Saturday Smiles

Every Saturday, I'm going to try and post five things that made me smile during the week. Often I find myself getting caught up in the small stuff but this year I'm making an effort to be conscious of it. This year is about being happy and finding happiness even in the small things! Want to join me? Go ahead and post your Saturday Smiles!

1. Christmas lights
2. Big Bang Theory
3. watching my children
4. having that special someone
5. memories

Saturday November 15, 2014: It was just, one of those things.

I did a whole entry while out and about today on the Blogger app and I pushed publish and it disappeared *tears* It was just one of those things, you know when someone says that to you? It could be the first love of a child, a friend or a romance, or something totally unlabeled. When you say its just one of those things it sounds so minimal so small. Just one of those things is usually something that is stratospheric not minimal. Having that moment or that relationship is life changing. You don't even know it but the path in front of you changes right before your very eyes. Meeting this person you may not even realize it at that moment but your whole thought process changes. The way you carry yourself changes. Your future has changed by simply knowing this person. Its just one of those things like when a meteorite hits a planet... the whole orbit changes. The atmosphere and environment change. Even if the meteorite goes away the orbit doesn't change again or go back to the way it was. The atmosphere and environment is still the same it didn't change back. Like a vampire they forever put an imprint on your soul... You are forever changed. There is no going back. You can't take back, give away, or give back what you were given. Its part of your DNA now its coursing through your veins like a fire. Sometimes the fire is a warm gentle comfort and other times it can be painful and raging. Sometimes its like a drug and the need for it is incomparable. Long after their gone they linger in your thoughts their touch has punished your skin and you can still feel it. A slight tingle and shivers go up your spine remembering the one who was there. So that person you may have just known for a day, a week, a month, a year... or a life time its just one of those things that you don't know the force of the impact and may never know the force. Its not something you can find or search for its just someone that is placed in your life and lights a fire inside you. That you didn't know you had. When there is a connection two people share when they've had this moment. That makes them inseparable not physically but a much deeper being. Its just one of those things that you can suddenly feel their emotions your so attuned to them. There is days when you feel so heavy because they might be a world a way and you may not have spoken to them but you feel heavy because you know something is wrong. Its just that thing that makes you laugh when they laugh, it makes you cry when they cry. Its just one of those connections that can never be disconnected. You feel lighter just knowing they are near if they can be near. It puts a big smile on your face knowing that you will see from them or hear from them. It makes your heart drop when they have to go. Its just one of those things that cannot be explained and sometimes its why people fall in love or maybe they just fall in lust. Sometimes its just a a special friendship or relationship or even as I have said it could be having a child that makes that moment for you. I love having that connection. It can be dangerous giving that much of yourself to someone. Sometimes your the more vulnerable one. Its empowering. Its everything that can't be explained. Some people may even say these two are soul mates if its with someone your attracted to. Some people feel this powerful connection with their children. When their children are gone for a long period to school, a trip, or at a friends house it seems that the Earth's orbit has slowed down. That's how much that missing piece can weigh you down. Its just one of those things. Its spiritual.

Friday November 14, 2014: I have contained the situation.

Ohmigoodness I have NOT contained the situation. What I do to earn extra money is sell my kids gently used (or never used) clothes and other items. Three times a year (Spring, Fall, and Late Fall) a friend of mine rents out an old retail space.. turns on the lights, sets up racks, tables, shelves galore. Pays for advertising, enlists volunteers like me and consignors like me to tag our wares then put them in this building for about two weeks time during that set time. Then she sells the heck out of it! Its called Rocket City Consignment . When I first moved to Huntsville I found several big consignments similar to this and oh boy would I spend some money BUT I would get most of whatever Skylar needed for that season. I had also hoarded and saved all of Skylar's clothes just encase? Just encase I don't know but just encase... Then I got pregnant with William and I could afford to buy whatever I needed for him. Its been such a blessing but I never really did the other end of the consignment game- selling.. until a few years ago when I took the time to put prices on everything. I started making money. Now I have taken time to tag most of everything I have. I even have my own clients that bring their items to me and I sell them. If the items don't sell I put them back in the tote nicely or leaving them hanging on a rack.. I might photograph them and try the Facebook yard sale sites or my own fan page ...Bella's Online Yard Sale Page but sometimes bringing the items that don't sell back from consignment and reorganizing them into the proper 18 gallon plastic tote takes time. Time I don't have when Rick and the kids are around. I still have totes in our living space from the August sale and we just ended our last sale of the year this month. Thankfully I didn't bring home as much as I did in August. I am just trying to figure out how to get it all organized. That's the plan. Once all the totes are organized back into the storage area then I can bring out Christmas storage and start to decorate. Sometimes its a little overwhelming though. I do enjoy it though. I enjoy being able to shop at the consignment sale and not pay any money out of pocket and only spend my own earnings and know that I largely contributed to my kids wardrobes for that season plus I have extra cash to bring home! Its such a relief... until they hit a growth spurt....

FFFFF...

The statements:

1. I just ____
2. ___ is _____
3. If I could, I would ________
4. _____makes me_____

My Answers

1. I just need to get this house organized and ready for Christmas. Things keep slowing me down!
2. Is it just me or is it colder now?
3. If I could, I would have more pictures of people that I don't have enough of. I would also write down more memories.
4. William (my son), makes me laugh.

My #TBT Post

The beauty of having a blog for the 10 years I have is the ability to look back at what you've written. Some things probably should be deleted off the internet for all to see LOL. I don't drunk dial or take really bad selfies.. okay maybe on occasion I take a selfie but its rare... Sometimes looking back on your life is a good thing to see where you've been. Don't live in the past but don't forget it either or you will be doomed to repeat it.

Here is my blog a year ago called Roaring at Haters.

Here is a picture of me back in 2008 of +Richard  and I.

and the whole family at the time.

Thankful Thursday

So who does the 30 days of Thankfulness on social networking? I have heard some people say that you should be thankful every day not just because Thanksgiving is coming. I am thankful every day but sometimes we just need to speak it out loud. Plus! social media could always use some more positivity am I right? So yes I have been doing it. I think I have missed one day but I have been keeping up with it pretty good coming up with heart felt thank you's. I was going to do them on the blog but I realize I am behind so maybe I will just post them on my weekly meme of Thankful Thursday? I don't know I am even hoping to keep up with my blog that long. Also in November is Epilepsy Awareness month so I try to spread awareness of Epilepsy because I had it until I was 21 and my first husband died from it at 27. So I think its important to educate! We have so much emphasis in October for Breast Cancer Awareness and Susan G Komen where is the awareness for the other types of cancers and conditions? Sure we can't fit them all into a 12 month calendar but I can't walk into Walmart in October without feeling like I walked into Barbies Dream house because even the mop is pink!  Day 13 of the 30 days of Thankfulness I am going to go back 2 years ago to what I wrote. I am thankful for my mommy group. Bella's Mommy Chat. I found mommy groups 14 years ago when I got my first home computer that had internet. I was a member of a few as they were the thing at the time. BabyCenter.com was growing. AOL groups were growing, AOL chat was growing... I am not sure I remember much about my first group I joined or who was in it. I know one of the groups the owner ended up loosing the internet and I ended taking it over and it became Bella's Mommy Chat. I started in in October 2000. We are still around today some of us are pretty close some of us have drifted apart. Pretty soon some of us will be having kids that will need their own type of social networking. I always kind of thought our kids would join BMC after they had kids. I don't see that happening now LOL. We have had pretty much the same staple group of ladies in our group. Some of us have children that keep in touch. My daughter tries to text and Instagram with my friend Kristin's daughter who is just a little bit older and Kristin's son who is a year older. We've met in person a few times but she lives a few states away. I have rested my head on their shoulder for the whole time I have been a mommy. Sometimes things get busy and we leave and come back or the group will grow quiet. Sometimes I feel like its just me bitching to myself haha. They put up with my bitching. We are from all over yet we come together. We have had a baby shower for a member where a lot of us traveled to her home state to throw her the surprise shower right after Hurricane Katrina. Some of them have been there for me through times of me running away from my first husband's abuse, living in a battered women's shelter, being homeless, through my trials and tribulations that spell my "first life" We welcome new members too and we are all types of people and we are there for each other I think for the most part. It must be hard for some new people because we have known each other for over a decade so we can be a little bit cliquey but we are overall a warm group of mothers. Some of the mothers have 22 year old children, One is a grandmother! Then some of us like Kristin and I thought we were done making babies and we decided to have one more and surprise the world again!  I am very thankful for my group of Loopies as we call them as they have been there for me through thick and thin. Good weather and bad.  Day 1  30 days of thankfulness. I am thankful on the chilly days that I can just relax in my fuzzy pajamas and stay warm. It reminds me to pay my "angel" backpack and put it in my vehicle. I think I will be working on that soon. What is an Angel bag? I have an old book bag I got from some local company. Inside I will put a blanket, water, maybe some food, and a little money, maybe even a first aid kit. I give it to a homeless person if I happen upon one. ‪#‎angelsamongus‬ Day 2 of 30 days of Thankfulness. I am thankful for Patti  for coming up with Tots 2 Teens and Dianne who I affectionately call boss lady has taken it and grown it to Rocket City Consignment it gives me the ability to not stress about how I am going to pay for my children's wardrobes every season and gives me money for holidays to boot or other things that we wouldn't be able to afford. I don't care how much money I make to take home because I know I paid for my kids wardrobes. The added cash is just bonus! Very grateful for you two ladies!

Day 3 of Thankfulness. I am thankful for the military service members and emergency workers that hold ground back home. They all sacrifice a good bit to keep us safe, free, and healthy. Our lives wouldn't be what it is without them. My life wouldn't be what it is without my husband's 24 years of sacrifice and his hard work for the past 4 years at Northrup Grumman still continuing to do what he does and supports the troops at the same time.

Day 4 of the 30 days of Thankfulness. I know this is going to sound forced and cheesy but I have always been patriotic I am thankful for the right to vote. I can't vote this year because my voter card is locked away where I can't get it  but I am very thankful for the right and never neglect or abuse them. *Update I don't know why I had two on the same day- ah it was a typo? I did go vote and thankful I did! 

Day 5 of 30 days of thankfulness. Marriage isn't always easy. Its usually actually pretty tough- at least for me. Marriage is work but I am thankful I get to go to sleep with me at night most of the time. I can't say wake up next to the same person because he wakes up hours before I do LOL. I am thankful for Mackenzie, Skylar, and William. Skylar & William are healthy and moderately happy. I am blessed.

Yesterday was one of the worst nights I have had in a long time and I just longed for a hug, some reassurance, an "its going to be okay", How about we fix this problem etc... yet I felt so cold and alone it hurt that much worse. I was even drawing a blank for my thankfulness until this popped up on my feed. Day 6 of my 30 days of thankfulness

Day 7 of 30 days of thankfulness. I am taking this one back from the history books. I am thankful everyday for my lord and savior. Its nice to thank him once in a public forum. I try to talk to God or pray every day and sometimes I take time to meditate with a play list of praise music and some other songs that seem to set the mood of peace for my day. Some days I use praise music to calm myself too. Like the last two days my anxiety has been the worst its been in a few years. PTSD is cruising high because of the school. I woke up this morning and turned on my praise music to start my day off right and I am jamming along and I am just thankful knowing that he picks me up and hasn't let me down I am thankful for him! I am thankful for my faith. I am thankful for Willowbrook Baptist Church and Pastor Mark.

Day 8 of 30 days of Thankfulness https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QJyMq6UN48&feature=share

Day 9 of the 30 days of thankfulness. I am thankful for my life experiences. When someone shows empathy for me and says I am so sorry that happened to you. I do want to say I am not. The only things I wish didn't happen was Adam passing away because Mackenzie lost his father and the custody war with Mackenzie because both have been unfair to Mackenzie. Adam had dreams and potential he was very talented just shrouded in sickness. However both events very much shaped me good and bad. I am thankful for most of my past relationships because each one has left a tattoo on my heart and soul. Some relationships I learned lessons, some have changed my life and made a lifetime impact on me. Some I remember fondly and some not so fondly. Either way I try not to make regrets. No matter what happened in my life I have learned every time I have gotten burned. I have learned with every success and failure and as one of my favorite poems says its in the valleys that I grow. I may have gotten lost a time or two but I know that I held on to my faith and he kept me straight and narrow. I didn't question loosing children or Adam. Loosing family and making me sacrifice to teach me and I believe I am on a path. So I am thankful for every person I encounter on my path, every bump, stall, rock, boulder, mountain, valley, rainbow, storm... Along my way for they shaped me and I would only take back the two things above for Mackenzie https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do32g82qilk

I missed day 10 because of my pain I think?...lets get back on track.. I already had a day of thanking our troops Day 11 of the 30 days of thankfulness I am thankful for those doctors and other medical professionals that DO care. That aren't in it for the paycheck (I don't see most of them driving Mercedes Benz so I am not thinking there is money to be had) but those who actually strive to have good bed side manner and take the time to listen to their patients and will do what they promised in their oath. 22 years ago my life was in a doctors hands after I was neglected and very ill for a long time and he took my face and made it almost as good as new. I have never seen such a caring doctor and I probably won't trust a doctor so blindly like I do Dr Burstein. He set the bar really high for the other doctors in my life.

Day 12 of 30.. I am thankful for laughter. I laugh a lot even when I am sad. There is much to find amusing in the world and you don't even have to look hard. He's not funny but how can you watch Richard Simmons and not smile? Okay so he may be over the top and annoying to some but I grew up seeing him.. literally at his gym in LA. He makes me smile he exudes happiness. I can't imagine a world without Robin William's laughter. Now he is gone from this world but I still have his work to hold on to. No one can make me smile and laugh like he can. I still feel tinges of deep sadness if I see him on the TV, or an article or whatever but he can bring me out of my mood. I love to laugh and laughter is the best medicine.

Thursday November 13, 2014: Why I decided to blog..

Since I am trying to gradually get back into blogging and not be a complainer constantly on my blog. I thought maybe we will take baby steps. Lets talk about when and why I decided to blog and what does this second life thing mean anyways? I can't remember when I started my blog. I think perhaps either my friend +Bill  or my friend Mia sent me an invite on Livejournal and I started learning the ways of Livejournal. Back when you had to be invited to the exclusive club. Which now if I use I am totally lost again LOL. But its still there for all the world to see. Sometimes I go back and copy and paste an old blog into this blog. Xanga, Yahoo 360, and Myspace have all deleted my old blogs now so I can't sadly recover those. They are probably on some cloud somewhere with my "Bella Bunny" attached to it. Ah I finally got into LJ my first entry was in January 28th 2003. That may have even been my second LJ I remember gifting one away. 8 days after my first husband died, yet I didn't know that he had died for another month. A month later I rushed down to Atlanta to try and get my son back. Anyways kinda off topic. Why did I start to blog? I have always been a writer. In high school I was a published poet. I have been published in poetry books, magazines and even Big Bop or Big Bopper (whatever that teen magazine is) Something I wrote about my favorite actor Jonathan Brandis. I used to write poems religiously and plays all through middle school and high school. You may be able to dig and find a few saved in blogger. So as I went through my trials of life, loosing my husband, my son, my family and trying to get back on my feet most of it is archived for the world to see. Some of it yeah I probably don't want people to see but some maybe even the same stuff could inspire someone, change someones path... You never know what your thoughts have the power to do. Writing has always been my tool. Its therapeutic for me. I sometimes get positive feedback and also constructive criticism which I am good with. I like when others can offer me and advice and encouragement. Its therapeutic that I can speak without saying it out loud. I am a very blunt person. I would almost say that I am painfully honest sometimes. What I say is usually twisted the wrong way. Sometimes I actually don't feel I can be blunt enough afraid of the power behind what I have to say. Sometimes what I need to say will just fall on deaf ears. I deal with that a lot lately. I can't change you. I may not ever be able to change your mind. I can only change how I deal with it. So I write to get it all out on the table because holding something in for me is dangerous and lethal even. I have tried to bottle things up and its just a bad result..  I don't always feel like I get my thoughts out clearly when I speak them. So writing is a way for me to get my thoughts out and even though yes it still can get twisted at least I can put what is in my head and you don't have to read if you don't want to. But its still free from my soul. I just have to learn how to say things in a manner where I won't want to take them back.

What is this second life? My life since January 2007 is a world away from my life prior that. Yet some things from my old life become a constant in the new life. My best friend Jennifer has always been by my side. The mommy support group I started when my now 14 year old was just 6 months old is still going we just have moved to the Facebook format since that's where most of us are these days. Some still have the same members as it started with. Its a nationwide mommy group we are a from all walks of life all over the US and I have even met a few. I love them they are some of my closest friends and supporters. Of course my two oldest children have been through the old life and Skylar and I are extremely close through this second life. She's entering the teen years and she is thriving and growing so beautifully. The old life when I lived in Georgia and now I am in Alabama. My old life when I lost my family, I lost my husband, I lost my oldest son. I had to live through some traumatic events. Without Rick it would have been a lot harder to get back on my feet. When I talk about the old life its even like talking about someone elses life. Yet the scars are still on my soul, the wounds are still deep and trying to heal. Through the second life I may back slide, I may fail, I may fall, I may get hurt and I am still damaged with baggage but this is why its a misadventure! Definitely an adventure to be had!

Are you a blogging momma? Or wish you were?

As I said before I've been blogging for over a decade.. Sometimes infrequently sometimes I could probably blog your ear off. I remember when I was in Livejournal they would ask me to edit my blog because it was taking up too much of their space. haha. I also mentioned recently an online friend of mine +Beth  got into blogging and I have kinda lend her some advice etc and I am exciting to see how her blog grows. I've always wanted to research about Mommy Blogging and even how to make money from it. I have made money off and on but my computer went caputz so I couldn't keep up with her demand. I wanted to connect with other mommy bloggers and get tips and share viewers. etc. My friend +Samantha  and I came up with a blogging group for us serious about Mommy Blogs not just to make money but for the joy of documenting our lives. Sam is a Mommy Blogger -Like me, a graphic designer- like me, an Army wife- like me, and a photographer -nope not like me. So if your a blogging mommy come join us and some place to kick up our heels and follow some of your favorite blogging mommies, find new blogs to follow etc..

Blogger Mommy Connection

Wordless Wednesday

I haven't been taking pictures as much so I don't have much to share but maybe this Wordless Wednesday should be wordy Wednesday. We have made it a habit to go to the library nearly once (or more) a week. Sometimes TWO libraries. We live near our military post so we sometimes go there to change things up a bit. William my 5 year old even does reading therapy with a dog named Taka. 

This is a picture of William in the children's garden at the Madison City Library. 

*dusting off the top of the blog*

Hi... does anyone ever still swing by here? I used to blog a lot years ago. I have used Blogspot, Xanga, Livejournal, Myspace, Opendiary... As a matter of fact I thought I was a paid member of Open Diary I guess not *shrugs* I would write about my first life. That's what I call pre-2007... It wasn't a great time in my life but yet I had lots of readers. Perhaps they liked that I was in misery. As I got remarried and was happier in my settled life my blog got a lot less traffic. I kept pretty much the same group of online friends and my offline life. I just moved out of state and gained new friends in my "second life" my army life. Skylar & I had a lot of adjusting to do and perhaps I blogged about that. I tried not to blog too much about the issues I was having as I have adult step sons and I didn't want to alienate them. My husband even though we met through social networking and my blog on Yahoo 360 he's not a huge fan of me blogging either. Probably just not blogging about him LOL. The past year my blog has been pretty quiet unless its something I thought needed saying. I have been diagnosed with severe PTSD, Fibromylagia, Anxiety, and Depression over the past year. So perhaps I didn't want to sign on to blogger every day just to complain. No huge adventures lately its more of me just living life... watching the babies who aren't such babies grow. So are you still with me? How long have you been reading?

Soo... What do I do now?

You ever have something you want to do but not sure how to get started? One of the biggest pet peeves about myself is I am not a self starter. I don't know how to change that. When I am trying to help and fit in I always feel like I am a little slower. Maybe even annoyingly slower. I am underfoot and in the way.

I am not sure how far back this blog goes or the stories I have shared over the years but at the age of 10 I became the ward of the state. So I was not legally adopted but it felt like it. My mother in law also adopted my oldest son. My first husbands god mother used to reunite adoptee's with their family members. I really would like to do the same thing. I think my calling is into social work. You know at 35 I should probably have gotten all this "calling" business wrapped up or pretty close to it. I don't think I could work for the state in human resources, Department of Family and Children Services, Child Protective Services or any of those agencies or that line of work. #1 I have a short temper for those who are just lazy and don't want to do for themselves. I may not be a self starter but I do know how to get up and bust my butt. #2 I am incapable of being B.S.'d.. #3 I just can't do that. So I would like to help in some way and I used to watch this show on TV that was about reuniting those who are adopted with their birth families or vice versa. The ABC show was called Find My Family. I so want to be apart of that dream making. I am the type of girl that bawls during Undercover Boss or Secret Millionaire and maybe even Shark Tank watching other peoples dreams come true. So what am I going to do now? Well I am not sure where to start? Do I start by getting a degree in social work? Family historian? Private investigator? There are many jobs not necessarily ones I wanted where I say how did you get started doing that?

I have an idea for a business even a name and I want to see if its already been under copyright... How do I find out? What's next? Geez I even took Small Business Marketing in college LOL. What

Happy Veterans Day

Happy Veterans Day to all those who have served and sacrificed. Some may not have worn the uniform but they know the battle. Everyone that serves knows that each piece is an intricate web of strength, without a piece it wouldn't be as strong. Those back home who support their troops, the members that work for DOD or volunteer. Those who wear the uniform. Even the guy making sure the power is turned on and the soldiers bellies are full. Thank you.

I come from a long line of Veterans... My grandfather was a Marine during Korea. My biological father was a sailor for the Navy, My guardian was a pilot in the Air force. I even tried to join but the branches wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole. My sister served in the Air Force for a few years. Her husband is currently serving. I have a brother in law that is a sailor. My husband of course served his 24 years before retiring and his son also retired from the Army. We are a proud American Military Family.

I have a dear friend from high school that is one of the fallen. He left behind a wife and a son.

Beautifully broken is me

No words needed

Listen to my words

Why don't you learn to listen to the words that come out of my mouth and not out of your own head.

Poshmark

I am setting up my closet and shopping closets together on Poshmark. I want you to join! Help get both of us a $5 credit (how can you go wrong! Its free to join!) Get your credit and mine by using the code BPGNZ DON'T forget the CODE! BPGNZ!https://poshmark.com/getapp 

Its going to be really hard, we're gonna have to work at it....

Have you read Love Dare? Or read the 5 Love Languages? It is important that you take from those books and learn that it doesn't have to just apply to your significant other. You wonder how you can apply it to others? Why not "exercise" it on all types of relationships. The Relationships you have with your child(ren), your co-workers, friends, family member, and even a stranger. So my friends and I love a blog called Momastery. I admit I don't read blogs as often as I wish I could about as often as I write in my own... yet I digress.. Glennon Melton the author of the Momastery wrote a blog about the Questions that could save your relationships..  Another GREAT read and I highly recommend it. I read it and gave it lots of thought because I too have the "sticking to the health and weather type of conversations" that don't lead me to a deeper connection with a person. Its all sugar coated and fluffy. I admit sometimes its just too taxing for ME to be the deeper conversationalist and sometimes I only want fluffy stuff conversation because my brain is too full or I am emotionally drained but sometimes I want people to call me in genuine need for my companionship. They really want to talk to me out of a mutual need not just to fill in the blanks that its been 3 days 12 hours and 5 minutes since we last talked. Lately I've been talking more to a Facebook friend and we have really dived into some of each others skeletons.. I don't think it was intentional it just happened and I have really enjoyed the conversations lately and have had some insight on myself and a lot of new things I have learned about myself I am going to try and address. If I only talked to this friend about the weather in New York and her nieces I don't think I would gain so much. I have certain friends I know I can have common interests with that are more likely to gain/grow/appreciate certain topics of conversations. This may be wrong of me but anyways. My friend Stephanie posted the Momastery article from Huffington and she said what questions could we ask better of our loved ones? what questions do you wish your friends asked? Instead how are you? How are the kids? Everyone just says okay, fine, good whatever... What are you doing today? Housework... No one REALLY wants to have that conversation or do we have that conversation to save us from having REAL conversations. Do you sugar coat it and only talk about your health and the weather so you don't have to use real compassion and intellect. So read this article and don't just think it applies to a significant other but what about a child or a friend or even a stranger. It will be epic if we could all try this. On my Facebook I asked all my Facebook friends to comment below my article and maybe even tag a friend of a question they want to ask. If they didn't "tag" the friend then its a generalized question. So lets all dig a little deeper and try to ask a deeper questions in our relationships. Then the next time your husband says Hi Honey, I am home, how was your day? You will want to smack him! So what kind of questions would you like to be asked? What kind of questions should you be asking?

Remember its going to be real hard but relationships take work and the rewards are endless.

Fairy tales

So I am on the third book of a book series and my Face Book friends must think I never read because I have been having several status just about this book series. I am currently reading the Crossfire Series by Sylvia Day.. It was highly recommended to me after I finished 50 Shades of Grey but I never picked it up. Honestly I LOVE books I am a classic literature freak... Beowulf, Shakespeare, Edgar Allen Poe... etc. The greats I could get lost. In the Crossfire books the main characters Eva and Gideon have a love that is co dependent and most people would say unhealthy... They can't live without each other and they physically need each other. There are relationships where I've felt that need or felt I needed it in return. There are relationships where I would listen to the sappy love songs and wished that I could dedicate them to someone or they would dedicate them to me. That we would feel like that. That we would feel like the words of our own song. I read an article a few years ago that said the Twilight Romance is unhealthy for marriages because wives begin to expect that type of love out of their romance. What about way before that? What about the romance in movies? Or Romeo and Juliet? What great lengths that Romeo and Juliet would do to be together. Some pieces of 50 Shades of Grey were a lot like my past in a relationship I once had where he was terribly beautifully broken then with Eva and Gideon I think how ironic it is that the characters (even the gay best friend in the book) reflect my own life. No my husband isn't a hunky ribbed ab'd martial artist with billions and he certainly doesn't stalk me (or does he?) He's hunky to me *blush* and the character in the book Gideon possess some very similar traits to +Richard . Some I thought he had when we first were just friends, Some I wished he would have and some he does have. Gideon is like Rick in many different aspects its like a prism. Some of the quotes from the book make me do a face palm because I am like that is so like Rick or Eva your so like me... even though I find her a twit like most female leads in the books I read. I guess that's the going thing for romance novels when that's not me or whom I like at all. I am very independently thinking, strong, take no crap kinda gal... Amelia Earhart, Beatrix Potter... are all some of my favorite women. They didn't follow rules certainly not the ones men or society laid out for them. The women who had the mental abilities and strength of any man but still had the kindest softest heart of a woman.  But that's getting off topic. The girls in the books I read like Bella from Twilight and Eva from these Crossfire books just seem to be puddy in the male hands. No I WON'T Be with you then of course they fall in the next second and give in to every command... ugh.

I saw P!nk on Ellen (another woman I admire) and I had to laugh what P!nk said about her and her relationship. Ellen said well now your happily married. P!nk just laughed and said we are married things aren't always happy. We are REAL. I think that explains my marriage too. Our marriage really seemed fairy tale in the beginning perhaps that's why I am here (haha) I often told him I was on cloud nine... but after the Army, deployments, diagnosis',  a baby and more... we are worn now. Cloud Nine isn't all puffy white clouds and falling is even harder when you've been raised so high and let down before. Our marriage isn't always Romeo and Juliet... it never will be. Its not Bella and Edward, Christian and Ana, Diana and Charles, Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier, Elvis and Priscilla, or even Eva and Gideon. Its Bella and Rick :) Its not always a love song, a poem, or a fairy tale its what's real. We have bills, sickness, work, and stress like everyone else. In ways all those things define us good and bad. We came into this marriage with baggage.. We aren't high school sweet hearts. We aren't each others firsts... nothing fairy tales are laid of... its what real life is made of.

Do I still crave and want a possessive, romantic, knight and shining armor? Yes. Who doesn't?
But I am willing to accept my whole life can't be a Notebook romance.

Where I am on your Totem pole?

Ask yourself about your priorities in life... For most people or should I say most Christian's its supposed to be God, Spouse, Children (if you have them)... then fill in the blank.... job, hobbies, friends, SEC Football... whatever. So everyone has a Totem Pole of priorities. I was just talking to someone about a friendship I had/have with someone else. Then I mentioned the conversation to my husband. If a friend has certain actions that occur over time that leaves me to believe of where I am at in her list of priorities. I have never asked to be anyone but my husband's priority... maybe my parents as well. But I would never demand a friend make me a priority in their life when they have their own faith, job, family, possibly spouse. I have had friends multiple times make that demand of ME though. So if your looking at a Totem pole and you can place the priorities at the top being faith, then your spouse, then children or job or whatever... Then you have another totem pole of friends and maybe hobbies. Perhaps we all have Totem Poles in our lives where we categorize things like this... even friends. We have BEST friends and Childhood friends and perhaps if my BEST friend +Michelle Jorden  asked me to be there for something or do something for/with her and an acquaintance asked me to attend a birthday party or some other event the same time of course I would go be there for my BEST friend because I think it would mean MORE to her than it would the acquaintance and it would also hurt her more if I chose the other person over her. In peoples lives its okay to be at the top of some people's Totem Poles... its just as okay to be on the bottom as well. You can't be at everyone's top! Its nice to know where you are on another person's Totem Pole though. How I rate myself on your Totem pole is how I am treated. Do you take time out to check on me when you know I've been dealing with a lot, leave a text message, voice mail or even an email. I'd feel really special and near the top if I got a letter or Christmas card or something. You really took time out to show me you care. When you return a favor or do something out of goodness. I can accept being at the bottom of your Totem Pole but I know not to make you a priority.

Home Sweet Home -- kinda

I am from Georgia. I lived in Georgia until +Richard Stevens kidnapped me and I didn't think I would ever move even though I've been Wooed by Tennessee and Michigan before... I just didn't think I would ever move away from family. I lived 4 hours from Family and that was hard at times. But I've grown to love Huntsville... Not Alabama just Huntsville. I do always look forward to going home for visits with my best friend. Even if its a mini road trip like it is today... I only went right inside the Georgia border to meet up with someone then I drove straight home we barely made any stops. I love Road Trips. I love driving MOST of the time. This is the first time I ever went over the Scottsboro Bridge and up Sand Mountain by myself. Usually Rick does those tricky parts. But originally I intended for it to just be +Michelle Jorden her daughter Kilie, and I.... at the last minute and I mean the VERY last minute Rick decided to join us which also means William had to come too. William was excited about seeing Shell and Kilie anyways. Just going barely inside of the state lines makes my day YAY :) On a bad note Michelle's van got a flat tire. Pray she can get a new to her one soon :( She just can't seem to get a break. Maybe next time one of my Georgia friends will decide to drive half way and meet me on the border for a lunch date or something *wink*

New Facebook Cover

Allowance, Chores, Good Grades, Respect in a world of self entitlement.

When I was a single parent Skylar got an allowance... If I had 10 cents left out of my earnings and after bills/needs that's what she got. She got whatever I had left which usually wasn't much since I was single. I usually put it on a gift card or something so she could have the cute Dora gift card (it was what she was into at the time) from Walmart. 

We've gotten away from having so many assigned chores. I have fought with myself over to let kids be kids and she struggles enough with getting homework completed and not having any time with friends much less extra circular activities like her beloved Cheer. Rick and I pick up the slack and James helps out in the areas in which physically hurt me. I've tried doing chore charts for all three kids and included in some commission chores as Dave Ramsey suggests. They had their responsibilities to just help out as being part of a family and then they had other chores they could do to earn commission but yet no one helped enforce or manage these. So I gave up. James said he didn't want to earn any money. Skylar's too lazy to take care of her regular chores or like I said too busy doing her first responsibility -- school. 

Then I tried http://www.myjobchart.com/ but again my husband and kids seemed uninterested. 

I've tried Cozi and all sorts of different types to organize and keep us connected it usually falls on deaf ears.

I don't want to raise my child to be self entitled especially in this society where we've elected politicians that support this YOLO belief. I visited this on my blog last week HERE.

Again I am running into the gimmies and my Christmas Tree is still up so that means my children have no business with the Gimmies when they were just spoiled beyond belief a week ago.  I don't see the sense in a North Face jacket when its just like any other furry fleece Jacket... You appreciate what you had not a name brand or a fad. .

Does your child get allowance? If so how much for what age and what portion do they earn? 

My goals and resolutions for 2014

I made a resolution to not make new resolutions just to keep the old ones.

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My New Years Resolutions are to snail mail important people that I may have lost contact (Dr, David Hermecz, Barry and Joanne Mick, Joey Harmon, Stephanie White) with or that are special enough to know I take time to hand write them. This is now going to include Thank You notes. William's birthday was in August and his are sitting on my desk WHOOPS!

Recently I saw a music video and it shook me. Sadly its not the first time I just chose then to not change at that moment. I am going to try to change this time... I know from my faith and my beliefs I can't change other people but I can change myself. I can pray for the other people and hope that God's will works for me or I can learn to change ME and accept the things I cannot change and that it is not in God's will to change. This isn't so much a New Years Resolution as it is reconfirmation of my faith. To let God lead me me. To let God handle the dirty nitty gritty. To go with the flow. I saw Say Something by a Great Big World I know I have a temper and because I am not quiet or keeping things to myself unfortunately there is confrontation. My husband and I have our disagreements. Sometimes the kids are present. I am not proud of this! Seeing the little girl in the music video and the one in the Pink video just left a void in me. I have to respect my children by controlling my temper and finding another way without them being hurt. Again I trust in God to help me through this as this is a bad habit.. its a cycle of abuse I need to break. 

My third big goal/resolution is I resolve to take care of my body my health and my emotional and spiritual being.

This year a bad habit I'm going to break: Is loosing my temper around the children

A new skill I'd like to learn: Sewing! oh and Cake making/decorating

A person I hope to be more like: My idols and my role models... Dr Dave, Barry Mick, Beatrix Potter, Audrey Hepburn, Jack Hanna, and Amelia Earhart.

A good deed I'm going to do: I always do good deeds its how I am built! Set forth out every day with selflessness.

A Place I'd like to visit: My grand parents head stones, My ex's father's head stone, Friends, the beach, Atlanta, Ruby Falls, and Pigeon Forge.. In the future Arizona and Disney World.

A Book I'd like to read: A child called It, Confession time Sylvia Days Bared to you ( I got it for Christmas!), Scream Free Marriage, and Parenting with Love and Logic.

A Letter I'm going to write: One to Barry Mick, Dr Dave, Joey... and William's thank you notes!

A new food I'd like to try: I tried Hummus yesterday it didn't go over well :( 

I'm going to do better at: NOT screaming

What are yours?

Welcome 2014!

What a way to start out the new year... 

Monday William was burning up running a temperature and then he started to get a sick tummy.. I usually don't rush my little ones to the doctor since 99% of the time I hear Skylar has strep even though she rarely has symptoms and/or its just a virus it has to work its way out. But I was genuinely concerned and Rick said he would just feel better if I took William to the doctor so I did. He weighed just shy of 40 lbs and he had a 103 Temp. They swabbed him for influenza and strep throat. Strep came back positive. Poor Bubby was more still and quiet than he's been since the day before he was born. He slept almost all day with a small spurt of energy.. Anyone that knows William knows he has the energy of 4 - four year old boys. Yesterday he wasn't any better and for awhile we were really worried because the stomach got much worse and he had not gone potty. So we canceled the sitter (she is sick anyways) and just chose to stay in. It was also my husband +Richard Stevens  50th birthday. He ran to get take out from one of our favorite resturants and I ran to Publix to get birthday party supplies (cake, ice cream, birthday card, present, candles)... We had our own little party here at the house. Not the Steam Punk bash I had planned :( 

1/1/2014...

William is better. He only vomited this morning and has been holding down everything else. His fever finally broke after 3 days and he hasn't napped today. We've had a chill and lazy day. The kids playing Sims and Just Dance and just playing. Rick building his war game and me bouncing between things like the new American Girl Release of Isabelle, Sims, chores, and playing with the kids.

Fever Bugs showing a Normal temperature.