Creative Gift Ideas

Sometimes I get a creative bug up my butt and I come up with an idea that I won't let go of. My husband calls this a Honey Badger. Anyways our first Easter here I wanted to make Easter baskets for the kids (not just mine but her friends too) so I went to the dollar store got sand buckets, bubbles, shovels and other sand tools, and some candy and filled the buckets up and it probably cost me a few bucks a bucket.. He was amazed what I could do with $20 Then our second Christmas and I wished I would have taken pictures but I went to Old Time Pottery and got decorative Christmas boxes

Like these and filled each one with a Fireplace DVD for those of us who don't have a fireplace we could have a beautiful digital one. Then I made homemade cocoa in a Mason Jar.. topped it off with marshmallows I am pretty sure the marshmallows dried out but it was more there for the effect. I got inexpensive mugs that represented the people like my brother in law and sister are cat parents (you think I am a cat lady haha) so I got them cat lover mugs. an inexpensive blanket, With some with families I put in a travel game. It was like Christmas in a box. 

Being that we are a military family shipping was painful for each box though :/

The next year Rick wanted me to continue the tradition so I got a box and then bought popcorn cups at the dollar store, put in some popcorn packages, popcorn salt, candy and a movie. Movie in a Box?

I had an idea for teacher gifts too one year I made altered clipboards and it was something Skylar could help with.

 

For teacher gifts I got a big furry stocking and bought lots of school supplies (Don't teachers ALWAYS need supplies?) and I filled the stocking with supplies and candy :)

Ive done Ice Cream Sundae in a box... Noooo I don't put ice cream in there (a gift card will work), ice cream scoop, ice cream cones and bowls, a bunch of different toppings, and of course a gift card to either an ice cream place or just the grocery store... 

I guess my creative gifting started when Rick was deployed. My months of deployment were passed by Skylar and I coming up creative theme deployment boxes... For Thanksgiving I sent Turkey Spam, a box of stuffing, a can of green beans, and a can of cranberry sauce... with Turkey themed paper products... Of course he fed the Turkey Spam to his Iraqi cat friends and gave the other food products to the Iraqis (after all the Army and Iraqi's kept him fed and the cats kept him company)

What kind of creative gift ideas have you wanted to try or have you tried?

Military Monday Welcome Home Soldier

http://armywiveslives.com/category/military-mondays-carnival/ 

Job Well Done to you Jasper, and your wife Heather!

I met you and Heather in 2008 on Fourth of July through Betty. You were new to this life and in AIT here at Redstone for my husband's MOS. I think you two have had some trials from the starting line but you made it over your first major mountain and you can hug and give yourself a true pat on the back.

I am sure Austin, Jayden, and Dezaray are all glad to have you home.

I hope you adjust back at home on post.

Thank you so much!

http://armywiveslives.com/category/military-mondays-carnival/

Friends don't let Friends who are Soldiers deploy alone

Friends Don't Let Friends who are Soldiers Deploy alone.



I have been an Army Wife for three years. Shortly after I became his wife he got orders to deploy. I knew I needed to fall into a group of ladies that were experienced in deployment. Lucky me I got an abundance of them. All were experienced not all were your "Claudia Joy"... some were just the ones rooted in drama. Then along came wives who messaged me on line after searching for the profile or found me in some way to help them because their husband deployed and they had no idea what to do with themselves. Some locked themselves in closets hoping that the world around them would disappear. Some didn't even know they had a housing allowance, POA, or Tricare available to them.



I was just sitting here thinking wow this is my first time and I have my boot straps on a little tighter than these other "newbies." I know that I have been to some FRG meetings. I know how they can be informative. I have been through FRG training too. Even though I have only been stationed on a TRADOC post. I have been learning as much as possible before the big event and these poor wives that contact me don't have a clue.



Is it the wife that doesn't live *IN* the Army Life that doesn't even KNOW where the closest Army Post is to her uneducated and inexperienced out of just distance? Therefore I know she's never even been introduced to her FRG (Family Readiness Group). Is the wife left unprepared because the Soldier doesn't educate her or educate himself? Is it due to that it being the soldier its their first deployment? Is it something else?



I see it happen way to much. Its no fault of the Military and not really the fault if the solider is unsuspecting. But you would think that there would be someone out there to tell the soldier about POA (Power of Attorney), House allowances, and other deployment preparations.



Yet again a good friend of mine contacts me as she is hit by the deployment chaos. You know the Murphy's Law of deployments hits. Everything breaks, the LES isn't right, They are still taking out your BAH at your old place. Your left to get by with Ramen Noodles till payday again! You have no idea what to do! Because Soldier and Military Spouse are left unprepared for the ultimate challenge.



I ask of you my fellow Military Wives and Moms. If you have survived your husband's ( or son's) deployment If you know someone who is deploying soon make them your "special case" make sure they have a POA for everything even the things you don't think about. Make sure all the allotments are lined up perfectly. Make sure she has chocolate and wine hidden in her cabinet and stocked up on Care package items with the best numbers to call with the questions. You would do it for the new mom in your life well this is sort of the same. Give her the instruction book of know how for surviving and THRIVING during a deployment. Do her a favor and save yourself an uninterrupted night of sleep because she won't be calling you at 1 am with an urgent question. Give her the gift of knowledge and lend her your battle buddy love from one Military Wife to another.



Bella (Armyknightslady) S

Army Wife to Rick retiring after 24 years of service veteran of OIF

Army "Mom" to Alex veteran of OEF/OIF

Deployment Conversations are frustrating.

Alex called this morning to ask for his mothers number which as far as I know is disconnected. I know I have to try and refrain from giving him the third degree. I need to not ask OPSEC questions. Even though we are dying to know what happened. He did say he was "moving" to another area that is safer. He hasn't been busy with work... Does that mean he can't work? Its so awkward for me to talk to someone who is deployed because I know what they need to hear. They need to hear Skylar like speak where she is so excited on the phone she talks about the colors of the toys in the toy box. He asked how his younger siblings were and I give him the quick break down because in my mind no one wants to listen to the mundane, monotone, humdrum of real life drama. So its hard for me to give him Skylar speak, not be nagging or asking questions, don't violate Opsec, all awhile try not to think that the boring stories bore him too. I tell him the basics that Rick is looking for a civilian job, That James is still in therapy and going to tutoring to help his math skills (with what I disagree with), Skylar's doing okay in school but needs improvement. Shes definitely learning but at the same time the teacher tells us that she is having problems but won't speak to us so I had to sick the Army officials on her ass, That Skylar started soccer but took one to the head for the team to score a goal lol. That she is on an all boy team. Then William who has had his virus but seems to be okay now, That he is trying to learn to stand and being the little mischievous one. How Skylar and James get along most of the time and can work together. Etc. I told him a little about our marriage retreat then I feel like well he probably hears every other sentence due to the connection lmao. Then get frustrated at myself again lol. God I love Deployment 6 more months to go, I said to him see you in October or September and he said maybe sooner... THATS NOT GOOD! UGH

Military WIfe

I tend to say I am not a good Military Wife because I feel guilty for not supporting in this final year of your service. I am not a good Military Wife because I am not cooking for the FRG or bringing sandwhiches up to you while your working on on CQ Duty. I think I have written before when I look amongst MY Ranks.. Ranks of Officer Wives that stand tall, PFC wives that make sure food is kept on the table with four hungry mouths to feed on a meagar paycheck. They have to work usually under those circumstances. I didn't want to work while you were deployed worried about dealing with the stress of it all. I read stories and wonder how much a World War, Korean, or Vietnam war wife went through. I realize what you've done on your deployment. How easy you did make things for me. How all I had to do was hold on, be there, be faithful, and hold our house together. I see wives here that cheat, lie, and just don't support their husband. Whether he is a Soldier or not.

I also see the other side of the coin where the Soldiers don't realize what we go through waiting. Waiting for you to call, write, send any inkling that your alive. If they do call its about the Army and what we need to do for you over here or how disconnected ya'll get being over there. We often hear the Civilian attitude how they do the same. Maybe in some ways but if they've never been there then they just don't KNOW. They act like we are dramatic that we can get through it. When we fight to wake up the next day so the kids can eat. There are some who don't know how we get through a weekend and some don't comprehend a 6 month deployment, 8 month deployment, 12 month deployment, 18 month deployment... or longer... That we are lucky to see you for two weeks total out of that entire year.

It all boils down to the LOVE and Pride we have for our hero. Its what we do to make sure you do your job well, you let us continue to have freedom and you come home safe.

Many days I am sure us wives want to throw in the towel because your being "disconnected" that your struggling with God knows what.. We are struggling too and we can't see how your struggling as well. Thats when we get stressed out, lonely, crying, and frustrated and we have to gather up strength and push down the pain to stay strong for you and the kids. I was lucky to have two ends of the spectrum those who show me how to get it done and how NOT to do it. But that was just a part of it. Having that love for you to come home too (waiting for you to come home too it) is what gets us through each deployment.

I may not be a GREAT Military Wife but I can be a STRONG Military Wife.

The Military Wife VIDEO

Autism Awareness

We've run into a new conflict with James. I have been very Autism "Aware" since Kristin and Ryan came into my life and have had it in my life before them. I started to absorb and learn. Why? I don't know why? My love for learning new things, I read things to understand them instead of turning the ignorant cheek. Slowly more children with PDD, High Functioning Autism or Aspbergers, and even one friend of my sisters who has an 8 year old son who was diagnosed at the age of three with Aspbergers but as he got older he started to develop more severe symptoms that was more signs of classic Autism. I remember one event where Chase was so lost and I felt as frustrated and lost as he did and very helpless. Most of the children in my life with ASD have been boys but one was a girl and she grew up next door to me. Those of you who've known me for the life of Bella's mommy Chat remember the issues I had with my first husband. Have to say I have never seen the light in his eyes like when he was a teacher for Aspbergers. These are the memories I have about Aspbergers.. When James my step son came into my life I was told he MAY have BiPolar. His mother said more so than his father. Soon after Rick and I got married James stopped taking his medications for Bipolar. Yet no symptoms of bipolar persisted through some HELLISH times dealing with two deployments between Rick and Rick's oldest son Alex. James had more break downs than bipolar symptoms. Which made me suspect Aspbergers... I asked his parents about his development and neither parent remembered anything significant. I know James didn't want to be branded with Bipolar but his biological mom never stopped with this and often brought it up. Toward the end of the deployment I knew that Rick and I needed help for James. 21 years old with little to no life skills. What he did know I helped teach him. I taught him how to cope. I pressured him into a job. So I decided all my hard work wasn't going to waste. I was going to sign up for Family therapy. So when Rick rejoined the family. I would already have programs in place to help if there was any PTSD symptoms, and as normal most Soldiers have issues rejoining a family and finding their place in the things that had developed since they were gone. I KNEW this would be a major problem for Rick. Within three appointments the therapist already suspected James of Aspbergers and brought it up to me. I jumped right on her band wagon. It took another session to let James know we were branding him with a new diagnosis and what the new diagnosis meant. Unfortunately James still doesn't like to be branded even with what I see as a BETTER diagnosis. He thinks having Aspbergers means your slower or dumber. I have tried to take this idea out of his head but he won't even talk about Aspbergers outside of therapy. April is Aspberger Awareness month and a lot of people have approached me lately about what Autism is. They are surprised as I am about the lack of knowledge with Autism that they have. At the end of March I was on the search for autism Awareness graphics for actually my graphics site and to make things for Myspace. Rick has to write a paper for school about something that effects him. Medical was one of his options. Since he has a lack of knowledge as do many people around me have about James condition. This really upsets James since he doesn't want to know about autism. He doesn't want to cope with Aspbergers. He doesn't want anything to do with it. This is a foreign concept to me. With every surgery I have had which is ALOT, with every diagnosis I have had I submerge myself in research and learn about it so its not foreign thing someone just put on my back. Its a way to see if the diagnosis really does match me, if the treatment is fitting or if there is something I can do differently, etc. I have done this since I was 12 years old. Can you learn to cope and help yourself with this condition without wanting to deal with the fact you have it in the first place? I haven't found a abundance of knowledge about support for Parents or those who are adults living with Aspbergers. Rick found this awesome workbook I think the worksheets can help James and us out a lot if he was willing. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-URL/ref=ntt_athr_dp_Sr_1?%5Fencoding=UTF8&search-type=ss&index=books&field-author=Ellen%20S.%20Heller%20Korin
I am proud of Rick for his willingness to learn and help James cope with his condition. He admittedly wants to learn more especially since we are faced with the chances of the new baby having Autism too.

This is supposed to be the BEST medical available in the world?

have been stationed in one place for over two years. I have had a BIG share of problems with Fox Army Health Center. During my time as a waiting spouse. I was told we had an advocate that would give us priority. I got disgusted with her BAD attitude and just called the regular appointment line and didn't have a problem for awhile. THIS is after I complained that several doctors refused to give me a referral to a bone specialist to monitor my arthritis. I totally disagree with the way they speak to patients. I disagree with how the patients are treated. I don't think they would get a lot of business in the civilian world. I have been told by a Patient Care Representative. That being a Waiting Spouse I just wanted special attention. I then got a hold of the COL over Fox's number and I had a doctor call me back and just think it was in my best interest if I didn't see a doctor at Fox and go off post for a civilian PCM. I brought this up to some people's attention around post. I was told that is ILLEGAL. I was told I must be making it up or over reacting. I could care less. My daughter is rarely ever sick enough for me to have her seen. I can treat allergies but when they linger or cause discomfort that's when I seek help. On the 1st of April she was seen by a pediatrician at Fox and the Pedi said she had a slight ear infection. She also had allergies that were draining which caused the cough. Give her meds, dry up her sinuses and it should all clear up. So since the first Skylar has been on Amoxicillian, Singular, and Zyrtec. The antibiotic against my better judgement I just don't believe in them but I am giving it to her. Over a WEEK later.... TODAY I call to make her another appointment because she isn't getting better. Her cough isn't going away and frankly I am tired of every time I take her in being told she has allergies and them sending her away. Its a waste of both of our time because she is on Zyrtec almost ALWAYS when a cough starts she gets the humidifier. The moment she has to leave a humidifier she is coughing up a lung again. Today Fox closes early for training. I realized that before I called but I was also told LAST WEEK. If she wasn't getting better to call back and get a doctors note. So that's why I called to get an appointment (for anytime, and a doctors note)I spoke to the appointment desk and as I predicted no appointments available at all today amongst ALLLLLL the doctors and PCM's at Fox. Alrighty then they transfer me to a nurse to see if I could at least get a doctors note for school. The nurse spoke to me this morning on two occasions. Telling me she would REALLY like Skylar to be seen. Each time my pleas went unanswered to the appointment desk. I call the nurse back and tell her they said nothing was available for Friday or Thursday. She looked and there were two ACUTE appointments available for Skylar's PCM (which I would have loved for her to see someone else but at this point I wasn't picky.) Dr. E's nurse gave me the ACUTE appointment times for these appointments. Explained to me they don't show up till 24 hours before the appointment time. I was supposed to call Fox at 9:30 or 10:10... To make the playing field even I decided to chance it at 10:35... The appointment desk decides to ARGUE with me. They have a bad attitude! I get upset and frustrated (HEY I am pregnant it doesn't take anything lmao much lesss MUCH) I try to stay polite and calm and tell her I already spoke with the nurse available at this extension several times and she said there was an Urgent Care (or I couldn't remember the phrase) appointment available at 9:30 or 10:10 that they wouldn't show available to the appointment desk until 24 hours prior. Of course they think I am lying. Don't they always because I call them up every hour just to bug harass and otherwise LIE to these MORONS. She said HMM I will have to speak with the supervisor about it. I said why don't I speak to them? She said oh look we have a 9:30 cancelation for Dr E. YEAH FREAKING RIGHT... NOW who's lying? I made the appointment and she then proceeded to argue between DIAGNOSES and SYMPTOM. I said my daughter was seen on the first she had an ear infection and allergies. She is NOT getting better the nurse wants her seen again. They argue. You don't KNOW she has an ear infection um YES I DO. After SEVERAL phone calls back and forth I get the mysterious 9:30 am appointment that was a sudden cancelation at the same time as I ask to speak to a supervisor. I call my husband to complain. Of course he's in freaking busy army mode... UGH and I call back to speak to THE supervisor and she's JUST as RUDE and DENIES it ever happened. WTH!
ALL BE DAMNED If I trust them with my newborn's health. I WILL be finding a civilian Peditrician... PAYING for a co-pay... and taking both of my kids to them. ASAP!

If you've ever been to the free clinic down town... this is how I am OFTEN treated at Fox Army Health Care... My kids will be going standard because the care could be very dangerous!!! HMO's SUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK SUCK
Thank You Mrs Hilary Clinton!

Thanksgiving

Well I did it. We took advantage of having Alex home. We got out of the house and saw the new Saturn 5 rocket over in NASA. We went to the Safari. We did alot of different things. We even did Family Pictures. Since Alex planned on going to Arizona with his mom for Thanksgiving. Betty's husband Mike would also not be here on Thanksgiving. As well as Heather and her family would be going out of town. Rick and I thought it would be a nice gesture to invite them over for a home cooked meal. Plus you know how Thanksgiving goes with the left overs. I would like to thank my husband for assisting me with some of the dishes. Alex for manning the meat. Betty for bringing some of her dishes. I had a wonderful time

1 Year 2 Months and 18 days

I would like to thank you all for your support during our deployment. Its had ups and downs. Laughs and frustrations. I couldn't do it without my precious ladies from the Redstone Military Wives Meetup, The Waiting Spouses group. Mary Breeden from ACS, My Mommy Group on Yahoo Groups Bella's Mommy Chat, Various message boards and other Military Support Groups. My different battle buddies through out the year. Jessica Davis, Jess Rose, and my Betty. Captain Quinn and his wife Amy made a huge difference in my life. My neighbor whom I have been calling "CW" without you my Lady would be very unhappy LOL. Christa and Pegan always have time to listen and offer their advice when they can. I appreciate all they have done too! My Close friend Kristin has been an open ear for years before I became an Army Wife and I am sure she will always be there for me as I try to be for her. Crystal your a rock all on your own I love you!

To Rick's Friends and Family. Your loved by him and you have been there for me. Thank You. You've become part of me too!

To all those who thought I would never make it. You were wrong. I am stronger than ever, more independant than ever, and my marriage is the best its ever been and ever so much more growing with every word spoken.

A special appreciation to my husband my hero for working hard and making the sacrafices he has made. Not just as a Soldier but as a husband. James and Skylar have also inspired me and played a special part in giving me my daily strength and alot of lessons learned. I couldn't do this without you three very loved and special people to me.

Reflections of the Deployment

On the first of every year I usually reflect back on my blogs and talk about important blogs for each month. I didn't do that this year. So I thought I would do it for the deployment.

Lets start with the Goodbye

Monday, July 23, 2007 Myspace Blog

It was time to say goodbye ~

Tuesday, August 28, 2007 Myspace Blog

Yes I am Okay! ~ A poem I wrote about deployment

Saturday, September 15, 2007 Myspace Blog

The Chaos Doesn't End Yet ~ My Fender Bender at the Commissary

Thursday, October 11, 2007 Myspace Blog

I’ve been so humbled ~ My first phone call after Rick was officially in the sandbox

Saturday, October 27, 2007 Myspace Blog

Rough Week ~ I totaled the Metro & Alex comes home from AIT.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007 Myspace Blog

What We Go Through

Sunday, December 23, 2007 On Blogger

Waiting Spouses and the Huntsville Times

Thursday, January 10, 2008 On Blogger

Passion I am coming to the realization that some people just don't understand the passion I have for my husband and the passion he has for me. Nor do I think this is blind passion that it will eventually end. I am most definately not in love with this deployment

January/Feburary cusp

Friday, February 15, 2008 On Blogger

Catching up ~ R&R

Friday, March 21, 2008 On Blogger

Windows ~ Rick and now try to leave our webcam's rolling most of our days and nights so we can keep an eye on each other. Even while we sleep. We are on opposite schedules. He works mostly while I sleep and vice versa. He put me to bed last night and I cuddled in bed and flipped open my Nintendo DS for awhile just to do something and unwind. I could see my window with his webcam in it from my bed. I would glance up and he was reading a book by his computer. I closed my DS and cuddled up with some blankets and it felt like almost we were cuddling. Virtually Cuddling. I could almost smell him, feel him, touch him as he read his book. I didn't share my thoughts with him till this morning. Its almost as if he was here in my bed. It didn't feel so lonely. What a blessing Technology has given us.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008  On Blogger

Letter to Rick

Tuesday, May 27, 2008 On Blogger

What Hurts the Most by Rascall Flatts ~ Dealing with R&R Depression

Sunday, June 8, 2008 On Blogger

How do I feel now ~ Desolution of a Close friendship

Tuesday, July 1, 2008 On Blogger

Its that Time of the Deployment ~ Well I have watched others go through it. Now I am at that stage of deployment where its wrapping up and little things seem to send me into a tail spin. I am sleeping less and less. I am bitchy... not that I haven't used the bitch card over the past 11 and half months. I still doubt the last months or weeks of deployment are harder than the first. At least for me. But I have yet to finish so we will see. Lately I am so moody and emotional.

Thursday, August 07, 2008 Myspace Blog

Oh no my baby is in school

Wednesday, August 27, 2008 Myspace Blog

Not yet finished

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Army Wedding Vows

Army Wedding Vows

I always thought this was super funny...

Dear family and friends, we are gathered here today in the sight of God and the Department of the Army, to witness this exchange of vows, and see the love that these two dedicated, loving people have for one another.

"Wilt thou, __________, take ___________ (who will now be referred to as the"dependent"), as your family member, to dwell together in so far as the Department of the Army will permit?" "Wilt thou love her, comfort her, via the postal service or over the phone, make sure she knows where the commissary, PX, and church are, and what time she is scheduled to use the laundry room the day she arrives, wherever you are stationed?"

"Wilt thou attempt to tell her more than 24 hours in advance that you will be leaving for two weeks, beginning the next morning?" This especially applies to the years you will live in a foreign country!

"Wilt thou ____________ , take this soldier as thy wedded husband, knowing that he is depending upon you to be the perfect (well almost) Army wife, running the household as you see fit, and being nice to the commander's wife?" Furthermore, you understand that your life with your husband (little that you may have together) will not be normal, that you may have to explain to your children, not once, but twice, and more often in the same day, that mothers do have husbands, and that children do have daddy's, and that the picture of the man on the refrigerator is not the milkman, but the same individual who tucks them in at 2200 hours, long after they are asleep. This soldier is their daddy, who loves them very, very much.

"Wilt thou love, respect and wait for him, preparing his favorite cookies and pictures of yourself and the kids, so he can remember what you look like?" And last but not least, put on the outside of your door his "Welcome home" sign when he's due to arrive?"

"I, ____, take thee ____, as my independent wife, from 1900 to 2200 hours or as long as allowed by my Commanding Officer (subject to change without notice), for better or worse, earlier or later, near or far, and I promise to look at the pictures you send me, maybe not when they get to me in the field, but before I turn the lights out. I will also send a letter, if time permits, and if not, to somehow, some way, make the time."

"I, _________, take thee _________ as my live-in/live-out husband, realizing that your comings and goings and 0330 staff meetings are normal (although absurd to me) and part of your life as a soldier. I promise not to be shocked or taken by surprise when you inform me that, although we've just arrived at our new duty station, we will be leaving within the month. Yes, I'll have you as my husband as long as while your are away, my allotment comes through regularly, and that you leave me a current power of attorney and the checkbook at all times. I am a famil y member and proud of it, dependent upon myself and my resources. Although I miss you when you are away, I know I can handle whatever comes across my path."

"Now then, let no man or woman put us under what God and the Department of the Army have brought together. The Army hereby issues you this lovely, dedicated, independent woman, knowing that she'll be an asset not only to your marriage, but also to the mission of the United States Army, which is, as you all know, to remain in a state of "Readiness." By the authority vested in the Bible, elaborated in the regulation and subject to current directives concerning the aspects of marriage in the Army, you are now a Soldier with a Family Member. Best Wishes and good Luck."

Army Wives

Claudia Joy:
To rejoin life is to accept what's happened, but I can't accept it. I can't move forward; I can't turn back. So I hold my breath, living in a suspended state of existence.
Trevor:
But what do you do when you're told that no mail can go out for a week, due to security concerns? You get out a pen and paper anyway. Dear Roxy, I'm here. And by the time you get this letter, I might be somewhere else. Iraq has got to be the dryest place on Earth. Baby, there's no preparing for this - no books, no pictures, no training. Just the reality. It makes me wonder if sometimes you'd be better off if I never brought you into this crazy life.
Claudia Joy:
Everything that was familiar is now unfamiliar. What was light is now dark, and the world seems a vast and unfriendly place.
Trevor:
Death is everywhere here, in what you smell, hear, see, feel. And somehow, you're supposed to just put it all away, forget you saw it, move on. Is this hell?
Claudia Joy:
Or is hell never to love again?

Army Wives Season 2 Episode 2 Quotes from the Begining of the show.

"To rejoin life is to accept what's happened, but I can't accept it. I can't move forward; I can't turn back. So I hold my breath, living in a suspended state of existence." I will never try and compare myself to someone who has dealt with the death of a child but I feel this quote in my situation as well. I have moments where I feel like a failure. That I need to give up on bringing Mackenzie home. That my heart just wants to say its been too long. Then I bleed out and say I know I am in a better way now and I can be the mother I've tried to be to him. So yes I can live in a suspended state of existence. Sometimes I feel like time and life are suspended while Rick is away while he is deployed. The pain of facing the changes and how time goes by without him seem easier to not deal with them. So when someone asks about my Summer plans? I just say what Summer? Rick isn't here.

But what do you do when you're told that no mail can go out for a week, due to security concerns? You get out a pen and paper anyway. Dear Roxy, I'm here. And by the time you get this letter, I might be somewhere else. Iraq has got to be the dryest place on Earth. Baby, there's no preparing for this - no books, no pictures, no training. Just the reality. It makes me wonder if sometimes you'd be better off if I never brought you into this crazy life.
Have I thought that Rick has questioned this himself? Should he have brought Skylar and I into this life? I can reassure him with a yes! Not only because we have made a life with our soul mates but because I have a better life now than I did in Georgia. A better relationship. I can drive myself and I have reached some goals. Skylar and I are being taken care of. Is it worth surviving this deployment? Eh Yes and No. Would i do it again HELL YEAH!

Everything that was familiar is now unfamiliar. What was light is now dark, and the world seems a vast and unfriendly place.

Claudia Joy's words strike such a deep part in my soul. So real I couldn't have written them myself.

Death is everywhere here, in what you smell, hear, see, feel. And somehow, you're supposed to just put it all away, forget you saw it, move on. Is this hell?
Even if your out there deployed and you are one of the lucky ones to not have to be on the front lines or see death. I still can't imagine living life through Rick's eyes. Seeing the people that he see's or even the things he see's. When seeing an animal is the high light of his day and makes things alot more sane. Culture Shock? Yes but to the extreme. Then he has to come back here and live his life as he did before and not think about wasting a plate of food that a child where he is be hungry for it. At least I hope most people wouldn't take their life in the states for granted after seeing the hardships of other countries.

Or is hell never to love again?

For those who watched the show. I think this is one of my favorite TV Moments. The way as my husband puts it Claudia Joy is awash in Water and Trevor is awash in the dirty and desert. Both aching for the one's they love. I just get weepy.

Its that Time of the Deployment

Well I have watched others go through it. Now I am at that stage of deployment where its wrapping up and little things seem to send me into a tail spin. I am sleeping less and less. I am bitchy... not that I haven't used the bitch card over the past 11 and half months. I still doubt the last months or weeks of deployment are harder than the first. At least for me. But I have yet to finish so we will see. Lately I am so moody and emotional. I cry over things that I haven't cried over in awhile. I have been feeling jealousy, abandonment, and fear. I have done so well with the abandonment feelings till now. I have expected them all along. I mean I am smart enough and my husband and I know neither of us are cheating and I just know him. So these feelings are superficial and not worth the blog their written on. I mean they mean crap and its just myself trying to trip me up. My dreams are wildly intense. My emotions and stress is running high for not many reasons.

James gave me an excuse the other day and it just set me off. I have overcome so much this past year. I have accomplished so many goals and I see him change slowly for the better but at the same time he is holding himself back and his fear is not getting any better. He's just holding on to his fears for dear life. I would have never gotten anywhere this year if I lived for my fear. I just want to have another yet another confrontation with him and say you see how I braved up and how much better my life is? What about you give it a try? I think my willpower is strong I have always thought so. When I put my mind to something I WILL do it. I am stubborn that way. I am built that way! I guess bottom line is like this. There is no I can't there is just you'd f**king BETTER!

As far as excuses go they are all bull crap. When I don't want to drive down town I don't give people my sob story about hitting a pole. I just say I don't like to drive down town and I won't. So if I am supposed to go down town for something I just say sorry I'm not doing it. End of story. As far as I am concerned if your going to feed me your excuse you might as well just tell me your dog ate your homework and I will snap right back. You know its that time of the deployment where I am not taking anymore shit. I have to live through these last few months of this crap and If I have made it this far I expect it out of you too!

Expecting too much? Maybe but I don't care you better give me your all or just go sit in your corner and not bother me with your issues. I am not buying the crap your dishing out.

The bitch card just says this... Its that time of the deployment where I won't tolerate excuses, bull shit, or drama.Its that time of the deployment where I won't take your shit either. Its that time of the deployment where I will pull out the bitch card at random but i won't be a bitch to you if you haven't crossed me.

We are almost at the 3 month mark and Rick and I are already stressing each other out. Incase you don't read my blogs i have been super emotional. My Nightmares are a lot more intense and I just feel like its that time of the month intensified. Now I mentioned to Rick that I would have to postpone Skylar's Dentist appointment till August because I am not sure how much mine is going to cost and I have made another appointment because I have a tooth that either has to get fixed or come out. UGH I didn't even finish my thoughts lol. Anyways so I mentioned that I would postpone the appointment and he's like I can't give you what you need. I am not providing enough for you. I was just telling him that with her school clothes and school supplies I don't know what to budget cause i don't know how much its going to cost. and James errr James was supposed to do something on Wednesday and didn't do it. He gave me a lame excuse and it PISSED me off so I got him back. Rick will be like he needs to grow up then all of a sudden you would think I was telling his little boy to grow up. I have to remind him James is a grown man.

There is a new waiting spouse I promised Rick I wouldn't get involved like I did with the last. Anyways she just got married and her husband just got deployed. She works at the ID office and her and James were talking how he needed the Contractors ID. So she told him to call her at 8 am and she would take care of him. Well his Alarm went off that morning and he went back to sleep. Then she called me at noon and was angry with him. I don't blame her. Standing me up royally pisses me off too. So he finally woke up. I said Betty called to bitch about you standing her up. He said I didn't get much sleep last night so I wasn't awake at 8 am. I said well your Alarm went off why not? Not to mention to him that the night before I was up at 4 am in pain and I didn't get a nap the entire day so do I pity him for having insomnia that is computer induced? Um No priorities are priorities. Funny how he goes to work whether or not he sleeps that I notice or is it that he makes SURE he sleeps if he has to open the next day? So being the moody person I was I got this idea while having lunch with betty. I talked to James' boss' The manager didn't know shit. The assistant manager said Lil Man need an ID card? I said yes and he's not doing it because I won't hold his hand. She said I will make the appointment with him when he gets here and set him straight. I came home as James was leaving for work. I said Susan will make your appointment for you. I want it in hand when you get home. He WASN'T Happy with me for DAYS lol. I told Rick what I had done and Rick was like damn lol. One minute Rick is like stick it to him then the next is like aww Poor James. Shit got old a while back. Betty told me to Call Military One Source to se if they had any resources. They urge me to do Family Counseling. They said that the counselor should set me up with life skills resources for James and help me deal with this battle of Rick and James and back and forth. PROBLEM is talking James into going to counseling. Technically I can't make him all I can do is give him an ultimatum. I've already talked to him  about how its in his best interest to update his EMFP (a special thing for the Army for special needs) and maybe work on getting his dependency extended. Other than getting him to counseling the EFMP office is a BITCH and if he isn't going to try I am not looking forward to fighting the system for nothing.

As for the Pregnancy Emotions going through my non pregnant body. UGH they can leave now! When my former friend went through this stage of deployment she was handed her right to bitch card and took it out on me. I blew that bS off. I was told oh just give her space she's going through the hardest phase of being a Waiting Spouse. I was like damn then I am in for it because my baby starts school at that time. So now that I am at that point with less than a few months away my husband will be home after a long 14 month deployment. I just feel pregnant with the emotions. I cried during Wall-E today. I am freaked out over nightmares. Not sleeping.

Watched Wall-E and I cried. I watched Army Wives and cried of course I cried during Army Wives. At least no more Anxiety attacks whew. Army Wives should come with disclaimers Army Wives SHOULD NOT watch this show it could be potentionally dangerous to your health if your husband is deployed. HAHA! Its like watching Baby Story while your in labor you know you shouldnt but you just can't look away!!

So as I am getting a bigger boot to put down my foot a little harder. I am also having crazy mood swings that could go away anytime they want to. The Guilt because my daughter assumes I am her playmate 24/7 when there is alot of time right now I just want me time. UGH just thinking about the way I act makes me angry....

To Be Continued.

 

Its that time of the Deployment

Well I have watched others go through it. Now I am at that stage of deployment where its wrapping up and little things seem to send me into a tail spin. I am sleeping less and less. I am bitchy... not that I haven't used the bitch card over the past 11 and half months. I still doubt the last months or weeks of deployment are harder than the first. At least for me. But I have yet to finish so we will see. Lately I am so moody and emotional. I cry over things that I haven't cried over in awhile. I have been feeling jealousy, abandonment, and fear. I have done so well with the abandonment feelings till now. I have expected them all along. I mean I am smart enough and my husband and I know neither of us are cheating and I just know him. So these feelings are superficial and not worth the blog their written on. I mean they mean crap and its just myself trying to trip me up.

James gave me an excuse today and it just set me off. I have overcome so much this past year. I have accomplished so many goals and I see him change slowly for the better but at the same time he is holding himself back and his fear is not getting any better. He's just holding on to his fears for dear life. I would have never gotten anywhere this year if I lived for my fear. I just want to have another yet another confrontation with him and say you see how I braved up and how much better my life is? What about you give it a try? I think my willpower is strong I have always thought so. When I put my mind to something I WILL do it. I am stubborn that way. I am built that way! I guess bottom line is like this. There is no I can't there is just you'd f**king BETTER!

As far as excuses go they are all bull crap. When I don't want to drive down town I don't give people my sob story about hitting a pole. I just say I don't like to drive down town and I won't. So if I am supposed to go down town for something I just say sorry I'm not doing it. End of story. As far as I am concered if your going to feed me your excuse you might as well just tell me your dog ate your homework and I will snap right back. You know its that time of the deployment where I am not taking anymore shit. I have to live through these last few months of this crap and If I have made it this far I expect it out of you too!

Expecting too much? Maybe but I don't care you better give me your all or just go sit in your corner and not bother me with your issues. I am not buying the crap your dishing out.

The bitch card just says this... Its that time of the deployment where I won't tolerate excuses, bull shit, or drama.Its that time of the deployment where I won't take your shit either. Its that time of the deployment where I will pull out the bitch card at random but i won't be a bitch to you if you haven't crossed me.

Military Lifestyle

My husband has been a Soldier for over 20 years. I can't speak for him. Himself but during our conversations he has told me his favorite part of the Military Lifestyle is the ability to do the not so usual things. Traveling and Living in Germany. Visiting Turkey which he loves. The knowledge he gains from the Military. The schooling. Face it boys like toys so Rick gets to play with alot of toys doing what he does. All that can grow old on a person and now that we are married I think he's ready to enjoy the civilian life not that he has completed his years with the Military. Now he wants to watch our kids grow and his oldest himself be a Soldier.

As for me I have been a Military Wife for a little over a year. My adopted father was Retired Air Force and my sister was in the Air Force. I saw first hand before my duty as a wife in the Silent Ranks the challenges of the Military and even tried to do my duty and enlist myself. Unfortuately my health kept me from joining. I knew I wasn't cut out to be a Military Wife and in a huge aspect of the world I still don't think I am but in ways I am a good Military Wife. Even the step son thinks so. That means alot to me. I don't like to live far from what I say is home and family. I am not very very close to my family but I would like to be. I still feel I need them close. I laugh and tell people that I am a delicate flower, I bloom where I am planted I don't do too well transpotted. I love to visit new places but I would have a hard time adjusting to new cities as a place to live. Plus as a child who was tossed around alot its hard for a child so my first thought is always on the kids. My biggest joy for the Military Life style is supporting the love of my life. Being part of a very special group of people. The very Brave. I am a very patrotic person and I believe that The Military is a Tradition and without it no telling where we would be as a nation. So I feel special to be supporting our Military in my own ways and getting to live it even if its for a short time, The military and this deployment have taught me some good lessons in life that I needed to know. For that I could never repay. I can't wait to have my husband home though.

Weather Forecast Outlook Cloudy

A Cloud Near our House picture taken 2008 June 06.

The Weather forecasts predicts a cloudy outlook. .... This blog isn't about the weather wouldn't that be boring? This blog is about my life on Cloud Nine for over the past 511 days. Sure enough you would think Deployment within the first year of marriage would all but tear us apart or dampen the cloud but neither has happened. When Rick and I first talked about meeting. I was trying not to fall for him so I could keep a clear head. Sometimes when I fall I fall hard. My little cheerleaders I call them at the time weren't helping much. Oh yeah they knocked some sense in me but also told me there was no rescue clouds leaving Cloud Nine I was stuck. It was Kismet. I've never one to fight Kismet. I am not one to pull cupid's arrow out of my rear either. Rick has been with me on Cloud Nine through it all. He has been the wind beneath my wings that helps me fly up here. As he would correct me in the comments and say We are each other's wind beneath or wings. We brought each other to life. He has certainly changed mine for all good. I hope and I trust our life on Cloud Nine can out live us. Spread love and hope to others. I am so cheesy in love. I still consider us newlyweds even if its been over a year. Just because we still give each other butterflies, we still make each other blush and shiver. We get giddy, giggly and a crush on each other. Can the Army PCS us to Cloud Nine and give us a permenant order for here? Cause I am all for you sending my mail here. I don't think Rick realizes just what this has been like for me but at the same time I feel at times intensely that he feels the same.

Rick and I have had our share of rain and tears. We have had some thunder rolls and disagreements but it doesn't last long and we hold each other through it either emotionally or phsycially. He's just what I need.

When Rick and my eyes meet no one else exists (until Skylar starts screaming.) So please forward all email to 1 Cloud 9 because we seem to be the only ones that exist on our beautiful little cloud I hope never has storms.

Vote 10 for Red White and Blue

Give me a 10 for Red, White or Blue

AH CRAP His Shampoo Doesn’t smell the same in my hair

That is the name of someone's profile. I laughed and then had a memory of my sweet smelling husband coming home for lunch and as I fixed him lunch in the kitchen his scent triggered my being and my soul. He smelled so good I could have sworn he just stepped out of the shower. But there he was my handsome husband in his ACU's (Army Uniform) waiting for his sandwich and salad. If I didn't have a four year old underfoot I swear he could have had me for lunch.

 

How do I feel now?

Today is so final. I honestly didn't think I would feel the way I do today. The past two weeks I had some temptations. I mean I had some things on my mind that part of me wanted to open up and let you in, again. But I left it alone to see what would happen. I just asked one thing of you. I am writing this to you like you would even read it. *Shrugs* I guess it doesn't matter does it. These are my feelings and emotions take it or leave it. Its really no one's place to judge me in my opinion anyways. I guess its just going to be some dust that is swept under the rug, eventually. For now I just glare at the dust and wondering what could be different. I left the chore up to you to decide what to do so now I have to deal with the mess thats left. As close as we were, as close as we could have been. Would I have even wanted it? I know I wouldn't have wanted this mess. I never wanted the drama and I was hoping things if they had to end so be it but they didn't have to end like this. I guess I have a problem if I don't feel there is closure. This is the first time I have gone through something like this. So I am not sure how I feel or what to do even. I guess I will get the same answer I get about everything. Pray. Pray for the feelings and emotions. Pray for you and Pray for me.

Isaiah 40:31

Isaiah 40:31

"But they that wait upon the LORD
shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as EAGLES
they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk, and not faint"

My friend Dayna IMed me the other day with this bible verse. If you know me you know that I am always looking for Bible Verses, Quotes, and lyrics that help define who I am or what I am going through.

In my beliefs, I think that my relationship with God is personal and not to be judged or defined however. I do believe that there are people out there that interpert the bible however they see fit.

To me this verse says I shall wait and trust in my faith and I will be filled with renewed strength. That I will soar with eagles. I will run and not be tired and I can walk with paitence and not be weak.

What does this bible verse say to you?

Going through this deployment there are days where I have to FIGHT to get through the day. To wake up in the mornings not seeing my husband on the pillow next to me as the sun touches the clouds in the sky. I have to remember as I wake that I have something more precious and thats the beauty and grace of my little girl. She is a gift (as is my husband). Just a reminder why I am here and what I am doing. Thats when she doesn't wake me up with her plea's for attention lol.