Day 14 of the 30 Days of Truth. A Letter to a Hero that let me down

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Dear Helene,
Since I was young.. much younger I always felt like a responsibility a burden. Like you took care of me because I was sick and there was no one else. You felt you had to take care of me because it was the right thing to do. Like it is your guilt... When I turned 18 and started to live life for me and not under your roof. You basically told me hey your not my responsibility anymore your Martha's child. While Martha gave me the feeling that I was your responsibility. When I came into my own I felt motherless. I could understand the anger and hurt that Martha had. Living with you from the age of 10 till 18 I looked up to you a lot. You busted your ass, sacrificed time and effort. Lots of traveling, court dates, and doctors appointments and time in the hospital. The more Sherry was in the picture she became the favorite daughter. You would give her the little gifts and I felt jealousy and I didn't feel like your daughter. I called you mom... I introduced you as mom.. you introduced me as that girl you have custody of. I was the black sheep. I felt unwanted and I didn't feel I could ever make you, Duane, or Barbara proud of me. That's all I ever wanted from you guys is acceptance. Until one day I said why? I am sorry if that day became a disappointment for you. I am sorry if you felt like Duane and Sherry could never adopt because of how I effected their view of adopted children. I can't believe you actually said that to me. I can't believe you weren't supportive of the custody case with Mackenzie... not for MY sake but for the well being of Mackenzie. You turned your back on not only me but my children. Growing up from the age of 3 you WERE my hero. You WERE the wind beneath my wings I tried to show you the best way I could... But ultimately your out of my life now and you turned off the lights and locked the door on our relationship. Your not my kids Nana... Your closer to my sister than you are with me. I miss my family but I am not willing to be stabbed again and again by your disappointment in how I turned out when I did everything I could not to get disapproval. I can't give much more of myself and I don't plan on it. Because at the end of the day a Good Christian doesn't turn their back on family. A good Christian only lives to please God. I don't need your approval just my kids and God. At the end of the day... only I have to be happy with my life. When I become a foster parent I won't treat that child like oh this is the kid that lives with me... That child needs the same love and attention as other children probably MORE to make them feel reassured they are loved. At the end of the day I still tend to call you Mom because I know no other words. At the end of the day I always thought you were a Mother to me.

My Motivation for Moms Quote

Give time to your children each day. The time you give makes the words you speak of more value to them.

Clique, spoiled Brat, stuck up B**ch, and Snob

You think you have a clique but really your just pretentious snobs. If you think your bad ass who are weeding out the "weak" take a look at yourself in the mirror. So you pretend like your better than everyone else thats why people don't fit into your clique, group or otherwise known as snob community. Undeserving of your attention. I know how this works I am well aware. You put on your padded push up bra, your fake bake tan, your CZ diamonds, and your expensive clothes you bought on credit. Pretending to be someone you aren't. Desperate Housewives of New Jersey/Atlanta/Orange County... Um all that is .. is a bunch of drama. Why would I want to be part of your clique? So if I don't fit into your world then I can just take notes from Bravo Channel programming? haha. You don't like me why? Because I keep it real? I don't wear expensive clothing? have a boob job... and I don't feel like putting on my Bare Minerals make up everytime you see me because I don't feel the need to IMPRESS you. Oh excuse me the only impressions I make are on my husband in the privacy of my home and God. Your not my ticket into Heaven. Avoiding you will probably get me there faster actually. In the Army Life some of us know that we have our own bunch of drama. There are some wives that cheat on their husbands. I don't want anyone to think we are all that way  however that a good precentage are this way. They aren't. But some are. I also know some Military Wives that create their own sources of drama just to keep their lives interesting. Like the stupid crap I had happen to me on Facebook this week. I have also been ostracized from stupid Military Cliques because my husband wasn't their husbands MOS or I am supposedly a rank whore because I haven't been married to my husband for his length of his career. Oddly enough I wasn't dissed much because of his rank and I know that is a problem for alot of people. Maybe he was in enough middle ground haha. I don't wear his rank, his MOS, his time-in... anything. I wear my Army Wife Patch proudly. I am proud of what **I** have accomplished. I am proud of what HE has accomplished seperately and together. Mommy Groups, Mommy Meetups, Mommy Cliques... You name it they are all nothing but a clique. I pride myself on the group I run myself. I have been running for 10 years because I think we are very varied and I am pretty receptive to all walks of life. Matter of fact I LOVE it except ignorance. Even that can be entertaining. Okay so off track.
You maybe shouldn't leave your group for strangers to join. Perhaps you should recruit from within if your going to be that stuck up. If I don't get dressed up once a week to go to the meat market with you ladies and drink your expensive wine... I am sorry its not the way I roll. If the way I roll makes me ghetto... fine. I laugh though considering the life style I was raised in. Maybe I am anti-snob.
Wait I now interrupt this program for a broadcast emergency system....
Define Snob:

Main Entry: snob



Pronunciation: \ˈsnäb\


Function: noun


Etymology: origin unknown


Date: 1781


1 British : cobbler


2 : one who blatantly imitates, fawningly admires, or vulgarly seeks association with those regarded as social superiors


3 a : one who tends to rebuff, avoid, or ignore those regarded as inferior b : one who has an offensive air of superiority in matters of knowledge or taste

We now return you to your reguarly scheduled programming

So I guess I don't get it. You pretend to be someone your not, You act spoiled so some people can't stand to be around you, You disregard others and disrespect them by being unreliable. You have to tire yourselves out putting on your best, loading up your credit cards, and stealing precious time away from your loved ones (Like Children, Husbands, Military Members, RELIGON)... So because I keep it real and I don't pretend I don't belong in your clique? Oh I keep it real and I don't stab people in the back and lie that makes me not worthy of your friendship? At what point do you have a meeting of the secret society of stuck up bitches to decide that I am not good enough. I mean I don't think I smell bad, I am not gross, I am on my best behavior (sans alcohol), My kids are nice to your kids, My husband is unsociable but polite? So what's your fucking deal?

Do you think for once that you should just be yourself? I am not into your games and drinking. I don't mind having a good time with some nice girl friends. Just ask about the last Moms Night Out I had, and the one before that. HA I even did it with people in your stupid stuck up clique.. I am so freaking tired of Mommy Groups who aren't supportive and Military Wives weeding out the weak... Honey if they military weeded out the weak then your ass would have been long gone for starting drama long ago. Another blog for another time but the Military is about Politics and Politicians are back stabbing enough they don't need your help. When I go to a play date, a moms night out, a military function. I go to meet NICE people who are honest and true. That have things in common with myself, my husband or my children. I don't even have to like them! As long as my child has fun I am happy. Why do women have to act like overgrown children? We have a hard enough time keeping men from regressing back to the age of 5!

Ugh I have terrible writers block tonight but I got really irritated by this weeks Facebook Drama, A stupid Meetup Group and some people in General. Quit acting entitled and spoiled maybe people will be more honest with you!

Something to Enjoy

This ebay auction right here got passed on to me by one of my mommy groups. You must read the description! Can you believe the price? Thats awesome for her! Continue down the page and read her comments and comments from others. I only got through the first page I can't wait to read the rest. Her Blog is on my Blog Roll if you want to check it out