Decision

 I lead my life with my heart whether it be wrong or right its how I roll... Some people may have thought that it was a tough decision on leaving Georgia but it wasn't I trusted my instincts. Was it a tough decision marrying Rick with just living with him two short weeks? No! I dated my first husband a year and got married with the formal wedding and all that just to be a victim of domestic violence and sexual abuse. I always had second thoughts even standing at my reception wondering about my first love and if I was making the right decision on leaving him behind. I said I would never marry again if I had doubt. I dated my ex for five years and I wasn't ready to have kids or marry him. I am glad I never did. So I moved in...new to Huntsville... new to Army life and married into it in about two short weeks and no regrets. I don't live life by regrets. As they say at one time it was what you wanted. It wasn't a tough decision for me. It wasn't impulsive either. I did think about it A LOT! The tough decision of my life has had to do with other things I am just not ready to open up about. For one it involves someone that is no longer on Earth and I don't believe in bringing it up. I will tell you about one tough decision I made. I was separated from my first husband living in one of those hotel's you pay by the week, pregnant, working at Waffle House, sicker than a dog. I had horrible morning sickness. My Guardian wanted me to give up my baby for adoption. I had a family picked out. My friend April's sister wanted my little girl. My biological mother told me I wouldn't DARE adopt out a baby outside of our family that I should just give it to my sister. My Guardian argued she would disown me. It was a nightmare. I urge you to NEVER EVER EVER do this to your child. PLEASE do not give your child ultimatums when it comes to the hardest decision of their lives on whether or not to parent. YOU do not have to deal with the guilt on the decision. THEY do. I was so sick with morning sickness, kidney infections over and over again. I couldn't work so I couldn't pay my rent and I was so worried about how I was going to pay bills during Maternity Leave. Its not like Waffle House pays you haha. I had the other waitress' stealing my tips anyways. I had a homeless woman get another customer to pay my rent. I saw my husband and he said you can't give up this baby and he suggested even naming it Tristan if it is a boy. At the time I barely got to see my beautiful son and I made a promise to my daughter that I would keep her and I wouldn't depend on anyone else to support her and any of her dreams and needs would be met by me. I owe her so much. Skylar and I will always have that amazing bond because of one really tough decision.