How do I feel now?

Today is so final. I honestly didn't think I would feel the way I do today. The past two weeks I had some temptations. I mean I had some things on my mind that part of me wanted to open up and let you in, again. But I left it alone to see what would happen. I just asked one thing of you. I am writing this to you like you would even read it. *Shrugs* I guess it doesn't matter does it. These are my feelings and emotions take it or leave it. Its really no one's place to judge me in my opinion anyways. I guess its just going to be some dust that is swept under the rug, eventually. For now I just glare at the dust and wondering what could be different. I left the chore up to you to decide what to do so now I have to deal with the mess thats left. As close as we were, as close as we could have been. Would I have even wanted it? I know I wouldn't have wanted this mess. I never wanted the drama and I was hoping things if they had to end so be it but they didn't have to end like this. I guess I have a problem if I don't feel there is closure. This is the first time I have gone through something like this. So I am not sure how I feel or what to do even. I guess I will get the same answer I get about everything. Pray. Pray for the feelings and emotions. Pray for you and Pray for me.