Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. 30 Days of Truth


Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

After my Papa Near died my family was torn into two. Some of us who had nothing to do with the battles that went on for years between my mom and my aunts and uncles cause turmoil for more than just her. It hurt all of us. I think I have a void for my favorite aunt and uncle. As well as cousins. I really never got a chance to get to know. My Aunt Sharon, my cousin Misty. My uncle Kenny and Aunt Fran. My cousins from him. I haven't seen my nieces and nephews in a very long time. I haven't seen Adams father. I know I stated before he turned his back on me, I still have lots of love for him and people that Adam and I knew mutually. I have an online friend Paul that means a lot to me. I hang on to Chris my best friend for a long long time by a thread it seems. Finally I lost touch with my Mija who was my best friend in my senior year of high school, Stephanie White and Joey Harmon and many of my high school friends. I have had a rough couple of months lately dealing with friends and who to trust. I had people that stabbed me in the back, gossip about me, taken advantage of me and head came to head and I had to realize who was really there because they love me. Not for their own benefit. I let go of people in my life that I had some good memories with. That I shared a part of my soul with. I have had to weed out the dandelions in my life even if they were beautiful ultimately they were bad for me. So I have to say that I didn't want to grow apart from these people but it was best that I did. It will just hurt about some innocent people were effected by two people's disagreement.

Day 8 30 Days of Truth


Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Here pictured are some of my in laws from my first marriage. The one standing is Betsy my first husbands Grand Mother, The elderly woman is Grandmama his great grand mother, Holding Mackenzie is Debbie and the Bride is Jennifer my ex sister in law. Debbie and Jennifer were a challenge since the day I met them. My first impression of Debbie was she sounds a lot like my Helene... Adam and I didn't reveal just how serious we were at this first meeting. Yet once we got home. Debbie called and told Adam that Jennifer told her I confided in Jennifer that I had stolen one of Debbie's pieces of Jewelry and pawned it. Adam reassured his mother that I was with him the whole time and that I didn't even have an ID to pawn anything. I never left the living room! Turns out Jennifer stole the bracelet and pawned it herself. Debbie never treated me like a second daughter or even that I was deserving of Adam. She was right I didn't deserve Adam. He was abusive thanks to her and her husband, They were manipulative and have put me through hell the last 12 years. It really started to show leading up to Adam and I getting married. She wanted to control the whole thing and wanted me to wear the Wool Turtleneck and skirt she was married in. I am allergic to wool and It being the first time I got married I wanted to wear a wedding dress. The Mother of the Bride luckily by tradition is in charge so my adopted mother took care of most of the preparations. Debbie and Betsy didn't end up coming to the wedding. Adam's father, Step brother and sister Jennifer did. Jennifer only did because Adam's father pressured her into it. A few months later I found out I was pregnant with Mackenzie and again Debbie wanted to control it all.. My mom had given me a crib. Debbie and Betsy bought the identical crib, a stroller and a bassinet. I was very grateful but I told her I already had a crib. She said well take it back. I said no it was a gift from my mother. She called Helene a bitch and 6 months pregnant I sure enough ran after her and intended on showing her who was a real bitch! Yes a little bit of white trash for the hormonal 19 year old new mother... The manipulation and abuse continued with the baby shower she canceled and then rescheduled invited her friends only to, then she found out I wanted Adam's father there after I delivered and that didn't go over well. She canceled the Christening and she threw my wedding dress on her lawn and told Adam to come and get it she wasn't making her grand son's Christening gown out of that sluts Wedding Dress. Adam and I kept Mackenzie's middle name a secret because she wasn't thrilled about his name. She likes the family name Foster. Adam doesn't (it was his middle name) Adam came up with Mackenzie Taylor (Taylor after his best friend and the God Father to Mackenzie) then at birth we added Robert as a second last name (after Adam's father) We kept the Robert part a secret. Once Mackenzie was out of the hospital we went up for Debbies Parents 50th Wedding Anniversary. Everything I wanted to do as a parent Nurse (it was vulgar), cloth diaper (disgusting), I changed his clothes and put him down for a nap one of them would pick him up and boss me around like I was Cinderella. It was nearly impossible to nurse him after that. Once the Christening was rescheduled (again only her people are invited not even the God father) We had to come clean about our secret. That Christmas was the Christening. It was a traumatic Christmas for me. My grandfather had just died. My biological mother was all alone. I was with only his family and they were fighting. Adam and his step father threatened each other and his mother ruined any chance of my son having a normal Christening. My opinion wasn't needed nor appreciated. Jennifer his sister continued to put us through terminal through the first year of our marriage. One time she nearly ran me over. She broke into our house and always caused a problem. If Adam wasn't abusive or controlling. His mother or sister was. I always feared they would use their money and power to try and take Mackenzie and in September 2003 with Adam dead they did... They now have been raising my baby for the past 7 + years. I honestly can say I have one of the WORST Mother in law's in history!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Day 7-- 30 days of truth


Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
The renewing faith that I have in my heart makes life worth living. The smiling faces and love given by William and Skylar certainly keep me on the edge of sanity-- in a good way.

Military Monday

Military Mondays Family and Spouse Carnival at Army Wives' Lives

Happy Presidents Day
My daughter is in school today making up snow days from the previous weeks of heavy snow fall that was unexpected!
I am torn about what my Military Monday topic should be. I have a great sense of pride being part of this special community on one hand but I would also like to talk about Why we do Presidents Day... Maybe there will just have to be two blog posts LOL.

How many of you caught Extreme Makeover Home Edition? They built a house for a victim of the Fort Hood shooting? This soldier who got sent home from a deployment on a fast track because he was an Officer Candidate was shot four times during the incident including his head, shoulder, and hip. The incident took place November of 2009 and yes it shocked most of us from what I remember we all stayed in tuned waiting for word, for reasons, and we still don't fully understand HOW or WHY could a Soldier turn on one of his own. Not ONE of his own but 13 men and women were killed that day. 32 were injured not including himself. The shooter is now paralyzed from the neck down by a brave hero that struggled to stop the attack. On Extreme Makeover SSG Zeigler is still struggling with regaining normal life. He has defied all odds and with the support of his now wife they are reaching amazing goals. Extreme Makeover didn't only just build them a house they also gave them a beautiful wedding of her dreams. It was a tear jerking episode. I know people that were at Ft Hood that day. My step son was in another part of the world to our relief at the time. 
Anyways I am babbling...  Us as an Army Family.. not as in my family unit but the entire world wide Army Family we have our trials and we have people look at us like we get the hand out or we feel entitled and they just don't grasp what we do, what our Troops do, What we go through. I am not saying we are entitled but people like SSG Zeigler needs a helping hand. There are MANY more people that were in the wrong place at the wrong time and were shot and need help. But if SSG Zeigler hadn't volunteered to help his country. If he hadn't sacrificed his safety and regular life to go be deployed and fight a horrible war. Just to come home where a lot of us in the Military Community consider home as sacred land. When we here boots on the ground or boots on American Soil.. there is a wife or loved one somewhere that is the happiest person on Earth. Yet this man had survived Iraq or Afghanistan just to come home and be shot down and left to die on his own turf, his own home land. Something that is not expected here. SSG Zeigler deserves the very best for his multiple sacrifices and he is a true American Hero. He didn't save just one person. He was part of a team doing a team effort. Coming home and starting to give a life long career to fighting for our country.  

One of my best friends just recently became part of my Army Family. Her husband went from making a comfortable living in New York to putting it all away to earn less than $2000 a month in the United States Army. He is currently in training becoming one of the Brave and Strong men I have looked up to all my life. Now that my friend is part of my Military Family There are questions that she asks because the Army always leaves them with unknowns. There is an Army Wife Handbook if only it was as easy as an instruction manual and if only they issued them once your husband held up his hand and pledged to protect... I wrote a blog before about Army Wives shouldn't let other Army Wives deploy alone... Someone forgets the POA, someone forgets that piece of info that the husband doesn't tell the wife or girlfriend before he leaves and leaves a mess for the one left behind to clean up. Even though I was only an Active Duty Army Wife for three years I feel like a mostly old pro. No I am not an old pro because I can't honestly say I served the time... but I am informed. If I don't know the answer I know who to ask to try and get the answer... yet in our world there are lots of questions with no answers. So what do you think should be General Issue to a recruits Wife/Girlfriend? They give your Soldier a Uniform, Weapon, Beret, PT's etc... What should they give us? What should every wives battle buddy do/ or know?
That's what Army Community is all about!


Sunday, February 20, 2011

Stuck Like Glue... Willowbrook Baptist Church Sermon Series


I love our preacher. My loyal readers that have been reading for awhile know that I found a church almost 3 years ago because of a sermon series called Mustang Marriage. Well Mark our preacher started a new one like Mustang Marriage. When I have the link available to listen online I will share so all of you may enjoy first hand. I like to write down the notes from today's sermon in my blog so I can reference back to them AND share the word with all of ya'll.

"Velcro Marriage"
Song of Songs 1:2-2:6

We stick together when we stick to God.A faithful couple will have many more blessings if they both have a relationship with God. Your relationship will be much better if you find someone with Godly Character. We stick together when we stick to God's Standards. Mark says to love through insecurities. If you are single, do not stick with someone who: 1. Asks you to sacrifice your relationship to God. I have been in that situation with both of my last two MAJOR relationships. 2. Asks you to compromise God's standards... again those types don't stick around long anyways. 
We stick together when we stick to encouraging words. It takes 20 positive things to start to heal the one bad thing you said to your loved one. If your willing to do the work for the one negative comment then more power to ya! Conversation pointers: Men, keep it positive. If you don't like what your seeing in your spouse look at what your saying to your spouse. Now my thing about it is... Rick and I are very damaged souls from our past. We both carry a lot of baggage. We tolerate each other's baggage and most of the time we are paitent but sometimes when I give Rick constructive criticism or try to speak to him he gets defensive and feels attacked. I have been in those shoes too! Especially if its a sensitive issue. Mark didn't tell us about that! I will have to bring it up!Ladies, feel his muscles. He says men are just large 10 year old boys (All women feel free to nod only my blog or facebook wall is looking LOL). Mothers of young boys often stroke little one's ego's. Your so fast and strong son... you can do anything! Oh look at you son your running so fast. With the response of our son is hey mommy feel how strong my muscles are! That need never stops for little boys. As they become teenagers though moms loose their focus and we start the nagging... Look what you HAVEN'T Done you lazy child... clean your room, do your chores, get your feet off the table, turn down your music, raise that C to an A... etc... Our boy is now a sensitive hormonal driven teenager who goes to school where some hormonal girl says oh look how strong you are! I saw you play your drums/or did that solo/ or that touch down... .. there again our little boy says hey rub my muscles... She says Oh! how big and strong you are!!... The mother is forgotten and is now the other woman... It never leaves our little boy and in a marriage if  the wife stops rubbing the muscles and starts nagging like his mother did when he was a teenager... the boy now a man... might be tempted to find someone to rub his muscles and appreciate him and tell him how strong he is! 
Men look into her eyes and say "Tell me more." Mark says now I am telling your husband's this ladies but they REALLY don't want to know more... they want you to get to the point lmao.. 
We stick together when we stick Valentines Day in every week. Do you date your spouse? Does your spouse feel special? Actually I have read somewhere that one date a week is recommended to keep a marriage young. Rick and I have neglected this and I know better. Our excuse is we don't have a sitter but that is no excuse. We can date and disconnect from technology when the children are asleep.  When Mark says when he asks you to put Valentines Day in every week that doesn't mean lavish gifts its more the thoughtfulness and romance. The passion has to stay there. Rick and I will be working on finding a dependable sitter and spending more time without children even if its sneaking out at 10 pm.

Our site pastor was listening to the radio and he heard one of the on air preachers say
"Treat your wife so good when you die young no one else will want her because you set the bar so high"




Day 6 of the 30 Days of Truth

Day 06-- Something I never hope I have to do in my life again is loose one of my children or become a widow again.I have been there done that! I don't like it

Saturday, February 19, 2011

First Haircut at Spoiled Rockin Kids

She tried to sit him in the train chair and he almost fell through and was hysterical. Arching his back and screaming. Then we tried a car... same thing... He knew the jig was up. So Rick decided to hold him in his lap. She was trying to get a before shot and he was hiding his face screaming lol. 


Update Several hours later William woke up for a nap reaching for his hair because he rubs his hair to soothe himself and there is nothing there so he screamed some more and hyperventilated poor bud. In the videos my voice sounds rough because I am so sick



















Day 5 -- 30 Days of truth


Something I have dreamed about doing since I was young was animal conservation and awareness. I look up to Bindi Irwin (pictured), her late father Steve Irwin, and Jack Hanna.

Oh gosh there is so much I want to do but not a huge goal. I mean I would love a picture portrait worthy house that is functional and organized, I want to continue to try and be a good Christian and further walk with God as well as learning about other faiths. I want to continue to be a good mom and wife and have a wonderful relationship with my husband, step children and the younger three... as well as my extended family and In-Laws.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Autism and Dr Oz


I have been reading studies, articles and reading pretty much I an get my hands on. I am a strong believer in NOT trusting the word of doctors. I mean if the doctor says remove your left foot it looks like it can kill you... I wouldn't be the first one lined up to do it! ESPECIALLY when it comes to my children. ULTIMATELY I am the only one responsible for my children (okay Rick has some responsibility whatever hasn't been brain washed lol) So for those of my readers who caught Dr Oz the other day when he was talking about the Autism topic. He invited Dr Bob Sears (Son of the Famous Pediatrician)and Autism Speaks... Amongst other "experts", scientists, and Pediatricians. Autism Speaks refused the invite saying they are glad to discuss the topic from diagnosis and on... not the cause.... I think Autism Speaks doesn't want to get into the DEBATE if they are unbiased.

The on going debate whether there is a connection to Autism Spectrum Disorder (Classic Autism, Asperger's Syndrome aka High Functioning Autism, Persuasive Development Disorder_ Not other specified, Childhood Disintegrative Disorder, and Rett Syndrome) and Vaccines. I know people who believe both sides. I think from what I have read I believe its part of our genetic make up TRIGGERED by possibly something environmental (Vaccines, Pollution, Diet, Drugs, Pesticides, etc) and it clearly has a genetic link. Hopefully soon we can better isolate and study the DNA from this and learn more about it. Its an Epidemic and if it was a contagious disease or something like Cancer we would have the funding for this. Truth is Rett Syndrome is Deadly... Only girls survive outside of the womb and they mostly don't live to adulthood.
The original theory was the mercury based ingredient in MMR was causing the Autism but since the MMR shot started being given there hasn't been a change. Also they took out the ingredient BUT they left in Aluminum (which by the way is a factor in Alzheimer’s disease. So it still remains a debate and a theory. Because symptoms of a normally developing child grow from productive to basically regressive and silent after the MMR or two year mark. (My son was recommended to have the MMR shot at a year old which I declined)

If you ask me what I think of Vaccines.. Peds are probably right the benefits out weigh the risk for SOME! If I still had epilepsy then my children wouldn't have to be vaccinated and there would be NO argument. So why isn't it the same when older sibling(s) have Autism? Why can't doctors just call it like it is... The benefits outweigh the risks there are continual studies on the subject of vaccines and all risk factors including Autism Spectrum Disorders. Like I said before I freely admit to it. Why? Because I see pharmaceutical people in suits with their briefcases on wheels going to the doctors about as much as I do... dishing out their samples, selling their products and leaving their reminders they were there (ever see a prescription sheet, a neat pin, a magazine cover??? notice the ad? )You don't think doctors can't be pressured by this money? Most of the Autism studies are funded by pharmaceuticals umm conflict of interest much? I have to wonder I mean honestly doctors aren't evil but they do have bills to pay and student loans to pay off... We all do... So they don't know what causes Autism so how can they say that 100% its not Vaccines. I dunno don't hate me but I have to believe some doctors or scientists and others are out there just to line their pockets....

Someone I know son was suspected of having Aspergers and was tested and cleared but told to return when he started puberty. Also James was normal developing & functioning with the exception of not being social and having depression. He wasn't diagnosed until 19. The testing completed at 22. So a theory of mine some forms or triggers can happen later perhaps by hormones or puberty? Maybe?
Dr Oz stated his second theory is environmental which they said was anything but genetic. They are showing an increase of people who lived within a quarter of a mile from a freeway during the entire pregnancy. So that is a possible cause. The same scientist that made that statement said everyone wants that ONE smoking gun and she fully believes its not ONE gun it could be a mine field of things. I say it again... I believe with my heart that we have a genetic make up and when in our life we have triggers or conditions in our lifestyle etc... that can bring on the onset of ASD.
The third was age... mother or fathers age... For moms 30% and Dads is 20% The age of 25 or older. I asked these questions. I was born with birth defects and it has always been a concern of mine. I was told as a teenager it SHOULD be a concern when conceiving children. The PCM said nooo there is no connection between Rick's age and anything that could go wrong. Then the OB-Gyn basically told me that my birth defects are caused by Environmental factors and that if it were to happen to my offspring it would be random and coincidence. That I was no longer high risk because of my birth defects but high risk because James has Aspergers. It confused both of us and now I understand. In the end it probably wouldn't have changed our INFORMED decision to conceive William. There is no genetic testing available for Autism.

The stats went from 1 in 5000 to 1 in 100 up to 110 depending on where you are. Why? Could it be that the condition is more recognizable? We understand it better? I know when I was in Middle School everyone and their brother had ADD or ADHD.... EVEN ME! But I don't have Attention Deficit Disorder or Attention Deficit hyperactivity disorder. So maybe there could be an over diagnosis? Could it be we have better resources for testing and definitions? Or is it something changing (potentially getting worse killing disabling our future... our children?)

With that said there is no reason with early intervention, diagnosis and a good pediatric doctor that the person with Aspergers (and other diagnosis on the Autism spectrum) cannot function with coping mechanisms and appear to be fairly normal, productive, intelligent, successful future and be productive members of society! I expect this out of James. He MAY have had a late diagnosis. He may have had some delays in treatment but I KNOW he will eventually be just like the rest of us with a twist only James can give LOL. There is no CURE but there is no reason for not COPING. If there is a way to COPE there is plenty of HOPE!

What are your thoughts?

Want to catch the episode? Watch it here http://www.doctoroz.com/videos?tid=32&tid_1=168

Day 4 of the 30 DOT



Disclaimer:: This is my day of truth not YOURS. Its how I feel not you If you weren't there you don't know. I am not blaming anyone for how I am today either!
Day Four -- Something I need to forgive someone else for... I didn't have a hard childhood but it has effected me for the rest of my life. My biological and adopted father's were both abusive when they drank. My biological father has psychological problems and has been out of my life completely since 2001. He burned his bridge into my life and I haven't seen him since 1989. He took a lot from my soul I can never get back. I can't speak for my mother but I wasn't a priority in her life for a very long time. I faced many operations without her by my side because she was in another state, with a different guy, doing what she needed to do. I don't know why my sisters and I were often dropped off at my "adopted" mother's house many summers. I don't know why one year she didn't come back for me. I don't know why when I flew alone from my sperm donors in California why she wasn't there to get me at the airport. I don't know if I want these answers. Some of the answers I have gotten have been things I probably didn't want to hear anyways. At the age of 10 I lived with my "adopted mother and father" I was a sick child and had to have operations every summer. She cared for me and watched over me. When I was a late teenager. I had some rough times and got into trouble like most teenagers do. I rebelled some but I wasn't in bad trouble. I felt like I became the black sheep. Slowly but surely my adopted family pushed me out and we stopped talking all together in 2007. So when I was 18 I was left feeling like I wasn't wanted by my biological mother because she was hurt. I was left feeling like my "adopted" mother didn't want me because I was 18 and no longer her burden. She turned her cheek because she didn't like some of my actions... Again I didn't do ANYTHING horrible! I have never served time in prison, I am not a drug addict, alcoholic... I didn't get pregnant as a teenager and drop out of school-- not that THAT is horrible but it would be to her. I guess both of my mothers were going through their own turmoil and the result was me without a complete relationship with my mother. Most people have their mother at the birth of their child... I didn't get that. My biological mother stayed for the vows at my first wedding but I didn't see her afterward. My grand parents didn't come to my wedding. There were fights with my sisters because I didn't have bridesmaids. I think my "adopted" mother didn't want my oldest sister in the wedding. Perhaps because she just didn't agree with her lifestyle. Perhaps it was because she is bi sexual. I don't know. Again I never asked for answers and answers I never have gotten. Not sure I want them now. Many times in my grown up life my adopted mother thought I stole heirloom jewelry from her when I didn't. Many times I had an ex boyfriend or my abusive first husband tell her HIS side of the story and she always picked his side over mine. DAMMIT I am your daughter! Your faith is supposed to be in ME or at least ASK! I asked her for help getting out of my last relationship because he was an alcoholic abusing xanax (6 at a time mixed with moon shine?) and she just said wait till the holidays are over. Well I broke up with him right before New Years Eve.. I wasn't going to spend another year with his torture (almost five years dealing with that!) I moved on and looked for other help. I had an opportunity and I took it. That night I had to live horror all over again. my ex took Skylar and hid with her in the woods. I went to several different police agencies and no one would help find her. She was KIDNAPPED. He isn't her FATHER. I lived the issues with Mackenzie all over again. Thankfully his uncle returned Skylar to my arms. Rick and I developed a relationship but I NEVER cheated on Donnie EVER. Yet she took the crazy drug addict's side over mine! She told people that I was crazy and I deserved to have Skylar taken from me... after she watched Mackenzie being ripped from my arms and acted like she was helpless to help. For awhile she was supportive in taking me to the lawyers, helping pay for her at first, taking me to visitations... Then I had to have a major operation. I was told to stay away from Mackenzie. After that her life was always too busy to take me to anymore visitations. She stopped helping me pay for the lawyer too so I lost a lawyer... yet I was too sick to get a job to pay on my own. EVEN if she knew Mackenzie would be placed in a potentially volatile situation. The day of court she didn't even show up for support. NO ONE DID! She was under the weather with a UTI she said... Of course when I lost Mackenzie she said well I knew that would happen. WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT TO THEIR CHILD? Complete devastation set in for over a year. Yet Skylar not yet a year old still needed a mother. She still needed me and I was reeling! Begging for help.

Another person I have to forgive is Adam my first husband. Through his abuse, Him not taking care of himself so he wouldn't DIE. He should have been treating his epilepsy... It almost felt like selfish suicide. Epilepsy isn't deadly if its treated! At least his was never that bad. I have to forgive Adam for keeping Mackenzie away from me and treating me like I was the abusive one. Treating me like I was a criminal which lead to the circumstances above where Mackenzie was finally taken by his mother. If he would have taken care of this and worked out issues with Mackenzie and taken care of himself I would still have my baby... yet his hate drove him so far. Adam's father always told me he would be a father to me no matter what. Yet when Adam covered his ass and spread his lies to his family they turned their back on me and as far as I am concerned they turned their back on Mackenzie too. Robert (Adam's dad) knew what kind of situation it was. He KNEW he would probably never see Mackenzie again either... yet no one was there at court. It was very painful for me. I was mourning for Adam, dealing with my issues with my "adopted" mother, My boyfriend at the time was having issues, I had a newborn, plus trying to keep up with the custody battle. It will be a long time before I can forgive Adam.


Now I am told I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Its possibly a chemical imbalance that I was born with triggered by these risk factors...
Risk factors for BPD include:


  • Abandonment in childhood or adolescence
  • Disrupted family life
  • Poor communication in the family
  • Sexual abuse

This personality disorder tends to occur more often in women and among hospitalized psychiatric patients.

I also have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome because of the events that happened with Mackenzie and Skylar. I never trust anyone with Skylar. I mean ANYONE. I have blown up at her school for not letting me in the building during operating hours. I don't like her not being accessible to me. Now I am showing the same triggers with William.

No I am not blaming anyone but myself for choices I have made since adulthood but sometimes the proof is loud. BPD is caused by childhood trauma. PTSD is caused by Traumatic events. Most of my operations are caused by environmental (drugs, alcohol, etc) properties not genetic defects... Doctors say this... NOT ME. How are these things not putting a direct effects on my relationships and decisions?


Thursday, February 17, 2011

Day 3 of Days of Truth

Day 3-- Something I have to forgive myself for. I made a lot of decisions in 2001 that weren't the best. I was a wounded animal and had lost my way in my walk with faith. I trusted people that I shouldn't have trusted. I thought at the time it was the best thing for Mackenzie to spend Fathers Day weekend with Adam. I didn't know Adam wouldn't bring him back... EVER. The only thing I can do is try to prevent people from making the same mistakes I did. I hope one day ultimately Mackenzie and I can be reunited and he can forgive me.

My Motivation for Moms Quote

Give time to your children each day. The time you give makes the words you speak of more value to them.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Astounding... Please watch and reach out!

Day 2--- 30 days of truth


Day 2-- Something I love about myself. I have a caring, forgiving heart. I am always willing to reach out even when others my think they are undeserving. I am loyal and true.I am thoughtful and I always remember little things and when I am out my thoughts say... Oh so and so would love this! I will have to get this or tell so and so about it. I am not selfish or jealous much. I try not to lie and I walk with faith in God to lead me. I love my strength even if at times I don't see it. Other people have told me how strong I am. I have conquered my greatest fears, thrived when I was told the impossible and put up to win the biggest battles of my life. I love the fact that my daughter and sometimes my son's show the compassion they see in my eyes. That makes me happy!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

30 Days of Truth day one


Day 1-- Something I hate about myself. I knew when the doctor planned my second c-section that I was going to have more scars and more flab... What I didn't count on is my Thyroid messing up. So I never lost any of the weight even with the breastfeeding. At least once I get the Thyroid regulated I can change my weight problem. Hopefully ditch the double chin too. Things I hate about me that I can't change are my heavy scars all over my body. Its a love hate because they are battle scars of all the things I have been through. I hate my PTSD for obvious reasons but again I wouldn't have the voice of experience if I didn't have to go through those things. I hate the fact that my emotional instability puts my dear husband and friends through hell. I hate my insecurity that comes with my condition that makes me think people don't like me or that I think I am alone. I have faith in God though to make it right. Anyways thats a start of what I hate about myself

Monday, February 14, 2011

30 Days of Truth Blog Challenge

0 Days of Truth (or 30DoT) is a blogging exercise with a list of 30 writing prompts designed to get you to simply…tell the damn truth. I just started the list on Valentines Day 2011 and will try an answer at least two questions a week.

If you’re interested in participating in 30DoT with me or have participated before leave the link to the questions you answered or email me & I’ll include your links when I answer future questions.

*If you do chose to participate promote your answers on Twitter using hash-tag – #30DoT

The entire list is here: Click the questions to see my answers!

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all thesongs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Old Navy


I have a love hate relationship with Old Navy. I haven't been dissatisfied with the quality of their clothes. Their jeans fit me well... Well let me be specific... They are tight as a glove in the morning when I slide into them but they are comfy by the afternoon! I love THAT feeling! They fit perfectly on my waist and I don't have to worry about the panty line showing. Kwim? That's always a problem for this long waisted girl that doesn't feel comfortable in Mom Jeans. Two c-sections later I don't need anything THAT tight hugging my mid section. 
Other than Jeans and Sweaters... I don't really shop there for myself but they have some cute kids clothes! Great prices on them... so I can't complain. My love/hate is my local store... I feel like its too hot, too crowded, and I get light headed in there. Thank Goodess its at an outdoor mall. I love Bridge Street. So 99% of my Old Navy shopping is online. Another "hate" about Old Navy is their return policy... IT SUCKS folks!

I really do love their coupons though and their prices on some kids clothes. I stock up on Jeans when the jeans that fit me go on sale. So when I found out Feisty Frugal and Fabulous is having a give away to win a $100 gift card... Well heck I figured... That's good enough to get my kids some things and my friend is expecting a baby this year.. So yay!
Why don't you follow the link and enter to win yourself! Hurry up quick it ends tonight! Probably only my loyal followers will catch this post in time!


FeistyFrugalFabulous

Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Last Time I Laughed Really Hard Was...

Rick has been looking into getting William one of the hand held Leapster game systems. We don't expect him to be able to do much just the touch screen and maybe some other capabilities but they are $45 and up retail. So I found an older model on Craigslist.org for $10 working condition. We met the guy in a busy parking lot so everything was on the up and up. Now, William is enjoying his new Leapster. Well on the way to meet the guy Rick and I got in a discussion about one of our "adult" activities. Of course it was in code because there were ears in the back seat. I was teasing and I said WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM... Then I went into the store to get cash for the Leapster. I came back and Rick goes its ALL YOUR FAULT. Of course Skylar thinks its hilarious that I say WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM lmao and was giggling like she ate all of the giggle cookies this morning for breakfast! So we had a little bit of a giggle fest before we changed the subject to Rick's Yogi Bear impression

Friday, February 11, 2011

Random Shameless (Not Self) Promotion

I have been networking with some new ladies. They are great!


I watched E! Investigates Military Wives. I was very saddened and disgusted how they betrayed Military Wives and I almost didn't finish it. I am glad I did because the last segment is about a foundation out of Seattle. Operation Open Arms is out there to help Homeless Veterans. Its founder is Dedie Davis. I emailed her an email about her great foundation and she is actually talking to some people about expanding and wanted my help getting it here at Redstone! I am not BIG enough to handle all that but I would certainly help!


My new buddy Stephanie offered to make Skylar a zebra tutu for her birthday pictures. Okay so we never got her birthday pictures done but we will get pictures in the tutu soon! I have the perfect location to get them done just waiting for the weather to be a little warmer. Stephanie has the neatest creations. I have a small diaper tote I can really use for anything and Skylar has hot pink leg warmers to match that awesome tutu and a DSi Tote!
So excited about some of the new projects she has on the table!

I have also networked with Sarah Bigelow.
We have some awesome photo shoots planned coming up I am so thrilled about.
She will be taking pictures of my kids and family.
Anyways she is an extremely sweet and talented Photographer

I was watching the local news and they talked about Consignment sales and they featured a local blogger called the RocketCityMom.com. She has a portion of her blog that is "Mom Recommended" So I suggested Sarah and my own Military Support Group. She was more than willing to post the Redstone Military Wives on her own page. That was so nice of her. She has some great articles on Consignments and living in Huntsville! Be sure to follow these ladies! I expect big things from them! I hope I can get a similar blog going about being a Redstone Wifey/Mom! I hope to take this blog to that new level of being an Army Wife, Army Mom, SAHM and Living this life as I am!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Dear Mr. Wilder.

Dear Gene Wilder
  Dear Mr. Wilder. I thought about this "fan mail" while my son wasn't sleeping last night. My name is Bella. My son William just turned 17 months old and never did I imagine you singing "Pure Imagination" could be such a great lullaby. My handsome son is feeling under the weather and was over tired and not feeling well most of the early hours of our day. My husband turned on Pure Imagination on his Itouch and it instantly calms my little man. He stops crying to listen and hold the Itouch. I bet you didn't expect it to be such a hit 30 years later either!

Signed Sleepy and Delirious in Alabama...

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

News from Northrop Grumman

CRAM Team Brightens Holiday (December 7, 2010)


Julie Lichay

Sixty men and women temporarily located in Huntsville Alabama, undergoing training as operators of the Counter Rocket Artillery and Mortar (C-RAM) systems for the Army and soon to deploy to Afghanistan, selflessly opened their hearts to nearly one hundred foster children in Alabama. Members of the C-RAM team, residing in a local hotel while attending pre-deployment training, noticed a new Christmas tree that had been put up in the lobby, fully decorated with paper ornaments from local Alabama foster children each wishing for just one simple Christmas gift. Members of the entire deployment group—quietly and unprompted—each proceeded to take several ornaments from the tree, secretly replacing them with gifts requested by the foster children. Not only did all of the team members generously buy multiple gifts to the one gift each child had requested, many of them even bought “big ticket” items ranging from video games, MP3 Players, X-Box Units, or a complete children’s wardrobe, with their own money.

Ms. Lee Marshall, founder of the Kids to Love Foundation, a 501(c)(3) foundation whose ultimate goal is to find “forever families” for children awaiting adoption, gratefully accepted the gifts on behalf of the foster children. Marshall, a former foster and adopted child, herself, began the foundation in 2004, and has made it her mission to advocate on behalf of foster children everywhere, to find them permanent, loving homes. Thanks to a group of sixty generous personnel who will soon deploy to a war zone, a large group of local foster children will have one of the happiest and most memorable Christmases ever. What will stay with the children long after their presents are forgotten, however, is the fact that a group of complete strangers with the Christmas spirit deeply rooted in their hearts, took the time to reach out to them with unconditional love and share their blessings with them by “adopting” them with kindness and generosity this Christmas.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Tough Love

One of the complicated things in my life and my past is I know what tough love is. I know there are times when my own children need it. It is really hurtful to receive and give. Its hard being a parent when all your trying to do is love... sometimes it has to be tough.
I had to be tough with one of the kids today and I am not very happy about it but hopefully it will make a positive outcome. My "adopted" mom used to post the Mean Mommy Poem on the fridge to remind me. Boy am I thankful I know now what I didn't then because of her.

I just wish they would understand like I understand now that it's okay
My song to them Innocent by Taylor Swift

Mean mommy Poem is here and here

Monday, November 29, 2010

Military Monday's Thankfulness Edition

Military Mondays Family and Spouse Carnival at Army Wives' Lives

I am sure thankful that both of my "soldiers" are home this year. I know my husband is home potentially forever. But its not just the military I fear will take him back but thankful to know that my family is safe this year. A pretty healthy (we just got over fighting a bad cold) and happy family all stateside this year is a major milestone for me. Its the first time we are all on one continent at the same time. Even if there is miles apart between Alex, Mackenzie and the rest of us. I am truly grateful for the oceans that aren't! It also makes me appreciate all those who do have loved ones overseas. No matter the continent or country... Korea, Afghanistan, Iraq, Germany or Anywhere.

My family or Rick's family of origin may be away or on another continent. They are all close to my heart. I have faced some challenges dealing with my families and my beliefs. This year my mother was alone for the holidays perhaps I hope she was with friends that love her. I wish I could be there for her. In any case I hope she had the best possible holiday I wish her the best. This week she is also celebrating her 54th birthday. I hope she is blessed & has many many more. My heart is troubled with our families but it makes me hold my family of choice (Rick and the kids) closer.

I cherish my friends. Last year I spent my Thanksgiving with a complete feast with my neighbors. They are from Texas so they are away from family living here for the first time last year. We prepared a feast and shared it with this year. I told them this year I would dog sit for them so they could go home for the holiday. I told them we were perfectly happy eating at Ruby Tuesday for Thanksgiving due to the nearly month long Cold virus. They ordered us a feast and it was a total surprise! It was beautiful and yummy! I am grateful for the Culley family for taking care of us.
Bailey sulking he knew his mommy & daddy were leaving




William waiting on food


Skylar. I actually didn't dress them up this year. Skylar wanted to wear her dress from Valentines day and it was extra warm till actually the day after Thanksgiving the thermometer tanked by at least 20 degree's


James & the spread. So we ended up with Turkey, Ham, Sweet Potatoes, Mashed Potatoes, Dressing, Green Beans and Corn which were left over from Wednesday night at KFC lol., Biscuits and Skylar had Apple Juice Wine (100% juice), and I had Moscato. The boys had their wine coolers or soda. They bought it for us in return for baby sitting their two hermit crabs and Bailey. Of course you know how Hermit crabs are they cause all kinds of destruction and ruckus... What a pain! Just kidding!





William has found Skylar's headset from her visit to Libby Lu a few years ago and loves them lmao.















Sunday, November 28, 2010

Sunday Scrappin

.

I haven't scrapped (with my two hands and paper) in over a year. I have done some digital work but none the traditional way. I don't know why I guess I feel like my work isn't good enough because I can't put the money into it everyone else does. I can't justify buying the cricut everyone else has and I ask people to make me some die's but they never come through. So I just don't even bother touching my scrap book stuff. But why? I have my big project planned but have no motivation to do it. Its time to start developing pictures, going to crops and do this thing! I at least at the very least need to invest some time into digital scrapping. I can't let these millions of pictures sit around for nothing. Its so frustrating! Time to get cracking! Maybe someone will get a scrapbook project for a Christmas gift!


Scrapbooking and Creative To-Do List



  1. I got my plan for a creative gift for family and friends and its 99% complete. I am so excited about it. I try to do something creative every year. Last year I made a popcorn care package with a movie or netflix gift certificate. Two pop corn cups, a bag of popcorn and candy. This year is something similar but useful... always useful and versitle.
  2. Scrapbooking gift
  3. Post this months tuts and creations
Scrapbooking and Creative Ta-Da List

  • Skylar's time line and Hobbies (Ballet, Soccer, School, Girl Scouts, and more.) & Her Ballet book.
  • Once Upon a Time books
  • Story Book Pages
  • Army Greeting Cards? Maybe on EBAY?
  • Dora Paperbag Book
  • Baby Book Scrapbook and William's first year
  • Skylar & Her Friendship books
  • How We Met
  • Strawberry Shortcake Page
  • Rick's Army Scrapbook
  • Transparent Picture Christmas Ornaments
  • Painted Christmas Ornaments
    
    Household Ta Da List
  • Appointments for the cats and hopefully come up with a solution for Peanut
  • Rearrange my consultation on Tuesday
  • Plan Christmas pictures. Find a way to take the kids pictures for Christmas cards. Everywhere takes too long to get them back.
  • Decorate for the Holidays.
  • Skylar has girl scouts on Tuesday I think.
  • Blog More!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

My favorite Thanksgiving Recipes

A cookie with a funny name from Europe,


My mom made these twice a year it can be very labor intensive. My grandfather was from Norway so it was a tradition

You will need to buy a Krumkake iron

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dgarden&field-keywords=Krumkake+Iron



Krumkake Recipe

http://scandinavianfood.about.com/od/cookierecipes/r/krumkake.htm


Difficulty: 2 (1=easiest :: hardest=5)

Serves/Makes: 4



Ingredients:

3 large sweet potatoes

1 cup sugar

2 eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/4 cup milk, cream, evaporated milk or coffeemate

1/2 cup butter

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup brown sugar

1/3 cup flour

1/3 cup butter

1 cup pecans - chopped


Directions:

Combine first 7 ingredients and pour into greased casserole.

Mix brown sugar, flour, butter and pecans until crumbly and sprinkle on top.

Bake 30 - 40 minutes at 350degrees F.

Level:BeginnerPrep Time:20 MinutesNutrition Info


Ingredients

2 cups all-purpose flour

3/4 cup HERSHEY'S Cocoa

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1-1/4 cups (2-1/2 sticks) butter or margarine, softened

2 cups sugar

2 eggs

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1-2/3 cups (10-oz. pkg.) REESE'S Peanut Butter Chips

Directions

1. Heat oven to 350°F. Stir together flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt; set aside.





2. Beat butter and sugar in large bowl with mixer until fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla; beat well. Gradually add flour mixture, beating well. Stir in peanut butter chips. Drop by rounded teaspoons onto ungreased cookie sheet.





3. Bake 8 to 9 minutes. (Do not overbake; cookies will be soft. They will puff while baking and flatten while cooling.) Cool slightly; remove from cookie sheet to wire rack. Cool completely. About 4-1/2 dozen cookies.



PAN RECIPE: Spread batter in greased 15-1/2x10-1/2x1-inch jelly-roll pan. Bake at 350°F 20 minutes or until set. Cool completely in pan on wire rack; cut into bars. About 4 dozen bars.



ICE CREAM SANDWICHES: Prepare CHEWY CHOCOLATE COOKIES as directed; cool. Press small scoop of vanilla ice cream between flat sides of cookies. Wrap and freeze.



HIGH ALTITUDE DIRECTIONS:

-- Increase flour to 2 cups plus 2 tablespoons.

-- Decrease baking soda to 3/4 teaspoon.

-- Decrease sugar to 1-2/3 cups.

-- Add 2 teaspoons water with flour mixture.

-- Bake at 350°F, 7 to 8 minutes. Yield increases to about 6 dozen


Ingredients


1 cup granulated sugar

8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature

2 large eggs

3 ripe bananas

1 tablespoon milk

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

Directions

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Butter a 9 x 5 x 3 inch loaf pan.

Cream the sugar and butter in a large mixing bowl until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.

In a small bowl, mash the bananas with a fork. Mix in the milk and cinnamon. In another bowl, mix together the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt.

Add the banana mixture to the creamed mixture and stir until combined. Add dry ingredients, mixing just until flour disappears.

Pour batter into prepared pan and bake 1 hour to 1 hour 10 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Set aside to cool on a rack for 15 minutes. Remove bread from pan, invert onto rack and cool completely before slicing.

How to add more moist-ness to your Banana Bread




ZUCCHINI BREAD


'
INGREDIENTS

3 eggs

1 cup vegetable oil

2 cups white sugar

2 cups grated zucchini

2 teaspoons spiced rum

3 cups all-purpose flour

3 teaspoons ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup chopped walnuts


DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F ( 165 degrees C). Grease and flour two 8x4 inch loaf pans. In a large bowl, beat eggs until light and frothy. Mix in oil and sugar. Stir in zucchini and vanilla. Combine flour, cinnamon, soda, baking powder, salt and nuts; stir into the egg mixture. Divide batter into prepared pans.

Bake for 60 to 70 minutes, or until done. .