotten anywhere this year if I lived for my fear. I just want to have another yet another confrontation with him and say you see how I braved up and how much better my life is? What about you give it a try? I think my willpower is strong I have always thought so. When I put my mind to something I WILL do it. I am stubborn that way. I am built that way! I guess bottom line is like this. There is no I can't there is just you'd f**king BETTER!

As far as excuses go they are all bull crap. When I don't want to drive down town I don't give people my sob story about hitting a pole. I just say I don't like to drive down town and I won't. So if I am supposed to go down town for something I just say sorry I'm not doing it. End of story. As far as I am concered if your going to feed me your excuse you might as well just tell me your dog ate your homework and I will snap right back. You know its that time of the deployment where I am not taking anymore shit. I have to live through these last few months of this crap and If I have made it this far I expect it out of you too!

Expecting too much? Maybe but I don't care you better give me your all or just go sit in your corner and not bother me with your issues. I am not buying the crap your dishing out.

The bitch card just says this... Its that time of the deployment where I won't tolerate excuses, bull shit, or drama.Its that time of the deployment where I won't take your shit either. Its that time of the deployment where I will pull out the bitch card at random but i won't be a bitch to you if you haven't crossed me.

CHD Awareness/ Posting for a Fellow Military Wife

I don't post much and I don't want this to seem like an advertisement
to "sell" products. Please indulge me if you can and read.

My husband typed this up for people us to pass around..

As some of you know, or don't know, our daughter, Emily, was born
with a Congenital Heart Defect (CHD) that has required several
evasive surgeries and procedures in her short life of two years. As
a result, Angie and I have become involved with an organization
called the Children's Heart Foundation (CHF).

This organization is based out of the Chicago, IL area, with a newly
formed Ohio chapter in Columbus. The purpose of this group is to
raise CHD awareness and fund research aimed at preventing CHDs, as
well as increase the life expectancy of CHD sufferers.


Angie has worked very hard over the last six months to put together a
CHF Awareness Day with the Columbus Crew. This event is scheduled to
take place 23 Aug 08 at the Crew's home game against Real Salt Lake.
The cost of the tickets is $15 each, and CHF gets $3 for every ticket
that we are able to sell.

To order tickets, you can use the link provided. This takes you to
the Crew website. You may also print out the flyer and send it to
Chris Wilson with Crew customer service. 614-447-CREW

This is very important to us. Even if you are not a soccer/football
fan, please consider buying a ticket. If you cannot, or do not, want
to attend, you can have the tickets sent to us and we will use them
to make sure that every "Heart Kid" that wants to go can, regardless
of whether their family can afford it or not.

We would also like to take some to the cardiac units at Cincinnati
and Columbus Children's Hospitals the week of the game to allow
stressed out parents, grandparents, and siblings a chance to get out
of the hospital for a while and enjoy a great event. Having been
there, Angie and I know how important that can be.

Our address is 105 S Highview Rd Middletown, OH 45044.


Please forward this to any friends, family, coworkers, church
members, business owners, sports fans, basically anyone that you
think might be interested, and ask them to do the same. The more
tickets we are able to sell, the bigger the presence we will be
allowed to have at the game. Also, once you arrive, look for our
tent/table on the plaza and come meet some of the kids and show your
support.


As always, please contact me if you have any questions or would like
more information on the game or the organization.
V/R
g

Thanks! Angela Wrather


Ticket Link:

http://columbus.crew.mlsnet.com/t102/tickets/2008/chf/


Organization link:

http://www.childrensheartfoundation.org/




Thanks from Angela, Greg, Jake and Emily

American Idol

What's up fellow Americans? I can't blame you for not voting for Michael Johns because I don't call either. But the ones that are big voters what did he do wrong? Another great performer goes down the tubes! The biggest shocker I remember was Constantine. Yes I am biased. I love Constantine and I can see why he would rub people wrong because he's cocky and confident but looking at his performances he rocked! He had a good stage presence. I love everyone that has won American Idol but I do think Constantine can very well be an idol in the making. Chris Daughtry also is brilliant but just didn't have the same stage presence I think showed true talent. Chris was another shocking elimination. So what do you think? I guess American Idol is entertainment value.

On another note about American Idol. I watched the "Idol Gives Back Night" and I think one of my dreams is to use my talent of networking and re sourcing and help those in need. I got to thinking when they showed the mobile medical unit in the projects, that I would love to help those who can't find help. I think that's one of the best things I took away from Calhoun. I volunteered for Tallatoona and Tallatoona (http://www.tallatoonacap.org/) was in charge of helping the elderly and needy pay for medication and help with bills when they needed it. I remember one man that lived on a portable trailer on his mother's property and his Epilepsy was so bad. Tallatoona couldn't find help for this man because they would have had to put his income as his parents income. His parents made too much money to qualify. So what was to become of this man? Possibly die from his illness? What would happen to others in a similar situation? I had to reach out to him since I had Epilepsy till 21 and my first husband had died from his. I had to help. I told the lady that worked there and was in charge that he could get help from the Epilepsy Foundation. I gave him the number so he could get help even possibly get on social security. I felt good about my good deed even when the organization I volunteered for turned him down. What better in the world could I make than help people find organizations, churches, and resources to help them when they really need help. I am sure any effort on my part is appreciated.