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On the first of every year I usually reflect back on my blogs and talk about important blogs for each month. I didn't do that this year. So I thought I would do it for the deployment.
Lets start with the Goodbye
Monday, July 23, 2007 Myspace Blog
It was time to say goodbye ~
Tuesday, August 28, 2007 Myspace Blog
Yes I am Okay! ~ A poem I wrote about deployment
Saturday, September 15, 2007 Myspace Blog
The Chaos Doesn't End Yet ~ My Fender Bender at the Commissary
Thursday, October 11, 2007 Myspace Blog
I’ve been so humbled ~ My first phone call after Rick was officially in the sandbox
Saturday, October 27, 2007 Myspace Blog
Rough Week ~ I totaled the Metro & Alex comes home from AIT.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007 Myspace Blog
What We Go Through
Sunday, December 23, 2007 On Blogger
Waiting Spouses and the Huntsville Times
Thursday, January 10, 2008 On Blogger
Passion I am coming to the realization that some people just don't understand the passion I have for my husband and the passion he has for me. Nor do I think this is blind passion that it will eventually end. I am most definately not in love with this deployment
January/Feburary cusp
Friday, February 15, 2008 On Blogger
Catching up ~ R&R
Friday, March 21, 2008 On Blogger
Windows ~ Rick and now try to leave our webcam's rolling most of our days and nights so we can keep an eye on each other. Even while we sleep. We are on opposite schedules. He works mostly while I sleep and vice versa. He put me to bed last night and I cuddled in bed and flipped open my Nintendo DS for awhile just to do something and unwind. I could see my window with his webcam in it from my bed. I would glance up and he was reading a book by his computer. I closed my DS and cuddled up with some blankets and it felt like almost we were cuddling. Virtually Cuddling. I could almost smell him, feel him, touch him as he read his book. I didn't share my thoughts with him till this morning. Its almost as if he was here in my bed. It didn't feel so lonely. What a blessing Technology has given us.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008 On Blogger
Letter to Rick
Tuesday, May 27, 2008 On Blogger
What Hurts the Most by Rascall Flatts ~ Dealing with R&R Depression
Sunday, June 8, 2008 On Blogger
How do I feel now ~ Desolution of a Close friendship
Tuesday, July 1, 2008 On Blogger
Its that Time of the Deployment ~ Well I have watched others go through it. Now I am at that stage of deployment where its wrapping up and little things seem to send me into a tail spin. I am sleeping less and less. I am bitchy... not that I haven't used the bitch card over the past 11 and half months. I still doubt the last months or weeks of deployment are harder than the first. At least for me. But I have yet to finish so we will see. Lately I am so moody and emotional.
Thursday, August 07, 2008 Myspace Blog
Oh no my baby is in school
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 Myspace Blog
Not yet finished
Claudia Joy:
To rejoin life is to accept what's happened, but I can't accept it. I can't move forward; I can't turn back. So I hold my breath, living in a suspended state of existence.
Trevor:
But what do you do when you're told that no mail can go out for a week, due to security concerns? You get out a pen and paper anyway. Dear Roxy, I'm here. And by the time you get this letter, I might be somewhere else. Iraq has got to be the dryest place on Earth. Baby, there's no preparing for this - no books, no pictures, no training. Just the reality. It makes me wonder if sometimes you'd be better off if I never brought you into this crazy life.
Claudia Joy:
Everything that was familiar is now unfamiliar. What was light is now dark, and the world seems a vast and unfriendly place.
Trevor:
Death is everywhere here, in what you smell, hear, see, feel. And somehow, you're supposed to just put it all away, forget you saw it, move on. Is this hell?
Claudia Joy:
Or is hell never to love again?
Army Wives Season 2 Episode 2 Quotes from the Begining of the show.
"To rejoin life is to accept what's happened, but I can't accept it. I can't move forward; I can't turn back. So I hold my breath, living in a suspended state of existence." I will never try and compare myself to someone who has dealt with the death of a child but I feel this quote in my situation as well. I have moments where I feel like a failure. That I need to give up on bringing Mackenzie home. That my heart just wants to say its been too long. Then I bleed out and say I know I am in a better way now and I can be the mother I've tried to be to him. So yes I can live in a suspended state of existence. Sometimes I feel like time and life are suspended while Rick is away while he is deployed. The pain of facing the changes and how time goes by without him seem easier to not deal with them. So when someone asks about my Summer plans? I just say what Summer? Rick isn't here.
But what do you do when you're told that no mail can go out for a week, due to security concerns? You get out a pen and paper anyway. Dear Roxy, I'm here. And by the time you get this letter, I might be somewhere else. Iraq has got to be the dryest place on Earth. Baby, there's no preparing for this - no books, no pictures, no training. Just the reality. It makes me wonder if sometimes you'd be better off if I never brought you into this crazy life.
Have I thought that Rick has questioned this himself? Should he have brought Skylar and I into this life? I can reassure him with a yes! Not only because we have made a life with our soul mates but because I have a better life now than I did in Georgia. A better relationship. I can drive myself and I have reached some goals. Skylar and I are being taken care of. Is it worth surviving this deployment? Eh Yes and No. Would i do it again HELL YEAH!
Everything that was familiar is now unfamiliar. What was light is now dark, and the world seems a vast and unfriendly place.
Claudia Joy's words strike such a deep part in my soul. So real I couldn't have written them myself.
Death is everywhere here, in what you smell, hear, see, feel. And somehow, you're supposed to just put it all away, forget you saw it, move on. Is this hell?
Even if your out there deployed and you are one of the lucky ones to not have to be on the front lines or see death. I still can't imagine living life through Rick's eyes. Seeing the people that he see's or even the things he see's. When seeing an animal is the high light of his day and makes things alot more sane. Culture Shock? Yes but to the extreme. Then he has to come back here and live his life as he did before and not think about wasting a plate of food that a child where he is be hungry for it. At least I hope most people wouldn't take their life in the states for granted after seeing the hardships of other countries.
Or is hell never to love again?
For those who watched the show. I think this is one of my favorite TV Moments. The way as my husband puts it Claudia Joy is awash in Water and Trevor is awash in the dirty and desert. Both aching for the one's they love. I just get weepy.
I am not sure most of the people out there hear about the controversy over Red Dye 40 in our foods. The Princess in the family is a very active little girl. Mostly normal like most children. She's not ADD or ADHD by any means she can sit through a movie and often becomes hypnotised by the cartoons. I do not believe she has ADHD most of the time I have my moments though! HAHA! Well a few years ago I worked with someone who's son does have ADHD. She was my boss and I was talking to the two managers. They told me sugar doesn't affect ADHD children its the Red Dye in their food. So the older and more active Skylar got I finally saw proof of this. When she has eaten or drank something with Red Dye in it. She is uncontrollable even to herself. She would literally bounce off the walls and tell you she doesn't know why she has to do it. Not to mention her mouth moves faster than her brain and most of her words don't make sense. So of course I want my child to not bounce out of her own skin so I avoid giving her anything with Red Dye when I can help it. Now if she wants a certain snack or treat with Red Dye I do let her have them but at a very limited amount. Such as yesterday she had a pop tart without asking. I mean I knew she had gotten one because she showed me a free offer on the box. Last night she was sooooo Hyper. Her brother asked me well did she have Pop Tarts today. Ok crazy me didn't check the ingredients in Pop Tarts. Last Night I did yes it does have Red Dye 40 in it. So maybe not all children get crazy like the Princess when she is "high" on Red Dye. Maybe she just has an allergy or sensitivity to it. I have even found it in her cold syrup and or cough medicine. Imagine how hard it is to find allergy medicine that is dye free thats NOT Benedryl. The doctor told me not to give her Benedryl. Finally I found Zyrtec with no dyes! YEAH! She can have flavored bottled water but not the type you pour into your water and mix with the exception of Lemonade which the jury is still out about.
Well I have watched others go through it. Now I am at that stage of deployment where its wrapping up and little things seem to send me into a tail spin. I am sleeping less and less. I am bitchy... not that I haven't used the bitch card over the past 11 and half months. I still doubt the last months or weeks of deployment are harder than the first. At least for me. But I have yet to finish so we will see. Lately I am so moody and emotional. I cry over things that I haven't cried over in awhile. I have been feeling jealousy, abandonment, and fear. I have done so well with the abandonment feelings till now. I have expected them all along. I mean I am smart enough and my husband and I know neither of us are cheating and I just know him. So these feelings are superficial and not worth the blog their written on. I mean they mean crap and its just myself trying to trip me up. My dreams are wildly intense. My emotions and stress is running high for not many reasons.
James gave me an excuse the other day and it just set me off. I have overcome so much this past year. I have accomplished so many goals and I see him change slowly for the better but at the same time he is holding himself back and his fear is not getting any better. He's just holding on to his fears for dear life. I would have never gotten anywhere this year if I lived for my fear. I just want to have another yet another confrontation with him and say you see how I braved up and how much better my life is? What about you give it a try? I think my willpower is strong I have always thought so. When I put my mind to something I WILL do it. I am stubborn that way. I am built that way! I guess bottom line is like this. There is no I can't there is just you'd f**king BETTER!
As far as excuses go they are all bull crap. When I don't want to drive down town I don't give people my sob story about hitting a pole. I just say I don't like to drive down town and I won't. So if I am supposed to go down town for something I just say sorry I'm not doing it. End of story. As far as I am concerned if your going to feed me your excuse you might as well just tell me your dog ate your homework and I will snap right back. You know its that time of the deployment where I am not taking anymore shit. I have to live through these last few months of this crap and If I have made it this far I expect it out of you too!
Expecting too much? Maybe but I don't care you better give me your all or just go sit in your corner and not bother me with your issues. I am not buying the crap your dishing out.
The bitch card just says this... Its that time of the deployment where I won't tolerate excuses, bull shit, or drama.Its that time of the deployment where I won't take your shit either. Its that time of the deployment where I will pull out the bitch card at random but i won't be a bitch to you if you haven't crossed me.
We are almost at the 3 month mark and Rick and I are already stressing each other out. Incase you don't read my blogs i have been super emotional. My Nightmares are a lot more intense and I just feel like its that time of the month intensified. Now I mentioned to Rick that I would have to postpone Skylar's Dentist appointment till August because I am not sure how much mine is going to cost and I have made another appointment because I have a tooth that either has to get fixed or come out. UGH I didn't even finish my thoughts lol. Anyways so I mentioned that I would postpone the appointment and he's like I can't give you what you need. I am not providing enough for you. I was just telling him that with her school clothes and school supplies I don't know what to budget cause i don't know how much its going to cost. and James errr James was supposed to do something on Wednesday and didn't do it. He gave me a lame excuse and it PISSED me off so I got him back. Rick will be like he needs to grow up then all of a sudden you would think I was telling his little boy to grow up. I have to remind him James is a grown man.
There is a new waiting spouse I promised Rick I wouldn't get involved like I did with the last. Anyways she just got married and her husband just got deployed. She works at the ID office and her and James were talking how he needed the Contractors ID. So she told him to call her at 8 am and she would take care of him. Well his Alarm went off that morning and he went back to sleep. Then she called me at noon and was angry with him. I don't blame her. Standing me up royally pisses me off too. So he finally woke up. I said Betty called to bitch about you standing her up. He said I didn't get much sleep last night so I wasn't awake at 8 am. I said well your Alarm went off why not? Not to mention to him that the night before I was up at 4 am in pain and I didn't get a nap the entire day so do I pity him for having insomnia that is computer induced? Um No priorities are priorities. Funny how he goes to work whether or not he sleeps that I notice or is it that he makes SURE he sleeps if he has to open the next day? So being the moody person I was I got this idea while having lunch with betty. I talked to James' boss' The manager didn't know shit. The assistant manager said Lil Man need an ID card? I said yes and he's not doing it because I won't hold his hand. She said I will make the appointment with him when he gets here and set him straight. I came home as James was leaving for work. I said Susan will make your appointment for you. I want it in hand when you get home. He WASN'T Happy with me for DAYS lol. I told Rick what I had done and Rick was like damn lol. One minute Rick is like stick it to him then the next is like aww Poor James. Shit got old a while back. Betty told me to Call Military One Source to se if they had any resources. They urge me to do Family Counseling. They said that the counselor should set me up with life skills resources for James and help me deal with this battle of Rick and James and back and forth. PROBLEM is talking James into going to counseling. Technically I can't make him all I can do is give him an ultimatum. I've already talked to him about how its in his best interest to update his EMFP (a special thing for the Army for special needs) and maybe work on getting his dependency extended. Other than getting him to counseling the EFMP office is a BITCH and if he isn't going to try I am not looking forward to fighting the system for nothing.
As for the Pregnancy Emotions going through my non pregnant body. UGH they can leave now! When my former friend went through this stage of deployment she was handed her right to bitch card and took it out on me. I blew that bS off. I was told oh just give her space she's going through the hardest phase of being a Waiting Spouse. I was like damn then I am in for it because my baby starts school at that time. So now that I am at that point with less than a few months away my husband will be home after a long 14 month deployment. I just feel pregnant with the emotions. I cried during Wall-E today. I am freaked out over nightmares. Not sleeping.
Watched Wall-E and I cried. I watched Army Wives and cried of course I cried during Army Wives. At least no more Anxiety attacks whew. Army Wives should come with disclaimers Army Wives SHOULD NOT watch this show it could be potentionally dangerous to your health if your husband is deployed. HAHA! Its like watching Baby Story while your in labor you know you shouldnt but you just can't look away!!
So as I am getting a bigger boot to put down my foot a little harder. I am also having crazy mood swings that could go away anytime they want to. The Guilt because my daughter assumes I am her playmate 24/7 when there is alot of time right now I just want me time. UGH just thinking about the way I act makes me angry....
To Be Continued.
Well I have watched others go through it. Now I am at that stage of deployment where its wrapping up and little things seem to send me into a tail spin. I am sleeping less and less. I am bitchy... not that I haven't used the bitch card over the past 11 and half months. I still doubt the last months or weeks of deployment are harder than the first. At least for me. But I have yet to finish so we will see. Lately I am so moody and emotional. I cry over things that I haven't cried over in awhile. I have been feeling jealousy, abandonment, and fear. I have done so well with the abandonment feelings till now. I have expected them all along. I mean I am smart enough and my husband and I know neither of us are cheating and I just know him. So these feelings are superficial and not worth the blog their written on. I mean they mean crap and its just myself trying to trip me up.
James gave me an excuse today and it just set me off. I have overcome so much this past year. I have accomplished so many goals and I see him change slowly for the better but at the same time he is holding himself back and his fear is not getting any better. He's just holding on to his fears for dear life. I would have never gotten anywhere this year if I lived for my fear. I just want to have another yet another confrontation with him and say you see how I braved up and how much better my life is? What about you give it a try? I think my willpower is strong I have always thought so. When I put my mind to something I WILL do it. I am stubborn that way. I am built that way! I guess bottom line is like this. There is no I can't there is just you'd f**king BETTER!
As far as excuses go they are all bull crap. When I don't want to drive down town I don't give people my sob story about hitting a pole. I just say I don't like to drive down town and I won't. So if I am supposed to go down town for something I just say sorry I'm not doing it. End of story. As far as I am concered if your going to feed me your excuse you might as well just tell me your dog ate your homework and I will snap right back. You know its that time of the deployment where I am not taking anymore shit. I have to live through these last few months of this crap and If I have made it this far I expect it out of you too!
Expecting too much? Maybe but I don't care you better give me your all or just go sit in your corner and not bother me with your issues. I am not buying the crap your dishing out.
The bitch card just says this... Its that time of the deployment where I won't tolerate excuses, bull shit, or drama.Its that time of the deployment where I won't take your shit either. Its that time of the deployment where I will pull out the bitch card at random but i won't be a bitch to you if you haven't crossed me.
A Cloud Near our House picture taken 2008 June 06.
The Weather forecasts predicts a cloudy outlook. .... This blog isn't about the weather wouldn't that be boring? This blog is about my life on Cloud Nine for over the past 511 days. Sure enough you would think Deployment within the first year of marriage would all but tear us apart or dampen the cloud but neither has happened. When Rick and I first talked about meeting. I was trying not to fall for him so I could keep a clear head. Sometimes when I fall I fall hard. My little cheerleaders I call them at the time weren't helping much. Oh yeah they knocked some sense in me but also told me there was no rescue clouds leaving Cloud Nine I was stuck. It was Kismet. I've never one to fight Kismet. I am not one to pull cupid's arrow out of my rear either. Rick has been with me on Cloud Nine through it all. He has been the wind beneath my wings that helps me fly up here. As he would correct me in the comments and say We are each other's wind beneath or wings. We brought each other to life. He has certainly changed mine for all good. I hope and I trust our life on Cloud Nine can out live us. Spread love and hope to others. I am so cheesy in love. I still consider us newlyweds even if its been over a year. Just because we still give each other butterflies, we still make each other blush and shiver. We get giddy, giggly and a crush on each other. Can the Army PCS us to Cloud Nine and give us a permenant order for here? Cause I am all for you sending my mail here. I don't think Rick realizes just what this has been like for me but at the same time I feel at times intensely that he feels the same.
Rick and I have had our share of rain and tears. We have had some thunder rolls and disagreements but it doesn't last long and we hold each other through it either emotionally or phsycially. He's just what I need.
When Rick and my eyes meet no one else exists (until Skylar starts screaming.) So please forward all email to 1 Cloud 9 because we seem to be the only ones that exist on our beautiful little cloud I hope never has storms.
My worst dating experience was when I was first starting to date. All of my group of friends used to play around on the phone chat lines and I met a man off the phone chat line and he took me to my favorite resturant for dinner and then proceeded to talk about this woman through the whole date and put her down. He didn't know that woman was me. Its either that or I was set up on a blind date by someone much older than me when i was 21 and my sister suggested I go to the movies with him, so I did. The whole time I was clearing my throat hinting I wanted a drink or snack or something. He never bought me anything but my movie ticket but expected his good night kiss. EWWW NO! Ok guys so if you want to take a girl to the movies (Which I hate going on a date to the movies) then buy her something if your too broke or cheap then don't take her there and don't expect a good night kiss for being cheap on a first date.
That is the name of someone's profile. I laughed and then had a memory of my sweet smelling husband coming home for lunch and as I fixed him lunch in the kitchen his scent triggered my being and my soul. He smelled so good I could have sworn he just stepped out of the shower. But there he was my handsome husband in his ACU's (Army Uniform) waiting for his sandwich and salad. If I didn't have a four year old underfoot I swear he could have had me for lunch.
First of all to Alexander and James. They are my boys. I may have only been in their life for 18 months but I care for them like I do my own kids. I carry the responsibility of making sure their needs are met. Yes they are adults but even adults need moms. I sure have in my life. I have heard so many times to count. James needs to be out on his own. You need to do this. You need to do that. But you know what? I know James. James and I have gotten pretty close partly because I am all he's got to lean on at times. James is far from being a social being so when it comes to his need for social interaction he does come chit chat with me. We can go for a ride in the car and out for dinner. He tries to treat me with respect and I treat him with the same respect and I am trying to give him the building blocks into adulthoood he is missing. If something happened to Rick I would be still left to clean up the pieces with James and Alex. I try to make sure Alex gets his care packages even though they are not as often as I like. I try and stay on top of them. I email Alex probably too much he probably finds me annoying and James probably thinks I am a royal bitch but they both realize I have good intentions. So as far as what I would tell the boys. James and I have already talked about it for the most part. The things I would tell them well I am not going to post in the blog because they do have the abilility to read it and its private but I guess ultimately. Alex and Jamesy. I am not your birth mother, adopted mother or anything like that. Nor am I trying to be. I care about you because you've both grown on me. I respect you for being the good men you are. I respect you even in your anger and frustration you still love your parents. I know how difficult it can be at times to understand why Dad is always nagging at you. I know how it is to be a teenager and just want to do things on your own without a parent lingering. HA! Alex what more do you want now your on the other side of the world? LOL Rick has no choice but to let you be and grow up. Alex and James are different where Alex wants to grow on his own, fall down on his own and pick himself up and learn on his own. James on the other hand needs coaxing and hand held to show him how to do things. BOTH are totally fine actually I like it that way for the most part. Alex and James.. I love and respect your dad and I will treat you with the same love and respect as he does Skylar. However I will say FAMILY. We are a family, not a broken home but a FAMILY and we will only choose to be as Blended as we want to be. Thats up to you boys for sure.
To Mackenzie
Mackenzie... Hello Beautiful, Some of you may not know the whole story behind Mackenzie and where he is. I am not even sure he does. Mackenzie's father passed away in 2003 and since then I have always wanted to jot down my memories of him before they fade so one day his mom can share some good memories of his father. Also one day I will see him again and I will tell him about the mistakes i made and that I never stopped loving him. I never hurt him. I thought what I did was the best i could for him. Some of my decisions weren't the best but I think as parents we all have those bad moments where we don't make the wisest decision. So when Mackenzie is older I will tell him the truth and show him love. Thats all I can really offer him and thats all that prevails.
This song by Travis Tritt has always been my song to Mackenzie. After Adam and my marriage fell apart and then he died I promised Mackenzie so much and I couldn't hold on to my grip and I slipped. I fell down several times as matter of fact. I was steered down the wrong roads but never did I sink to the level of abandoning my son and not putting him first with Skylar.
Tritt Travis, Best Of Intentions Lyrics
and Finally to the baby, My Princess now Five years old and getting ready to start Kindergarten.
Skylar my Princess.
I wanted her to know we have also had our challenges that I was sick for the first few years of her life and I didn't get to truly enjoy her first mile stones. I had to work really hard from the time I found out I was pregnant and for a few years of her life. All I have ever wanted for her is the same thing I have worked very hard for stability, hope, faith, trust and love. I promised Adam I wouldn't give her up for adoption and I had times when I felt like I wasn't the best thing for her. At times I was very selfish living for her and waking up in my depression for her. I felt such guilt when she was born for ever being suicidial. I promised a friend that I would work through out Skylar's life to be like a best friend to her. I can say right now we are extremely close. I choose not to do things on my own because we are never without each other and I think that if its not a kid friendly enviroment more times than not I probably don't need to be there either. I think my place now is being the best and wife and mother I can be. I hope through the rest of Skylar's life she can be honest with Rick and I. I hope she knows I have tried to have strength and give her the best she deserves. I hope we remain close for a very long time
I am sure there will be... more to be continued.
"At approximately 5pm on the afternoon of Wednesday May 21st, Maria Sue Chapman, 5 years old and the youngest daughter to Steven and Mary Beth Chapman was struck in the driveway of the Chapman home in Franklin, TN. Maria was rushed to Vanderbilt Childrens Hospital in Nashville, transported by LifeFlight, but died of her injuries there. Maria is one of the close knit family’s six children and one of their three adopted daughters. "
I'm sure many of you are already aware of this tragic accident. But for a news article, click here.
To visit the Chapman site click here.
A special condolences blog is set up here for people to express their sympathies. It has a precious video clip of Maria and her daddy jamming at the kitchen sink filmed only two months ago.
Please pray for this dear family who loves the Lord passionately and who have been strong advocates for adoption. Josh and I both have enjoyed Mr. Chapman's music over the years, especially during our courtship years. His song (click link for music video and great testimony on parenting), Cinderella, is especially poignant in light of this most sad event.
Reference Link to the Blog in which this was posted. I didn't write this blog :)
A fellow Army wife I met when I moved here, actually one of the first one's I met when I moved here. She blogs a bit. She had a new blog talking about God and Modesty.
Here's a link to her blog just to give her credit. Credit where credit is due.
Our Adventure: God, Family, Country.
Her blog talks about while she was on Vacation in Florida with her three small children and husband they had to have a discussion with their oldest about Modesty.
I have had my own battles about small children and modesty. When Skylar was a baby I knew a person that would dress her chunky monkey of a two year old in the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen line of clothing. Much to my disgust this woman was dressing her two year old in mid drift shirts and shorts where I could plainly see the diaper. Yes its just a diaper and it usually covers the precious baby parts needed to cover but I still didn't like the image of a two year old showing that much skin. Nor have I agreed with Skylar wearing a bikini at this age. I don't know if I will ever be comfortable with it. It is fine if you dress your child in a bikini (they are real cute on babies) but just not my daughter. Skylar being the kind of wild child she is. If the skirt is above her finger tips I am reluctant to let her wear it at all. (Those were my moms rules when I was young). If she does wear it she wears some type of cover underneath (even when she was a baby). I was blessed with a lanky skinny minnie five year old. She weighs 42 lbs and she is 3 foot 9 inches today at her check up. She's got a very small waist and very long legs so finding something that is long enough to cover skin and small enough in the waist without making her mummified is quite the challenge. I have the shirt test if we are going to a very public place that if she lifts her arms over her head and her belly is exposed the shirt gets put in the donation pile.
Life came as a big change when Skylar and I went from our apartment in Georgia of Freedom here to where we have to watch our every move because we are out numbered with boys. Plus with Rick around (when he's around) She has to learn she can't just be around when someone is naked or in the shower as well at her age she is starting Kindergarten she has to learn she can't just be naked around people too!
As Leah asked what talks have you had with your child? What are some rules and guidelines you have for modesty and privacy in your family?
By BRIAN BERGSTEIN, AP Technology Writer Tue Jun 3, 1:54 PM ET
John LeSieur is in the software business, so he took particular interest when computers seemed mostly useless to his 6-year-old grandson, Zackary. The boy has autism, and the whirlwind of options presented by PCs so confounded him that he threw the mouse in frustration.
LeSieur tried to find online tools that could guide autistic children around the Web, but he couldn't find anything satisfactory. So he had one built, named it the Zac Browser For Autistic Children in honor of his grandson, and is making it available to anyone for free.
LeSieur's quest is a reminder that while the Web has created important communication and educational opportunities for some people with cognitive impairments, computers can also introduce new headaches for families trying to navigate the contours of disability.
The Zac Browser greatly simplifies the experience of using a computer. It seals off most Web sites from view, to block violent, sexual or otherwise adult-themed material. Instead it presents a hand-picked slate of choices from free, public Web sites, with an emphasis on educational games, music, videos and visually entertaining images, like a virtual aquarium.
Other programs for children already offer that "walled garden" approach to the Web. But LeSieur's browser aims to go further: It essentially takes over the computer and reduces the controls available for children like Zackary, who finds too many choices overwhelming.
For example, the Zac Browser disables extraneous keyboard buttons like "Print Screen" and turns off the right button on the mouse. That eliminates commands most children don't need anyway, and it reduces the chance an autistic child will lose confidence after making a counterproductive click.
Children using the Zac Browser select activities by clicking on bigger-than-normal icons, like a soccer ball for games and a stack of books for "stories." The Zac Browser also configures the view so no advertisements or other flashing distractions appear.
"We're trying to avoid aggressive or very dark or complicated Web sites, because it's all about self-esteem," LeSieur said from Las Vegas, where he lives. "If they're not under control, they will get easily frustrated."
Autism generally affects a person's ability to communicate, and Zackary doesn't speak much. But his mother, Emmanuelle Villeneuve, reports that the boy can start the Zac Browser himself. He enjoys listening to music through the program and trying puzzles — things he always liked before but hadn't been able to explore online, she said from her family's home in suburban Montreal.
Perhaps most tellingly, while he still acts out aggressively against the TV, she said, he doesn't try to harm the computer.
LeSieur didn't create the browser by consulting with people who are considered experts in disorders on the autism spectrum. The small software company he runs, People CD Inc., essentially designed the Zac Browser to meet Zackary's needs, and figured that the approach would likely help other autistic children. Early reviews have been positive, though LeSieur plans to tweak the program so parents can suggest new content to add.
Several autism experts were pleased to hear of LeSieur's work, and not surprised that he had not previously found anything suitable for Zackary.
After all, the autism spectrum is so wide that a particular pattern of abilities or impairments experienced by one autistic person might be reversed in another. In other words, creating software that would work for huge swaths of autistic children is a tall order.
Indeed, the Zac Browser might do nothing for another autistic child.
That said, however, LeSieur's approach of limiting distractions and using the software as a confidence-boosting tool "is a very good idea," said Dianne Zager, director of the Center for Teaching and Research in Autism at Pace University. She said many autistic students tend to do best with educational materials that make unnecessary stimuli fade from view.
"Some parts of the Web have so much extraneous material that it can be distracting, and for the nonverbal child, there might not be an ability to negotiate that information," added Stephen Sheinkopf, an autism researcher at Brown University.
This is not to say the Web is necessarily barren for autistic children. James Ball, an autism-education consultant in New Jersey, said many children he works with enjoy Webkinz, where kids care for virtual pets. Others find chat rooms and instant-messaging a lower-anxiety way of socializing than talking to someone in person, he said.
But the Zac Browser might turn out to be the rare tool that can be configured to strike a chord with a wide range of autistic students, said Chris Vacek, chief innovation officer at Heartspring, a special-education center in Wichita, Kan. Vacek is considering using the Zac Browser at Heartspring.
One huge advantage is that the browser is free, while many assistive technologies cost upward of $5,000 and work only on specialized devices. But Vacek, himself a parent of an autistic child, said the Zac Browser's best credential is that it appears to pass what he calls Heartspring's "acid test": It has a high chance of increasing a child's ability to do things independently.
"Let's hear it for grassroots innovation," Vacek said.
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On the Net:
The Zac Browser can be downloaded or run directly from
