I don't know if its crazy or what?

I quit smoking 6 years ago cold turkey. One addiction I have not been able to kick is my addiction to the liquidity sweetness of Coca Cola. Sure I obey doctors orders and try to curb my habit down to one a day or two with lots of ice during my pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Skylar my kidneys were trying to shut down so often I wasn't allowed to have anything but water and milk. I even craved orange juice so bad. I could almost never have Coca Cola. Afraid of being back in the hospital or doing damage to my unborn baby girl. At least some of the time I could afford sweet tea.. Until I was pregnant with William. I tried to replace my Coca Cola habit with sweet tea. I had horrible morning sickness with Skylar for the full 35 weeks of my pregnancy and I just merely thought it was the same with William. I then started to realize the trigger for my stomach was sweet tea. So I couldn't curb much of that need for coke anymore. Matter of fact I joke the one reason William didn't have colic and the other two did was because he didn't have to wean off of caffeine.

I wasn't allowed to have coke as much growing up unless we ate fast food which was pretty rare like only reserved when we traveled. When I turned 18 I started getting my addiction. My mom would yell at me for drinking a 2 liter a day. I never really let it go since. Of course I don't drink two liters anymore. I grew up in Georgia so I partly blame the influence of the city in which I am from for my addiction. Coca Cola was first sold in Atlanta and is a proud part of their history. It is one of my favorite companies and always has been. My dentist and his employees often give me grief about it to because I don't just chug a coke and leave it alone I am a sipper. I sip on the same one for hours so apparently between my epilepsy meds and the constant chaos of the PH balance in my mouth are wreaking havoc. I.have.some.control. I can feel when my kidneys start acting up and I start drinking more water in my diet. I cannot for the life of me drink 64 ounces of water a day I am just not that thirsty and I think that also goes back to me being a sipper.

Coke and I have had our ups and downs now... A few years ago they released a beautiful white can to help give money to the Polar Bears (Did you know Polar Bears will be extinct in the wild in the next 50 years yet they aren't yet endangered?)
Anyways remember these?

Beautiful cans... helps save the wild life which is something close to my heart... but the coke inside always tasted OFF... I called Coke about this problem. They have great customer service by the way. They said other people had some issues too. So after doing some digging the white of the can was causing more sunlight to get therefore changing some of the balance of the contents. You know how Nestea has that sickly sweet lemon taste? This was like mixing coke and lemon.. just an odd taste.

I already had issues drinking coke out of the fountain from most restaurant because I can taste the slightest variance in the mixture.. If the carbonation vs corn syrup mixture is off in the slightest yuck.. Flat even worse! It tastes like *deep breath* Pepsi. So my husband couldn't buy my addiction in a 12 pack or 6 pack even and I couldn't go get it out of a fountain. Frankly the buying a 20 ounce bottle a day was getting pricey again. I had a friend Kaila who was pregnant and all she craved was Strawberry Cokes from Sonic. I am like Strawberry what a what? She told me and I was forever even more hooked! 

Yes the coke comes out of the fountain but I think the fresh (err frozen?) strawberries and strawberry syrup can hide the inconsistency well enough to where I can't tell. I drank Strawberry cokes for the rest of the white can Coke campaign... 

Trying off brand coke wasn't completely out of question but my body could tell. I had horrible withdraws.. Is there really Cocaine in this? I feel guilty quite often about addicted I am. After the campaign was over I still have times when Rick will bring home a 12 pack and it tastes off so we can no longer buy soda from Kroger. Does it sit too long? Do they leave it in the sun? How is it handled differently? After all the source has to pretty much be the same? It tastes off ?? Its so strange I guess I am that sensitive to the different balances between canned, bottled, and fountain?

Then came the Coca Cola Freestyle.. because its a fountain I was a little hesitant... I knew that it wouldn't be like my Sonic Cokes because it wouldn't have fresh fruit in them. Not to mention they don't have strawberry flavoring? Hmm something Coke could change! I don't like cherry Coke usually from the can either the pre mixed stuff I prefer to add my own grenadine into my coke. Now I have gotten hooked on the Cherry Coke Freestyle so the few restaurants that have this... Thank you! 

Last year I even scheduled a trip back home so we could stop off in Chattanooga to get Coca Cola Cans with our names on them

Are you a coke, pop, or soda addict? What do you call it? What is your brand of choice? What flavor do you prefer?

Tonka Truck

Did you ever have those metal Tonka trucks you would play with? I remember them being outside and playing with them in the sandbox and they would rust but still be very usable. The thing never seemed to break..

Well I call William my Tonka Truck. He's also been nicknamed Bubby, Destroyer of Worlds (and eyeballs), ER baby-- you know how many times do we rush to the ER for this kid? Actually we've only made it to the ER twice. Once when his fever was high but got to the parking lot and the pediatrician told me to go home- after all what can they do for a fever? I never liked that answer but that's what she said. The other time when he was in his space saver high chair and he would put his feet up on the table and tipped himself back while buckled in and some how his head hit the hard wood floor. He nearly had a concussion.. Got him home and then he started showing more symptoms of a concussion so yeah for sure he probably had one.

had his feet kicked back like Obama on the edge of the table.

The school nurse called me today. My phone didn't ring for whatever reason. So I get a notification that I have a voice mail. The voice mail says they have William in the clinic to give her a call back hmm. I am trying to listen to my voice mail and Stephanie my friend beeped in to ask me a question. I guess she heard the disconnect in my voice and I told her Mill Creek called and I was trying to listen to the voice mail. I call Rick and they hadn't called him either. So I called the nurse back and she said William was told twice during in class recess not to run in the building on the 3rd warning he bumped into a little boy holding a stick. I said okay. She said it barely scraped his eye but it was very close. He acted like it didn't really bother him so she packed it with ice and sent him back to class she would call me in half an hour when she went to retrieve the ice pack if anything changed. Well I had to check the kids out an hour after this so when I got there Skylar told me she saw William with an ice pack. I explained what happened and I said I don't want to know why there was a "stick" in the classroom LOL. The lady at the front desk so oh is he yours? I said yes. She said I was wondering about the stick too come to find out its not a stick its a plastic piece like for those builder things. I was like OOOH makes sense now...  Him and Skylar both have scrapes near their eye now. Skylar woke up with her's this morning. I am wondering if she had a run in with Tinker Bell in her sleep? LOL

If William is really not getting over a boo boo I know its serious. He usually cries enough to get a little comfort and then his world is too busy to dwell on it and he acts fine. He is a tough cookie! 

Not Me Monday

The blog meme was made by www.mycharmingkids.net but she no longer hosts the meme but I liked it :)

The week before last my children's school gave me awful anxiety. I am not an anxious person but I have some triggers that if you push those buttons awful things happen. Last week was one of those weeks. It is a rare happening but nonetheless I am a normal parent okay semi normal. Haha.

Last week I had an abscess tooth and was in pain most of the week or just not feeling good from the medicines I was on. Rick is really good about helping in the mornings matter of fact I am not afraid to say it he does 75% of the morning prep. I do my part too but I am a sleeper. I get up about 6 am. Get completely dressed, pick out the kids clothes and I usually help where he needs it like getting my Sleeping Beauty out of her bed. Well being out of it the past two weeks we discovered no one washed William's nap mat (good thing I have a spare)... No one has checked William's notebook. Oops he had homework. Kindergarten homework. Something my kids have done every year for years... we get a worksheet of a turkey and we are assigned to disguise it. On Facebook last night my friend had showed off her daughters disguised turkey- they live in another city far away haha. As I am looking at this Turkey- already late I said what to do with this turkey... In years past we have had a turkey under leaves, a turkey in clothes, even a Dr Seuss Turkey I believe one year. I remember my friends daughters turkey. I grab the crayons and begin coloring. Some tail feathers blue and orange on one side and black and red on the other side and then school logo's on every other tail feather and on the turkey's belly. Its a house divided SEC football turkey. Yes I colored most of it until William woke up and wanted to help then I let him take over. Shameful mama! At least he didn't eat Twinkies for breakfast.. Hubby baked blueberry muffins.... What did you or your kids "not" do lately? Anything your almost ashamed to admit? 

Monday November 17, 2014: They'll be waiting for us...

I usually will find any excuse to shop. I try to dress my kids up for any ole holiday.. Why not? Buy presents just because. oh the treasures you will find at Dirt Cheap, Marshall's, Ross, TJ Maxx and thrifting! I adore yard sales as long as my co-pilot isn't grumpy. In less than two weeks begins the biggest shopping season of the year- Christmas! Black Friday is coming and the retailers are waiting for us. We are getting armed with our leaked ads, our coupons, saving our discount cash for that one particular store only to find out it expires Wednesday before Black Friday. Yes I am the one person that tries not to shop without RetailMeNot dot com. I do shop around my husband will try to blame me for spending too much on my shopping addiction and our dolls. Its really him you can't take into certain stores without breaking the stereotypical you have to spend $100 just to leave the store. I can go into Walmart and pick up what I need. I despise Walmart first of all but its the only place that carries the type of Febreeze I use and the Ecos laundry detergent. But I can usually brave it enough to go in there once or twice a month and just get the laundry detergent and not go much further. It is hard to go Christmas shopping though and keep it reeled in. I have been working harder and focusing on things that would be better for the kids and not just a bunch of toys that sit around. Especially as money has been tighter..Sticking to a list and checking it twice. Shopping around regardless of Black Friday getting the most bang for my buck. After peaking at the Toys R Us Black Friday ad I was disappointed that not much of what was on the kids lists weren't in there. So it just means I will be double checking the list and being grateful for being able to give whatever I can give.
What kind of shopper are you? Do you shop for Christmas year round? Do you go out Black Friday or even Thanksgiving now that it is a thing? Do you oppose shopping on Thanksgiving? Or are you one of those people who waits till the last minute? Do you buy gifts for extended family, the mail man, the neighbor, and all the teachers?

Whatever type of shopper you are there are people out there that over shadow the goodness in the world. There are 3/1 angels walking amongst us but the squeaky wheel gets the attention so the bad guys always get the most attention. There are retailers out there not to be friendly. Small Business's that don't deserve our business although I am a huge advocate for Small Business shopping. There are dangerous people at the ready to steal our credit card information, our identities or break into our homes to rob us of Christmas. The Grinch these days is a lot more mean! Be mindful this holiday season posting information on social media or talking in groups. They are at the ready and they will be waiting for us

Then there are the people that are just greedy and grouchy. I have a few Scrooges in my life too. I just let my light shine and don't leave it vulnerable to those who are in a hurry to snuff it out. Misery loves company but just try to extend the warmth out but don't invite it in. Rick and I recently watched a movie called the The Secrets of Jonathan Sperry  and its a movie about forgiveness and parables in the Bible. I just think its also just something like Timmy showed the Scrooge, or Cindy Loo and the Grinch, no matter how much someone is grouchy showing them your heart might change them. Don't expect change but I still think we should show everyone our heart just not necessarily leave it vulnerable which is so easy to do during the Holiday season.

Anyways do your shopping with the best heart possible and remember those who don't have anything under their "tree". Teach your children the true meaning of giving and Christmas. I love me some Santa but its really St Nicholas's spirit isn't it? They will be waiting on us...

Captivated by You.. written by Sylvia Day...

I have read the first three chapters of Captivated by You the newest novel by Sylvia Day in the Crossfire Series. I have never done a book review before but I was up till midnight reading and as usual for me with this series I can't put it down. I kinda been putting off reading it because I am waiting on the actual release-- that I've prepaid for. Haha! 

The Story of the series is Eva Trammell is a recent college graduate that begins a new life with her best friend in New York City and gets a job with an advertising agency. She runs into quite literally Gideon Cross she doesn't know it at the time but he is a highly driven, dark, sexually charged CEO of entertainment. He has very hands off past with love both Eva and Gideon have suffered through tragic pasts. 

Anyways my first thoughts while reading the first few pages is this is a hard read. I didn't want to put that here because I didn't want my readers to take it literally. Hard read doesn't mean in a War & Peace type of way. Because of Eva and Gideon's past they have to have a Love the Way You Lie type of relationship so its hard for me with my past to read that kind of torturous unhealthy relationship. Like my life what may seem like unhealthy just is the way they/we work. It doesn't take the writer Sylvia Day long to get steamy. I believe there was about 3 steamy scenes in the first three chapters. 

If you would like to get an early head start you can download it on her website here 

What do you think will happen? What will happen with Eva and Gideon? What did you think of the first 3 books? What will happen with Carey? What happened to Megumi?

Chardonnays & Soirees

I admit I have a love for party planning. Its not exactly stress free so I don't know why I do enjoy it but I put a lot of detail into the parties I plan. I always get compliments and offers to do it for a living but I am not sure who would pay me to do that LOL. Its something I could think about certainly.

So coming across this blog Chardonnays & Soirees and all her beautiful posts made me love it all the much more. But it also shows me where I have to reach if I truly want to do it. I am not a party event planner by any means I couldn't plan my own wedding if I wanted to! Perhaps that's why we ran away to a chapel! *laughs*

She has lots of recipes on her blog for us normal type of folk...

Take a look at her blog here http://loveitsoirees.com/

Also Elf on the Shelf. Who has an Elf or the like? Tell me about them? Have you blogged about them?

Ours are Barnaby and Merry :)

Sunday November 16, 2014: Would you mind, putting...

So we have this issue at my house that drives me insane. My husband and step son are probably not going to appreciate this post either. But my husband has some short term memory loss and overall OCD issue. Its been our entire marriage. I bought tee shirts for a particular holiday and laid them somewhere so I would know where they are. He comes behind me and puts them somewhere else (not their home mind you or even their obvious home such a clothes drawer) so comes the holiday and they are gone. I go frantic, panic, and pissed... I wasted all that money for nothing? In the grand scheme of things its not a huge deal but its just annoying and a pet peeve of mine and the lost tee shirts was just my first experience of 7 years. The most recent one was I bought a gift card and birthday card for one of William's school friends and laid it close to the door still in a bag. It gets moved. My husband acts all innocent and just mad I accused of doing what he is famous for doing. So we have this thing for coats and shoes near the front door and the bag was there about waist height... The night before he was cleaning it up looking for a key that had dropped . So he must have run into it but because he was so hyper focused on the key he forgot to grab William's coat as we were leaving for an outdoor Christmas Tree Lighting.. and he probably moved the bag so again yesterday 20 minutes before party time I can't find this bag I knew where I put it. His short term memory loss doesn't remember seeing it. He was too hyper focused on the key. So when I tell Rick or James would you mind putting it back where you found it or somewhere where it will be remembered? How hard is it to say where would you like me to put this item for you? Apparently hard and both "boys" use it as an excuse to just not do anything. My kitchen table is what Flylady would say is our hot spot.. We come in with groceries and they are put on the kitchen table.. any and all clutter ends up on the kitchen table but because "so and so" are afraid to move anything I have to constantly clean off the kitchen table instead of them just putting things where they belong. When James vacuums and mops he refuses to even pick up a Lego. He will just vacuum around it. It makes me CRAZY. So would you mind just putting things in their correct or rightful home? Sometimes as much as I have to remember things for 5 members of this house hold I put things so I KNOW where they will be when I come back to it but that doesn't mean things as ridiculous as a Lego...
Don't even get me started on the missing Beta fish.

Saturday Smiles

Every Saturday, I'm going to try and post five things that made me smile during the week. Often I find myself getting caught up in the small stuff but this year I'm making an effort to be conscious of it. This year is about being happy and finding happiness even in the small things! Want to join me? Go ahead and post your Saturday Smiles!

1. Christmas lights
2. Big Bang Theory
3. watching my children
4. having that special someone
5. memories

Saturday November 15, 2014: It was just, one of those things.

I did a whole entry while out and about today on the Blogger app and I pushed publish and it disappeared *tears* It was just one of those things, you know when someone says that to you? It could be the first love of a child, a friend or a romance, or something totally unlabeled. When you say its just one of those things it sounds so minimal so small. Just one of those things is usually something that is stratospheric not minimal. Having that moment or that relationship is life changing. You don't even know it but the path in front of you changes right before your very eyes. Meeting this person you may not even realize it at that moment but your whole thought process changes. The way you carry yourself changes. Your future has changed by simply knowing this person. Its just one of those things like when a meteorite hits a planet... the whole orbit changes. The atmosphere and environment change. Even if the meteorite goes away the orbit doesn't change again or go back to the way it was. The atmosphere and environment is still the same it didn't change back. Like a vampire they forever put an imprint on your soul... You are forever changed. There is no going back. You can't take back, give away, or give back what you were given. Its part of your DNA now its coursing through your veins like a fire. Sometimes the fire is a warm gentle comfort and other times it can be painful and raging. Sometimes its like a drug and the need for it is incomparable. Long after their gone they linger in your thoughts their touch has punished your skin and you can still feel it. A slight tingle and shivers go up your spine remembering the one who was there. So that person you may have just known for a day, a week, a month, a year... or a life time its just one of those things that you don't know the force of the impact and may never know the force. Its not something you can find or search for its just someone that is placed in your life and lights a fire inside you. That you didn't know you had. When there is a connection two people share when they've had this moment. That makes them inseparable not physically but a much deeper being. Its just one of those things that you can suddenly feel their emotions your so attuned to them. There is days when you feel so heavy because they might be a world a way and you may not have spoken to them but you feel heavy because you know something is wrong. Its just that thing that makes you laugh when they laugh, it makes you cry when they cry. Its just one of those connections that can never be disconnected. You feel lighter just knowing they are near if they can be near. It puts a big smile on your face knowing that you will see from them or hear from them. It makes your heart drop when they have to go. Its just one of those things that cannot be explained and sometimes its why people fall in love or maybe they just fall in lust. Sometimes its just a a special friendship or relationship or even as I have said it could be having a child that makes that moment for you. I love having that connection. It can be dangerous giving that much of yourself to someone. Sometimes your the more vulnerable one. Its empowering. Its everything that can't be explained. Some people may even say these two are soul mates if its with someone your attracted to. Some people feel this powerful connection with their children. When their children are gone for a long period to school, a trip, or at a friends house it seems that the Earth's orbit has slowed down. That's how much that missing piece can weigh you down. Its just one of those things. Its spiritual.

Friday November 14, 2014: I have contained the situation.

Ohmigoodness I have NOT contained the situation. What I do to earn extra money is sell my kids gently used (or never used) clothes and other items. Three times a year (Spring, Fall, and Late Fall) a friend of mine rents out an old retail space.. turns on the lights, sets up racks, tables, shelves galore. Pays for advertising, enlists volunteers like me and consignors like me to tag our wares then put them in this building for about two weeks time during that set time. Then she sells the heck out of it! Its called Rocket City Consignment . When I first moved to Huntsville I found several big consignments similar to this and oh boy would I spend some money BUT I would get most of whatever Skylar needed for that season. I had also hoarded and saved all of Skylar's clothes just encase? Just encase I don't know but just encase... Then I got pregnant with William and I could afford to buy whatever I needed for him. Its been such a blessing but I never really did the other end of the consignment game- selling.. until a few years ago when I took the time to put prices on everything. I started making money. Now I have taken time to tag most of everything I have. I even have my own clients that bring their items to me and I sell them. If the items don't sell I put them back in the tote nicely or leaving them hanging on a rack.. I might photograph them and try the Facebook yard sale sites or my own fan page ...Bella's Online Yard Sale Page but sometimes bringing the items that don't sell back from consignment and reorganizing them into the proper 18 gallon plastic tote takes time. Time I don't have when Rick and the kids are around. I still have totes in our living space from the August sale and we just ended our last sale of the year this month. Thankfully I didn't bring home as much as I did in August. I am just trying to figure out how to get it all organized. That's the plan. Once all the totes are organized back into the storage area then I can bring out Christmas storage and start to decorate. Sometimes its a little overwhelming though. I do enjoy it though. I enjoy being able to shop at the consignment sale and not pay any money out of pocket and only spend my own earnings and know that I largely contributed to my kids wardrobes for that season plus I have extra cash to bring home! Its such a relief... until they hit a growth spurt....

FFFFF...

The statements:

1. I just ____
2. ___ is _____
3. If I could, I would ________
4. _____makes me_____

My Answers

1. I just need to get this house organized and ready for Christmas. Things keep slowing me down!
2. Is it just me or is it colder now?
3. If I could, I would have more pictures of people that I don't have enough of. I would also write down more memories.
4. William (my son), makes me laugh.

My #TBT Post

The beauty of having a blog for the 10 years I have is the ability to look back at what you've written. Some things probably should be deleted off the internet for all to see LOL. I don't drunk dial or take really bad selfies.. okay maybe on occasion I take a selfie but its rare... Sometimes looking back on your life is a good thing to see where you've been. Don't live in the past but don't forget it either or you will be doomed to repeat it.

Here is my blog a year ago called Roaring at Haters.

Here is a picture of me back in 2008 of +Richard  and I.

and the whole family at the time.

Thankful Thursday

So who does the 30 days of Thankfulness on social networking? I have heard some people say that you should be thankful every day not just because Thanksgiving is coming. I am thankful every day but sometimes we just need to speak it out loud. Plus! social media could always use some more positivity am I right? So yes I have been doing it. I think I have missed one day but I have been keeping up with it pretty good coming up with heart felt thank you's. I was going to do them on the blog but I realize I am behind so maybe I will just post them on my weekly meme of Thankful Thursday? I don't know I am even hoping to keep up with my blog that long. Also in November is Epilepsy Awareness month so I try to spread awareness of Epilepsy because I had it until I was 21 and my first husband died from it at 27. So I think its important to educate! We have so much emphasis in October for Breast Cancer Awareness and Susan G Komen where is the awareness for the other types of cancers and conditions? Sure we can't fit them all into a 12 month calendar but I can't walk into Walmart in October without feeling like I walked into Barbies Dream house because even the mop is pink!  Day 13 of the 30 days of Thankfulness I am going to go back 2 years ago to what I wrote. I am thankful for my mommy group. Bella's Mommy Chat. I found mommy groups 14 years ago when I got my first home computer that had internet. I was a member of a few as they were the thing at the time. BabyCenter.com was growing. AOL groups were growing, AOL chat was growing... I am not sure I remember much about my first group I joined or who was in it. I know one of the groups the owner ended up loosing the internet and I ended taking it over and it became Bella's Mommy Chat. I started in in October 2000. We are still around today some of us are pretty close some of us have drifted apart. Pretty soon some of us will be having kids that will need their own type of social networking. I always kind of thought our kids would join BMC after they had kids. I don't see that happening now LOL. We have had pretty much the same staple group of ladies in our group. Some of us have children that keep in touch. My daughter tries to text and Instagram with my friend Kristin's daughter who is just a little bit older and Kristin's son who is a year older. We've met in person a few times but she lives a few states away. I have rested my head on their shoulder for the whole time I have been a mommy. Sometimes things get busy and we leave and come back or the group will grow quiet. Sometimes I feel like its just me bitching to myself haha. They put up with my bitching. We are from all over yet we come together. We have had a baby shower for a member where a lot of us traveled to her home state to throw her the surprise shower right after Hurricane Katrina. Some of them have been there for me through times of me running away from my first husband's abuse, living in a battered women's shelter, being homeless, through my trials and tribulations that spell my "first life" We welcome new members too and we are all types of people and we are there for each other I think for the most part. It must be hard for some new people because we have known each other for over a decade so we can be a little bit cliquey but we are overall a warm group of mothers. Some of the mothers have 22 year old children, One is a grandmother! Then some of us like Kristin and I thought we were done making babies and we decided to have one more and surprise the world again!  I am very thankful for my group of Loopies as we call them as they have been there for me through thick and thin. Good weather and bad.  Day 1  30 days of thankfulness. I am thankful on the chilly days that I can just relax in my fuzzy pajamas and stay warm. It reminds me to pay my "angel" backpack and put it in my vehicle. I think I will be working on that soon. What is an Angel bag? I have an old book bag I got from some local company. Inside I will put a blanket, water, maybe some food, and a little money, maybe even a first aid kit. I give it to a homeless person if I happen upon one. ‪#‎angelsamongus‬ Day 2 of 30 days of Thankfulness. I am thankful for Patti  for coming up with Tots 2 Teens and Dianne who I affectionately call boss lady has taken it and grown it to Rocket City Consignment it gives me the ability to not stress about how I am going to pay for my children's wardrobes every season and gives me money for holidays to boot or other things that we wouldn't be able to afford. I don't care how much money I make to take home because I know I paid for my kids wardrobes. The added cash is just bonus! Very grateful for you two ladies!

Day 3 of Thankfulness. I am thankful for the military service members and emergency workers that hold ground back home. They all sacrifice a good bit to keep us safe, free, and healthy. Our lives wouldn't be what it is without them. My life wouldn't be what it is without my husband's 24 years of sacrifice and his hard work for the past 4 years at Northrup Grumman still continuing to do what he does and supports the troops at the same time.

Day 4 of the 30 days of Thankfulness. I know this is going to sound forced and cheesy but I have always been patriotic I am thankful for the right to vote. I can't vote this year because my voter card is locked away where I can't get it  but I am very thankful for the right and never neglect or abuse them. *Update I don't know why I had two on the same day- ah it was a typo? I did go vote and thankful I did! 

Day 5 of 30 days of thankfulness. Marriage isn't always easy. Its usually actually pretty tough- at least for me. Marriage is work but I am thankful I get to go to sleep with me at night most of the time. I can't say wake up next to the same person because he wakes up hours before I do LOL. I am thankful for Mackenzie, Skylar, and William. Skylar & William are healthy and moderately happy. I am blessed.

Yesterday was one of the worst nights I have had in a long time and I just longed for a hug, some reassurance, an "its going to be okay", How about we fix this problem etc... yet I felt so cold and alone it hurt that much worse. I was even drawing a blank for my thankfulness until this popped up on my feed. Day 6 of my 30 days of thankfulness

Day 7 of 30 days of thankfulness. I am taking this one back from the history books. I am thankful everyday for my lord and savior. Its nice to thank him once in a public forum. I try to talk to God or pray every day and sometimes I take time to meditate with a play list of praise music and some other songs that seem to set the mood of peace for my day. Some days I use praise music to calm myself too. Like the last two days my anxiety has been the worst its been in a few years. PTSD is cruising high because of the school. I woke up this morning and turned on my praise music to start my day off right and I am jamming along and I am just thankful knowing that he picks me up and hasn't let me down I am thankful for him! I am thankful for my faith. I am thankful for Willowbrook Baptist Church and Pastor Mark.

Day 8 of 30 days of Thankfulness https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QJyMq6UN48&feature=share

Day 9 of the 30 days of thankfulness. I am thankful for my life experiences. When someone shows empathy for me and says I am so sorry that happened to you. I do want to say I am not. The only things I wish didn't happen was Adam passing away because Mackenzie lost his father and the custody war with Mackenzie because both have been unfair to Mackenzie. Adam had dreams and potential he was very talented just shrouded in sickness. However both events very much shaped me good and bad. I am thankful for most of my past relationships because each one has left a tattoo on my heart and soul. Some relationships I learned lessons, some have changed my life and made a lifetime impact on me. Some I remember fondly and some not so fondly. Either way I try not to make regrets. No matter what happened in my life I have learned every time I have gotten burned. I have learned with every success and failure and as one of my favorite poems says its in the valleys that I grow. I may have gotten lost a time or two but I know that I held on to my faith and he kept me straight and narrow. I didn't question loosing children or Adam. Loosing family and making me sacrifice to teach me and I believe I am on a path. So I am thankful for every person I encounter on my path, every bump, stall, rock, boulder, mountain, valley, rainbow, storm... Along my way for they shaped me and I would only take back the two things above for Mackenzie https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do32g82qilk

I missed day 10 because of my pain I think?...lets get back on track.. I already had a day of thanking our troops Day 11 of the 30 days of thankfulness I am thankful for those doctors and other medical professionals that DO care. That aren't in it for the paycheck (I don't see most of them driving Mercedes Benz so I am not thinking there is money to be had) but those who actually strive to have good bed side manner and take the time to listen to their patients and will do what they promised in their oath. 22 years ago my life was in a doctors hands after I was neglected and very ill for a long time and he took my face and made it almost as good as new. I have never seen such a caring doctor and I probably won't trust a doctor so blindly like I do Dr Burstein. He set the bar really high for the other doctors in my life.

Day 12 of 30.. I am thankful for laughter. I laugh a lot even when I am sad. There is much to find amusing in the world and you don't even have to look hard. He's not funny but how can you watch Richard Simmons and not smile? Okay so he may be over the top and annoying to some but I grew up seeing him.. literally at his gym in LA. He makes me smile he exudes happiness. I can't imagine a world without Robin William's laughter. Now he is gone from this world but I still have his work to hold on to. No one can make me smile and laugh like he can. I still feel tinges of deep sadness if I see him on the TV, or an article or whatever but he can bring me out of my mood. I love to laugh and laughter is the best medicine.

Thursday November 13, 2014: Why I decided to blog..

Since I am trying to gradually get back into blogging and not be a complainer constantly on my blog. I thought maybe we will take baby steps. Lets talk about when and why I decided to blog and what does this second life thing mean anyways? I can't remember when I started my blog. I think perhaps either my friend +Bill  or my friend Mia sent me an invite on Livejournal and I started learning the ways of Livejournal. Back when you had to be invited to the exclusive club. Which now if I use I am totally lost again LOL. But its still there for all the world to see. Sometimes I go back and copy and paste an old blog into this blog. Xanga, Yahoo 360, and Myspace have all deleted my old blogs now so I can't sadly recover those. They are probably on some cloud somewhere with my "Bella Bunny" attached to it. Ah I finally got into LJ my first entry was in January 28th 2003. That may have even been my second LJ I remember gifting one away. 8 days after my first husband died, yet I didn't know that he had died for another month. A month later I rushed down to Atlanta to try and get my son back. Anyways kinda off topic. Why did I start to blog? I have always been a writer. In high school I was a published poet. I have been published in poetry books, magazines and even Big Bop or Big Bopper (whatever that teen magazine is) Something I wrote about my favorite actor Jonathan Brandis. I used to write poems religiously and plays all through middle school and high school. You may be able to dig and find a few saved in blogger. So as I went through my trials of life, loosing my husband, my son, my family and trying to get back on my feet most of it is archived for the world to see. Some of it yeah I probably don't want people to see but some maybe even the same stuff could inspire someone, change someones path... You never know what your thoughts have the power to do. Writing has always been my tool. Its therapeutic for me. I sometimes get positive feedback and also constructive criticism which I am good with. I like when others can offer me and advice and encouragement. Its therapeutic that I can speak without saying it out loud. I am a very blunt person. I would almost say that I am painfully honest sometimes. What I say is usually twisted the wrong way. Sometimes I actually don't feel I can be blunt enough afraid of the power behind what I have to say. Sometimes what I need to say will just fall on deaf ears. I deal with that a lot lately. I can't change you. I may not ever be able to change your mind. I can only change how I deal with it. So I write to get it all out on the table because holding something in for me is dangerous and lethal even. I have tried to bottle things up and its just a bad result..  I don't always feel like I get my thoughts out clearly when I speak them. So writing is a way for me to get my thoughts out and even though yes it still can get twisted at least I can put what is in my head and you don't have to read if you don't want to. But its still free from my soul. I just have to learn how to say things in a manner where I won't want to take them back.

What is this second life? My life since January 2007 is a world away from my life prior that. Yet some things from my old life become a constant in the new life. My best friend Jennifer has always been by my side. The mommy support group I started when my now 14 year old was just 6 months old is still going we just have moved to the Facebook format since that's where most of us are these days. Some still have the same members as it started with. Its a nationwide mommy group we are a from all walks of life all over the US and I have even met a few. I love them they are some of my closest friends and supporters. Of course my two oldest children have been through the old life and Skylar and I are extremely close through this second life. She's entering the teen years and she is thriving and growing so beautifully. The old life when I lived in Georgia and now I am in Alabama. My old life when I lost my family, I lost my husband, I lost my oldest son. I had to live through some traumatic events. Without Rick it would have been a lot harder to get back on my feet. When I talk about the old life its even like talking about someone elses life. Yet the scars are still on my soul, the wounds are still deep and trying to heal. Through the second life I may back slide, I may fail, I may fall, I may get hurt and I am still damaged with baggage but this is why its a misadventure! Definitely an adventure to be had!

Are you a blogging momma? Or wish you were?

As I said before I've been blogging for over a decade.. Sometimes infrequently sometimes I could probably blog your ear off. I remember when I was in Livejournal they would ask me to edit my blog because it was taking up too much of their space. haha. I also mentioned recently an online friend of mine +Beth  got into blogging and I have kinda lend her some advice etc and I am exciting to see how her blog grows. I've always wanted to research about Mommy Blogging and even how to make money from it. I have made money off and on but my computer went caputz so I couldn't keep up with her demand. I wanted to connect with other mommy bloggers and get tips and share viewers. etc. My friend +Samantha  and I came up with a blogging group for us serious about Mommy Blogs not just to make money but for the joy of documenting our lives. Sam is a Mommy Blogger -Like me, a graphic designer- like me, an Army wife- like me, and a photographer -nope not like me. So if your a blogging mommy come join us and some place to kick up our heels and follow some of your favorite blogging mommies, find new blogs to follow etc..

Blogger Mommy Connection

Wordless Wednesday

I haven't been taking pictures as much so I don't have much to share but maybe this Wordless Wednesday should be wordy Wednesday. We have made it a habit to go to the library nearly once (or more) a week. Sometimes TWO libraries. We live near our military post so we sometimes go there to change things up a bit. William my 5 year old even does reading therapy with a dog named Taka. 

This is a picture of William in the children's garden at the Madison City Library. 

*dusting off the top of the blog*

Hi... does anyone ever still swing by here? I used to blog a lot years ago. I have used Blogspot, Xanga, Livejournal, Myspace, Opendiary... As a matter of fact I thought I was a paid member of Open Diary I guess not *shrugs* I would write about my first life. That's what I call pre-2007... It wasn't a great time in my life but yet I had lots of readers. Perhaps they liked that I was in misery. As I got remarried and was happier in my settled life my blog got a lot less traffic. I kept pretty much the same group of online friends and my offline life. I just moved out of state and gained new friends in my "second life" my army life. Skylar & I had a lot of adjusting to do and perhaps I blogged about that. I tried not to blog too much about the issues I was having as I have adult step sons and I didn't want to alienate them. My husband even though we met through social networking and my blog on Yahoo 360 he's not a huge fan of me blogging either. Probably just not blogging about him LOL. The past year my blog has been pretty quiet unless its something I thought needed saying. I have been diagnosed with severe PTSD, Fibromylagia, Anxiety, and Depression over the past year. So perhaps I didn't want to sign on to blogger every day just to complain. No huge adventures lately its more of me just living life... watching the babies who aren't such babies grow. So are you still with me? How long have you been reading?

Soo... What do I do now?

You ever have something you want to do but not sure how to get started? One of the biggest pet peeves about myself is I am not a self starter. I don't know how to change that. When I am trying to help and fit in I always feel like I am a little slower. Maybe even annoyingly slower. I am underfoot and in the way.

I am not sure how far back this blog goes or the stories I have shared over the years but at the age of 10 I became the ward of the state. So I was not legally adopted but it felt like it. My mother in law also adopted my oldest son. My first husbands god mother used to reunite adoptee's with their family members. I really would like to do the same thing. I think my calling is into social work. You know at 35 I should probably have gotten all this "calling" business wrapped up or pretty close to it. I don't think I could work for the state in human resources, Department of Family and Children Services, Child Protective Services or any of those agencies or that line of work. #1 I have a short temper for those who are just lazy and don't want to do for themselves. I may not be a self starter but I do know how to get up and bust my butt. #2 I am incapable of being B.S.'d.. #3 I just can't do that. So I would like to help in some way and I used to watch this show on TV that was about reuniting those who are adopted with their birth families or vice versa. The ABC show was called Find My Family. I so want to be apart of that dream making. I am the type of girl that bawls during Undercover Boss or Secret Millionaire and maybe even Shark Tank watching other peoples dreams come true. So what am I going to do now? Well I am not sure where to start? Do I start by getting a degree in social work? Family historian? Private investigator? There are many jobs not necessarily ones I wanted where I say how did you get started doing that?

I have an idea for a business even a name and I want to see if its already been under copyright... How do I find out? What's next? Geez I even took Small Business Marketing in college LOL. What

Happy Veterans Day

Happy Veterans Day to all those who have served and sacrificed. Some may not have worn the uniform but they know the battle. Everyone that serves knows that each piece is an intricate web of strength, without a piece it wouldn't be as strong. Those back home who support their troops, the members that work for DOD or volunteer. Those who wear the uniform. Even the guy making sure the power is turned on and the soldiers bellies are full. Thank you.

I come from a long line of Veterans... My grandfather was a Marine during Korea. My biological father was a sailor for the Navy, My guardian was a pilot in the Air force. I even tried to join but the branches wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole. My sister served in the Air Force for a few years. Her husband is currently serving. I have a brother in law that is a sailor. My husband of course served his 24 years before retiring and his son also retired from the Army. We are a proud American Military Family.

I have a dear friend from high school that is one of the fallen. He left behind a wife and a son.

Beautifully broken is me

No words needed

Listen to my words

Why don't you learn to listen to the words that come out of my mouth and not out of your own head.