When Rick deployed he kept asking if I was okay with the fact that he deployed. At first I felt angry because he CHOSE to be deployed. He could have retired right then. He deployed for the money which I know now as military families sometimes its a saving grace. It helps us get ahead. Is it worth it? No not really. Not for the risk not for the cost. In some ways I am glad he deployed. I learned about people, new things, myself, and the kids. Yes I was okay as the poem goes. I did fine. I had a really rough point, but emotionally I was good. Even when I wasn't supposed to be because of my condition. I didn't fall apart like some of the others do. I saw a 16 year veteran wife fall apart in my yard. I wasn't ever the same either. I don't think I will ever have the man I married back either. He's been home 22 months and I often want to break down and cry just longing for the man I married.
Anyways here is a poem I wrote a few years back
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Yes I am Okay!
Current mood: sad
Category: Writing and Poetry
Yes I am Okay, Yes I am fine.
No I am not okay with you being so far away from me.
No I am not okay with you missing our first Christmas together.
No I am not okay with you missing our first Anniversary us being apart.
Yes I am Okay, Yes I am FINE!
No I am not okay, looking at pictures of you holding me,
Tears flowing. Chills over come me without your presence.
No I am not okay with the fact that soon I know your touch will become a memory.
Yes I am Okay, Yes I am FINE!
No I am not okay with the fact that your smell will no longer exist.
No I am not okay that 400 days of our lives will pass before we can say its over.
No I am not okay that I have all these worries and questions.
Yes I am Okay, Yes I am FINE!
But maybe I will never be the same...
http://armyknightslady.blogspot.com/2007/08/yes-i-am-okay.html
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