Reality

The reality is never say never... I try to share my experiences. I try to share my story and what I've learned in hopes that someone else won't end up like I did. About 10 years ago I got a subpoena telling me that my then husband was dead and his mother wanted to take my son from me. I don't think many women in an abusive relationship marry knowing the man is abusive. I don't think many women who's husband cheat and leave them marry knowing there husband is going to cheat and leave them. Just like people with AIDS say I always said it would never happen to me and it did. I never thought I would run away from my abusive husband to save my daughter and he would die. I didn't think divorce was in my future but death beat him to it. I lost my identity. I was always under my mothers wing them I was Adam's wife and Mackenzie's mom. I did know who Bella was. I didn't know how to be on my own two feet. I was living with a friend of a friend with a 1 year old on my hip at first and $5 no ID to my name... Who can say they've been there? I had no help. At the time of Adam's death I was living with a boyfriend and my baby was 4 months old. I was ready to file for a divorce I had the money... they told me I had to hire a private investigator. So instead of the money going toward the divorce it had to go toward a custody lawyer. I never had much money at one time.. there were times I was in a homeless shelter to times where I was working two jobs. I never had any idea what my future was when I was a 19 year old newlywed then a 23 year old widow. So I share my story about my rise from ashes basically. How I was homeless and broke. People always tell me well I've got a good husband he would never do that... I can always depend on my mom. Unfortuately its not always the way God has planned. I always tell people not to trust a spouse in a seperation that he won't jack you up and screw you over.. Because that DOES happen if he was so great you wouldn't be seperated. Always put your children first and think of the future. Plan for the future. No one wants to be in a Tornado but we have Tornado sirens, drills, weather radios, and tornado shelters. No one wants their house to be on fire but we have Smoke Detectors and plans for that too. Why not think of a future of you on your own and be prepared? No I don't panic everytime my now husband is late. I don't always fear he will leave me. I don't think he would but I can tell you I'd be prepared if he did! Sometimes it doesn't hurt to plan for the What If's because 10 years ago the lives of a nieve 23 year old, a 3 year old boy and a 4 month old girl changed forever....

in 1999 I didn't think when we played this song at our wedding because it was our song of how true it would be...

Ten Years Ago

I haven't been blogging much because the adults in the house had a bad case of the Whooping Cough. We got well enough to take a trip to my friend Angie's wedding in Griffin, GA. I had planned on making stops a long the way as always but we left later than usual. Ten years ago today I lived in a place called Douglasville GA. I had probably just conceived Skylar. I estimate it was probably Valentines Day since I didn't do the deed any other time. While I was in Douglasville most of the surroundings were familiar but for the first time I got a bad mojo... I felt the evil in this place. I haven't been there in 5 years but I saw areas of town that didn't give me a good feeling and brought back old memories and took me to the place I was 10 years ago. I was pretty lost, confused, and really not taking care of myself as I should. I passed the road that I never thought I would see again or remember exactly where it was... the road I was attacked on and saved by one of my many angels I encountered in Douglasville. I passed Arbor Place Mall where I met great people like Jacob and reconnected with old friends like Chris. I remember getting my sister or sister in law to drop me off at the mall so I could walk over to Firestone to see Chris and hang out with him. I remember date nights with Jacob or Brandon at the movies. There were many good times but what dark cloud looms over me is the dark place I was in 10 years ago. We had to drive through many of my old haunts like College Park, Riverdale, Jonesboro, & Lovejoy... and none of them gave me the heebie jeebies like Douglasville. A lot of bad things happened in my home town too. Loosing a child, being abused,.... lots of things but in Douglasville I just think it was such a dark time in my life and I was almost out of control. I enjoyed the little time we had to show Rick around my home towns (Clayton Co GA) where I went to school, my childhood home, the Publix store 545 where I had my first job, where I skated, where I went to church... Angie and Bill's wedding was beautiful. Congrats you have been married a week now. As she said it was 17 years in the making. We had dinner with my old friend Megan and her five year old Bradley. Its awesome seeing her and she is exactly as I remembered her. We must do that again SOON. I say a trip to the zoo, Stone Mountain, or the Aquarium (I've never been there), I am always up for the World of Coke and Varsity! How about Six Flags, White Water, and American Adventure?

Then we drove up to Kennesaw again seeing old haunts and to meet my sister, her ex, and my three nephews. Boy did I miss them and I wish things were like they used to be. I wonder if they could ever get back what once had? After lunch with my family we were off to see Jennifer in Calhoun... another trying time I had in my life. I moved up to Calhoun in April 2002... so almost 10 years ago. The night I moved up there that night there was a crazy tornado. That tornado reminds me of the one we had here last April. In Calhoun I had a lot of growing, I had a lot of trials. While hiding in Calhoun my first husband passed away and I lost Mackenzie. I dated for almost 5 years a drunk and a drug addict who couldn't seem to keep his stuff together but somehow he kept it together better than some people do. He held a job for a long time at least. We never got evicted and I never had to beg to keep my power on even with the layoff's. It was a trial and a test of my faith for sure but going back to Calhoun is a thrill for me. I love seeing Jennifer. She is a true best friend because she is the only person I can have a ratty head full of hair, I hadn't waxed my eye brows, or shaved my legs and I can be an out right bum and she doesn't judge me. She loves me and always wants me to visit. I wasn't gone a day before I got a text message saying she missed me and wondered when I was coming back. I know I am always welcome at Jennifer and Chris as well as anyone in my family. Jennifer and Chris have stuck by me even though I dropped the bomb on my neighbors like I did on the rest of the world. I was leaving Donnie and not only that I was leaving the state with someone they didn't know at all. I hope they trust me with that decision. Jennifer and Chris are like family! Its hard to believe we have been friends for over 8 years? The best thing about being friends with J&C is that Skylar has had a life long best friend in Cari and now William and their 4 year old Houston seem to be very close and always enjoy each other

Skylar 4 and Carri 5 in 2006

Jennifer and Chris with Emily 2011

Skylar, Zoe, and Carri

Anyways where I was ten years ago was lost and trying to find my way in Douglasville. Angels saved me time and time again from others and from myself. I believe an Angel led me to Calhoun even. Donnie may not have been the best choice but I don't regret it and he was the broken road that led me straight to home...