Country Christmas

I had a vision for the past few years of getting a pretty country quilt and going out to a piece of land that has the big rolls of hay...and have the backdrop of what is so beautiful around here mountains and our tree's.. The clouds and sky are also unique to me..

In 2011 I was working with an awesome photographer for all our family photos. We had paid and scheduled a country vintage photo shoot.. We had bought our outfits and then a tragedy struck.. our area was hit by a series of tornados that is rare nationwide.. So the photo shoot was off.. Since then I had the idea for the roll of hay but never got the money or area to do it in.. I don't have a DSLR camera myself either.

I was lucky to find William a pair of overalls just like my grandfather would wear. Overalls for my son's size are hard to find apparently. I actually needed them for Johnny Appleseed day and someone on a yard sale page answer my request and they happened to be just like my grandfather used to wear. They were a smaller size so I just prayed they fit. They fit perfect so he wore them for Johnny Appleseed.. I was under even more pressure to get that picture done but its been cold or rainy for the most part. Its been very all over the place impossible to schedule an outdoor appointment.

I figured Skylar already had some country styled dresses I know one I bought for her birthday. I remember that a friend had pictures done JCPenny that had a bit of a country western theme.. So I called JcPenny and they had a bit of country theme but they told me the Christmas tree was up to stay.. I was like shoot. Then I saw groupon so I decided there was no time like the present to jump. I would make do with angling the Christmas tree out since we didn't get Christmas church clothes this year and William's Christmas Pajamas have also not been easy to get my hands on.

I was talking to my cousin and she said she never remembers Papa Bear (my grandfather) out of overalls I vaguely remember one time going to church with Papa Bear and Nanny on Easter Sunday and I don't think he was wearing his signature overalls but perhaps a crisp button down and slacks.

This is the only picture I have of Papa Bear (and my horse Nugget)

We went to get ready and Skylar tells me she outgrew her dress... and two dresses.. I was so frustrated and couldn't find William's button down. William's boots would go on his feet but they were really tight. Skylar also didn't want to wear her boots. I spent 45 minutes getting the kids ready I didn't have time to get myself ready or hair and make up done nothing. I was so frustrated ready to cancel the appointment with Rick being sick anyways. Rick and Skylar still wanted to go so I was like whatever.. It has been years since we've gotten our picture done.  Make do with what we got and how we look.. whatever..

We got our pictures done then walked around the mall. An elderly woman walked up to William she started to get visibly emotional. She told William how adorable he was. She said little boys don't wear overalls anymore but her grandfather always wore overalls every day of his life. He was even buried in them. Rick told her that's the reason why I chose the overalls as well because my grandfather wearing his. Just an interesting encounter. It seemed to move her that William was in them.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah, or Merry Chrismukkah.

All I have ever known is the traditional Christian and commercialized versions of Christmas. I have always wanted to learn about how to do Hanukkah since I have connected to Judaism for some time. My sister converted to Judaism when she was in the military and I went to temple with her while I visited. I like the beliefs and doctrine. So I am totally down with the Chrismukkah if I ever can...
I don't want to be insulting or wrong in my teachings toward my children. Skylar learned about dreidels in Kindergarten and both kids enjoy their dreidels. We respect most other religions and I have always been fascinated and eager to learn about them for sure! What do you celebrate in your house this time of year?

Ten Years Ago

I haven't been blogging much because the adults in the house had a bad case of the Whooping Cough. We got well enough to take a trip to my friend Angie's wedding in Griffin, GA. I had planned on making stops a long the way as always but we left later than usual. Ten years ago today I lived in a place called Douglasville GA. I had probably just conceived Skylar. I estimate it was probably Valentines Day since I didn't do the deed any other time. While I was in Douglasville most of the surroundings were familiar but for the first time I got a bad mojo... I felt the evil in this place. I haven't been there in 5 years but I saw areas of town that didn't give me a good feeling and brought back old memories and took me to the place I was 10 years ago. I was pretty lost, confused, and really not taking care of myself as I should. I passed the road that I never thought I would see again or remember exactly where it was... the road I was attacked on and saved by one of my many angels I encountered in Douglasville. I passed Arbor Place Mall where I met great people like Jacob and reconnected with old friends like Chris. I remember getting my sister or sister in law to drop me off at the mall so I could walk over to Firestone to see Chris and hang out with him. I remember date nights with Jacob or Brandon at the movies. There were many good times but what dark cloud looms over me is the dark place I was in 10 years ago. We had to drive through many of my old haunts like College Park, Riverdale, Jonesboro, & Lovejoy... and none of them gave me the heebie jeebies like Douglasville. A lot of bad things happened in my home town too. Loosing a child, being abused,.... lots of things but in Douglasville I just think it was such a dark time in my life and I was almost out of control. I enjoyed the little time we had to show Rick around my home towns (Clayton Co GA) where I went to school, my childhood home, the Publix store 545 where I had my first job, where I skated, where I went to church... Angie and Bill's wedding was beautiful. Congrats you have been married a week now. As she said it was 17 years in the making. We had dinner with my old friend Megan and her five year old Bradley. Its awesome seeing her and she is exactly as I remembered her. We must do that again SOON. I say a trip to the zoo, Stone Mountain, or the Aquarium (I've never been there), I am always up for the World of Coke and Varsity! How about Six Flags, White Water, and American Adventure?

Then we drove up to Kennesaw again seeing old haunts and to meet my sister, her ex, and my three nephews. Boy did I miss them and I wish things were like they used to be. I wonder if they could ever get back what once had? After lunch with my family we were off to see Jennifer in Calhoun... another trying time I had in my life. I moved up to Calhoun in April 2002... so almost 10 years ago. The night I moved up there that night there was a crazy tornado. That tornado reminds me of the one we had here last April. In Calhoun I had a lot of growing, I had a lot of trials. While hiding in Calhoun my first husband passed away and I lost Mackenzie. I dated for almost 5 years a drunk and a drug addict who couldn't seem to keep his stuff together but somehow he kept it together better than some people do. He held a job for a long time at least. We never got evicted and I never had to beg to keep my power on even with the layoff's. It was a trial and a test of my faith for sure but going back to Calhoun is a thrill for me. I love seeing Jennifer. She is a true best friend because she is the only person I can have a ratty head full of hair, I hadn't waxed my eye brows, or shaved my legs and I can be an out right bum and she doesn't judge me. She loves me and always wants me to visit. I wasn't gone a day before I got a text message saying she missed me and wondered when I was coming back. I know I am always welcome at Jennifer and Chris as well as anyone in my family. Jennifer and Chris have stuck by me even though I dropped the bomb on my neighbors like I did on the rest of the world. I was leaving Donnie and not only that I was leaving the state with someone they didn't know at all. I hope they trust me with that decision. Jennifer and Chris are like family! Its hard to believe we have been friends for over 8 years? The best thing about being friends with J&C is that Skylar has had a life long best friend in Cari and now William and their 4 year old Houston seem to be very close and always enjoy each other

Skylar 4 and Carri 5 in 2006

Jennifer and Chris with Emily 2011

Skylar, Zoe, and Carri

Anyways where I was ten years ago was lost and trying to find my way in Douglasville. Angels saved me time and time again from others and from myself. I believe an Angel led me to Calhoun even. Donnie may not have been the best choice but I don't regret it and he was the broken road that led me straight to home...

A place from my past that felt like home.

My home away from home growing up was the church I grew up in Trinity and my grandfather's farm. I was like a caged bird stretching her wings on the farm. I had so much freedom especially the older I got. My grandfather's wife had some issues dealing with my sisters, cousins and I and would lock us out of the house. But we were farm children its what we probably needed. Drinking out of a hose that had laid in the summer heat we weren't worried about diseases etc. We walked barefoot on the rock's that paved the drive ways. Climbed the tree's and ran in the pasture. I bet we even waded in the lake at times. I miss those days and I wish I could give my children the same open air freedom I had. Not having to worry about playing in the yard because a sexual predator or kidnapper might be lurking nearby. Not too many "boogie" men wondering around acre's and acre's of private land. Another place I always felt like I could run to was my neighbor and best friend Alicia's house and I did when I ran away I just ran two doors down.

My Volunteer Work

I don't mind Volunteering as a matter of fact I am always trying to scheme up ways to volunteer. There is just never enough time. Sadly I haven't been able to volunteer with my daughters activities (class or girl scouts) because I always have to have William with me. Its something I have felt guilty about for awhile.
As a teenager I volunteered in a Homeless shelter in Atlanta for recovering Drug Addicts. I would volunteer to clean up the Atlanta Motor Speedway after a race (that is DISGUSTING!), I have volunteered to clean up rivers and creeks as a teenager. As an adult I have ran a mommy group since my oldest was 6 months old and Bella's Mommy Chat is 11 years old going strong :) Why do I consider this a volunteer activity because I believe I have helped many young mothers through the loneliness and difficulty of having a new baby. When I was in the thick of my "first life" I had Department Family and Children Services examining every move I made, They had me in a job program where I had to get a job, daycare assistance, Medicaid, Food Stamps, WIC, and Temporary Assistance for Needy Families. I have had all the assistance they can give me... the good and the bad. They believed I was doing volunteer work through Bella's Mommy Chat and PAID me until I had a regular paying job. I also volunteered at Tallatoona CAP to help Low Income families get heating costs met, medicines, and food. Once I became an Army Wife I did volunteer at Army Community Service. I didn't get to do much but I wanted to do so much more. I helped out with the Waiting Spouses. Waiting Spouses are those spouses who have husband's that are geographically separated. I was also like an FRG Leader/Point of Contact for my husband's MITT team. I was the go to girl for the whole Tennessee and Alabama area :)

Confessions

This one is a late post because honestly I couldn't think of something. I am not afraid to fess up when I've been caught but I have been leading a pretty honest life in this second life of mine. So I thought I would do some story telling and say I've been caught at the end... that this was all an elaborate story... not the truth. Writers block must have hit me hard. I had a busy day yesterday starting at 9 am and I really didn't get home till after dinner for an extended period of time. Then my daughter wanted to cook a recipe out of her cook book and watch A Smile As Big As The Moon...So blogging didn't come priority yesterday.

I guess I will tell you that I wasn't as always as an honest teen. I did have a bad or mischievous crowd of friends from time to time. Some friends of mine did drugs... I did not. They snuck out I wouldn't dare...

Ah but I did try smoking and I did steal from Helene's purse (my guardian)...

so here are three childhood confessional stories from my (I really didn't think I was a HORRIBLE teen) teen life. 

Helene used to smoke so she was more sensitive to the smell I think. As an ex smoker I can say I am more sensitive to it now then I was then too. Helene's husband used to smoke but no one was allowed to smoke in the house. Even Helene's elderly father had to scoot over to the back door of his downstairs apartment to smoke. Chuck Helene's husband would go out the front door. I don't know why but for some reason I decided to smoke in my room. (I was such an idiot). I had a can by the window sill and I cracked it open enough to blow smoke out and put the cig out in the can. Well apparently I left the pack in my purse and went for a walk. She went into my room for whatever reason and found the pack of cigarettes I blamed it on my friend Stephanie saying they were hers. I had been caught... but she bought my story... I think.

I would be so paranoid outside smoking while walking around the neighborhood with friends because I knew my guardian knew a good bit of the neighbors anyone of them could have called her.

Another story is about a twenty dollar bill. Helene had have several misplaced twenty dollar bills that I wasn't responsible for. My "boyfriend" Nick needed cash for something probably cigarette's or pot.. So I stole twenty and gave it to him. Well he took it to the closest store and bought High Times Magazine with it. Helene had followed us and went into the store and had secretly marked the twenty and we had been caught... Now that I committed a misdemeanor she had committed a felony... so who caught who?

My Guardian had a son named Duane and Duane was married to Sherry. Sherry was rarely ever the big sister people would have thought she would have been to me. Duane was always like a father/brother. Sherry was always a pain in my a$$. I admit there was some jealousy because Helene (my guardian) would buy her gifts for Daughter of the Year (you have your own stinkin' daughter). She would always call her that where I was called hey this is the girl I have custody of... even if I had been in her life almost all of mine. I was never my daughter unless it was "good" for her. I always felt like a black sheep. I rarely felt like Sherry was nice to me. She always seemed against me which made me rebel. The time I came home WAY past curfew and Helene told Sherry to punish me. I think I would have looked at it differently if Sherry had her own kids at this time (now she has 4.) But Sherry was always the bad guy it drove me mad. Okay so the story goes we had sat down for dinner one night and I had secretly dyed my hair with one of those temporary dye's... I wanted auburn hair (I still want more auburn in my hair). Well at dinner one night Sherry had noticed my hair was slightly different... oops the dye was fading and turning a weird shade of purple. It was barely noticeable because Helene had not noticed until Sherry tattled on me. I had a job I earned my own money and bought hair dye. I got in so much trouble. Also near my job at Publix was a Blockbuster Video so I rented Dangerous Minds (you know Michelle Pfieffer is a bad ass teacher to bad ass kids in the hood) and Sherry tattled on me about that as well. I had to return it without even watching it. Yet Charlotte used to let me go into her room and watch scary movies! (She was the cool "sister")

So there ya have it... That's how I got caught and you go to see the confessions from my teen years.

You Don't Know Me

You know the saying don't judge a book by its cover. My book has many chapters and I have changed my "mask" several times in my life. No one stays the same I am sorry they don't. Everyone changes everytime they have a life experience that changes the way they think, emotional scars change how you trust and open up. Emotional scars can even close you off. I also wear many coats of many colors.. Some see me as a sinner, a bitch, an idiot, a weirdo, a mom, an Army Wife, a trophy wife, a daughter, a sister, an enemy, a wife, a lover, a soul mate, a child of God... No one may use the same word to describe me. No one knows me the same way either. I have known one of my best closest friends since our daughters were barely talking. Other friend's I have known longer than I have known my husband and some I haven't even met offline. Do they know more about me than my husband? Maybe not but they probably know things about me he doesn't. They've seen me homeless, they've seen me cry, they've stuck by my side at my lowest. I know I am not only going to be judged before God but I am probably judged everyday. People can form opinions on me but you know what they haven't walked in my shoes and they probably don't even know the journies I have been on. the milage my shoes have seen, the challenges I have sunk below and risen above.  Some people even compare themselves to me. You can't do that, because no one has been where I've been. These people can try to understand or think they understand but they can only understand a thread of me that is woven into my soul. 

Whether you've known me 1 year or my whole life don't judge me because you don't know me. Its human nature to judge others yet the Bible says not to. "Please excuse the mess I am a work in progress"

There are days when I feel like I am at my wits end. I close myself off from everyone. I may use my blog as an outlet or random Facebook status messages. The thing is anything I write or say may be superficial I may be feeling it at the moment but not truly mean it. Now that doesn't mean I don't stand for what I believe in. When I am passionate about something your not going to win a debate on it. I have put all my cards on my beliefs and I get serious about it. 

If you know my story or I share a piece of me with you I am not looking for your pity party. I am not looking for your understand. I am not looking for your compassion although I think all humans need to be compassionate to others. I don't get "pity parties" Whoa is me.... F' that. No one wants to be around someone that constantly thinks their life is in ruins every minute of the day. I learned at 12 someone always has it suckier than you do. I was on my back I just had major Craniofacial surgery. My eyes were sewn shut, my face swollen like I got hit by a Mack Truck, **Graphic Picture Behind the Link** I had a quarter of an inch of hair and I was in a lot of pain. My mom brought in a baby less than a year old that just had the same surgery. Put things into perspective for me perhaps for the rest of my life. I can't say I wasn't dealt the best hand of cards. I am blessed to have had the life I have had even though parts of it sucked.. I've been abused, raped, and put through hell but each event in my life is a building block or the mortar of the foundation of who I am. Unless you have never missed a beat of my heart... You don't know me ALL of me.

The journey that is my life is the one that God has paved for me I will gladly sleep on a bed of nails, walk across broken glass, and put my hands in fire if that is what I had to do to be faithful.

I changed the name of my blog to the Misadventures of Bella's Second Life because I often feel like my old life is someone else's life or it feels like an out of body experience. This is my NEW me, This is the New Life, A new relationship, New family, New Opportunities, this is my second chance at the life I can make the best of so leaving the old life in 2007 and this is my Second Life. You don't know me and probably never will. But I can be a good friend and you can get to know me.

My Grandparents Houses

Blalock Reservoir which I believe was part of my Grandfather's land and his lake.
I believe what is pictured is the dam that separated it.

I don't think I have any pictures of my Grandfather or Grandmother all I have are my memories. Maybe one day I will be able to get copies of important photos.  My Paternal Grandmother lived in Sun City California last I saw of her. My Grandma Harriett lived with her second husband the only Paternal Grandfather I have ever known his name is Donald. I remember my Grandma Harriett used to collect lots of dolls and my Grandpa had a special chair that he would let us occasionally sit in. I remembered that's where I learned to play Chinese Checkers and she had an awesome old organ like this oh and Grandma always wore wigs I don't know why I think they are dreadful. I remember Grandpa's blue and white full sized pick up. I bet it looked similar to this . I last saw my Grandma when I was 10 and she passed away from Diabetes when I was 18.

My maternal grandfather is one of my favorite people to ever walk this earth. I cherish him like I cherish my own children. My cousins and sisters called him Papa Bear. Papa Bear lived off of Noah's Ark Road in Jonesboro, Georgia with his second wife Nancy. My Grandma died when my mom was young. My Papa Bear owned a large farm. There was his single story farm house with a full or daylight basement and a fenced in front yard with a Mimosa tree we always climbed. Next to his house was one of the first houses on the property it was made with big five pound cinder blocks. I heard stories that my grandfather built that house himself and didn't have the brick home built until after he married Nancy and Nancy had three young daughters. So my Mom and Uncle lived in the Cinder Block house. My mom later lived there as an adult and I lived there too when I turned 18. I remember an elderly lady living there before. The Cinder Block House was a small two bedroom house with a living room, dining room, kitchen and one small bathroom. I remember the arch ways were awesome and my mom built a fence for her animals outside. The Brick house I believe had three bedrooms and one bath, a den, kitchen, and a great room. So many Thanksgivings and Christmas' It makes me teary eyed. The next "house" was a small mobile home. I think my Uncle Kenny lived in that house for a short while in my adolescence. Behind the trailer was another fenced in yard for the horses and chickens. He had a Horse stall and a chicken coop there.  There was also another house I remember it was white and made of wood. I don't remember much about the house but I have vague memories of kids my age living there perhaps a cousin at one time.
If you drive past the brick house and cinder block house there was a pasture for the cows and you go down through the pasture where there was a pig pen but it had long been abandoned by the time I was an adult. Papa Bear just grew some crops and raised cows for the most part. I also remember a very old pick up truck not far from the Pig Pen that Papa Bear left there to rot :). It was right there where you can see the beautiful lake. I used to go down to the lake to write my poetry as a teen and explore as a child. It was a refuge. I remember an old barrel boat rotting on the side of the lake too.
Back to the white house. There was a road between the white house and the trailer home... You could follow the road to the place where Papa Bear kept the farm supplies I think it was in like two 18 wheeler trailers and he had some rabbit coops in there at one time. Through the big gates and it would lead you to the pastures I described above... if you continued down the road you would come upon a beautiful brown house that wasn't owned by Papa Bear. I don't remember talking much with the people that lived there. Go down toward the lake and there was a drive way that snaked up the far side of the lake and it was another house not owned by Papa Bear. I think it was also white and made of wood. At 18 I had a crush on the owners grandson. Boy was he bad news but it was like the song Strawberry Wine by Deanna Carter. I had a on again off again boyfriend too!
I remember when I was younger before the city took the land for the  Reservoir  There was land on one side of the lake that had tree's and creeks and we would have to be careful Uncle Kenny would kill the water moccasins. We would find snapping turtles and God only knows what else. I was always told that Papa Bear had planned on giving each grand child a piece of the bottoms for their own house... until they took it to build their ugly reservoir.
There was a wooded area behind the lake that Papa Bear used to do some logging. That's where I lost my glasses and ooohwee I got in a lot of trouble! There was a picnic area we had a family reunion once. I remember fishing in a John Boat... riding in the back of Papa Bear's pick up to collect fishing fee's (before you needed a license I bet!) and empty the trash can barrels.
So many fond memories of the farm. Not long before Papa Bear died he needed to sell the farm and fought so he wouldn't have to sell it to developers but in that area it was all subdivisions and growing out of farm country.  He and (his brother's that owned neighboring farms) sold to the developers and now I bet the houses there sell for almost half a million dollars. 

I wasn't suppose to see...

I was just writing this post and my 2 year old was hijacking my computer while I was on the phone with my husband and so I clicked save and before I know it he closed my browser (my 2 year old!) I came back and it wasn't in my drafts anymore- stinker!

These Blog Dare's are supposed to help with the writers block but sometimes they stump me. Like I was asked the question the other day, "What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you?" I honestly couldn't answer it.

Sometimes I get these prompts and I think to myself. I don't have an answer long enough to put you through the torture of checking my blog, or I don't know if you want to read that, or my answer is boring, or DO I want you to read that. I mean my husband's family, my ex's family (could), my family (probably not), my step sons and even my 9 year old could read this on my blog. Do I really want to go through the whole explanation process.

So with a topic like I wasn't supposed to see...

I could say Santa kissing Mommy

I could say presents that I was supposed to see.

Or the thing that Moms and Dads typically do around the Christmas Season (you figure out what I mean)

I could see my Guardian's private parts when I was supposed to or their son. I think I walked into the bathroom when the door wasn't locked and they were in there. Not my fault at all! LOL

I also walked in on my Guardian's 80-90 year old Mother who was screaming for help because she couldn't latch her bra. I probably should have seen her bare breasts I probably will never cleanse my eyes of that ever. 

I probably wasn't supposed to see a down zipper like not to long ago at a Birthday party.

I never walked in my Guardian's doing the deed because I don't think they ever did. Seriously they slept in separate rooms down the hall from each other. She always told me because he snored (which he did BADLY.) I doubt that was the only reason. But who wants me to air out other people's dirty laundry here on my blog? Gossip is always juicy but it doesn't always have to be the one thing that makes things interesting.  I would prefer not to see my step kids without a shirt on or in their skivvies. I would prefer my daughter didn't either. Male skivvies always have that fly... its so annoying.

There are a lot of things in my life I wasn't supposed to see and I doubt I am supposed to say a lot of them here.

What are some things you weren't supposed to see?

If my parents ever found out..

I am sure my guardian's thought I was a lot worse than I actually was or I thought I was. I know one of them continuously compared me to my friends the good and the bad ones. A few times they forbade me to see a few of them. We had little spots in the woods we would meet up or meet at a mutual friends house. There was one spot across Panhandle Rd where there were logs in a circle of an old fire pit. Of course we rarely had the ability to build fires and the older kids around probably put the logs there I don't know. They started developing the land around that area to build neighborhoods so then we would go exploring in the new construction of the new houses, or we would meet somewhere down Panhandle Road at points in the woods before and after Panhandle Park. There was also a place off of Tara Blvd we would walk up to my church Trinity and the walk through an area of grass and tree's in the next lot where there was beautiful old house that had was in ruins... maybe a gas line blew or something but I can't imagine how many ways you can destroy a big brick house that way. It was my friend Alicia with me most of the time or my friend Joey. We would hang out or whatever the worst we would do was smoke cigarettes. I don't think I was in a lot of trouble I just think I was going through normal teenage stuff. About 15 years later I guess it doesn't matter what my guardian finds out (her husband passed away years ago) she already has her thoughts about me so nothing about that is going to change even if it is made worse.

My Favorite Toy

My favorite toy (retro and current) is my Cabbage Patch Kid. Cabbage Patches have stood the test of time like Barbies. There is one in particular though. My Cabbage Patch I got when I was 3 years old from my Papa Bear (my grandfather) and my Mom. I still have him almost 30 years this Christmas and he is a very cherished possession. My grandmother on my father's side collected dolls and my first husband and I used to collect retro toys and Star Wars figures until he sold the entire collection (that's right for my geeky friends from the late 70's action figures until Episode 1 figures) for some lousy Transformers.
The picture above is a picture I just took of the hutch of my desk. So many better things I could probably do with my hutch LOL. My Cabbage Patch (his name is Ernie Karol) and he is wearing one of Mackenzie's first outfits... anyways I have stuffed animals that are given to m Rick, Skylar, Mackenzie or I up there and some other things like Snow Globes, Plaques, Barbies (Skylar's Snow White, My Star Wars doll, and My Bewitched Barbie lol), and some dolphins figurines. I have tried to collect a bear from every duty station I visit that can be a challenge. I want a bear or hat pin.

My Eyes

As a child I had (still have) Lazy Eye or Amblyopia. I know I wore a patch for some time with glasses. I remember being on my Papa Bears farm who owned an extensive amount of land (okay so it seemed that way to me and I remember walking with my sisters and maybe some cousins in the wooded part of the back end of his farm. They were doing some logging (possibly my mom and Papa Bear) and while we were walking I dropped my glasses. But you know when you take off your glasses (or a hat) you still feel like its still there? I got back to my Mother and she noticed my glasses were gone. She gave me a tongue lashing (from what I remember) and told me to sit in the car. When they found my glasses they had been crushed by a truck. So I didn't have glasses from that point on. Either she refused to spend the money on them or couldn't afford them.

Of course at the age of ten I became ill in other ways and a woman ended up getting custody of me and I became the ward of the state. If you've been reading my blog or have known me for awhile this is "Helene". Anyways I went through several treatments for other problems and when I went to an ophthalmologist at Scottish Rite (Children's Healthcare of Atlanta) they said nothing else can be done but she has unique shaped pupils or irises.. I don't remember which but they are shaped like footballs more than they are round. I didn't have another eye exam until I was pregnant with my second child (my only daughter Skylar). I only had an eye exam then because I was dizzy a lot and my eye sight tended to be more blurry. They said it was the hormones from the pregnancy... um k...

I had been to the eye doctor for the first time in 8 years three weeks ago when my handsome little man poked me in the eye on February 21st.  My eye had never hurt so bad. I had a corneal abrasion. First day I had an eye patch and the ophthalmologist seemed concerned that my vision was limited due to my Lazy eye being the only eye I could use LOL. No matter what I would do (or the lens he would use) my eye never got stronger. It was almost as if the brain didn't know it was there. I could see letters but it was like I didn't know how to read. My brain wouldn't process it! How frustrating it was. The second day of my abrasion I had an eye patch, the third day I had a contact lens to serve as a band aid. By the third day I was a little bit better and by the fourth all seemed well. Until I was sitting unsuspecting on the potty and BAM he hit me in the eye with the end of a broom stick! Can mom please not get injured or can mom just get some privacy? It hurt  like hell for the rest of the day and then I was fine. Well a few days after that Little handsome *err* Mr Temper punched me... I got a new abrasion. Its not as bad as the first as far as discomfort, but worse than the second. Most of the times just irritating and at night it gets pretty tired and I have to just keep my eye closed with a cold compress. Did you know a regular cloth diaper (clean of course) makes an awesome compress? I have had eye migraines for about a week and two days, Where the pressure is on the back of my eye (I've never felt that before), I am also sensitive to light and movement... Except its not a headache like the traditional migraine just in my injured eye... for the JOY of it

 LOL. 

I had scheduled a regular eye exam after the first eye injury and tried to endure it today and my cornea is just too sensitive. Did you know your cornea replaces itself every 30 days? How miraculous our bodies work eh? From what he can see my injured eye has 20/20 almost more than perfect vision. My lazy eye has 20/40 which isn't horrible BUT it cannot be improved using glasses or contacts. Its not so much a problem seeing its a problem with the communication from eye to brain. It doesn't "get it". There is not much of a chance it can be improved and if I did patch my good eye long term then I would loose my independence and it would be harder for me to take care of the children, drive... etc. It would be impossible to read almost. During the first eye injury I was using Windows Magnifier to make things larger. It helped.... but it didn't work totally. I couldn't use it long term if I couldn't use the perfect, perfectly, injured eye.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

I think my grandfather owned a farm his entire adult life. He believed real men were farmers and in the Military. I think he is right. My mom owns a farm and has for a long time too. When I was 18 I moved in with her and my grandfather gave me three black calves to take care of. I fed them bottles of milk round the clock. Incase you haven't seen a cow bottle you should LOL. (See blog)

Before I graduated I went between being an Radiologist or a Psychologist even thought about seminary for awhile. But I have a hard time working with people sometimes. I want to help them but they just give me lip.LOL After living with my mother one of my calves (I had two females and one male) the male Midnight got sick and had a cyst on his face. My mom and the vet held down the calf while I cut and drained the cyst. That was amazing! There was nervous horse in the stall who had gotten tangled in barbed wire and the other horse who was in heat making the nervous horse in a lot of pain. But I did it. I nursed Midnight back to health. He would come to my window at all hours looking for food. I loved taking care of them. i watched Mighty Joe Young (the newer one) and I decided I really wanted to be a zoologist or a large animal Veterinarian.

There are no zoos in H'ville just a free roam family owned safari so no zoo school for me and my dream didn't die my priority changed. I was called to be a military wife. I completely think that is true. I was called to be step parents to these lost boys and give my daughter more stability and eventually provide for my other two children. My sons. I will also think of Veterinary Medicine fondly and perhaps I will be a Vet tech one day and learn some of the trade. Maybe one day Huntsville will have a zoo (I doubt it) but I am and always have been willing to do the work on a farm or in a clinic or zoo,

Friend Makin Monday

here

 . .I have been on a friend hibernation during the winter. A lot of things happened in the fall that made me step back and say whoa I need to re evaluate. So I have been. I have been staying close to home and family. Luckily (haha) I have had a terrible cold/ Flu/ pneumonia something since November. So I CAN'T go gallivanting around spreading my germs especially if I am under the weather at that given moment. I just now started returning to church sitting away from the crowd etc. I feel so disconnected from my ladies at Playgroup and at church. I missed church dearly I just had to return. The consignment sales have returned and due to a fever I didn't get a chance to consign myself. Anyone in this area knows there are the big 4 consignments twice a year for kids clothes etc. I HATE doing it alone. I despise it but Rick gets in there and he shuts down, gets angry, gets short... I just can't deal with him when he is overwhelming like that and he makes no attempt at being there for me when I need him. This is one of the major times I wish I had a good girl friend to shop with, A good girl friend to hold William while I get my hair done (and I can hold her baby while she got hers done or something of that nature) you know what I mean? Am I the only female that craves that kind of relationship with another female? A female to do female things with that males hate to do no matter what? Its always been a very sensitive topic for me. Anyways since the fall and all the drama went down I have limited my association with a lot of people because of the drama and pain they put me through. I have been networking with some new ladies and talking to them on Facebook and whatever... I am liking the sound of a new group of women rolling off my tongue... Oh honey Stephanie had this idea that.. Michelle said ... I love that! So its a new me and a new change.

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1. Favorite things about Spring: Butterflies and life becoming a new again kinda like the scene from Bambi LOL

2. What I'm doing for Spring Break: I WANTED to go to Georgia but it looks like I am stuck at home.. not all true there are consignment sales that week LOL

3. Favorite Spring flower: Tulips, My Papa Bear had a field of tulips on his farm he owned when I was a child. Ever since then Tulips are the one thing guaranteed to make me smile. Its so sad they are only fresh and in bloom for so little a time. I love them and Daffodils so much I am motivated enough to dig up my flower beds and plant some Tulips in the Fall! So I can have them next spring. Oh and the hydrangea at the stores is making me want them SO badly so I might have to plant some of those too. I just gotta find my green thumb and some knowledge... Lets see how my Lilies and Irises survived the winter first lmao

4. Do you have a garden?  I have what was built with the house. A nice sized bed with two rows of shrubs and I have made a small bed on the side of the drive way for Irises and a small bed with a holly bush that badly needs trimmed I guess.. Like I said all this was here from the previous owner and probably the builder.

;

5. If so, what do you grow. I will know for sure it is Iris when they bloom. When I planted them last April they didn't look identical.

6. Do you do Spring cleaning? YES

7. What is your weather *really* like right now? {Just b/c it's "officially" spring, doesn't mean that it feels like it for some of you}

Cool spring temps, rain and tornado warnings... this week LOL maybe blizzard next!

8. Snapped any weather related photos lately? Share one with us! 

just my babies playing outdoors in the warm 60-70 degree sunshine

9. What's your favorite thing to do on a sunny afternoon?

play outside!

10. Favorite TV show right now?

It starts a new Season on Sunday Army Wives

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