consequences and truths

I’m no stranger to consequences and truths. I’ve had to pay for my consequences for two decades dealing with Mackenzie. People were afraid of how I would react when my own son rejected me and I survived. I’ve never hid the truth. I have nothing to lose by telling him the truth. THEY have everything to lose by saying the truth to him. I have made some mistakes in my life especially during my early 20’s. I don’t make excuses for that time in my life. I’ve tried to make amends for those. I don’t use or abuse alcohol or drugs to run away from issues, I have no problem telling the truth, accepting consequences and owning my truth and my mistakes. What I did two decades ago doesn’t define me and I hope I’m not that person anymore but I still take the consequences.

Lost in thought

If someone is hot and cold with me part of me thinks I should take it at face value and act accordingly. First of all its hard to act accordinly when they are hot and cold. Secondly I can't really trust my own thinking. I am an overthinker. Sometimes I am irrational. I struggle with depression, PTSD, and anxiety. Tonight it seems insomnia and over thinking are winning the battle. I feel like part of me should take things at face value and my actions should be equivent to that. That would go along with assuming the message they are sending and I act accordingly. The problem is I can't really fully trust my own thinking. If I am over thinking or being irrational how do I act accordingly? The other part of me thinks I have to wait for some sign from somewhere or be told. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should just be me as an individual? I should just do what I think is best and let pieces fall where they may? I am a people pleaser in someways though and making people happy is what fullfills me, even at a detriment to myself. This is how I am my own worst enemy I suppose. I just wanted to get these thoughts down even at not even 3 am in the morning so I have them for therapy too.

Little Do You Know

Do you ever feel like you didn't love someone like they needed or deserved when you had the chance? Or is it perhaps you weren't ready or they weren't ready?

Has there ever been someone in your past that you had a really intense relationship with but for some reason it just didn't work out? Sometimes maturity at the time plays a factor or maybe it was communication at the time? Perhaps its your current relationship because of some of your own baggage your not putting into the relationship you think your partner deserves? Perhaps your afraid of loving your current partner the way they deserve because of a broken heart in the past or fears. Perhaps you feel like your partner is to blame because they are struggling with demons or baggage and they won't let you in?

Little do you know
How I'm breaking while you fall asleep
Little do you know
I'm still haunted by the memories
Little do you know
I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece

Little do you know
I need a little more time

Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside
I've been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind
I'm ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight

Little do you know
I need a little more time¹

^{You know when you reflect on the one who got away? Do you feel like you wish you could have changed some things in the relationship and that it would have a different outcome? Or do you really have made peace with maybe one of you wasn't ready to be loved the way you/them needed to be loved? How does that effect your current relationship? As you move forward without that person do you try to pick up the pieces and change the way you love in the next relationship? Is it a lesson learned type of thing. Do you ever hope that once you think you've learned the way to love someone that you can have a successful relationship, whether it be with the one from the past or someone from the future? Does the heart and soul ever change from that guilt and pain you have from leaving things as you did? Do you ever get over that feeling that you didn't love them as they deserved or perhaps they didn't love you as you deserved? You knew they had the potential to be the one... the love of a lifetime... a soul mate? Did you have that high school sweetheart that you went your own ways because your paths were headed in different directions or perhaps your parents moved you apart geographically by distance? A job separated you and that love at some point?} 

I'll wait, I'll wait

I love you like you've never felt the pain,

I'll wait

I promise you don't have to be afraid,

I'll wait

The love is here and here to stay

So lay your head on me

Little do you know

I know you hurt while I'm sound asleep

Little do you know

All my mistakes are slowly drowning me

Little do you know

I'm trying to make it better piece by piece

Little do you know

I, I love you 'til the sun dies ¹

Do you ever get a chance to tell the one that got away or maybe even your current significant other that you feel that way? What has happened? Do you ever go back and try to fix the broken pieces? Have you forgiven them and they you? I have had a journey through my past if you've been a reader awhile you probably know or if you've scrolled back prior to 2007 you will find why I call the blog my second life. I still manage to still carry around some broken pieces... they don't define me but at the same time they helped build me. Every day I work on putting more and more pieces together and making amends with my past so I can better my future. Sometimes its overwhelming and it feels like I am drowning or I can't breathe but I just hold on and take a deep breath. I wrote this blog after hearing the song (the lyrics that are in between paragraphs) and it made me think of some pieces I am still working on like a very hard puzzle that is my life. I've lost a young friend of mine this year and its really making me touch parts of my heart I haven't worked on. I hope you find a way to fix those broken pieces and love fully...

Oh wait, just wait

I love you like I've never felt the pain,

Just wait

I love you like I've never been afraid,

Just wait

Our love is here and here to stay

So lay your head on me

I'll wait (I'll wait), I'll wait (I'll wait)

I love you like you've never felt the pain,

I'll wait (I'll wait)

I promise you don't have to be afraid,

I'll wait

The love is here and here to stay

So lay your head on me

Lay your head on me

So lay your head on me

'Cause little do you know

I, I love you 'til the sun dies

---

1 FOOTNOTE^{↩ Little Did You Know by Alex and Sierra} 

 

9 years ago

9 years ago there was this guy stationed in Korea. Trying to keep his head on straight, bored, and trying to stay out of trouble... So he started reading this girls blog on Yahoo 360. She blogged about her crazy life.. the highs the lows and her relationship. Occasionally he would message me some advice or a comment (never posting for public)... who knew how things would turn out... 9 years ago we certainly didn't have a clue the world would bring us together

Great Relationships

Girl Talk Tuesday...

I don't know about you but getting a teenage daughter is nerve racking for me! I think I want to start a new meme of sorts... Girl talk? I ask questions (hopefully not too inappropriate?) and you can provide some feedback. Some questions are about my teenager and some may be more geared toward me. 

So on my Wifey Wednesday post I posted about make up sex...

I mentioned last week that my husband and I had a disagreement and it got me to thinking and actually talking a bit in therapy about Make Up Sex or general brown nosing.

I come from an abusive parent home both in my birth parents home and my guardian's home. Also Adam was abusive toward me and the D'man was also emotionally abusive. I stopped taking BS long ago and if he ever laid a hand on me it would be the last time he used his hand for sure.. So I guess he didn't attempt it. So my turn offs to make up sex may come from my back ground of being abused. I don't find make up sex erotic or a turn on. The idea of make up sex when my husband has pissed me up makes my Fight or Flight heighten. It gets already bad and I have to fight it down but the thought he wants to ignore everything that was bad and just get "coffee" just disturbs me and make me want to run for the hills. Especially since sorry doesn't come easily to my husband. So I don't know its just like you don't even both admitting your sorry for your actions but you think all is forgiven so much you get this... gift? You have a fight with your spouse and they just want to sweep it under the rug and get down to the "coffee"? Put a band aid over the bullet hole (Thank you Taylor Swift!!) and think I want coffee after how badly I hurt emotionally or even physically? I mean is that the equivalent of giving your "flower" away the first time and the being dissed?

Its actually a real betrayal for me because I feel like my feelings aren't acknowledged.  My feelings aren't acknowledged and he hasn't admitting anything wrong. We are just supposed to ignore this wound and let it what? Fester? Yeah anyways that's what I feel like when I am just supposed to let it go. Even indulge in a "coffee" date I am in no mood for?

What are your thoughts on make up sex? Fantastic? Does it rock your world? Or do you want to just make him go away?

Listening to Bad Blood by Taylor Swift

New trend hashtags on a blog

#Parent2afemaleteenager #Teenagerproblems

*just kidding*

Every time Skylar cries about school work we try to help her and she gets mouthy. I usually am really lenient with her because she is well behaved and does get A's, B's, and C's in school. Her teacher says she has to learn the presidents names... all of them by Monday. So Rick asked her if she studied she said yeah she was watching youtube videos on how to remember the presidents name. I did a quick google and yes that's the first two or three links that showed up for me but her computer history doesn't say anything on Internet Explorer and her Google Chrome says it was working constantly (which she says it wasn't) Do you think she is lying? I am so frustrated with my mouthy teen and I don't tolerate lying. Encase your wondering I am very strict with Skylar in some ways but lenient in others due to her being such a good girl.  I mentioned this the other night on my blog here.

When I told Rick to check her computer history (Betcha she didn't know I would do that huh?) Well then she said I didn't use Google Chrome because it kept crashing so I used Internet Explorer. So I told Rick to check her IE history... Nothing showed up. She's like I swear I did it on IE... I was like uh huh I think your lying to me and you NEVER lie to me so you'd better think harder and tell the truth. She was swearing she did. Rick said for some reason her IE was just showing computer locations like hard drive locations not any websites or internet use. I said fine Rick check her Google Chrome to see how long it was active and if there was was any down time I will buy her excuses that her Chrome was crashing because there was a night recently it was doing it to me too. There were NO spaces of time that she wasn't active on Google Chrome. So I still believe she wasn't being honest and it bothers me so now I have to be in the market for a Net Nanny because I can't trust her. 

Do you think she just didn't want to study and she was lying? How do you deal with your child butting heads with you over homework the way Skylar does with us? Her teachers aren't helpful with the situation. Do you use a Net Nanny for your kids? If so what is your experience?

There are a lot of things I haven't done.

I was on a Marriage Retreat several years ago hosted by the Chaplain in the Army. The Chaplain tried to explain to us wives that our husbands had been through more life experiences than we could ever experience. I beg to differ. My husband has seen Iraq, he's seen war, he's seen hunger but not experienced it, he's seen and been through some pretty tough stuff. But in most common terms he is book smart to my street smart. There are a lot of things I haven't done.. I have never served even though I tried they wouldn't take me in. I applied for 3 out of the 4 main branches too!. I haven't been to a country such as Iraq and I haven't been globe trotting and seen the ruins in Turkey, the Salt Mines, Castles, and death camps of Germany. I haven't seen the beautiful greenery in Ireland. But I have seen things in this world he hasn't seen. I have lost a spouse and a child. I have had a lot of tragedy. I had no one picking me back up once I had fallen. I was almost completely alone. He's always kinda had the military to support him in every endeavor. They cook for you, they tell you when to get up and when to go to bed, they give you clothes to wear, they train you and protect you.. They even teach you how to drive if you need it. He's never been without a job for long or insurance. He's never really had to live on Welfare as I have and bust my ass to try to find any way I can to pay my rent. I have hustled many times to make four pennies rub together to make a nickel.  There are things I have more experience in than he does. I think its important in a marriage to respect your spouses strengths and not challenge them when they show you their strength. Its not emasculating to let the wife win sometimes. Its not even about me winning its about respecting the knowledge I have acquired and acknowledging I did go through that and I might know a thing or two. Not all advice given has to be taken but at the very least like when your a new mother and you get an absurd piece of advice you brush it off you don't fight with your mother in law about it just to make tension. Do you think it might be wise to take someones advice if it makes sense if things haven't been going your way for some time? You think maybe you can say I tried it didn't work and throw it back in their face politely? Maybe then they would shut up. As I tell my step son what your trying isn't working and your frustrated with not making progress why not let someone in? Why not let someone give you advice? Why not let someone else take the reins? I am a special brand of stubborn but I am not so stubborn if I don't know where the hell I am going I don't ask for directions. I don't believe in wasting time or energy about trying to attempt something without direction. That's like a doctor doing a procedure without knowledge isn't it? Playing with fire a bit. The whole time your playing with fire your wearing the other people down and they are loosing hope. They are eventually going to give up. I am tired of being bloodied trying to help others when all they have for me is a brick wall and they don't want my help. They don't want to be my partner. 

I haven't done a lot of things in my life. I haven't achieved my life long dream of animal conservation. Dreams don't die though priorities change. There are many of my dreams I don't know where to begin to go and achieve them though. I have never been popular at least by my standards I have never been a cheerleader or a football star but perhaps something I have done make the difference in this world. I believe I can make a difference in this world even if not everyone is pleased by what I do or haven't done. 

Wifey Wednesday

I know your saying whew girl that's a whole lot of blogging today but I wanted to take part in this meme because its something I have addressed recently in therapy and in my private blog. The topic on to Love Honor and Vacuum is Make Up Sex is it real? 

Well I just closed the book on Captivated by You by Sylvia Day and in the 4 books I have read in this Crossfire Series the main characters Gideon and Eva.. both abused as children have gotten into this relationship with each other that is sexually charged. Perhaps they are not using sex in a healthy way but who's to say? Certainly not I. 

I have been spending time outside of therapy concerned about other people around me.. Maybe they are as broken, exhausted, cranky, needy, etc etc... as I am or can be.

So Rick and I had a disagreement and he made me feel bad.. He hurt my feelings if I put it out there for the world to see. It just sounds childish to say. He wasn't trying to have make up sex and I wasn't either but I felt the need to put in my private blog last week or whenever it happened that I don't like it. I don't know if it was from my own abuse or I just don't like it. That may be the way he handles it but it doesn't mesh well with the way I process it. I consider it a band-aid on the problem like the poster who wrote in to the blog. It just further triggers my need to fight or flight most likely flight since I already fought :( 

So this may be the topic for my next Girl Talk Tuesday :)

I am linking up here http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/category/marriage/wifey-wednesdays/

Its going to be really hard, we're gonna have to work at it....

Have you read Love Dare? Or read the 5 Love Languages? It is important that you take from those books and learn that it doesn't have to just apply to your significant other. You wonder how you can apply it to others? Why not "exercise" it on all types of relationships. The Relationships you have with your child(ren), your co-workers, friends, family member, and even a stranger. So my friends and I love a blog called Momastery. I admit I don't read blogs as often as I wish I could about as often as I write in my own... yet I digress.. Glennon Melton the author of the Momastery wrote a blog about the Questions that could save your relationships..  Another GREAT read and I highly recommend it. I read it and gave it lots of thought because I too have the "sticking to the health and weather type of conversations" that don't lead me to a deeper connection with a person. Its all sugar coated and fluffy. I admit sometimes its just too taxing for ME to be the deeper conversationalist and sometimes I only want fluffy stuff conversation because my brain is too full or I am emotionally drained but sometimes I want people to call me in genuine need for my companionship. They really want to talk to me out of a mutual need not just to fill in the blanks that its been 3 days 12 hours and 5 minutes since we last talked. Lately I've been talking more to a Facebook friend and we have really dived into some of each others skeletons.. I don't think it was intentional it just happened and I have really enjoyed the conversations lately and have had some insight on myself and a lot of new things I have learned about myself I am going to try and address. If I only talked to this friend about the weather in New York and her nieces I don't think I would gain so much. I have certain friends I know I can have common interests with that are more likely to gain/grow/appreciate certain topics of conversations. This may be wrong of me but anyways. My friend Stephanie posted the Momastery article from Huffington and she said what questions could we ask better of our loved ones? what questions do you wish your friends asked? Instead how are you? How are the kids? Everyone just says okay, fine, good whatever... What are you doing today? Housework... No one REALLY wants to have that conversation or do we have that conversation to save us from having REAL conversations. Do you sugar coat it and only talk about your health and the weather so you don't have to use real compassion and intellect. So read this article and don't just think it applies to a significant other but what about a child or a friend or even a stranger. It will be epic if we could all try this. On my Facebook I asked all my Facebook friends to comment below my article and maybe even tag a friend of a question they want to ask. If they didn't "tag" the friend then its a generalized question. So lets all dig a little deeper and try to ask a deeper questions in our relationships. Then the next time your husband says Hi Honey, I am home, how was your day? You will want to smack him! So what kind of questions would you like to be asked? What kind of questions should you be asking?

Remember its going to be real hard but relationships take work and the rewards are endless.

Fairy tales

So I am on the third book of a book series and my Face Book friends must think I never read because I have been having several status just about this book series. I am currently reading the Crossfire Series by Sylvia Day.. It was highly recommended to me after I finished 50 Shades of Grey but I never picked it up. Honestly I LOVE books I am a classic literature freak... Beowulf, Shakespeare, Edgar Allen Poe... etc. The greats I could get lost. In the Crossfire books the main characters Eva and Gideon have a love that is co dependent and most people would say unhealthy... They can't live without each other and they physically need each other. There are relationships where I've felt that need or felt I needed it in return. There are relationships where I would listen to the sappy love songs and wished that I could dedicate them to someone or they would dedicate them to me. That we would feel like that. That we would feel like the words of our own song. I read an article a few years ago that said the Twilight Romance is unhealthy for marriages because wives begin to expect that type of love out of their romance. What about way before that? What about the romance in movies? Or Romeo and Juliet? What great lengths that Romeo and Juliet would do to be together. Some pieces of 50 Shades of Grey were a lot like my past in a relationship I once had where he was terribly beautifully broken then with Eva and Gideon I think how ironic it is that the characters (even the gay best friend in the book) reflect my own life. No my husband isn't a hunky ribbed ab'd martial artist with billions and he certainly doesn't stalk me (or does he?) He's hunky to me *blush* and the character in the book Gideon possess some very similar traits to +Richard . Some I thought he had when we first were just friends, Some I wished he would have and some he does have. Gideon is like Rick in many different aspects its like a prism. Some of the quotes from the book make me do a face palm because I am like that is so like Rick or Eva your so like me... even though I find her a twit like most female leads in the books I read. I guess that's the going thing for romance novels when that's not me or whom I like at all. I am very independently thinking, strong, take no crap kinda gal... Amelia Earhart, Beatrix Potter... are all some of my favorite women. They didn't follow rules certainly not the ones men or society laid out for them. The women who had the mental abilities and strength of any man but still had the kindest softest heart of a woman.  But that's getting off topic. The girls in the books I read like Bella from Twilight and Eva from these Crossfire books just seem to be puddy in the male hands. No I WON'T Be with you then of course they fall in the next second and give in to every command... ugh.

I saw P!nk on Ellen (another woman I admire) and I had to laugh what P!nk said about her and her relationship. Ellen said well now your happily married. P!nk just laughed and said we are married things aren't always happy. We are REAL. I think that explains my marriage too. Our marriage really seemed fairy tale in the beginning perhaps that's why I am here (haha) I often told him I was on cloud nine... but after the Army, deployments, diagnosis',  a baby and more... we are worn now. Cloud Nine isn't all puffy white clouds and falling is even harder when you've been raised so high and let down before. Our marriage isn't always Romeo and Juliet... it never will be. Its not Bella and Edward, Christian and Ana, Diana and Charles, Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier, Elvis and Priscilla, or even Eva and Gideon. Its Bella and Rick :) Its not always a love song, a poem, or a fairy tale its what's real. We have bills, sickness, work, and stress like everyone else. In ways all those things define us good and bad. We came into this marriage with baggage.. We aren't high school sweet hearts. We aren't each others firsts... nothing fairy tales are laid of... its what real life is made of.

Do I still crave and want a possessive, romantic, knight and shining armor? Yes. Who doesn't?
But I am willing to accept my whole life can't be a Notebook romance.

Random catch up

When I speak or write my thoughts are articulate and well thought out but I've been known to be very random and I have a severe filter malfunction ha!

I haven't had much time to blog lately just a few posts on my private blog. So as I sit in the car line at my daughters school waiting to pick her up I thought I would take time to write. So anyways this will be very random haha

My husband started a blog recently.

Sometimes when I talk to a old friend they reminisce and yeah it was good times no doubt and I don't usually have a problem bringing up the past but as I have mentioned the name of my blog is called Bella's second life. Before 2007 I lived in Georgia I was involved with an addict and just trying to survive. That's a lot different than my life now... Go ahead go to my timeline and pick a blog post before 2007. The other day I was talking to a friend of the "old" Bella. He said what the hell were you thinking with the choices you made especially in men. I used the same excuse as many people do. I replied young, dumb, and naive!

He said I don't think so you were looking for someone, something a certain quality. So now that has me pondering and I know it's true. I don't understand why so many people including someone I thought of as a mother can't be happy about my new life. They don't even give my husband a chance to even get to know him. Why can't they just be happy I've overcome the drama, grew up, and have a good husband. Even if its crappy be happy I'm happy! I don't get it? How can you say I don't belong here if you don't know the new me or my husband. I really feel quite disconnected from my past. I own up to it 100% but I feel like a different person. The only link I have to the past is my best friend Jennifer. I see Jennifer similar struggles and its hard it would be like trying to get your footing and just not being able to keep your balance. She's also different than me she says she could never leave Calhoun, even if it meant a better life. She is happy for me but we are close like sisters and miss each other and it's hard to be the best friend when your bestie needs a shoulder to cry on and you can't give that to her. Electronically just isn't the same. I value this friendship so much.



Anyways train of thought was interrupted when my time was up in the Car Line.

I Knew You Were Trouble

The intro to Taylor Swifts new video struck me... here's what she said I think when its all over it just comes back in flashes. Its like a kaleidoscope of memories. It just all comes back but he never does. I think part of me the second I saw him I knew this would happen Its not really anything he said or anything he did its the feeling that came along with it, and the crazy thing is I don't know if I am ever going to feel that way again but I don't know if I should. I knew his world moved to fast and burned too bright. But, I just thought, how could the devil be pulling you toward someone that looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you. Maybe he knew that when he saw me. I guess I just lost my balance I think that the worst part of it all wasn't loosing him. it was loosing me. I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are. excuse typos I was typing while it was playing so I was trying to type fast :)

Wifey Wednesday

I have an Army Wife friend of mine I met when we were stationed here at Redstone together. I am not going to call her out by name because I am not sure she would be comfortable with that. Plus it might be a violation of girl code lol.  ;D I see with what view I have the relationship she has with her Soldier, Her Hero, Her husband. I think they have been together a long time and she knows her job is to be a good wife (help meet) and mother. I was intrigued and read her blog quite a bit. A good help meet, house wife, working mother.. .whatever plan God has for me I think that is what I should strive to be. Also in church Pastor Mark talks a lot about being submissive (not in a bad way) to our husbands. I have to wonder perhaps though. Without striking the word of God but what if that isn't our position in our family life. What if our husband doesn't function at 100% Maybe he functions better when we are 50/50? Then what then? My husband has ADD, Short Term Memory Loss, and PTSD from his time in Iraq so certain things I am expected to step up and just do. So I wonder is THAT how I am a good Help Meet? Some people say I should just step back and let him take control and if I have faith in him he will be able to juggle it all. I am not sure that is what God is asking. I could never see myself being June Clever or a Stepford Wife. But I would like to be better than I am I just feel like under my current circumstances I am stretched pretty thin. I know I can gain strength from that and eventually not feel so stretched with faith and prayer. 

I am just exploring these thoughts and wanting to know more about what it says in God's word and what would work best? Am I doing this wife thing all wrong?

Cheating?

Do you believe "Once a cheater always a cheater?"
What do you think about people in the military and cheating? 
How about people that seem to cheat from the start of their marriage? That are never faithful.
What about celebrities and their unfaithfulness like recently with Arnold Schwarzenegger? What are your thoughts?


I had a facebook friend post this article about unfaithfulness and wanted to give my thoughts and theories to unfaithfulness. This is just what I have learned.


I have come from the school of theory that once a cheater isn't always a cheater... Does that mean you should jump into a relationship with someone who has a past of serial infidelity? Probably not. I am of the type of person that does believe in second chances. Some people are young, naive and stupid. I got married the first time really young at just 19 -- kids don't try this at home. Some people may be mature enough to handle it but for me I was wild and rebellious. At first I respected my friend who then became my husband Adam. He did teach me a lot about being a grown up that I didn't learn at home. He took a stern hand that I seemed to have missed. So I thought I was supposed to marry him. Sure enough my adopted mother who pushing that I shouldn't be living in sin with this man and I should marry him to make it right. All along there was someone in the back of my head -- my first love-- that I wasn't completely over. I was raised in the church of God but at 19 I wasn't as dedicated to my faith as I was in later years. Did I cheat on Adam with my first love? No... not at all. But I was young and naive and not over him so I couldn't totally commit my heart to Adam. Adam became abusive and we both made our mistakes. He had a serious porn addiction and would mess around with exotic dancers. We grew apart, the abuse got really bad where it affected my then 1 year old Mackenzie and I left. Before we could divorce he passed away.
Now think back how many of you were like that... dumb, naive, and head strong. I think a lot of us as teens and young adults are head strong or we wouldn't have "Engaged and Underage", "16 and Pregnant", and "Teen Mom"... even the one about dating called "Parental Control". Not everyone is out of control and naive... some adults are responsible and rely heavily on their faith and very mature. I was not one of them and I think Adam at 25 wasn't either. He never grew up. He used to play with his Star Wars figures and Transformers and would rather buy toys and porn than things for his newborn son. If he was alive today does that mean he wouldn't be different? Does that mean I am still naive and dumb? Sure I can still be naive about somethings but I am certainly a lot more mature and I know now that negative attention isn't good attention. At the time that's what I sought out... any attention from males was favorable. Its just not true. I think eventually Adam may have grown up and gotten mature and I would have hoped he would have gotten right with God but at the time of his death as far as I knew he wasn't at all a very good Christian. 


Doesn't everyone deserve second chances or do you condemn them? 3 Doors Down has a song that goes "Your mistakes do not define you now they tell you who you are not". I don't think people should be judged solely on their mistakes. We aren't perfect, we are human... born in sin, flawed, and imperfect. We have to scrape our knees many times before we learn how to ride a bike. It doesn't come naturally. Nor does much of anything else, we aren't so lucky. The beauty about mistakes is we can try and make them better. We can prove that that isn't who we are and prove we are a better person. People who cheat in a marriage can go to have a happy marriage either with the spouse they cheated on or with another. Trust can be regained (gained).  Strength can be rebuilt. 


How can once a cheater always be a cheater if say a person cheated and they weren't a Christian and then they found God and they knew they made a mistake but now they are saved and all is forgiven (at least from God). 


I can tell you I know someone who watched someone spread around HIV like it was nothing and that really turned on a light bulb in their head to not go around having sex.. Christian or not. Its disgusting. That's why we have such a epidemic of HIV is because people aren't using protection or being more careful when choosing partners.


Years ago I got a Yahoo Instant message from a girl who said. Who are you and why are you F'ing my husband? I am like excuse me? I was in a committed relationship and I wasn't cheating on him. I explained that to her and she said well your on my husband's Yahoo Buddy List and I wondered who you are. After looking at his profile I told her I didn't know who he was but maybe he planned on contacting me for something. I wasn't sure. She's like yeah okay well you want to be friends? **weird** As I got to know this girl. Her husband was openly cheating on her. They would fight and she would take her son Cameron to go stay at her mother's house. She would come home to find all her stuff and all the family pictures taken down and thrown into her son's room. Her husband then had confession. I went with so and so (a female) and we went to the movies and she came here to stay the night... Yeah I wasn't in bed with this guy but I am willing to be there is a 75% chance he cheated! This became a trend with the two of them she would always catch him flirting online, watching porn, he wouldn't sleep with her, and all his online profiles said "single" and he wouldn't give her any of the passwords. There were all the signs but this girl never admitted to herself he was cheating.


So why do people cheat? I think some people cheat because they don't have self respect or self control. They weren't taught to respect themselves or anyone else in some cases. I think some people cheat because their significant other lets them get away with it. I think some people cheat because they crave attention and if they can't get attention they want from their significant other then they will search elsewhere. Some people probably cheat just as a way to end things without just saying I am done. They aren't assertive or honest with the other person and just say I want a divorce or whatever. They want to be caught. Some people cheat because they never intended to be committed. 


I see it on Facebook nearly every day. I am sorry to use the military as an example but that's where I see it because that's where I am plugged in (kwim?)... Not EVERYONE in the military cheats but we all know some branches have this stigma of getting a girl while your in that town then ditching her the moment its time to move on. We all know that there is a high percentage of infidelity in the military due to separations on both the spouse and the service members part. But I get this email or news feed quite a bit on Facebook from a certain demographic. I caught my man on a dating site. I am not sure or not if he is emailing women but I keep deleting his profile and he keeps adding them back especially when he gets deployed. I caught him really emailing some girl and they planned on meeting but I just can't leave him... 


Duh honey if it quacks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and scratches his butt like he has fleas he is a grade a dawg.... He's cheating on you wake up and smell the Starbucks!

Love Dare Day 1-- 2010

It looks like I need to try Love Dare again. I am just getting to a frustrated point and I don't see a solution so maybe because I didn't finish it the first time. With therapy, depression medication and Love Dare maybe this time I can seek the truth. Who else has done Love Dare? Did you finish it? Was it successful? Are you doing it now?

Rick is off all day tomorrow for me to remember Love Dare Day #1.

Today's Dare

The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose to not say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.

Our Story the slide show lol

Create Your Own

Mustang Marriages

"Understanding the Owner's Manual"

1 Corinthians 13: 1-5

1 Instrument Panel (Check the Patience Guage")
2. Safety seat belt usage (kind spouses have secure children)
Nothing gives our kids a greater sense of security than knowing mom and dad love each other.
3. Develop a good relationship with the mechanic.
"Christ is in you, the hope of glory." Colossians 1:27
"The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, paitence, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control." - Galations 5:22

Jesus called the HOly Spirit "the Counselor" (paraclotas) John 14:26

The Closer you are to Jesus, the closer you'll be to your spouse.

4. What to do when your car overheats (Turn off the air and the selfishness).

5. How to change a flat (blow outs and blow ups)

v. 5 "Keeps no record" (logizomai) = an accounting word used to describe a book keeper who enters an item on a ledger.


Love
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

So Mark our Preacher spoke to us just what my favorite verse means. He said I say this at lots & lots of Weddings, but I never talk about how it applys to current day marriage in Sermons till today. This was the bible verse that was supposed to be read at our Wedding but as many people know the Preacher that did our ceremony forgot the first half of the ceremony. Rick and I in our nervousness or whatever totally missed that he forgot... Only James figured it out (the one who DOESN'T and HASN'T Gone to regular church services... haha. So I always say its our vow we say to each other. How little did I know that I didn't follow the vows as much as I thought.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. What its saying love is Paitent in order to have unconditional true love it is paitent (using Patient as a verb).

Defintion of Patient Its used as an Adjective in the english language but Greek's used it as a Verb. The verse in the Bible meaning its a description of what love is... Love is Patient... In order to have love you must be patient. In order to have love you must be kind. Then it goes into the negatives that you must not possess in order to have love. You cannot envy, boast, be proud, rude, selfish or easily angered (aka being Patient you cannot be easily angered) in order to enjoy love. Mark says you fall out of trees not out of love. You cannot wait for the feelings to show themselves to you. You have to make the commitment be faithful and try for the commitment and the commandments of love will be there.

So there are a few points I need to pray about and work on. Outside of Love Dare...I don't know about you but I want the maxium mileage out of my Mustang and I want to hear Varooom not Squeak...

http://www.willowbrook.org/

Love Dare and Parenting

So I am on Day 6 of Love Dare me thinks lol... http://bellaslovedare.blogspot.com/
I apparently inspired a friend of mine that lives locally to also do it. We both thought it would be an interesting idea if we had a parenting love dare... I was wondering if I can get some help coming up with daily dares that possibly fit all ages of our children (or not) and see if we can do our own little parenting love dare?

Today

I went to the AER car show and then got my fake nails pulled off to reveal such healthy long ones underneath what a shocker lol. Thank you baby Will. Now I am going to lay down and work on my love dare... I updated my bloggy about it Bellaslovedare.blogspot.com.
IE keeps being a crapper on me so I can't make it fancy like the others.

I am fireproofing with Love Dare

Wanna read along?
http://bellaslovedare.blogspot.com/