Mom never gets a sick day

I admit when Rick is sick I get grouchy because I know the probability of me getting it is high. Like this week. William got food poisoning and or the stomach flu. Rick came up with it next and he just laid around and "acting" out of it. I would ask him questions and I got "I don't knows" from him. The bed needed to be made but he didn't know where to find the sheets or what they looked like. Oh yes and he basically snored on the couch most of the day. First of all I know he really was sick because he is a work a holic even on a weekend he will check his work laptop frequently.  But I am an out right witch when my husband or adult step son is sick. I admit it. I can sit here and try to claim its not me that is mean to them when they are sick that I baby them just like I do my younger ones. But I am not going to lie on my blog. I am a bitch and you want to know why? I have been sick one way or another most of my life. I have had more surgeries/operations/procedures done than I can count. I have more stitches than the average person and I have had over 100 staples lining my head from ear to ear. I have a higher tolerance of pain probably. I don't bitch and moan when I am sick. Before we all caught the stomach flu we had Whooping cough except the little ones because of their vaccinations.  I was pretty ill. I still had to take care of my kids with a 102 fever.  No one takes off of work to care for me. Moms are like Soldiers we get no sick days LOL. So when Rick is home sick I treat him like I get treated.... oh sure like right now I am pretty sure I have an abscess tooth I have been neglecting getting it pulled and the stomach bug... Rick feels sorry for me that I am in so much pain I have to take Vicodin but I always get a bad reaction from it. But he goes to work because he has to work he can't stay home and take care of me. I don't get a nanny to fill in for me when I am sick. Not many moms do get a helping hand when they just feel like they can't cut it. So why should I say "poor baby" when my husband is sick. My adult step son is extra pitiful. I just can't give anyone a pity party when I've been there and survived. 

Ten Years Ago

I haven't been blogging much because the adults in the house had a bad case of the Whooping Cough. We got well enough to take a trip to my friend Angie's wedding in Griffin, GA. I had planned on making stops a long the way as always but we left later than usual. Ten years ago today I lived in a place called Douglasville GA. I had probably just conceived Skylar. I estimate it was probably Valentines Day since I didn't do the deed any other time. While I was in Douglasville most of the surroundings were familiar but for the first time I got a bad mojo... I felt the evil in this place. I haven't been there in 5 years but I saw areas of town that didn't give me a good feeling and brought back old memories and took me to the place I was 10 years ago. I was pretty lost, confused, and really not taking care of myself as I should. I passed the road that I never thought I would see again or remember exactly where it was... the road I was attacked on and saved by one of my many angels I encountered in Douglasville. I passed Arbor Place Mall where I met great people like Jacob and reconnected with old friends like Chris. I remember getting my sister or sister in law to drop me off at the mall so I could walk over to Firestone to see Chris and hang out with him. I remember date nights with Jacob or Brandon at the movies. There were many good times but what dark cloud looms over me is the dark place I was in 10 years ago. We had to drive through many of my old haunts like College Park, Riverdale, Jonesboro, & Lovejoy... and none of them gave me the heebie jeebies like Douglasville. A lot of bad things happened in my home town too. Loosing a child, being abused,.... lots of things but in Douglasville I just think it was such a dark time in my life and I was almost out of control. I enjoyed the little time we had to show Rick around my home towns (Clayton Co GA) where I went to school, my childhood home, the Publix store 545 where I had my first job, where I skated, where I went to church... Angie and Bill's wedding was beautiful. Congrats you have been married a week now. As she said it was 17 years in the making. We had dinner with my old friend Megan and her five year old Bradley. Its awesome seeing her and she is exactly as I remembered her. We must do that again SOON. I say a trip to the zoo, Stone Mountain, or the Aquarium (I've never been there), I am always up for the World of Coke and Varsity! How about Six Flags, White Water, and American Adventure?

Then we drove up to Kennesaw again seeing old haunts and to meet my sister, her ex, and my three nephews. Boy did I miss them and I wish things were like they used to be. I wonder if they could ever get back what once had? After lunch with my family we were off to see Jennifer in Calhoun... another trying time I had in my life. I moved up to Calhoun in April 2002... so almost 10 years ago. The night I moved up there that night there was a crazy tornado. That tornado reminds me of the one we had here last April. In Calhoun I had a lot of growing, I had a lot of trials. While hiding in Calhoun my first husband passed away and I lost Mackenzie. I dated for almost 5 years a drunk and a drug addict who couldn't seem to keep his stuff together but somehow he kept it together better than some people do. He held a job for a long time at least. We never got evicted and I never had to beg to keep my power on even with the layoff's. It was a trial and a test of my faith for sure but going back to Calhoun is a thrill for me. I love seeing Jennifer. She is a true best friend because she is the only person I can have a ratty head full of hair, I hadn't waxed my eye brows, or shaved my legs and I can be an out right bum and she doesn't judge me. She loves me and always wants me to visit. I wasn't gone a day before I got a text message saying she missed me and wondered when I was coming back. I know I am always welcome at Jennifer and Chris as well as anyone in my family. Jennifer and Chris have stuck by me even though I dropped the bomb on my neighbors like I did on the rest of the world. I was leaving Donnie and not only that I was leaving the state with someone they didn't know at all. I hope they trust me with that decision. Jennifer and Chris are like family! Its hard to believe we have been friends for over 8 years? The best thing about being friends with J&C is that Skylar has had a life long best friend in Cari and now William and their 4 year old Houston seem to be very close and always enjoy each other

Skylar 4 and Carri 5 in 2006

Jennifer and Chris with Emily 2011

Skylar, Zoe, and Carri

Anyways where I was ten years ago was lost and trying to find my way in Douglasville. Angels saved me time and time again from others and from myself. I believe an Angel led me to Calhoun even. Donnie may not have been the best choice but I don't regret it and he was the broken road that led me straight to home...

Overcoming Fear

A few years ago I was in a group therapy setting back in Georgia in my old life. The therapist told a story about an old Lion watching over his pride. Outsiders wouldn't come close because when the old lion would roar it would sound loud and scary. In reality the lion was old and his joints were bad and he just couldn't fight like he used to... The lion had a young son in the pride though who's voice wasn't as strong as his father's but his bite and fight were stronger. The "False Evidence" is the older lion's roar.. it made him appear scary yet there wasn't much fight left in him. This quote and this story has pretty much given me some foundation for my "Second Life." 

I don't know I guess my brain is wired differently. I have anxieties just as much as the next person. I have one type of anxiety dealing with my Post Traumatic Stress that is irrational at times but with my anxieties overall I have them in check most of the time. I had a good friend that had anxieties and my step son struggles with them and I have never fathomed letting fear control me. When I was struggling with depression I had a dream that I was back at my first church Trinity and we were having a lock in and I woke up to see demon's taking my church family that I was extremely close to dragging them out of the church. When I woke up I just said to myself perhaps depression is the devil's way of casting doubt or trying to cloud your mind. From that moment I decided I wouldn't let demon's win. I know I sound like I am over the top and usually I am not but about certain things it just pushes it up to the surface. My feelings that fear shouldn't control me comes from this nightmare... this dream as if it was a direct message from God. I have been through a lot of trials in my life starting from birth, dealing with my parents issues with drugs, abuse, & neglect. Then operations through out my teen years. Domestic Violence as an adult and loosing my first husband and son. Then getting out of another unhealthy relationship. Now finally surviving deployments, being away from Mackenzie and dealing with the new challenges that are set before me. I have never lived my life with fear controlling me. I do what I have to do to get it done or I would have never have made it this far. 

I have talked in my blog about learning to give it to God I am not going to repeat all that again. But just using these tools has helped me overcome fears

A place from my past that felt like home.

My home away from home growing up was the church I grew up in Trinity and my grandfather's farm. I was like a caged bird stretching her wings on the farm. I had so much freedom especially the older I got. My grandfather's wife had some issues dealing with my sisters, cousins and I and would lock us out of the house. But we were farm children its what we probably needed. Drinking out of a hose that had laid in the summer heat we weren't worried about diseases etc. We walked barefoot on the rock's that paved the drive ways. Climbed the tree's and ran in the pasture. I bet we even waded in the lake at times. I miss those days and I wish I could give my children the same open air freedom I had. Not having to worry about playing in the yard because a sexual predator or kidnapper might be lurking nearby. Not too many "boogie" men wondering around acre's and acre's of private land. Another place I always felt like I could run to was my neighbor and best friend Alicia's house and I did when I ran away I just ran two doors down.

My Volunteer Work

I don't mind Volunteering as a matter of fact I am always trying to scheme up ways to volunteer. There is just never enough time. Sadly I haven't been able to volunteer with my daughters activities (class or girl scouts) because I always have to have William with me. Its something I have felt guilty about for awhile.
As a teenager I volunteered in a Homeless shelter in Atlanta for recovering Drug Addicts. I would volunteer to clean up the Atlanta Motor Speedway after a race (that is DISGUSTING!), I have volunteered to clean up rivers and creeks as a teenager. As an adult I have ran a mommy group since my oldest was 6 months old and Bella's Mommy Chat is 11 years old going strong :) Why do I consider this a volunteer activity because I believe I have helped many young mothers through the loneliness and difficulty of having a new baby. When I was in the thick of my "first life" I had Department Family and Children Services examining every move I made, They had me in a job program where I had to get a job, daycare assistance, Medicaid, Food Stamps, WIC, and Temporary Assistance for Needy Families. I have had all the assistance they can give me... the good and the bad. They believed I was doing volunteer work through Bella's Mommy Chat and PAID me until I had a regular paying job. I also volunteered at Tallatoona CAP to help Low Income families get heating costs met, medicines, and food. Once I became an Army Wife I did volunteer at Army Community Service. I didn't get to do much but I wanted to do so much more. I helped out with the Waiting Spouses. Waiting Spouses are those spouses who have husband's that are geographically separated. I was also like an FRG Leader/Point of Contact for my husband's MITT team. I was the go to girl for the whole Tennessee and Alabama area :)

Carpe diem - the time I actually seized the day.

Should I start by telling a Thelma and Louise or a Bonnie and Clyde type story.. Sharing a bunch of pictures of our journey. It really didn't happen with all the thrill and excitement that Hollywood gives us. My Louise to my Thelma they were not with me but I thought maybe they were supporting me from the comfort of their homes in Florida and New York. My "Brad Pitt" wasn't in a convertible but it was a rusty old Geo Metro oh and we had a four year old stow away. The day I said Carpe Diem knowing I was giving up a whole branch of my family tree... just chopping it right down. Leaving behind the world I created in Georgia when just months earlier I swore I would never leave as long as Mackenzie was stuck there. In 24 short hours I decided to wrap the scarf around my neck grab my 4 year old by the hand and just jumped into the abyss without looking. Believe it or not the 4 hour car ride to Huntsville wasn't filled with awkward silences. I was in lust or love with my prince charming we seemed to mesh like Peanut Butter and Jelly. We had just met in person less than 48 hours earlier but we KNEW each other in such a deeper meaning and way we drove into our future without looking in the rear view mirror

JO DEE MESSINA - BYE BYE LYRICS
Boy you sure look good there standin' in the doorway in the sunset light

Maybe I read you wrong thinkin' you could be my Mr. Right

I was puttin' my heart and soul on the line

Said you needed some time, just a little more time to make up your mind

Well it's been long enough

Time is up



Bye bye love I'll catch you later

Got a left foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off

I ain't never lookin' back and that's a fact

I've tried all I can imagine

I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion

I've got pride I'm takin' it for a ride

Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye



Don't think all those tears are gonna hold me here like they've done before

You'll find what's left of us in a cloud of dust on highway 4

Baby what did you expect me to do

Just sit around and wait on you

Well I'm through watchin' you just skate around the truth

And I know it sounds trite

I've seen the light



Bye bye love I'll catch you later

Got a left foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off

'Cause I ain't never lookin' back, and that's a fact

I've tried all I can imagine

I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion

I've got pride I'm takin' it for a ride

Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye



I'd lost the game I guess

I did my best to win the part

Now I'm leavin' here with what's left of my heart

Bye bye, I'll catch you later

Got a left foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off

'Cause I ain't never lookin' back you can count on that

I've tried all I can imagine

I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion

I've got pride I'm takin' it for a ride

Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

Bye bye

Oh baby

Oh

Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

LyricsBay | JO DEE MESSINA - BYE BYE LYRICS

Decision

 I lead my life with my heart whether it be wrong or right its how I roll... Some people may have thought that it was a tough decision on leaving Georgia but it wasn't I trusted my instincts. Was it a tough decision marrying Rick with just living with him two short weeks? No! I dated my first husband a year and got married with the formal wedding and all that just to be a victim of domestic violence and sexual abuse. I always had second thoughts even standing at my reception wondering about my first love and if I was making the right decision on leaving him behind. I said I would never marry again if I had doubt. I dated my ex for five years and I wasn't ready to have kids or marry him. I am glad I never did. So I moved in...new to Huntsville... new to Army life and married into it in about two short weeks and no regrets. I don't live life by regrets. As they say at one time it was what you wanted. It wasn't a tough decision for me. It wasn't impulsive either. I did think about it A LOT! The tough decision of my life has had to do with other things I am just not ready to open up about. For one it involves someone that is no longer on Earth and I don't believe in bringing it up. I will tell you about one tough decision I made. I was separated from my first husband living in one of those hotel's you pay by the week, pregnant, working at Waffle House, sicker than a dog. I had horrible morning sickness. My Guardian wanted me to give up my baby for adoption. I had a family picked out. My friend April's sister wanted my little girl. My biological mother told me I wouldn't DARE adopt out a baby outside of our family that I should just give it to my sister. My Guardian argued she would disown me. It was a nightmare. I urge you to NEVER EVER EVER do this to your child. PLEASE do not give your child ultimatums when it comes to the hardest decision of their lives on whether or not to parent. YOU do not have to deal with the guilt on the decision. THEY do. I was so sick with morning sickness, kidney infections over and over again. I couldn't work so I couldn't pay my rent and I was so worried about how I was going to pay bills during Maternity Leave. Its not like Waffle House pays you haha. I had the other waitress' stealing my tips anyways. I had a homeless woman get another customer to pay my rent. I saw my husband and he said you can't give up this baby and he suggested even naming it Tristan if it is a boy. At the time I barely got to see my beautiful son and I made a promise to my daughter that I would keep her and I wouldn't depend on anyone else to support her and any of her dreams and needs would be met by me. I owe her so much. Skylar and I will always have that amazing bond because of one really tough decision.

Words people use incorrectly

I do believe every word in my title should be capitalized....

Now I am not a stickler for words, grammar, or spelling. My friend Danielle even calls herself the typo queen. She is thankful for her Iphone has auto correct. I have always been pretty good about reading through her typo's so it couldn't have been that bad.

I am not the type to correct your spelling or grammar EVERY time. My step son does that and it drives me crazy. I don't understand the purpose of doing it ALL the time. If the person cared then they would speak correctly like a well educated snob. I don't type things out most of the time. I am a short hand junkie I admit it. I have used AOL and been in too many chat rooms for too long and over use LOL (laugh out loud). I don't like spelling probably so your more than likely to get a "prolly" out of me. If you look at my phone in my text messages very few words are shortened however. I even tend to type out numbers as one, two, etc. I have always believed "alot" is a word but I have made it my New Years resolution to use it as two. I honestly have to slow down and think between "there", "their", and "they're". Yes I try to use them correctly. I have a hard time spelling "maintenance" for some reason. I don't like to say out loud specifically because I can't pronounce it right in my opinion and never have been able to. I am a southern gal and I say "ya'll" and I always will. "You all" just seems like a waste... notice I didn't say waist. I was writing an email today to my Scentsy Consultant and I was discussing "scents" that I "sent" to my sister but it came out I "scent" to my sister. I caught my mistake after I hit send (I am a bit quick at hitting send). I corrected my mistake and had a laugh over it. Interested in Scentsy? Growing up when I would ask my guardian "Where is Mom at?" His reply would always be "Behind the at!" Oh it drove me crazy but it broke the habit... most of the time. I would tell the dogs growing up "Go lay down!". My guardian would tell me it is "lie" down so now I am busy telling Rick that it is "lie" but he probably thinks I am lying haha. I admit I don't know how to use "who" or "whom" and I might use either at anytime. I do think saying um um can be annoying and makes you look uneducated. When I talk to people online and they constantly hit the ";" or the ">;" or even the "/" instead of the key that is right next to it. How often do you miss the same key on your own keyboard? I don't care how often you type it the semi colon will never turn into an "L."Are you not coordinated enough to use the shift key and the question mark at the same time? Another one that I do correct is "Im" At least your capitalizing the "I" but its either "I'm" or "I am" and I often see I am used as Im. Just look at it and its incorrect. I know a person that says I "wood" go to the store but I am out of gas. When corrected he gets angry. He also said the sink "skirts" instead of squirts. I think sometimes when you misspell or mispronounce a word and you know its incorrect you just want to remain ignorant. The conversation with these people can quickly become like the Who's on First joke.


You might find it interesting that my school picked our senior slogan as "Class of '97 Enuff Said'"
I might get anxious but that doesn't mean I am nervous even though my nerves may be shot. Nervous and Anxious doesn't always go hand and hand.

I do love my kid-isms for their words however. When Skylar was a toddler she would say.. "I hope you deel bebber", "Bam Bam" for band aid, "Bee na" for Banana... I miss that!
William has been very good at using the actual terms for everything and not speaking baby. The only baby word he has for anything is his "sissy cup" or his "bubba"... how I detest and despised that word before it came out of his sweet little mouth. Oh yeah and our cat Cocoa is a Dodo of course I have called her Caca by Freudian slip myself!

Oh Gee! I capitalize words in the middle of the sentence

I wish

There are many things I wish for.. I wish that Scientist and doctors had more of a knowledge and could answer more questions about Autism and other disorders on the spectrum. Not what is happening with DSM-5 proposal to eliminate all other disorders's on the spectrum and just keep treating and diagnosing the very classic Autistic children and adults. I would wish for a cure for Autism or at least a treatment. I would wish for an end and cure to Childhood Cancer. I would wish for an end to child abuse, sexual abuse, and domestic violence. I would wish for an end to end the suffering of our troops and their families. For all their sacrifice that is the last thing they should have to do is suffer through whatever ail's them. Homelessness, Mental Illness, Suicide, Loss of Limb, PTSD, etc...I would wish for more peace, understanding and compassion in the world.

I don't know if I could honestly say that if I had one wish I would wish anything above would actually happen. I would have to say if I had one wish that I would be tempted to wish that Mackenzie would have never left my side that he would have never had to suffer through the loss of a parent (or both parents). I would wish Mackenzie home. I would wish that if I could I would wish I could bring him home. Its terribly selfish but it is what it is.

I admit, I like...

really good trashy drama's on TV like I like the Kardashian's, Teen Mom, 16 and Pregnant, Jersey Shore... Although I don't watch the Kardashian's anymore due to my ethical beliefs. I know that sounds like a bit of hypocritical joke. I still enjoy good old fashioned drama like MTV, The Bachelor... etc. I even think Jerry Springer or Maury is good for some brain numbing fun! Oh Come ON! Don't roll your eyes at me... I see you. Its not like I watch this crap expecting to be smarter (although sometimes I feel smarter!). If you don't expect anything but entertainment then that's all you get entertainment. Its like dare I say WWF wrestling...  you know the sports "entertainment", parts of it are real but its mostly just fun to watch? I remember watching wrestling in the "old life" and it had plenty of drama too! Its nice to not have to deal with reality on occasion.

The Most Underused Item in My House is..

My Scrapbook supplies.

I haven't actually made a scrapbook page since I was pregnant with William. I haven't made a scrapbook page since I moved here in this house. We moved in the first few days of August 2009. Why don't I scrapbook anymore? It would be annoying to try and keep William's hands away from it and or scissors. I don't have anyone (but Skylar) to scrapbook with. I feel like my scrapbooking needs help in the form of a Cricut. I just can't do all the jazzy neat techniques because everyone has had their baby bug, then got the big bug... and I am still without a Cricut. I barely have any tools. I am even a rep for Close to My Heart and haven't sold an item in YEARS AND YEARS... like almost 5 years. The only time I venture into these shelves is when I need paper, stickers, or glue dots for another project. My cutter and glue dots are no longer even located in the Scrapbook area... Because I use them more for school crafting. I made my God Son a memory box awhile back at least a year ago if not longer.

Skylar and I made this project for school. I let her use scrapbook paper, glitter, and stickers lol

Its a Christmas tree book report on a Soldier's Night Before Christmas by Christine Ford.

Each ornament tells important details of the story :)

I want to get out of my scrapbooking funk...

Paying it Forward

I have been a big believer in Karma and Paying it Forward. Karma can be the opposite of paying it forward but it simply means what comes around goes around. Anyways today we aren't going to dwell on BAD Karma or the negative but I wanted to share about Paying it Forward. I have been influenced and inspired a lot in my life by paying it forward. Whether it was just a nice gesture or a total sacrifice I recognized both. I wish I had more time today to chat about my stories but this will be a short post...

A few ways I can help others this year....

I can help them with my talents.
I can help them by paying it forward.
I can help my children by trying to be a more productive mother.
I can help my husband by helping my children.
I can help my husband by being a better wife.
I can help everyone by being a better Christian :)

What I want for my birthday.

Birthday Countdown Clock Generator
Wow a lot of great movies are coming out next month... hmm to early for my birthday but if I don't get to see them then perhaps I could go see Phantom Menace in 3D, The Vow, or The Big Miracle, Maybe one of the Snow White movies. Titanic in 3D is coming out closer to my birthday. I love Tulips so I would like tulips for my birthday. Maybe a Scentsy. There a lot of things that are on my Christmas List that I want but we are working real hard to pay off bills from Christmas lol. The top things on my wish list are a Cricut, a DSLR, a New Purse, New Balance, Jewelry.... I have been doing a lot of buying for PSP so maybe those type of gifts maybe just a nice planned vacation or a car trip somewhere. I am good with exploring Nashville 
I would love this Carlo Biagi bracelet- we couldn't afford one like the one pictured or maybe just begin with getting beads to design it. I would love a similar bracelet or a charm bracelet with the hanging charms

 I guess I may have to add and repost so Hubby see's it lol